Chapter 3 - The Meeting
As I took a moment to look away from Tessa, I saw him...Jem. I shuddered as I saw his long hooded robe. Thinking that he died was the hardest thing for me to ever go through. Having half of your heart disappear, and not being there when he passed on made it harder to see him. Even harder though is to see him with the runes upon his face and knowing that the reason he was this way was because I couldn't find his Yin Fin for him. And knowing that he had asked Tessa to marry him before he passed only made it even harder too. He loved Tessa and she loved him. To know now that this is what she does once every year was...extraordinary. I knew there was a reason we both loved her. Tessa, my Tessa, our Tessa.
I watched amazed, as Tessa put down her book and stood in front of Jem. Now that I could see Tessa's beautiful face, and not a thing about it had changed, nor had it aged a day since my death. As I looked closer I could see that she had been crying. I reached to put my arms around her but my arms went straight through her body. This furiated me. Jem should put his Silent Brother arms around her and comfort her when I can't, don't just let her cry! I frantically look towards Jem, his hood covered his face but he reached and brought it down. Jem. He didn't look older than seventeen, he looked the same age as when we would run off and fight demons together.
Both of them standing there with ageless faces, and me looking as though I was seventeen again. "If only they could see me" I muttered. "If only I could hold Tessa and let her know she wasn't alone." Then I reached for my Parabatai rune again, remembering the life Jem and I shared. To think back about the times before Tessa were hard because it was so long ago, but some memories stay with you forever. Just like the memory of when Jem and I first met in the Institute.
"Jem" I heard , a familiar voice speak out into the silence, it was Tessa. She was greeting him. I knew that the only way Jem could speak to her was through thought. So I took out the bottle that Magnus had given me before I rushed off. He told me, "Drink this if you wish to hear." At the time I gave it no thought, but now I understand. I turned the bottle upside down and swallowed. Seconds after I could here Jem.
Tessa. It's always so good to see you. How have you been this year? As I am listening I noticed that when Tessa says something back she speaks it.
"Jem. It's been too long." She spoke in a soft but tough voice.
I know Tessa. I know. I have been so busy. I have longed to see you though. To see how you have been.
"I have been fine Jem. Life has been hard in the past, but I'm doing fine now."
It must be tough to be alone. His thoughts then veered to the look of me in my elder state, with him sitting beside me holding my hand and Tessa, my Tess holding me while I passed. His thoughts were quickly interrupted.
"Yes Jem, yes it's hard but I know Will is in a better place and he is probably fighting demons in heaven. You know that's the one thing that made him truly happy." I saw a glimmer of something shiny on Tessa's arm. It was the bracelet I had given her as our 30 year anniversary gift. As Tessa spoke I could hear the unhappiness in her voice. After spending so many years with her I can tell when she is bothered, and now she is. Her eyes began to tear up again. She turned away and wiped her eyes. Jem never noticed. He was a Silent Brother. They do not feel or show emotion. I longed to reach out at her and embrace her and to comfort her. I longed to hold her as I held her for all those years we were married. I wanted her to know I was here beside her. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand and never let go. But as much as I longed to I knew that no matter how hard I tried I could not touch her, not now, not ever.
They're conversation lasted another couple of minutes until they decided to part. After they parted I knew what I needed to do. I need to find Magnus. I must see if he kept looking for a cure for Jem. But how do I find him. I began to turn around and hurry off to the tree I started at but as I turned I saw him.
"Magnus, how do you always know when I wish to find you?"
"My dear William, you are very much predictable" he replied.
"Come along boy , and lets see if we can't find a nice place to talk."
As we walk away from the Bridge, I glanced back to see that Tessa was sitting on the bench again reading her book. And with that all those memories of her and I before we got married, when I was seventeen came rushing back to mind. All the crazy, passionate times when I thought I couldn't be with her because she would die if she ever thought of loving me. The night in the attic, the balcony at Chiswick and the day in the drawing room after I discovered my curse was false, where I told her I loved her for the first time. It all felt like it had just happened like I had just relieved it all. My thoughts went back to that night out on the balcony of Chiswick, and how she thought it was the lemonade that made me act the way I did. But of course she would think that because I had been so mean to her before. I was not influenced by the lemonade, in fact I didn't even drink enough to feel any effect from it. But that's something she has never known. Tessa, my Tess. I just can't stop thinking about her. I ache to hold her in my embrace and to tell her how much I truly love her and to tell her how everyday in that white room all I could think about was her and our children. How does a ghost tell his young and very much alive wife that he misses her and wishes to be with her, when he can't even speak to her or let her see him. I long for her to know I'm near. With that last thought I was interrupted.
