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Chapter 3

The drawing was hidden in her dresser now. She thought briefly about throwing it away but she just couldn't. But she also didn't want to be reminded of her mistake all the time so it ended up in a drawer. Steve ( she gave up on calling him Rogers) and STRIKE were sent to Malaysia for a mission and she thanked the universe for it. She didn't know how to react if she saw him right now. It didn't help that Clint had sent her a text telling her that Steve's birthday party had been good and he had been in a great mood and when Rumlow asked him if it was because of a hot girl he scolded him but smiled to himself. And if she happened to know who Steve was smiling about. She just replied that he was a very private person and he didn't tell her anything.

She had her annual medical examination and spent two hours with Agent Simmons who had her running on a treadmill most of the time. She stopped by Maria's office afterwards to find out what was happening at SHIELD. SHIELD's main concern was ISIS at the time and if more of Thor's family could come to Earth to wreak havoc. Maria pretended not to care about gossip but she always knew what was going on. But today she only told Natasha that a lot of female SHIELD agents have asked out Steve and he said no every time. Some thought he was gay and others suspected he already had a girlfriend.

"Do you know something about that? Have you seen him with someone?" Hill asked after sipping on her matcha latte.

Did she know something? There was a big chance that he turned them all down because of her. Well not her, because of Natalie. "No. He always comes home alone and he hasn't mention anyone. Did the women ever consider that they weren't his type?"

Maria laughed. "That could be very true. I mean...He's so...You know..."

"Does someone have a crush?"

Maria rolled her eyes. "No, but I do have two eyes."

She left after she finished her coffee and drove back to her apartment. She decided to tell Steve if he asked her out or tried to kiss her again that she just got out of a bad relationship before she moved to DC and that she wasn't ready for a new one. She was sure that he would understand that. He had a good heart. She ignored the silent wish that he would kiss her again and walked to her bedroom to clean the weapons she hid in her bed drawer.

Steve and STRIKE were for over two weeks in Asia and she couldn't help but be relieved about that. Maybe he would have already forgotten about the kiss when he got back. Or he just saw as a birthday kiss and nothing more and she had been freaking out about nothing. Someone she owed a favor was in town and she helped him track down an arms dealer. She really missed the action in her life and out of desperation she signed up at a gym to power herself out. She tried the martial arts classes but it was just boring her so she signed up for soul cycle to tire her body out. It wasn't as exciting as her work as Black Widow but at least she got to spend some energy since she had to quit her ballet classes at the dancing academy before people realized that she was a professional and started to ask questions she didn't want to answer.

She took two classes today and was more than exhausted when she drove home and walked up the stairs. No wonder that one lady fainted, even her legs hurt while walking up the stairs. She was so focused on moving up the stairs that she didn't notice Steve walking up in front of her. Shit, he was back! Why did no one tell her about that?! He had a duffel bag over his shoulder and a paper bag in his hands and if she smelled correctly something with cinnamon was in it. She once told him that she loved cinnamon buns (not a lie)...Was the bag for her? No, don't be ridiculous. The world doesn't evolve around you, Natasha! She raised her leg to get on the next step but the muscles in her calf were protesting and she couldn't stop the groan escaping her lips.

Steve turned around and smiled when he saw that it was her. "Hey, Nat!"

"Hi." She took a shower at the gym but she was pretty sure that her face had still red spots all over it, she had to look like a mess...When did she care about how she looked when Steve was around?!

He glanced over her body. "Are you okay? You're standing a bit funny."

"Well, I overestimated myself and took two soul cycle classes right after each other. Wasn't the best idea I ever had." She laughed to calm him because he looked really worried.

"Soul cycle?!"

"Right, um it's a really intense spinning class."

He nodded. "Oh, okay. How are you?"

"I'm good." And hoping you won't mention the kiss. "And you?"

"I'm fine. Work was a bit intense but I got the next days off." He looked at her like he was hoping she would ask him to do something together. But she wouldn't do that.

They walked up the stairs together and he stopped when they reached her door. He handed her the paper bag. "Here, for you. You like cinnamon buns, right?"

So they were for her. Fuck! "Um, yes. But here I am trying to burn calories and you give me this sweet sin." She said lightly as a joke but Steve's eyebrows were furrowed.

"You know that you don't have to lose weight, right? You are perfect the way you are, Natalie."

