A/N Here is the second part. Proper notes at the end.
When he wakes up, she's curled against his chest, with her head tucked under his chin and a hand splayed above his heart. He takes this and the sleepy smile with which she wishes him good morning as a good sign, as a reason to hold on to hope that she may have changed her mind. Or at least opted for a procrastination.
Apparently, he's right. The day starts with a lot of kissing, until she suddenly pulls away wincing.
"It's time to say goodbye to this beard."
"What? I thought you liked it!"
"I do! It suits you, really, but it's starting to sting a little bit too much."
She licks her upper lip, trying to wet it a bit for relief, and he notices that it is actually reddened and looks a bit irritated. He apologizes and kisses her cheek, and she just drags him out of the bed and towards the bathroom.
"Sit." She orders when they get there.
"Bossy." He cackles.
She takes his razorblade and shaving gel from his beauty case, then puts some gel in her hands and starts spreading it all over his beard, never breaking eye contact. Her touch on his face feels completely different from the previous day in the orchard, the contact is soft and fresh, and his face doesn't burn this time. It's a sweet moment, but he can't help thinking that it's also all kinds of hot.
His expression must betray him when she takes the razorblade, because she asks, amused, "Scared, DiNozzo?"
"Never."
And he realizes he's really not worried at all. He has put his life in her hands for years after all, shaving won't be a big deal.
And of course he's right to trust her, she doesn't cut him, and it's all over before he knows it.
"Welcome back", she greets him as she removes the last traces of the gel.
"Hi", he smiles. "Thank you for giving me my face back unharmed."
"I would never harm it. I like your face."
Beard is gone, there's no reason not to kiss her now.
And the shower is dangerously close. It doesn't take much to make it the next step.
The morning keeps getting better and better.
He offers to take care of breakfast while she dries her hair. In the few minutes she spends alone, without him distracting her, she has time to think again about all the things she has put on standby and realizes that she's deluding herself. She suddenly regrets the decision she has taken when she woke up. She thinks she should have talked to him before they had a chance to make another step into this sort of preview of their life together, or maybe it would have been even safer to do it the previous night.
The more she waits, the harder it gets to tell him it's time for him to go back home.
She takes a minute to gather all her strength before she joins him in the kitchen. When she gets there, though, the sight before her robs her of her speech. He has somehow managed to make a sumptuous breakfast out of the few supplies she had bought two days earlier.
He expects to see her smile at that marvelous sight, but before she can react properly he catches the expression she had when she walked in.
"What?" he asks, wondering where he's gone wrong.
"Nothing. This is… wow, I had no idea you could cook like this."
He doesn't buy it for a second. "Ziva", he calls softly.
She cocks her head and sighs. "It's just that you are making it very hard to tell you to go home, Tony."
This takes him aback. Considering how the day had started, he had relaxed, convinced she wouldn't draw out the issue at least for another day.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to break the atmosphere like this." She gets closer, and caresses his forehead and temple to smooth his frown.
"Thank you for the breakfast, by the way." She says, trying to loosen the tension a bit.
"Ziva. The cat is out of the bag, we might as well talk about it now. I hate having this pink elephant in the room."
"What does the cat have to do with elephants?" she asks, confused.
He would laugh, weren't he so worried about what's coming next.
"Never mind." He sighs. "We better eat those pancakes, before they get cold. I need sugar to face this conversation."
They eat in silence, knowing that no small talk will fix the mood.
When she starts tidying up the kitchen, he stops her pulling her arm gently.
"We can do this later."
He takes her hand and leads her towards the couch in the living room.
They sit facing each other for a minute, and she makes a few attempts to start talking, but ends up closing her mouth every time. He squeezes her hand and smiles at her when these scene keeps repeating, so she exhales loudly and says, apologetically, "It's hard."
"Then don't do it."
"I have to."
"Ziva, are you sure? After these two days, how are you still convinced that the best solution is to part? I told you, we can do this together."
"Tony." She sighs. "These moments we had together will be in my heart for the next weeks, or months, I have no idea how long this is going to take. They'll keep me going, they'll give me purpose. You were right. I had been looking back for four months, and you made me look forward for the first time. And when I look forward I see you. I see us. This is what I want for the future. I want us to happen."
"Then come home. You can have it now, why wait?"
"Because I also want this to last."
"You think it wouldn't?"
She takes a moment to formulate a proper answer. She needs him to understand, and she needs him to do it as soon as possible, because she's afraid if he keeps insisting her resolution will fall to pieces.
