SORRY for the long wait guy! To cut a long story short – don't ever drink tea near your laptop! Anyway now its fixed I PROMISE it will be regular. Don't kill me!! This is unbeta'd but I proof read it a few times, but sorry for any typos you might see.

Nightmares.

Sam's always had them, ever since he was a kid, he would wake up and feel unable to breathe for a few seconds before lying back down, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes he would cry, trying to be as silent as possible as to not awake his sleeping brother. But one time, he couldn't have been more than six, he'd had a nightmare about a ghost. He'd been so scared he nearly wet himself. Slowly he crept across the bedroom and gently poked his sleeping older brother's shoulder.

'Dean?'

'Mmmm?' Dean said half asleep

'Dee....'

Dean's eyes fluttered open when he saw his little brother standing there, in teenage mutant ninja turtle pyjamas, eyes puffy from crying, face like he'd just seen a ghost.

'D'you have another nightmare?' Dean whispered quietly

Sam nodded

Sam didn't need to ask, Dean shifted over and his little brother climbed into the small bed beside him.

'Sammy you're freezing' Dean whispered as he wrapped his arm around his Sam. He played with Sam's hair, which was getting too long, as Sam fell asleep in Dean's arms. John would find them in the morning when he woke them up for school, sometimes laughing as it was a nightmare to pull Sam apart from his older brother.

Sam would never have nightmares sleeping beside Dean.

But now lying in his own hard bed alone, Sam knew if he was to go back to sleep now he would just sink back into the fucked up dreams that made his heart thump with panic, but now that Dean was gone being awake was like one big nightmare. His dad had tried over the last few weeks to make things better, acted as if Dean had never existed. Sam had tried to make some sense of it all. Dean leaving and his dad...the whole 'he won't ever hurt you again Sammy' Dean must have told some garbage lie to his father before he fucked off 'I got someone pregnant' or 'I'm in serious trouble with a drugs gang' Whatever the lie Dean told was, it had seriously angered his father.

But Sam? Sam wished he could just pretend that Dean had never existed, but this horrible feeling he had in the pit of his stomach, like he had lost something, like something was missing inside of him reminded him that Dean was gone. He pulled his legs up to his chest as he sat on the bed. He had school in three hours, a Friday thank god. And then John had said he would take him out shooting at the weekend, which was the last thing Sam wanted. He didn't want to be a hunter, he didn't even know if he wanted to go to college, which is English teacher said he could easily go to. He just didn't know what he wanted anymore. He started at the glow of his cell phone to see the time. 5.17am. He knew he wouldn't get back to sleep now, instead he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how his life had got so fucked up. He knew he shouldn't but he would give anything to have Dean lying there with him now. Sam could almost smell his brother's scent as he struggled to get warm.

'We fuckin nearly had the fucker you dumb fuck! Next time you better fuckin pray you don't slip up, or one of these fuckin bullets has got your motherfuckin name on it, you hear me Mitchell?'

'Yes Sir' the man said as he got out of the passenger seat of the black car. He was silent as he followed the other man into the bar.

Mitchell brought the scotch over to 'Sir' who looked pissed off that the deal had gone wrong, he was in no mood to talk about anything other than his business ventures.

'So, how many of those bitches are workin tonight?' Sir said as he sipped on his scotch.

'Most if not all Sir'

'Good good, this shithole city must be full of fresh meat just waiting to be picked up, we should take a look around before we head back to NY tomorrow, more bitches means more money'

'I agree Sir'

'Johnny better get that cash to me by the morning, or I swear down I will kill that fucker myself'

Mitchell nodded, Sir went back to his scotch, that was when he noticed him. The young man standing at the bar, looking lost and depressed. Perfect, just perfect. He thought as he put down his drink and stood up.

'I'm getting another drink, stay here'

He walked up to the bar where the man was sat. The man looked tired and rough but there was no denying that this man was gorgeous, big eyes and full lips. Sir licked his lips as the thoughts ran through his mind, he needed another drink to control his excitement.

'I'll have another' He said to the bartender holding his glass up 'And another for him'

The man looked up from his near empty glass confused, he took a long stare at the older man, he was well dressed. He wanted to say no but he was running extremely low on money and he couldn't really afford another beer so it seemed stupid to turn down a free drink.

'Erm thanks' He said as he nodded at the man

Sir smiled

'So, you live round here then?'

'For now' The younger man said 'And you?'

'On business' Sir said as he took a gulp of his scotch 'What do you?'