That caught her off guard. "Thank you, Steve. I was just joking. I'll gladly eat those."

"Good." He smiled at her. "Have a nice evening, Nat."

"Yeah, you too!"

He didn't talk about the kiss or did he try to kiss her again. Maybe it really had been an one time thing for him and she didn't had to worry about it. People kissed all the time without it meaning anything. Hell, most of the kisses she had in her life didn't mean anything. Looked like this had been another one of those.

It really seemed like Steve didn't linger on what happened between them because he never brought it up when they saw each other. They ran into each other a few times in the hallway and he carried her grocery bags when she walked in with them in her hands. She drank a coke with him in her apartment as a thank you and he left after that. Looked like he really just wanted to be friends. Good, it made the whole thing so much easier.

Steve and Sam invited her to go bowling with them and she missed the pins on purpose a few times so her perfect aim wouldn't make them suspicious. They had spareribs and beer at a diner afterwards and she had to admit that she really like playing the civilian. She never did those things when she was herself. Maybe she could get some more friends than Clint after this mission. But unfortunately not Steve and Sam, she could never see them again after her protection detail would end.

"You okay?" Steve asked worried when they walked to her beetle. She had offered to drive him.

"Huh? Yes, of course. Just a bit tired."

"I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Yeah, me too. Sam's a great guy. It's good you two are friends."

He playfully shoved her. "Looks like I already got two friends now."

She felt a pang of guilt in her chest for lying to him. "Yeah, looks like it."

He walked her to her door when they got home and wished her a good night. She would take it to her grave but she was almost disappointed that he didn't kiss her.

She spent more time with him again after realizing that he wasn't romantically interest in Natalie and she didn't have to fear to lead him on. She helped him get through a few movies on his list and went with him to a some restaurants so he could try out new food. She had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard when he ate too much wasabi even though she warned him that it was very hot.

"It's not nice to laugh about the wounded." Steve pouted with a red face. "Holy shit, how's this stuff legal?!"

"Don't pretend that I didn't warn you!" Her stomach hurt from all that laughter. "Oh, you should have seen your face!"

"I really thought my head would explode! Don't make fun of me!" But he was grinning at her and she was sure that he wasn't mad. But really, his facial expressions had been hilarious!

She didn't see him in the next two days and she was just about to go to her spinning class when he walked up the stairs. His shoulders were slouched and he just looked so... sad.

"Steve?"

He looked up in surprise. "Oh, hi. Didn't see you there."

"Is everything okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure." He looked at her gym outfit. "Have fun."

She walked over to him and placed her hand on his arm. Jesus, his arms were really muscular! "Steve, something is obviously wrong. Please tell me."

"I don't want to bother you. You got plans."

"Tell me, I'm your friend." She was really worried about him. He looked so heartbroken. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Remember Peggy?" She nodded. He had told her about her and of course she knew about Director Carter and her spectacular work. "She's getting worse. Today was the first time that she didn't recognize me. She did later and I know she has Alzheimers but seeing it for the first time..."

She did something, she had only done once in her life. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She felt bad for him and Director Carter. Steve seemed surprised but he returned the hug. She rubbed his back and pulled away after a few minutes. She took his keys out of his hands and walked to his door and unlocked it.

"Are you coming?"

"Your gym class..."

"Don't worry. Come!" She walked into his apartment and dropped her gym bag on the floor and then went straight for his couch and sat down. Steve followed her unsure and she patted the spot next to her. "Sit down." He did and she put a pillow on her lap and tugged at him until he was laying down with his head in her lap.

"You don't have to do this, Nat."

"I know but I want to." She really did. She wanted to be there for him. She brushed her fingers through his hair and hummed any song she could think of to calm him down. Clint had done this for her after she defected and had one of her set backs. It seemed to work because Steve fell asleep but she kept moving her fingers through his hair.

Natasha woke up in a bed that she didn't know. She moved her hand underneath the pillow but of course there was no gun. She took her surroundings in and noticed the shield on the wall opposite the bed. This was Steve's bedroom. Did they...She looked down her body but she was still in her yoga pants and t-shirt and the side beside her was empty and when she touched the sheets they were cold. So she had been here alone. She noticed that her hair was no longer in a ponytail and that her shoes were next to the bed. Steve had done this so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. He was such a good person. She got up and slipped back into her shoes. She checked the clock on his nightstand and it was 2:12 am. She really overstayed her welcome. She opened the door quietly and tiptoed through the living room to get to his front door. Steve was sleeping on the couch. She took another step and the wooden floor creaked. She rolled her eyes. Great!

