A/N: The love I'm getting for this! Thank you! I'm really pouring my heart out there for it!
I meant to post this yesterday, but it was my best friend's memorial service and I couldn't get myself to even look at this story yesterday. It was a hard, emotional day.
This chapter is in Lena's POV.
Chapter Two: Living In The Moment
You were standing next to Micah at the airport waiting for the rest of your kids to get off the plane from their respective flights with their respective families. The last time you stood here, your wife was standing next to you. So this was extremely bitter sweet.
Your youngest was standing there wearing his letterman jacket looking at his phone, you didn't know who he was texting at this early hour. It wasn't super early, but still early enough for a teenager to still be asleep on Christmas break.
"Jude, Connor, and their little girl just landed," you heard him say, "he said that they took their bags on the plane with them, so they won't be needing to pick up anything from baggage claim."
You nodded, "Sounds good," you said, smiling, remembering when Jude told you and your wife told you and Stef that he was dating Connor.
Your head was resting against Stef's shoulder as she was hold a six month old, sleeping Micah when Jude hesitantly came into the room looking nervous.
"Hey baby," you said softly, "you okay?"
"Can-can I talk to you two?" He asked.
"You know you always can," Stef said. "What's up buddy?" She asked.
"I just wanted you two to know that Connor and I are dating," he said softly.
"Yeah?" You said, smiling at him. "Does his parents know?" Knowing that Connor had come into your office to talk to you about Jude.
"Yeah," he said, "his dad isn't too happy. But, they're learning how to support him."
"Well, we're happy for you baby," Stef said. "C'mere." She said making room between the two of you and placing Micah in his swing to give the boy a proper mamasandwich. "We love you so much." Stef said. "Nothing will ever change that."
You were brought of the memory by the two boys coming down with their adopted daughter Riley, Jude immediately wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tight.
"Hi Mama," he said to you softly.
"Hi baby," you said letting go of him. Looking at how official he looked in his Navy uniform. He kissed your forehead and then went to hug Micah as Connor came and hugged you.
"Hi Lena," he said to you, "how is everything?" He asked still hugging you.
"We're getting by," you said to him. "We're learning how to fill the void."
Connor nodded, "Yeah, Jude's buried himself in work since we've gotten back." The man said.
You nodded and picked up a three year old, Riley, as you heard Micah say, "Mama, the twins and Brandon are next, Jesus just text me."
"Okay baby," you said. Knowing that once you had all of your grandchildren in your arms, everything would be better.
Brandon married Lou out of community college before Someone's Little Sister went on their first nation-wide tour and together they had two sons, Raider and Ethan, who were now 13 and 10. Jesus married a journalist from the New Yorker three years after he moved to New York to play for the Mets named, Ashleigh, and they just had their first child four months ago. And Mariana married Mat right out of fashion school and they had two children, Cooper and Lilliana, who are now 9 and 5.
"Mama," you heard coming down the escalator. It was Jesus' voice coming down with his twin and Brandon and their respective families.
"Hi babies," you said to him as Ethan, Cooper, and Lilliana came running towards you.
"We're going to go get our bags," Brandon said kissing your cheek. "We'll be right back, mind watching the kids?"
"You know you don't have to ask, honey." You said to him as Jesus and Mariana kissed each side of your cheek.
"Callie and her family on their way down," Micah said.
Callie married a doctor her last year of law school named Lucas and they both adopted a little boy named Taylor and Callie gave birth to a little girl named Danielle.
The extended family was getting big, but it's nothing that you would trade for the world. And when Callie came down, she wrapped you in the biggest hug you've ever received from the girl.
"We took our bags on board," she said. "So no need to get our bags from baggage claim," she said as she went to hug her baby brother. "You're getting tall." She mentioned.
"I already am tall," he pointed out. As he practically towered over Callie.
Callie chuckled, her baby brother was a typical quiet and reserved just like you, but when Stef got him riled up, he was just like her, but there were times where he just let his humor flow. It was a little more smoother than your wife's, but it still made everybody smile.
