Disclaimer – Emmerdale and the folks who live there aren't mine, I'm just borrowing them for a bit

A/N – Warning – this chapter contains some violence.

Remembering

Part 3 - Punching

Just gone midnight.

The wind was picking up now and Aaron was starting to realise just how flimsy his jacket was. Fine for the quick walk from Bar West back to Jackson's; not so good for an hour sitting at a chilly bus-stop. He'd only worn it because Jackson had once told him that he looked good in it. Well he guessed he wouldn't need to consider that in future.

Funny how all his thoughts returned to Jackson. The fact was that Jackson had impacted on him in so many ways that life without him seemed unimaginable.

At least he still had Paddy. Most people would have kicked him out by now and given up on him. Even his own parents had. Chas was trying to make up for it now but Aaron knew that if ever he truly needed someone he'd always go to Paddy.

Aaron took his phone out of his pocket yet again. Should he call Paddy now?

No. Paddy would want to know why he wasn't at Jackson's and would give Aaron a piece of his mind when he was told. Aaron didn't want to face that just yet. With any luck, Paddy would be asleep when he got home and he wouldn't have to face him until later on Saturday. Aaron wasn't looking forward to that conversation. He'd given Paddy so much to worry about over the previous few months and now he was going to add something else to the list.

He still couldn't quite believe that Paddy put up with him after all he'd done – making a fool of him in front of the village, wrecking Tom King's grave, doing everything he can to shove everyone away. But Paddy still cares, still loves him. Even after the beating.

Aaron's face burned red as the deep feeling of disgust floods through him. Of all the things he's done that's the one he feels most ashamed about. He's not even told Jackson how bad it was; how much damage he did. There's no way Jackson would have been with him if he'd known. How could he be? Anyone would be frightened off by that.

Aaron shivers. Partly from the cold but mostly from the memories.

All he'd wanted was for Paddy to leave it alone. But he'd kept pushing and pushing. And, like with Sandra and so many other people, he'd snapped. But so much worse that time. Worse than anything he'd ever done before.

No matter what he'd done in the past, he'd always managed to keep some amount of control; something that stopped him going too far. But not that night. That night the floodgates had opened and he hadn't been able to stop himself.

He'd hit Paddy again and again. Punching and yelling while Paddy had screamed and begged him to stop. Drops of Paddy's blood had sprayed up into his face, leaving a metallic taste on his tongue as some had entered his mouth. But he'd carried on. Relentless.

His vision had become blurred. He hadn't seen Paddy anymore. The object below him had stopped being the man he knew. It had been a focus for all his rage and disgust that had been contained for so long – it was his mam and his dad, it was Sandra, it was Carl, it was Adam and Victoria and Holly, it was everyone and anyone who had ever hurt or rejected him, it was Kyle and Jackson for making him want them, it was being gay, it was himself.

He couldn't remember how long he'd carried on hitting Paddy for but as quickly as it had started, it had stopped.

He'd looked down and seen Paddy's bloody and swollen face. Sickened at what he'd done, he'd staggered outside. Sat on the grass in he dark, he'd cried. He still wasn't sure if it had been for Paddy or himself.

When he'd gone back inside he hadn't known if he'd find Paddy alive or dead. The relief he'd felt when Paddy moved had sapped the last remaining fight out of him. So he'd knelt in front of the man he'd attacked and told him everything. And Paddy had forgiven him.

Aaron felt tears starting to form. He stood up and quickly rubbed the heel of his hands into his eyes. No way was he going to cry at a bus stop.

Thinking back to that night, the only thing he knew for certain was that, despite everything, he'd left Smithy feeling loved for the first time in his life.

For the first time that night, Aaron smiled. No matter what happened, Paddy still loved him.

xxxxx

David reached across and took the phone out of Leyla's hand.

"Enough. It's getting late now. He's probably asleep."

Leyla opened her mouth to protest but David cut her off.

"Or they've made up and don't want to be disturbed, or they've not and Jackson's drowning his sorrows, or they're still rowing and either your calls are just making it worse or they can't hear them 'cause they're shouting so much"

Leyla sighed, "I know you're probably right but I can't help worrying can I. He's a mate."

David smiled at her. "It's great that you're looking out for a friend but he can take care of himself. He's a capable lad. He can handle Aaron and his moods."

"Yeah, I get that but…", Leyla paused, unsure how to put her fears into words.

David raised his eyebrows at her, questioningly, "But?"

"But Aaron was different tonight. The things he said. It wasn't the same. It was like he was really angry about something."

"Like what?" Aaron had seemed pretty much as usual to David.

"I don't know. But we all know what he's like when he loses his rag."

They looked at each other, silently recalling the incident in the pub when Aaron had punched Jackson.

David handed the phone back to Leyla. "One more try, then we call it a night."

xxxxx

Jackson pushed himself up from the floor. He wasn't sure how long he'd closed his eyes for.

He didn't even try to stand; getting on to all fours had almost drained him of what little energy he had.

Slowly, part crawling part dragging himself, he made his way along the hallway to the bathroom. The effort it took caused him to break into a sweat.

To Jackson it seemed to take forever but he finally reached the bathroom. He rested his forehead against the welcoming coolness of the tiles on the wall. As he pushed himself away from the wall into a more upright position he saw the smear of blood he'd left behind. The sight of it caused his stomach to churn alarmingly. Lurching forward, he just managed to reach the toilet before he vomited.

Clutching the rim of the toilet bowl to stop from slipping down to the floor, Jackson closed his eyes and wondered what the hell had happened to him tonight.

xxxxxxxxxx

A/N – Apologies for the delay. Back from holiday now so should get the next chapter up a bit quicker.

As always, reviews are most welcome.