Dragons

Disclaimer – I own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent

Premise – Season 4 Episode 8 from Naomi's POV, Naomily with guest appearances.

Rating – M

Warnings – Hey it's set in the Skins universe so adult themes and bad language from the start. If you're offended by these then don't read.

Authors Note – OK so here it is, my take on "that speech." Lily Loveless' finest hour in my opinion. I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching it...great writing I wish I had a tenth of that talent. It's only a short(er) one this, because that's all it needs to be. Oh yeah, lots more metaphysical imagery...sorry. PoTtErMaNiAn87 this update soon enough for you?

Chapter 3 – Revelations

The rain was falling softly but steadily as I approach Freddie's house, I'd had to text Effy for the address and the location of the famous fucking shed.

"Home of the Three Musketeers" Cook had once called it.

Sounded like the kind of sordid misogynist shithole that a girl should stay out of to me.

Fuck it, I had to do this sometime and this birthday party was as good a time as any. I walked down the side of the building following the sound of music and voices. I'd never been here, never wanted to be here if the truth be told, definitely not my scene.

As I approached the gateway to the back garden I heard voices and paused, I was frozen to the spot. I heard Thomas talking to someone and strained to hear what he was saying. Then I heard her voice, it was only soft but I couldn't mistake it. My stomach turned over and my mouth went dry. Perhaps this was my moment, before I had to enter the shed, before I had to face her with everyone looking.

I risked a glance through the gap in the fence, where a gate would normally be closed, locking off the gardens inner sanctum. Red flowing hair stood out as light twinkled off the raindrops that rested on it. I felt my stomach contract slightly as I watched her walk towards the shed at the bottom of the garden, flanked by Thomas and Katie. I frowned, I'd missed my chance.

'You fucking coward' I told myself and holding hands with my dragon I entered the garden. Being careful to stay out of sight I followed them down the rain soaked path.

I watched them enter the ramshackle building, thankful that I hadn't been seen. Feeling the rain running down my neck I reached the door of the shed. Except it wasn't a simple shed door anymore, it was the entrance to the deepest part of Castle Campbell. The dark pit where my oldest, most controlling dragon lived, the dragon that had ruled my life to date, had total control over the others and the one I would have to defeat in order to have any chance of success. To have any chance of resurrecting what I had destroyed.

I heard voices from inside the small building, heard Katie clearly over the sound of the music.

"What kind of a fucking lamo rave is this?"

A half smile crossed my lips, for all her bullshit and bitchiness I found that I liked Katie, well just a little.

Fucked if I would ever tell her that though.

I admired her outspoken courage, her ability to be honest, to tell people just how things were, at her ability to just be Katie, no frills, no games just be. Surprisingly her outburst gave me courage and I drew in a breath and went to open the door. My hand rested over the handle, I couldn't do it, my dragon was too strong.

"We're playing ace of truth…"

I heard JJ's voice from the other side of the door, followed briefly by Cooks; shit they must all be there, everyone, all of the gang. Could I have picked a worse moment to issue my challenge to my dragon? I took a deep breath, gripped the handle and opened the door to my dragon's home and ventured in. It was now or never, win or lose, it was time to wage war.

"So who's going first" I heard JJ ask the three that had entered before me. Quickly, before I lost my new found courage, I pushed through the door, closed it behind me and surveyed the scene. This was my moment. Cue Naomi Campbell, the spotlight is on you; stage is yours.

"I will."

Time slowed down, I mean I'd heard about the effect, but I don't think I'd ever experienced it in the same way before. As the words issued from my mouth I surveyed the room, everyone was here apart from Freddie, for a fraction of a second I thought this was strange, then my eyes were ripped towards Emily, she'd turned towards me, the challenge unspoken on her lips…"Go on then, open your mouth I fucking dare you."

It was almost too much, I longed to escape, to run from that look. I heard a light roar next to my ear, my ally wasn't pleased. Slowly I took a steadying breath and faced my dragon, my final dragon, my fear of being seen.

You see my biggest fear in the world is that people would see me, I mean me. Not Naomi "ice-queen" Campbell, the bitchy hard faced cow that has an answer for everything and a nice word for no-one. Not the inhabitant of Castle Campbell torn apart by her dragons and left as a shell, living on sarcasm and cynicism. But me, Naomi Campbell, the scared vulnerable girl terrified of everything around her. Terrified of being recognised for what she really is.