"How are you two doing?" Callie asked wrapping her arm around the both of you. "It's almost been a month."
"We're getting by," Micah said. "We've had a few hiccups along the way, but it's nothing we can't handle."
Callie nodded and kissed his cheek as the rest of the siblings made their ways back.
"Alright, which one of you got a rental car?" You asked, knowing that there was 17 of them visiting and only nine seats available between the two cars that you and Micah brought.
"We did, Mama," both Brandon and Callie said.
"Alrighty," Micah said swinging the keys on his fingers, "Jude, Connor, and Riley, can go with Mama. I'll take Mariana, Mat, and their kids. And can one of you take Jesus, Ashleigh, and the baby?"
"We can," Brandon said. "No biggie." He added.
"Sweet," Micah said, "we have Mike bringing over lunch for me to barbecue, so let's get a move on."
Jude was sitting in the passenger's seat as you drove home, when he randomly said, "He doesn't look okay."
"Who?" You asked focused on your driving.
"Miracle Boy," Jude said. It was the name the entire family called him, but Stef called him that more.
You chuckled, "Don't call him that to his face, he might break." You said. The two of you shared a laugh and you looked through your rearview to see Connor and Riley watching a video on his phone. "He's not doing okay." You said. "He has his good days and his bad. And right now the bad is outweighing the good, but he's trying to figure everything out."
"Is he getting in trouble at school?" Jude asked.
"Only with Timothy who is being a pain," you answered. "Other than that, no not really."
"Timothy always had been a pain." Jude remembered. "But, I guess that's good. He's staying busy?"
"Top of his class," you answered with pride.
"That's my baby brother," he said with an equal amount of pride in his voice. After a few minutes he spoke again, "We're not kicking him out of his room are we?"
After Brandon and Callie moved out, Jesus moved into Brandon's room and by that time, Jude shared a room with Micah until Jesus moved out and Micah took over the boys' room.
"It's fine," you said, "he's been sleeping with me lately anyway." You smiled at the night where he came into your room because he couldn't sleep.
"Mama," he said knocking on the slightly ajar door.
"Yeah baby?" You said.
"I know I'm 16 now, but I can't sleep and I was wondering if I could come cuddle with you?" He asked.
"Of course baby," you said scooting over to Stef's side of the bed.
He got settled and you opened your arm for him to cuddle into you and he buried his face into your neck and curls.
"I feel like I'm too old for this," he mumbled.
"I never want you to feel like you're too old for my arms, baby," you said. "Never ever."
The two of you fell into a peaceful silence, but a rough night of sleep.
"Maybe you two should see someone," Jude said hesitantly, "like a grief counselor."
"I'll look into it after the first, okay?" You said, just wanting to get through the holiday without Stef.
"Yeah, that makes sense," he said, as you pulled into the driveway.
Micah was barbecuing and Mike pulled you aside, "Look," he said, "I really don't want to overstep my bounds here, especially since our friendship really started to bloom during Stef's illness, but I was wondering if Micah ever needed some guy time, if I could take him to the batting cages or something. Not as a dad, but just as a male figure in his life."
Your eyes welled up with tears and you nodded, "Yes, of course." You said. "I appreciate you, Mike." You said, "For sticking around even after Brandon graduated, got married, and moved. For wanting to be there for my baby." You added.
"Losing Stef isn't an easy thing," he said. "She was like your protector and he was his hero, yeah?"
You nodded, "Yeah, she always will be." You said.
"Like I said, I don't want to overstep my bounds and be a dad to him, but every teenage boy needs a male figure. And I know I've done some stupid things when Brandon was growing up, and I'm not trying to make it up with Micah, but I just want you to know that I'm still here. For him and for you."
You smiled and remembered when he came to Anchor Beach several days after the diagnosis to just be there for you.
You were sitting at your desk trying to come up with a budget for the next quarter when you heard a knock on your door. You look up to see Mike standing there in his uniform.