"Do you remember when I invited you here?" She starts.
"That's kind of unforgettable, you know. I had butterflies in my stomach like a teenager."
She smiles briefly, then goes on. "So did I. I felt… happy, I felt ready. You know what happened next. As soon as my past knocked on my door it made me take a step back. When you found me, I did not feel ready anymore. Not at all."
"And you tried to push me away." He intervenes. He's starting to see where her line of thought is headed.
"Yes. Tony, I am afraid that if I don't deal with my past now, it will keep coming back when I least expect it and it will keep sabotaging my future. If I come home with you now, we will be okay for a while, we might be very happy, even. I'll be focused on us and just us, like I have done in these two days, and then something will happen, and I will be reminded of all the things I left hanging, all the things I buried throughout the years. And I know I will revert to my old ways. You know it too."
She stops to study his reaction. He's biting the inside of his lower lip and nodding slightly. Oh, yes, he does know. He has watched her doing it for years.
Encouraged by his understanding, she resumes her speech, and her voice is much softer.
"We need a chance, a real one. Someone once said that you need to heal, before you love."
He looks at her a little bit more intensely, if possible, as he hears her utter the word "love". They've never used it before. It's been implied, in a roundabout way, but never said out loud.
It's like she just said the key-word, he doesn't need any further explanation. As much as the idea of being without her for god knows how long scares the hell out of him, he understands. And even if it's hard to admit to himself, he kind of agrees with her plan. He wants them to have a real chance too.
She interrupts his thoughts, as she is struck by a sudden doubt. "It's not fair of me to ask you to wait –"
"Don't. You don't have to ask for it, I'm going to wait for you anyway. I have waited for a while now." He adds with a smile. Then he turns serious again. "I'll be right there, Ziva, when you feel ready to come back to me."
"You did wait." She whispers, as if she's talking to herself. Then she looks him in the eyes again. "You have respected my need to be alone when I went through many rough moments. I really appreciate that."
He just nods and exhales. "C'mere". She pulls her to his lap and kisses her gently.
"Okay, we can do this. We should have put something about coming home on that list." He muses.
"It would have been redundant. The last two points are already about coming home. Actually, it is the condition to fulfill them." She adds, feeling brave.
In the span of two days, they've gone from tension, to openness, to more or less explicit declarations of love, and now she has just hinted about their future children.
He holds her a little bit tighter and smiles, not even remotely bothered by her statement. It was his idea, after all, to add that point.
"Just promise me something."
"Sure."
"Promise me you'll be in touch. I need to know that you're safe and well. I can't – " he has to swallow to continue. "I can't go through what I went through this summer, Ziva." Or four years ago, for the matter, but he doesn't tell her that. "Not knowing… is scary."
She realizes how bad it must have been for him, and suddenly feels very selfish for disappearing like she did. "I'm sorry."
"I will… keep you updated, I promise. Listen, I might go to places where the phone or the internet do not work very well, but if that happens I will tell you in advance, okay?"
"Are you going to be in the dangerous places?" He asks, worried.
"I am not sure yet. But if you think about it, people who need help are often in war zones."
"Ziva, please don't. I can let you go and do what you need to do, but I need to be sure that you'll come back in one piece." He sounds a little desperate now.
"Don't worry. I have had enough of violence, I am not eager to find myself in the middle of it again. I was thinking about refugees. I will stay safe."
He doesn't look very convinced, but she feels him relax a bit under her.
She leans her cheeks against his, and then whispers to his ear, "I will be careful. I do not want you to drop everything and come look for me halfway around the world a third time."
This makes him shiver. He would do it again and again if necessary, but he also fears that one day worrying over her will bring him to the nuthouse, so he's glad for the promise she's making.
He doesn't voice any of this, he just repeats "Okay, okay" a few times and tries to relax.
It's going to work, somehow. It's going to be the hardest thing they've ever done, but it's going to work.
A/N I'm really nervous about this chapter. I needed to find an explanation to Tony's transformation throughout the episode, and as much as I wanted it to be believable, I also needed it to give me inner peace. So I apologize if you find some things out of character (especially Ziva's lines). There will be one last chapter, a short airport related scene that is meant as an epilogue. Thank you everyone for reading and for all the support!
I've been long torn about the staying in touch part. I really believe she needs some space right now, and that he'll give her that, but I also needed her to understand how hard it is for him when she shuts him out, so just for once, I wanted her to meet him halfway. This is the reason for my final choice.