Chapter 2: Saving Project Alice P1
"Oh hi there guys, it's been a while. If you've been reading any of my comics or seen any films that has me in it, then you'll know I'm Deadpool. Specifically Ryan Reynolds' version and not the shit ass Barakapool. Anyways, thank you Eman003 for liking my fantabulous story. I've had fun being vulgar and killing zombies. Last time you saw me in your mind you probably were wet dreams. However we're not here to talk about your sexual fantasies concerning me. We're here to talk about my life in the Resident Evil movie-verse. I thought that there would be scenarios concerning the games, but probably not in this book. Anyway, last time you saw me i had just saved a guy from drowning and that delicious looking guy was named Chris Redfield. I still can't tell the difference between him and Leonard Snart. They're both just as sexy as the other. Well, with no further ado…." Deadpool said just before getting shot in the head by some Umbrella soldiers. He got back up and yelled, "No killing me while I'm talking to the readers you asspirates!"
Deadpool pulled out his m9's and then shook his head and pulled out two miniguns and said, "Come get some bitchfucks!" Then he started shooting and the Umbrella guys couldn't get a shot in edgewise. Every time one of them stayed out longer than a second they got shot in the face and fell down. Deadpool kept going till the miniguns or chainguns, or whatever they're actually called ran out of ammo. Deadpool suddenly heard a series of rapid clicks and he said, "Oh fuck berries" then was shot in the head by the remaining 20 Umbrella Corp. soldiers. Chris pulled his body away from the rubble and prepared to shoot till he saw some zombies coming from behind the soldiers. He aimed his gun to keep the squad's attention and then the zombies attacked the soldiers and Chris ran with Deadpool mumbling about chimichangas.
Deadpool woke up and sat up quickly while shouting, "No those are my cookies!" Then he looked around and said, "Uh where am I and where are the shooting people?" Then a light turned on and a man said, "Deadpool. You are in a room at the white house. It's our final headquarters. I'm sure you're wondering where your friend is…." Deadpool interrupted, "Not really. Why am I here, and who are you mister trench guy?" The man replied, "My name is albert Wesker and you are here so i can send you to a remote Umbrella Corporation hive. It's in the arctic. I'm sending you and my top assassin Ada Wong to release project Alice from her cell." Deadpool perked up and said, "Oh you need me to save tiny tits? Sure i'm in, and i'll be in Ada wong too. I'm sure she's quite the pair of hot titties." Wesker rolled his eyes behind his dark shades and said, "You leave in the morning. Get some food and rest. You'll need it." Then he left and Deadpool said, "Time to find this Ada chick. I hope she doesn't rip my dick off. Not having that happen again." After Deadpool shuddered from the memory he left the room.
He kept staring at some of the ladies sexy butts, and wolf whistling. One of them kicked him in the nuts and Deadpool groaned in pain squeezing his legs together and cupped his nuts and said in a falsetto, "Not my big smooth criminals. Owwwwww." After Deadpool recovered he found the cafeteria and exclaimed, "Oh hey, look at all the sex dolls. Which one am i gonna have." His gaze scanned the room till he saw an asian woman. "Oh that must be Ada Wong. She looks like a Wong." Then he walked to the buffet table and got some pizza, pancakes, and some chimichangas and sat down next to Ada Wong. Then everyone stared at him and quickly looked away, but a few kept staring. "Nobody sits next to me. They all avoid me. Do you want to know why?" Deadpool forgot that he had a mask on and a the chimichanga only touched the mask. Then he said, "Shit. Sure tell me why." Then he removed the bottom portion of his mask and ate some of his chimichanga. Ada turned and said, "This is why." Then she shot him in the head."
After he woke up he said, "Owwwwwwwww." Then he looked around and everyone jumped and pulled out their side-arms. He said, "Relax, I'm not an Umbrella product. I'm something else. I'm completely autonomous. I have no desire to work for Umbrella. I just kill people for money. I especially kill people if I'm being paid to kill umbrella dicksniffers." Ada put her gun away and sat back down. Deadpool followed suit, but he didn't start eating cause his brains and blood were everywhere. He sighed then threw his food away and got some more. After a while ada asked, "Why are you like this? Unkillable i mean." Deadpool ate a few more bites of his food then said, "Some british doucheface made me this way. Sure, the cancer I had vanished faster than a detoxification process and I got an awesome healing ability. Unfortunately there was a side effect." Then he continued eating and Ada asked, "What was it?" Deadpool took his mask all the way off and said, "This fucktasity. I look like a human raison." Ada merely said, "I've fucked uglier. Killed prettier." Deadpool felt himself rise up and said, "Um excuse me I gotta go find the little boys room." Then he ran and
Ada continued eating. When she was done she followed Deadpool.
After supper deadpool went to his room and dreamed a memory of what Ada did to him in the bathroom. In the morning Ada and Deadpool headed out to go do their mission. Deadpool said, "Ok guys this chapter is gonna be cut in half. The moron of a writer hasn't watched Retribution in a while and doesn't remember how the movie went all that much. You'll see the conclusion to this chapter after he does see retribution. I know, this chapter was hopelessly dull. There might actually be a pairing in this story after all. Guess you'll see if alice Ada and I get it on at the end of the second half of this chapter. Still no smut, though. Not that type of story. Ciao." Ada looked at him weirdly and asked, "Who are you talking to?" Deadpool gestured to the right and said, "The readers of course. Who else would I be talking to?" Ada raised and eyebrow and then leaned back and closed her eyes while she waited for them to arrive at the dropzone. Deadpool was doing the same when he turned to the right and said, "what are you guys still doing here? This half of the chapter is over with. Go move along. Seriously, go. Of course it's the writer that's keeping you here. Stop writing writer! Have a lovely chimichanga on me folks."