"Hey Mike," you said. "What's up?"
"Stef took a leave of absence today and told us why." He said, "I know I probably should've called, but I wanted to see how you were doing."
You smiled, after Mike made the vow to stay sober, he actually was a pretty decent person to be around, "I've been better," you said. "How are you doing?"
"Honestly, not very good." He said, "I just wanted you to know, that I'm here for you, Stef, the kids."
You nodded your head, "Thank you," you said. "I appreciate it."
"You're a good guy, Mike," you said softly.
"I try to be," he said. "So look, I'll get out of here. Give you some time with your family."
"You can stay," you said. "You are family, you know."
"I don't want to overstay my welcome," he said.
"No, it's really fine," you said. "Maybe get to know Micah a little better."
He nodded, "Sure thing," he said walking over to the barbecue and started talking sports with the boy.
You sat down next to Jesus who wrapped his arm around you, "I love you Mama," he said softly. "How are things?"
"As good as they can be, I guess," you said as your eyes traveled to the barbecue pit where your baby was talking sports with Mike.
"How's little man?" He asked using Micah's other nickname that he got when he was born. He was small, but he looked like a man.
"He has his good days and his bad, his bad days are outweighing the good right now." You said.
"How are you doing?" He asked.
"About the same," you said. "Some days is really hard. Your mom really was my rock. I miss the liveliness in the house. I miss your mom and brother's banter."
Breakfast every morning was a lot more lively than you'd think it was for a house of three.
You would place eggs, toast, and sausage in front of your son and eggs, toast, and bacon in front of your wife. And every morning it would be the same banter.
"How do you not like bacon?" Stef would asked Micah.
"I just don't like the taste or texture of bacon, I'm sorry Officer, is this some sort of crime?" He would play back.
"A huge crime," Stef would say. "I just can't believe that you gave birth to a son who has a dislike to bacon, baby," she would say to you.
You would roll your eyes because you both knew that the boy had a sensory processing disorder and couldn't stand the taste or texture of some foods and how some clothing would rub against his skin. You both knew that there was nothing neither one of you could do about it, except try to healthily feed your boy as best as you could.
"Yeah well, at least pigs like me," he would always say back. "I save more pigs by not eating bacon."
"That's not even true," you would always say to him, "50% of sausage is made from pigs."
"Ha," Stef would always say, "your mama is a smart one you know."
"Yeah, nobody could really replace Mom," Jesus said bringing you out of your memory. "I miss her too." He said.
"First Christmas without her," Mariana cut in, "it's not the same. Micah isn't making fun of Jesus for playing for the Mets like he usually does."
"That's because Mom would put him up to it," you said looking over at the boy who was softly smiling talking to Mike about the Chargers.
"I remember being drafted," he said. "That FaceTime call from the three of you."
You, your wife, and Micah were sitting on the couch watching the MLB Draft waiting to see where your second oldest son would be drafted.
"I hope it's the Padres," you said. "One, you two would be happy because you'll have home season tickets and two, I'll be happy to have him close during off season."
On the television: And the first round pick for the New York Mets is... Jesus Adams Foster!
You looked over to your wife and youngest son, even though it's not what they wanted they were smiling.
"Well at least he's drafted." Stef said.
"And as much as I hate to admit it, the Mets are better than the Padres." Micah admitted.
"Yeah and he'll be able to stay in New York like he wanted," Stef said. "We're still getting season tickets to the Padres though love," she said to you, kissing your cheek.
"I know," you said smiling.
The three of you waited until the next morning at breakfast to FaceTime Jesus.
"Congratulations babe," you said first.
"Thanks Mama," he said. "Sorry Mom, Micah. The Padres just weren't in my point of view."
"It's fine my love." Stef said.
"Yeah bro," Micah said. "You'll be better off with the Mets anyhow."
"We're still Padre fans though." Stef added.
"Hardcore Padre fans," Micah amended.