Steve was off the couch in a second but relaxed when he saw her. "Hey." He said with sleep in his voice.

"Hey." She whispered back. "Sorry I occupied your bed and you had to sleep here."

"It's okay."

"Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "Yes. Thanks to you, Nat."

She ignored how that pleased her. "You're welcome. Good night, Steve."

"You can sleep here." She could have sworn he was blushing but she couldn't really tell in the darkness. "You can have the bed. I stay on the couch."

"No, but thank you. I'll see you. Good night."

"Good night, Nat."

She didn't bother to change into her sleeping shirt and immediately went to bed not remembering that she left her gym bag at Steve's.

A loud knock on her door woke her up around 7 am. She groaned but got out of bed to yell at whoever had woken her up. She yanked the door open and Steve was standing in front of her and all her anger was gone.

"Morning." He smiled and held her gym bag up. Why did he have that? "You forgot that last night." Oh, right." He held his other hand with a paper bag in it up. "I got breakfast. Thank God, you're here. I wasn't sure if you had to work. Can I come in?"

"Sure." She answered perplexed and let him in.

He got them lattes and breakfast muffins and she only noticed while chewing on her muffin that she must look like hell. She brushed her fingers through her hair when he wasn't looking to entangle the birds next on her hair.

Steve caught her doing it and smiled. "Don't worry, you're still beautiful."

She gave him an confused smile and kept eating. What was that supposed to mean? He told her about musicians Sam told him to check out and that he was thinking about taking art classes at the community college to improve his skill set. He was already incredible at it but she didn't tell him that.

After breakfast she walked him to her door and thanked him for the food. He looked at her with a light blush on his cheeks and was rubbing the back of his neck. "So, I was wondering...Do you want to go out with me?"

She was staring at him. "Like a date?"

Steve laughed a little. "Um, yes. Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Did the kiss mean something to him after all? Okay, now was the time where she would tell him that she just got out of a bad relationship and wasn't ready for anything new.

"Natalie?" Steve was so nervous that she could practically feel it.

"Yes, I'll go on a date with you." What the fuck did she just do?!

His whole face lit up. "Really? I pick you up at seven? Tonight? If you are free then, of course."

"Yes, seven pm tonight." Really, what the fuck was wrong with her?

"Great, see you tonight!" He was still smiling when he left and she heard him walking down the stairs through her closed door. What had she done?!

The smart choice would have been to cancel her date with Steve or to just fake a headache but apparently this mission and Steve Rogers turned her into a fucking moron and she got ready for her date with him. She showered, did her hair and make up and spent ten minutes deciding what she should wear. Would they take his bike? In that case she should wear pants. She wanted to wear leather pants but that was more Natasha than Natalie so she went with paper bag pants and a strapless velvet top and strappy heels. Only when she looked in the mirror, she realized that she put a lot in effort in her look. Well, it was always important to put effort the appearance of her alias. She threw a leather jacket on and put her card holder and keys into her small purse. She was about to put her phone in it as well when she saw that Clint sent her a text asking her if she wanted to come over tonight for some Mario Kart. She texted him that she had a headache and threw her phone into her clutch.

Steve knocked at exactly 7 pm on her door with flowers in his hands. Of course he would get her flowers. He smiled widely at her. "You look amazing."

"Thank you. And you look very handsome." He really did in his light blue dress shirt and grey slacks. What did the kids say these days? He looked like a snack. "Are we taking your bike or my car?"

"Um, actually I have a car."

That was news to her. "Since when?"

"Since this afternoon. Tesla gave me a car months ago and I finally picked it up." He looked bit embarrassed. "But we can also take your car, of course."

Wow, being Captain America must be really nice if Elon Musk gave you a car that could cost easily over a hundred grand. "Let's take yours." Why cruise around in that fucking beetle if they could drive around in a Tesla? She hoped her Corvette wasn't jealous in her storage garage.