The man sighed as he sipped the top of his beer before wiping the foam away from his top lip 'Worked down the shipyard for a few weeks, now looking again'

'Interesting' Sir said Very interesting

'Yeah, need to start lookin tomorrow, maybe jump town if nothing comes up'

Sir took a long drink of his scotch before gulping it down.

'Listen son' He said as he looked up at the younger man 'We could use a guy like you, me and my associates that is, what do ya say to workin for me?' A young guy like you, you would make me a sweet fortune.

The man looked up, surprised by the sudden offer and eagerness of the older man.

'You're offering me a job?' The man said with both suspicion and interest in his voice.

'Yes son I am' the man nodded 'You're just the kinda guy am lookin for'

The younger man laughed as he sat up straight.

'You serious?' He said as he raised his left eyebrow.

The older man nodded 'You'll have to come to NY though, wouldn't that be nice? Outta this shithole'

The man looked up, confused and suspicious, he took one last drink of his beer before looking the older man in the eye.

'Okay'

Sir licked his lips 'Welcome aboard son' he said as he put out his hand to the younger man 'I'm James'

The younger man stood up, before taking the James hand in his.

'Dean, the names Dean'

Sam sighed as he walked into history class, he hated this fucking school. John however, feeling like Sam needed a break from moving, decided to stay in North Carolina. Which Sam hated, while most of the students were discussing their weekend social calendar, Sam slumped back in his chair. Not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Most of the time people left him alone, thinking he was a freak, sometimes the older boys would annoy him, call him a freak and make up theories as to why he rarely spoke. They came up with a few ideas: he was He didn't give a fuck anymore, he had got into a routine of putting his whole attention into schoolwork, it helped, good grades and it meant he spent time thinking about something other than Dean. He hoped in time he would be able to forget about his older brother and ex lover. A random girl smiled at him a few days ago in the canteen at school, maybe he would ask her out. But right now all Sam wanted was for history to begin to he could hear about fucking world war two or whatever. The teachers voice replacing the words of Dean bashing in his head.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

But Sam knew, no matter how hard he tried to push that sentence out of his mind, it would never go away.

When he finally got out of school and home John was watching TV, he looked up at his youngest son

'Hey Sammy, how was school?'

'Fine' Sam said as he dumped his bag by the door and went into the kitchen to get a drink, he was tired from having hardly slept the night before.

John stood in the kitchen door way.

'I thought we could get pizza tonight, that okay with you?'

'Yeah, fine' Sam said as he took a drink of orange juice, he knew he should attempt to show his dad a little more enthusiasm but he was exhausted and wanted to wash the shitty week away with a shower.

'I'm gonna take a shower' He said quietly as he brushed past his father

John sighed as he heard the bathroom door shut. Sam had tried his best to hide how miserable he was, but John could see underneath that Sam was struggling to cope. If he wasn't so ashamed he might have taken Sam to see a therapist, after what that pervert did to him. John thought. He just hoped in time Sam would eventually move on, go out with a few girls and eventually he would forget about everything Dean had done to him.

John sure hoped so, he didn't know how much longer he could stand this.

Sam felt a shiver run down his spine as he stood under the spray, everyday he felt like his mind and body were at war. His body ached for Dean, he wanted Dean's lips on his lips, on his neck, all over his body. Sam got a rock hard erection just thinking about all those times when he'd had Dean's body on his when they had managed to steal moments alone. But in his mind, he hated Dean for what'd he'd done to him. Dean used him, took everything Sam had given him and threw it back in his face. Hated how 'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck' ran through his mind every second of everyday. His mind was always there, even before this whole fucked up thing with Dean had started, that voice telling him that those thoughts he was having were sick and wrong and sordid. Still as he looked down at his throbbing erection, trying to ignore the thoughts in his mind as he jerked off, stroking his rock hard dick as he thought about Dean sucking at his neck, Dean whispering in Sam's ear how much he wanted Sam, how much he loved him. Thinking about Dean would smile as he wrapped his arms around his brother and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. Sam couldn't stop himself from saying Dean's name as he shot his load. He got shivers down his back as he leaned against the cold tiled bathroom wall and opened his eyes.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

The voice battered its way back into his mind, a dirty feeling. He slowly sat down, the showerhead still spraying over his body. He pulled his knees up to his chest. Everything was so fucked up, he hated Dean for doing this to him, for reducing him to this. He felt so used, he felt like a whore. But what he had just done, given into the weakness.

'I hate you Dean'