Human.

My dragon looked me in the eyes and roared its defiance, reminding me of my fear. I felt the warm breath of my protector beside me and turned to look at her. Her scales were bright and gleaming, no sign of the cuts and burns; only a light scar remaining over her heart. My fear of failure was reborn, refreshed, renewed. She was stronger than she had ever been and my fear of failing Emily, fear of failing our relationship was stronger than I had ever known it. I had to press on. As I stared at my dragon our eyes met, her eyes were warm and bright and deep, deep brown. I found my courage in those eyes and I turned my head to stare at the girl I loved, had always loved. I met the matching pair of beautiful brown eyes and plunged once more into battle.

"I loved you from the first time I saw you,"

It was true, I could remember every single moment of that day. As I said it my IMAX memory went into flashback. I remembered how on my first day in secondary school I had seen her walk into assembly. There must have been dozens of children coming into that hall and I had eyes for only one. I don't know why I saw her and it was a long time before I realised what I felt for her was love, but from that first glance I was smitten. She entered the hall one step behind her brash twin, downtrodden, shy and yet so, so beautiful, so poised. For one fraction of a second our eyes met, blue met brown, and then she looked away, looked submissively down at her feet, her brown eyes hidden under those beautiful eyelashes. For the rest of my life I will remember that look, how unconsciously sexy it was, how beautiful her shyness made her.

For all our time at middle school she was always one step behind Katie and yet, in my eyes at least, she deserved to be placed on a pedestal and worshipped as the goddess of beauty she was.

"I think I was 12."

I continued nervously, aware that every eye in the room was on me. It was a lie; I knew to the minute how old I was when first I saw her. I could probably tell you to the second how long it has been since that moment. But it didn't matter, she would know what I meant.

I could feel the tension rise in the room, even Effy had woken from her doze on the sofa and was watching, her eyes as usual unreadable. Panda sat next to her, for once her voice stilled. Everyone seemed to realise that this was important, this was vital, and for once in all the time I had known them no-one spoke. I steeled my heart and continued my eyes locked on Emily's.

"It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know? Loving a girl."

My dragon roared in dismay, and there I was laid open to the world, to everyone in the room, all my friends were able to see me for what I really am, a coward who couldn't even pluck up the courage to speak to a schoolmate. Someone that was so fucked up in their feelings they couldn't speak, juvenile, immature and scared.

But it wasn't enough, I had to go further, I had to unburden myself totally. It was the only way to win her back.

"That I learned to become a sarcastic bitch to make it feel normal."

More screams and cries, my dragon couldn't believe what I was telling her, telling everyone. The Naomi they know isn't real; she's made up, a puppet. Nothing more than a hologram projected into the world to hide the fact that I loved Emily. I loved her and I always had.

"I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work."

I could feel the shock, finally admitting it, yes Katie you were fucking right, always a 'fucking lezzer', always in denial, but not anymore. But it still wasn't enough, there was more to reveal, more scars to bare to the world. More explanations that Emily had to hear, had to understand, whatever the outcome.

"When we got together it scared the shit out of me, because you were the one person that could ruin my life."

My voice broke at the end of this simple sentence as the waves of fear and relief washed over me at my admission, it was almost cathartic, but the tears were coming, tears of grief, and shame and misery. I had to tell her it wasn't her fault, because it wasn't. It was mine, it had always been mine.

"I pushed you away and made you think that things were your fault but really I was just terrified of pain."

That admission was hard, that me the infamous Naomi fucking Campbell was scared of pain. The worlds came thick and fast now; I practically spat them from my mouth desperate to have them heard, desperate to defeat my last dragon.

"I screwed that girl Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I'm a total fucking coward because...I got these…"

I reached into my bag hunting for the pieces of paper I knew to be there, the documents I'd held onto for months, carried everywhere with me in a desperate hope that things would change.

"...these tickets to Goa for us three months ago, but I, I couldn't stand…"

I held them out, my eyes streaming with tears. Hoping and praying that they would demonstrate that I wasn't lying, that she could trust everything I was saying. I was almost exhausted, it was almost too much for me and I broke down, I couldn't speak it was too much. I longed to turn and run, away from the shed, away from her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes that filled my dreams and seemed always to be looking directly into my soul. I thought about the battle, thought about my ally standing beside me and somewhere within me I found the strength to carry on the fight. I looked up and continued. This battle just had to be won.