Steve took her to a small Italian restaurant in Georgetown that had a beautiful backyard full of fairy lights and it looked really romantic. He was clearly trying to impress her and she tried her best to be bothered by that. She never been to such a cute restaurant before, hell she'd never really been on a date. Real or fake one. Her targets usually didn't pick her up, got her flowers and then drove her to a romantic restaurant. They mostly wanted to hit it and quit it but she usually killed them before it came to either of that. How did Steve even know about this place? Had he ask Sam about a good restaurant for a date? He definitely didn't get the tip from Clint because he was even more unromantic than she was. He had proposed to Bobbi in a McDonalds drive-thru while they waited for their order, no wonder she divorced him two years later.

They were led by a waiter to their table outside and above them were hundreds of fairy lights. It really was pretty here. The waiter was about to pull her chair out but Steve quickly stepped in and did it for her.

"How did you find this place?"

"You like it?" Steve looked relieved. "Um, I actually went with the owner's grandfather to high school."

"How old are you again?" She smirked at him and chided herself. Natalie didn't smirk!

He shook his head. "Show your elders some respect!"

"You're gonna tell me to get off your lawn?"

"You know what, Rushman?" He grinned and the waiter came to give them the menus.

Dinner was great, the food tasted amazing and Steve's company made her feel good. They laughed and flirted and she almost forgot that none of this was real but it felt so nice to be on a date with a good guy. She told him that she loved to travel (not a lie but she left the killing targets part out) and he said that he'd been around the globe a bit but only for work and she already saw them together walking around Buenos Aires with her showing him her favorite places. She quickly let that fantasy go, she had no idea how to explain to Fury why she and Steve should take a trip to Argentina. They talked so much that they only left the restaurant after realizing that they had been the last guests. Steve let her drive his Tesla and she tried her hardest not to just race back to their apartment complex. Oh how she missed her Corvette.

Steve walked her to her door. "I had a great evening."

"Yeah, me too."

"I'm sorry." Steve suddenly said and she couldn't follow. What was he sorry about? "I'm sorry I kissed you on my birthday without ever taking you on a date first. That was not right."

Was that the reason he never mentioned the kiss? Because he thought he didn't behave like a gentleman? Was this man even real? Most guys would have tried to bang her with the "explanation" that it was their birthday.

He brushed a strain of hair behind her ear. "Can I kiss you now, Natalie?"

The thing was before Natasha became a monster and filled her ledger with red she had been a romantic. The Natalia before the Red Room always dreamed that a cute boy would ask her out and take her on dates that ended with sweet kisses. That Natalia had been hopeful and kind before Madam B destroyed her. And here was Natasha now pretending to be Natalie and went on a date with a cute boy who had already given her the sweetest kiss she ever experienced and now he wanted to kiss her again.

"Yes." She whispered and he smiled before leaning down and pressed his lips softly against her own. She quiet all voices in her head telling her that it was wrong and unprofessional and kissed him back. She was finally kissed the way young Natalia always wanted to be and it was amazing. One of his hands was grabbing her waist and the other cupping her cheek while he kissed her so tenderly and gently that she wanted to melt. He was smiling into the kiss and she couldn't help but grin back. He let her set the pace of the kiss and opened his lips when she licked over the seam. The kiss got deeper and more heated but it was still sweet and lovely. He pressed her against the door and lifted her off the ground to get better access when she sucked on his bottom lip. Oh boy,he was an amazing kisser! Her feet were still tangling in the air when she had to pull away to get air into her lungs. They had been making out for some time now and she was out of breath. He kissed her forehead and set her gently back down. She saw how wide his pupils were blown and he was heavy breathing even though the serum in his veins was much more superior than hers. He wanted her. That thought was thrilling and she knew that if she would invite him in that he would say yes.

She was about to ask him to come in when he spoke up. "Good night, Nat." He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone and gave her a short kiss. "Spending time with you is the best thing that has happened to me since I woke up."

"Good night, Steve." She managed to stutter out. "Thank you for the great date." He smiled and watched how she closed her door. She leaned against it and slid down to the floor. What was wrong with her? How could she just go on a date with Steve? Why did she kiss him again? And how she could actually consider to sleep with him? What was wrong with her? Undercover work was easy for her, she could do it in her sleep but now she started to care about his well-being and told him things about her that were actually true? What happened to her? She touched her lips with two fingers where she could still feel his soft kisses and she quickly pulled them away when she realized that she was acting like a love-drunk teenager. What the fuck was wrong with her and how did she make it stop?!