"Yeah, your guys' loyalty is impeccable, I get it," he said. "Could maybe you like secretly cheer for me when we play the Padres or every time I play?" He asked.
"Of course," Stef said.
"You bet," Micah said.
"Family always comes first," Stef added.
"But, we'll still jokingly make fun of you for playing for the Mets when they lose, especially to the Padres," Micah said.
"Fair game," Jesus said. "Look I gotta go, Ash and I are going to breakfast with franchise."
"Bye baby, love you," you and your wife said.
"Bye bro and seriously, congratulations." Micah said.
"Thanks little man, bye Moms, Micah."
"She was the rock in this family," Mariana said. "I can't imagine what it's like to be here without her every single day."
"It's hard," you said. "We try to keep our minds occupied, but sometimes it's harder."
"Alright, lunch is ready," Micah said coming to the table with the hamburgers and Mike.
He sat down next to you and you placed your hand on his knee as the family ate together in a happier circumstance than the night of the funeral.
Christmas morning was a morning you'd never forget, especially 17 years ago, when your water broke during Christmas dinner, but every year, you and Stef would reminisce about that particular Christmas morning.
You were six months pregnant and you and your wife were sitting in bed and she was drawing soft circles on your pregnant belly.
"This is nice," Stef said to you. "I remember when Brandon and the twins would wake us up early on Christmas mornings. I'm glad they care about sleeping in on Christmas morning."
"Yeah, we'll have this one in a few years to wake us up early on Christmas morning," you said placing your hand on the side where she wasn't drawing patterns.
Stef hummed, "Yeah, this one." She said. "A little boy."
You were brought out of the memory when you realized that little boy wasn't in bed with you anymore, you smelt coffee, and realized that he probably made it for you. You went downstairs and poured yourself a cup of coffee realizing that five out of six of your children were sitting around the kitchen table with their respective spouses.
"Good morning babies," you said. "Where's Micah?"
"Uh he's out in the garage," Callie said, "I think he's beating the life out of a punching bag."
You sighed, "I'll be right back," you said to your children as you walked out to the garage.
Sure enough when you got the garage you saw your son in a boxing match with the punching bag that you and Stef had asked if she could get him one when he was angry with Timothy.
"Why is he so mad?" Stef asked you. "He isn't talking, he's mad."
"Timothy is treating him horribly," you answered. "And he doesn't want to take it out on us."
"Well, he can't hold it in," she said. "I'm going to get him a punching bag. Is that okay?"
"Of course," you said. "Just make sure he knows that he isn't to punch anybody else."
"I think he knows that love," Stef said to you, running her hand through your curls.
You're brought back to present day as Micah is beating the life out of the bag and you could tell he was crying. You also notice that Jude had followed you out and made his way to putting his hands on the younger boy's shoulders.
"Micah," he said, but the boy kept punching. "Micah." He said firmly.
You watched as the teenager melted into his brother's arms, you watched in awe on how Jude got Micah to a somewhat okay position.
"She gone, Jude." He whispered out. "She's really gone. No waffle tower for my birthday, no birthday run, no obnoxious 'we had to get you extra presents because it's not only Christmas but you're birthday too" comments from her when she spoiled me more than you guys."
You tried to hold back a chuckle because it was true, every Christmas she would insist that his birthday and Christmas maybe on the same day, but he deserved more gifts.
"Well you're in luck right now," he said softly. "Brandon is in there making you your waffle tower, Jesus and I are going to go on a birthday run with you, and Callie and Mariana are all up for saying Mom's obnoxious lecture about how you may share your birthday with Christmas, but they are two separate things. Come on kid," he said lifting the boy off the ground, "Come on Mama," he said to you kissing your cheek.
The waffle tower was eaten, the three boys went on a run, and now Callie and Mariana were going on about how Micah deserved more presents.
"Guys," you heard Micah say, "it's fine. Really. I go through this every year. I'm grateful for one set of presents and considering them two."