"I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand?"

I prayed that she could, but I couldn't be sure, she was just looking at me, unfathomable. My heart broke just a little bit more. I pushed on; there was one last thing to say.

"You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible. It's so horrible, because, really I'd die for you.

I love you!

I love you so much it's killing me!"

There, it was the final truth, despite everything I had ever done, every hurt I had inflicted on Emily the truth shone through my tears.

I would give my life a thousand times for her, and think myself lucky for the privilege, the privilege of sacrificing myself at the altar of Emily, the one true love of my life. I put all this feeling into the one thing I knew I could rely on her seeing, my eyes. I screamed the same message over and over again, hoping she could see it in them.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!!!

...and only you. Always.

Until the moment last breath is taken from my body, and if there is an afterlife into that as well, my heart will have room for only one person Emily Fitch, and it's you. It has always been so, will always be so. I can't control it.

You, to me, are a goddess and I will love you forever, and beyond.

In that one moment of confession I truly understood it, accepted it and wielded my love for Emily as a weapon to defeat my final dragon.

With this last outpouring of emotion I wanted her to know how much our relationship meant to me, I was fighting my battles every day and it was tearing me apart. I hoped she could understand, hoped and prayed she could see through the dragons, past the hurt and see me. At the last, only me.

***

I was done. I had nothing left to say and no energy left with which to say it. I had fought my dragon to a standstill and I was now waiting to see if it fought back, or could be defeated. It was all down to Emily, it was out of my hands, and I was still terrified.

I stand in that shed, hearing the rain hammer down on the plastic roof. I know that the eyes of everyone there are flicking from me, to her, like spectators at a tennis match, waiting for the point. I can only stare at her, my heart and soul open to the world, to Emily. For once I'm just me, the scared child Naomi that's been buried deep and protected by high castle walls, six dragons and a welcome sign. I notice she is crying, shit I didn't mean for her to cry, didn't want her to cry, I didn't want to hurt her again. I just wanted her to understand.

I see her look across at her sister and briefly acknowledge that for once Katie is actually struck dumb, just looking at Emily open mouthed without a bitchy retort on her tongue. I'm dreading what's about to happen; I know she's going to walk away, reject me, cut me to the core.

I know it's going to hurt; it's going to hurt forever but I'm OK with that, the fear is finally gone. I had grasped a tight hold of my courage and finally did what I promised I'd do on that yellow note stuck on a blue door.

"I'll Do Anything"

I'd done more than that. I'd done everything, everything I could.

I had emptied my soul, laid myself bare to her judgement, vulnerable to her decision. I prayed that it would be enough, at least enough for a start, a chance to talk things through. An opportunity to rebuild the relationship I'd done my best to fuck up. In my heart though I knew it was futile, too much water under the bridge, too much hurt to forgive.

But I had to try, didn't I.

I saw her move and I readied myself to walk away. To leave Freddie's shed and the accusing eyes of my friends, to walk away from her rejection. I would walk out of the building with the tatters of my dignity trailing behind me, happy in the knowledge that I'd tried, that I'd battled my dragons and come so close to success.

Resolute in my failure.

For once walking, not running.

Then in a heartbeat she's on me, her hands in my hair, her lips on my lips and she's smiling as she kisses me once, twice and I'm undone. Moving only on instinct I respond to her kisses, smiling in relief. Suddenly she releases me, pulls me into a hug and she's everything. My senses are overloaded, I can taste her, hear her cries, I can see her and touch her, but most of all I can smell her; I can smell that indescribable smell that is my Emily and it's almost enough to make me lose consciousness. I feel myself slump slightly against her and she hugs me harder. I hear her talking to me as she hugs me and I have to fight through my tears, my total sensory overload to hear what she's saying.

"It's OK," she whispers into my ear as her hand runs through my hair, "it's all OK. I love you too."

And my dragon falls.

A/N – OK now I'm really off into the realms of fantasy. One more chapter, one last part of this story left to complete. What happens next? Well OK we know what happens next, we all saw the scenes. But the final chapter is my take on what we missed along the way.