Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

Pairings: SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

Warnings: Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

Hidden Heartache

Chapter 3

The sound of footsteps across the room forced me to sit up and turn towards the disturbance. I felt someone's presence by the door. If closing my eyes and pretending to sleep would be enough to send the person away, I might have done it. I'm not a coward, but I dreaded seeing someone else in my room and until the moment I saw the person, then it was part of an overactive imagination and not real. I forced myself to look, confirming my fear. The moonlight shone through the window, filling the room with a soft light. My eyes widened the moment I saw Sasuke standing in the doorway, looking down at me from across the room.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

He stood there and said nothing as he watched me fidget. I swallowed and considered saying something else, but he spoke before I had a chance. "We didn't finish our talk," he said in a low voice.

"Yes we did," I insisted, pushing my legs over the side of the bed and stood.

Sasuke pushed me back down and I fell on my rear. "Bastard, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I wanted to see you," he said.

"It's the middle of the night," I responded, sweet formed on my skin and my heartbeat faster. His clean fresh smell filled me and my body reacted to his presence. Sasuke and I were alone in the middle of the night by my bed; my body trembled at the thought.

"Are you sure your not sick?" he asked closing the space between us, but I leaned back on my elbows, slightly propped up, trying to keep a safe distance. He put his palms down on each side of my shoulder to support his weight. His eyes met mine, "you're sweating all over."

"I…." but no other words came. I closed my eyes against the intensity of his gaze. He leaned forward touching his forehead to mine and I bit my lip to suppress a moan. The hardness between my legs increased. I wanted to touch it and relieve the tension, but I couldn't.

He pulled back, "What's wrong Naruto?" he asked, but the look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what was wrong. He leaned forward again and bought his mouth close to my ear, "you're hot," he said.

I moved my head back, laying it flat on the bed. My knees were still bent over the edge and I looked up at him. My heart beat faster. He looked up and down my body before stopping at the bulge in my pajama pants.

"I can see the problem now," he said. His hands started to caress my body. He leaned down and touched his soft lips to mine. I resisted his first kiss and embraced his second one. Our tongues fought for dominance. His forceful desire left me submitting under him. Slowly, my nightshirt buttons were undone one by one. The shirt fell open exposing my chest.. My eyes met his and my body wanted everything he had to offer. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, the room was empty with no sigh of Sasuke. The alarm buzzed, my pajamas were on, and inside my pants sticky. Another dream I thought, pushing the blanket aside and slowly walking towards the bathroom and a cold morning shower.

Breakfast consisted of the usual an instant ramen cup and slightly stale milk. It's not the first time I've had less than fresh milk, so I'm use to it. I keep shopping down to a minimum. Going out in public can be painful. Some people stare, while others "unintentionally" bump into me, usually hard enough to push me down. When I enter a store, the reaction is mixed, but not in a positive way. In the closest store to my apartment, the wife follows me around like a thief, saying hateful things just loud enough for me to hear, and the husband puts bread and damageable items at the bottom but remembers his duty as a shopkeeper and thanks me on the way out. Therefore, to sum it up, one shopkeeper openly expresses her hatred and the other pretends he's not doing it while he destroys my products. As for me, I pretend not to notice and ramble on to anyone in earshot range about dinner or the products.

That morning my alarm rang earlier than usual, which I'm grateful for since it stopped the dream, but I set it not to be late again. I ate my breakfast in less than five minutes and in three minutes; I cleaned my mess, grabbed my pack and ran out the door.

The sun started to peak over the horizon and filled the air with little light, but very few people are out this early, leaving the streets quiet and peaceful, so I didn't meet the usual contempt and easily walked towards the meeting area. To my surprise and delight, I arrived first. I sat down with my back against the tree, and closed my eyes. The rustling in the tree above forced me to jump up and look towards the sound. At first, my mind was in disbelief. Sasuke sat in the tree looking down. Before I could respond, he jumped down and landed to my left. I stared wide-eyed not ready to face him alone, nor have his body so close. The intimate dream still played in my consciousness, as I desperately tried to calm myself and erase any signs of discomfort.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting back down.

"This is where we're meeting, Dobe," he responded making me look like a fool, for asking such an obvious question.

"You know what I mean. We have about thirty minutes before the meeting time," I responded back.

"Dobe, I always arrive first, so being here early isn't strange, but you being here this early is unusual."

"Well, I'm full of surprises. You're strange, wasting your morning, hanging around and waiting for us to arrive," I smiled and continued, "Sasuke, are you lonely? Is that why you wait, so long for us?" I felt like a bastard that morning. His presence invaded my sleep and now invaded the private time I hoped to enjoy before the mission. I was determined to make him feel uncomfortable.

Sasuke looked down at me and smiled back, "Some people take pride in their work, arriving early, never late. I know it's hard for someone who doesn't understand success to comprehend, but try to see if from a dependable person's point of view." He knelt down in front of me and continued, "Naruto, you're here extra early this morning, Are you lonely?" he asked.

I jumped up. That was completely unexpected. I didn't see him turning my question around. I'm always lonely but that wasn't the reason for my early arrival. "Sasuke, I'm a responsible ninja, ready and eager to start a new mission."

Sasuke smiled, leaned in and spoke a little lower this time, "but that doesn't answer the question. Are you lonely?" He was close enough where I could feel his breath on me. I shrugged and moved back hitting the tree. The closeness between us made me uncomfortable. "Why are you afraid to answer the question?" he asked, as his eyes stared into mine.

