Gleetastic Satarical FanFic

Chapter 3

Despite the shocking and devastating nature of the Kurt and Blaine fight, the party raged on in the auditorium. Hoping to block the memory of the fight from their minds, the New Directions and Warblers started playing party games. Quinn, Artie, and Mike were playing strip poker with some of the Warblers, and Sam and Puck were playing Beer Pong with a few Warblers nearby.

In a darkened corner of the auditorium stage, Brittany and Santana were having a serious talk about their relationship. Santana was upset and crying.

"If Kurt and Blaine can't stay together, how can we ever expect our love to last, Brit?" Santana asked. I was modeling our relationship after them because they are so perfect together. Nothing is as pure as their love."

Brittany said, "Wait. I thought Ivory soap is the purest thing in the world. Are they in love with Ivory soap?"

Santana sniffled and said, "I haven't even kissed you yet because I don't want to ruin our relationship by kissing you too soon. Blaine made Kurt wait, and I thought that would be the best thing to do in our relationship, too. I didn't want to ruin what we had by kissing you too soon. I mean, I haven't gotten any lip action from you since Puck was in juvvie last year, and I needed to get my mack on. But that didn't count."

"Right, and that didn't count because we had boyfriends then, Tanny-Bear."

"Brit, how can we make it as a couple when Kurt and Blaine can't make it? Everything I know about being in a solid relationship comes from watching Kurt and Blaine. It's canon."

Brittany took Santana's hands and said, "I know Kurt and Blaine will pull through this, and we are going to make it too, Santana. I know this because I know that my lucky leprechaun Rory knows cupid, and I've asked him to ask cupid to shot arrows at Kurt and Blaine, and then you and me so that we will all make it. It's canon."

Santana giggled and smiled. "I love you, Brit." She wrapped her arms around Brittany.

"I love you too, Tanny-Bear."

Brittany took Santana's face in her hands, and put her mouth on Santana's mouth. When Brittany's tongue parted Santana's lips, Santana knew that her and Brit would go the distance (or at least last through senior year), and somehow, some way, Kurt and Blaine would survive this fight.

Across the auditorium in the back row, Finn and Rachel were in deep discussion about their secret engagement.

Rachel said, "Finn, how can we ever get married if Blaine and Kurt aren't a couple anymore? How can we survive the ups and downs of marriage if Kurt and Blaine can't even survive an eye injury and some body shots?"

"Kurt and Blaine are awesome," Finn replied. "They will make it through this because they are that awesome, Rachel."

Rachel sniffled, and said, "I just want Kurt and Blaine to be back together because I've been dreaming of having a double wedding with them. We could go to one of those states in New England that allows gay marriage, and have a fall wedding because the fall is the most beautiful time of year in New England. Kurt and I could wear matching Marc Jacobs gowns, and you and Blaine could wear matching Calvin Klein tuxes. And of course Kurt and I would be each other's maids of honor, and you and Blaine would be each other's best men." She threw her arms around Finn and cried.

Finn rubbed Rachel's back and said, "It's all right, Rachel. Your awesome dream wedding is going to happen someday because you and I are an awesome couple, and Kurt and Blaine are an even more awesomely awesome couple. We're meant to be together and we're meant to have this awesome double awesome wedding because we are awesome. And it's awesome canon. And canon is awesome."

Rachel said, "And what about NYADA? Kurt and I will never get into NYADA if Kurt and Blaine aren't together anymore. Our futures depend on getting into NYADA and that won't happen unless Kurt and Blaine are together." She cried even harder.

"It will be OK, Rachel. NYADA is an awesome school and they aren't going to pass on people who are as awesome as you and Kurt. You will get into NYADA, Rachel. All of your awesome dreams will come true."

Kurt ran out of Figgy's office enroute to the auditorium, hoping to find his brother Finn and his best friend Rachel because he needed their help. As he approached the auditorium, he was stopped in his tracks when he ran smack dab into Tina, causing both of them to fall to the ground.

As he helped Tina up off the ground, Kurt said, "Oh, sorry, Tina. I didn't notice you there. Are you all right? "

"I'm fine, Kurt, and it's OK that you bumped into me and knocked me down. I'm used to it. Nobody seems to notice that I exist."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, have you seen Rachel and Finn? Do you know if they are still in the auditorium?

Tina replied, "Yes, they are still there, Kurt. I was just in there, and I walked all over the place, but no one noticed me."

"Thanks, Tina. I gotta run." Kurt ran into auditorium and back flipped down the auditorium steps like the ninja that he is. He shouted, "Finn, Rachel, where are you? I need your help."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, and shouted, "Kurt. Kurt. Kurt."

Finn and Rachel ran down the steps to Kurt as the rest of the New Directions and Warblers gathered around.

Finn asked, "Dude, where's Blaine?"

Kurt replied, "He got in a car with Sebastian and took off. I have to find him. I have to make this right. I don't know why Blaine would go off with Sebastian. He's evil, and he drives a Hummer 3. And you know what they say about guys who drive Hummers."

Puck said, "Blaine will be back. My boy Kurt is a freaky deaky monkey. Blaine won't give that up. You must be hiding something under all those layers."

Santana said, "Yeah, Queen Petticoat. What is hiding under those layers?" She ripped open Kurt's shirt to reveal his rock hard abs. "I think I just turned straight again." She rubbed Kurt's abs.

Sam said, "I need to go hit the gym." He ran out of the room.

Mike said, "I'm right behind you." He darted out after Sam.

Puck said, "Wait for me." He ran after Mike and Sam.

Finn said, "Dude, those are awesome."

Kurt started to cover up and said, "These abs belong to Blaine. Finn, Rachel, I need your help. Please. I need to make things right with Blaine. I need to make Blaine forgive me so that I can get into NYADA."

Rachel said, "How can we help, Kurt?"

Kurt said, "I have a plan. Hey, Santana do you have any wigs hiding in your under boob?"