"No," Mariana said, "we all get specials presents on our birthdays and Christmas. Your birthday isn't Christmas like Christmas isn't your birthday."
"It didn't even make sense when Mom said that," he said, softly as his head fell. The room fell in a somber state for a moment and you walked over to your son and wrapped him in your arms. Remembering how you were wrapped up in Stef's arms when your water broke 17 years ago.
The kids were off messing with their Christmas presents, it had been a little bit of a chaotic morning, but you wouldn't give up your current state for the world. Your wife had her arms wrapped around you and was running her fingers through your curls, every so often placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
And as she left a lingering kiss on your forehead, it happened.
Your water broke and you inwardly started to panic because it was too soon.
Three months too soon.
"Uh honey," you said trying to keep the panic out of your voice, but she knew.
"Okay," she said in the softest voice you've ever heard, "let's get you to the hospital."
"What-what about the other kids?" You asked your wife.
"I'll have Brandon drive them in his car," she said, "are you okay?"
"It's too soon," you said with tears in your eyes. You've already almost lost this baby once.
"It's okay, baby," she said. "We'll get through this."
She got up and dealt with the kids and then she lifted you off the couch and carried you to the car. When you got to the hospital, you didn't fight her when she insisted on carrying you until you got into a wheelchair, somehow, her strong, protective arms made you feel safe.
He had a respiratory infection when he was born that he pulled through and became your and Stef's Miracle Boy. You remember the first time the doctor put him into her arms as you were being released from the hospital about a month after he was born.
"Here you go, Mrs. Adams Foster," the doctor said placing Micah in Stef's arms. "You have one hell of a miracle right here."
Stef's eyes were glued to the brown eyes staring back up at her, "Yeah, he really is our Miracle Boy," she said. "Thank you," she said looking up at the doctor momentarily before moving her eyes back down to the little boy in her arms. Tears started to develop in her eyes. "Hi baby," she cooed down at him. "Mommy's been wanted to hold you for a month now. Thank you for getting better. You gave Mama and I quite a scare."
You smiled, at how effortless your love was at being a mom, you came up behind her and placed your chin on her shoulder looking at the baby boy, "I love you, Stef." You whisper.
"I love you too," she said kissing your forehead. "Thank you for giving us a beautiful baby boy." She said looking back down at him.
You had your boy wrapped in your arms and he tried to just disappear into you.
"I'm not going anywhere, baby," you whispered. "There's no place I'd rather be, but here with you in my arms."
Your grandchildren were running everywhere. Well, almost all of them were. Raider was sitting texting somebody on his phone and Riley was curled into your side. And for the first time in awhile you were content. You smiled as you watched your older kids with their spouses.
Brandon and Lou were trying to get Raider to put down his phone, Callie and Lucas were sitting on the couch cuddled into each other drinking hot chocolate, Jesus and Ashleigh were dealing with their fussy four month old daughter, Mariana and Mat were watching Micah try to assemble a lego set with Cooper, and Jude and Connor were quietly talking as Connor was curled into Jude.
The only thing that was missing was you curling into Stef, it had become a tradition every Christmas after presents were opened.
They say that the first year is the hardest. The first Christmas, the first birthday, the first wedding anniversary, the one year anniversary of the death. And maybe they're right. But you held onto the words that Stef had told you the night of your diagnosis.
"Everything is going to work itself in its time. Not a second longer; not a second shorter. And we can't force that."
And you knew that it would work itself out, it maybe hard at the moment, but surrounded by your family, it was like she was here with you.
You and Micah had a lot to work out, but you'd wait until after the holidays to do that. Right now you were content in living in the moment with your granddaughter curled into you, surrounded by your kids and grandkids.
In that moment, what can be more better than that?
Chapter End: Not sure if I like this or not. I'm currently in the middle of season 2A right now. Trying to catch up before Monday's midseason finale. So I'm still trying to learn the five kids' personalities, if you will.
Hope you liked it.