"I…" but I didn't know what to say. Sasuke continued to move in. Leaves started to rustle behind us. For a moment, I thought Sasuke looked pissed at the disturbance or maybe he wasn't done torturing me. Until I collected my thoughts, I believed Sasuke was going to kiss me or do something equally intimate. After awhile I realized the error of my thinking. He was just teasing me, which was nothing new, but my dreams caused different thoughts and desires inside and I might have wished for the intimacy and forced myself to read Sasuke's actions all wrong.

Sakura, Sayori and her companion arrived, a male bodyguard in his mid-twenties. He's a jounin racked ninja, and, personally, I didn't know how he put up with such an annoying brat, but he was her personal bodyguard. Sometimes first impressions are hard to change, and from the short period of time I spent with this girl yesterday, I didn't like her. She ran up to us and greeted Sasuke, "Good morning Sasuke," she said. I cursed under my breath, as she passed by me with no acknowledgement.

Sasuke nodded his head but said no words to her. I smiled to myself, pleased with his stoic behavior. Sakura addressed us both in her chipper morning greeting and Sayori's bodyguard, Sato, nodded; I secretly wished Sayori exhibited the same behavior and not the loud clinginess she showed.

My opinion of the client remained the same. She avoided and refused to look towards me. I tried to ease the tension by walking up to her, but before a good morning escaped my lips, she had moved over to talk with Sato. Yeap she despised me, I thought. While waiting for our tardy teacher, I tried to find a reason for her disgust. I did nothing to her, but her discontent was evident, and my presence seemed to be a major contribution to it. She completely ignored me, not that I minded. To be honest, I didn't like her either; my anger and dislike towards her was justified because she had poor taste, which she demonstrated by hanging all over Sasuke, so as you can see I wasn't jealous or anything and I had every reason in the world to feel what I did.

Kakashi arrived early, well on time but for him that's early, and finally our mission started with little suspense. Kakashi walked in front, Sakura, Sato, and Sayori in the middle and Sasuke and I pulled up the rear. Sayori, not satisfied with the arrangement, tired to walk next to Sasuke.

"Why can't I walk next to Sasuke?" He is obviously the best ninja out of these three." She directed towards Kakashi. At that comment, Sakura visibly winced, but I remained unresponsive to her.

"Sayori this is my team and I know the most effective placement of the group," Kakashi responded in a way that indicated he would listen to no other discussion on the matter.

I mentally cheered, until I realized it meant I would be next to Sasuke. I'm a balanced person and the torment Sasuke's been putting me though left me feeling uneven. It's not just my dreams, but his close presence because it makes me recall the passion and desire. The first day, we traveled a few yards behind the rest. Close enough to call out to the group but unable to have a normal conversation. The only source of verbal exchange would be with Sasuke and I wasn't prepared for that. Our positions changed during the day, we walked side by side down the path at first but sometimes that wasn't possible. This happened when the path narrowed, which force us into a single line. When Sasuke walked in front of me, I hate to admit this, but I stared at him and not in a friendly way and cursed all the time spent with Kakashi and Jiraya because their perversions started to rub off.

The quiet time spent during the first day gave me the opportunity to reflect on my sexuality. A part of me denied any feelings towards Sasuke, while the other part accepted it. These feelings went beyond friendship. Did I love him? I couldn't answer that, but I did lust after him. He is drop-dead gorgeous with dark hair and eyes that pull you in and connect to your soul. I hated to see him brood over past mistakes and I thought about him all the time, but sometimes that was because of the dreams. What's not to lust after? If the dreams represented my inner most desire, I wanted Sasuke and walking along side him, I still fantasize about him. I want to reach out and kiss him, feel his hands all over my body and make me scream his name. Yeah the questions I had concerning my sexuality slowly diminished each day.

In the beginning, when I started to like someone, it was Sakura, but I never thought about doing the things with her that I longed to do with Sasuke. She's cute and nice but it never went beyond that. Occasionally I thought about kissing her. With Sasuke, I longed for more. Kissing wasn't enough, I needed more, but that didn't mean I was gay. Did it? Did I lust after males, or is Sasuke a special case?

"Dobe pay attention," Sasuke ordered, pulling me from self-reflection. Well, that's an understatement since I nearly jumped out of my skin. When you're debating about being gay and the object of your desires starts to talk, well it can take years off your life.

"I am," I lied and watched him smile. He didn't say anything, but he was obviously amused by my discomfort. He stared directly into my eyes and for a moment, I panicked. Would he see my dreams and desires? They had to be clearly written across my face. I averted my gaze and cursed myself, for not being able to handle things better.

We walked in silence for the rest of the day, with Sasuke behind me. Maybe he thought I would lag behind, or he needed to watch me but he wouldn't allow me to close the distance and walk with him. "Dobe, don't be a slow poke," he would say when I tried. Then it hit me and my heart skipped a beat; he thought I was inadequate and needed watching, but I didn't show these fears. I wanted to look back and see his expression and I missed being able to watch him walk but I dared not turn around because he would see the fear in my eyes and on my face.

Then it hit me. If he knew about my feelings, I would lose the connection we had. It wasn't the first time I thought about this, but I never contemplated losing his friendship and gaining his contempt. He would leave and never look back, but maybe we needed distance. It would hurt not being around him but I would live. If Sasuke ever looked at me with the same cold contempt as the villagers, I couldn't live with that. On the first day's long walk, I devised a plan. The less time I spent with Sasuke the best. We might lose our friendship for the time being but he wouldn't despise me.

The plan was simple: remove myself from Sasuke's life. We would still be teammates but other than that, we would have no contact. I would stop all conversations and fighting matches. To keep Sasuke's respect, I would build a wall between us and it would start now.

A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed. Your reviews help me see how the story is going. This chapter has been slightly edited and the unedited version can be found at

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