"Ok where here," Magnus said. I looked up from my thoughts to see where we were. We were standing at the front steps of the London Institute. On the bottom step sat a familiar face.
"Jessamine?" I muttered thinking nothing of the fact that she wouldn't be able to see me. But with a startling jump she rose to her feet and ran to my side.
"Will..., William Herondale?" She asked in shock.
"Yes, wait how can you see me?"
"Will do you not remember?" And with that my thoughts drifted to the fight with the automatons and Jem on the ground and me carrying Jessamine out of the way. Then my mind flickered to that night in December when I asked Tessa to marry me. Jessamine had been there she's the reason I asked Tessa. Thanks to her my life had been happy and fulfilled.
"I remember. I'm sorry I was taken back by the thought of someone other than Magnus being able to see me. "
"Yes I understand. Magnus is a wonder but not always great company" she replied.
"Hey now Jessamine my dear" Magnus stated.
"All right then Magnus what are we doing here at the Institute?" I asked still a little confused.
"We're here because when I visit London I am allowed to stay here all thanks to Charlotte and Henry. Without them I probably would've never returned to London. I spend most of my time in New York these days. It's a restless place. With excellent nightlife and all kinds of characters." As Magnus went on again my thoughts consumed me. Thoughts of Jem and Tessa filled my mind. But as quickly as they'd come they left thanks to more interruptions.
"So Will where have you been?" questioned Jessamine. It was crazy talking to her like this because when we were alive she never showed much interest in me, if anything she thought I was mean and cold-hearted like everyone else thought. Perks to thinking I was cursed. I hated that thought, so I pushed my thoughts aside and spoke with all the respect I could. Without jokes and wisecracks and rude remarks.
"I have been to the Bridge to see Tessa. I saw Jem there also" I exclaimed.
"Oh, Jem comes around every once in a while to help the shadowhunters here. But I haven't seen Tessa in a couple of years now. I thought she left London and went somewhere exotic."
"Ok William we must continue our journey." Magnus interrupted and motioned me to follow him. We went around the Institute, and down to Henry's old workshop. After the fight with Mortmain and the making of the portal Henry and Magnus had caught a bug and started working together on everything. There were mechanisms everywhere. I had no idea what half of them were. But I didn't wish to ask. I was ready to talk about a solution for my problems.
"Okay William lets talk." Magnus had sat down in the center of the room behind a desk.
"So what sort of questions can I answer for you William?"
"By the Angel Magnus, just call me Will!"
Magnus grinned his usual grin and gestured me to continue.
"Remember when I came to you before Jem passed and asked you to help me find a cure for his illness?"
"Yes, I remember."
" Well did you keep looking after he was turned into a Silent Brother or did you quit? Or did you keep looking with no success and then stopped looking after I passed?" I noticed my voice was beginning to tremble.
"Ah, I see now," he seemed not to notice my voice.
"What," I proclaimed.
"You see Will, the only reason a ghost can not go on to heaven is simply because they have unfinished business here."
"Yes, I remember Old Mol, and how she needed her wedding ring to pass on," I explained.
"Very well then, you know all the details. Except for the reason you've yet to go." I looked at Magnus with confusion, then replied.
" I believe the reason I have yet to pass is because I promised Jem that I would find a cure for him. I promised that he would have a normal life and not have to depend on the Yin Fin." Shivers ran down my spine as I said those words. Yin Fin. I still remember going out and buying the drug for my Parabatai. It never made me feel this way before, why now? Magnus' voice interrupted my thoughts once more.
"I never stopped looking for you. Things have changed since you passed and scientist have discovered all kinds of new drugs for pretty much every illness you can think of. But the problem I seem to be having is getting a hold of the drug needed to cure him. I don't have a certain kind of clearance to get to what he would need. Also I don't know how the drug will react to the Silent Brothers runes, for the simple fact that we don't know how their ritual is done. It makes it difficult to determine what would happen," Magnus explained. I spoke calmly and tried to hide my impatience.
"Ok well have you told Jem that you found a drug that might cure him? Maybe if he knew he could tell you if it would work or not?"
"I have not spoken to Jem because I don't want to give him hope if there is none to be given," Magnus said in a stern and fatherly voice.
"But any news is hope, any chance that he could live a normal life is hope for Jem. If there is a slight chance he could live, he would without a doubt take it," I proclaimed.
"Yes, I'm sure but I live forever you see William, and I don't have the courage to tell a man that he could live, knowing that there's a possibility of death. I could not live with myself if I promised someone life and gave them death instead." Magnus seemed to be sure about his decision. He had never seemed more sure of something to me than at this moment. I figured it was best to move the conversation to a new topic because I was sure Magnus was not going to change his mind.
"So how do we discover the Silent Brother's rituals?" I asked.
"Well I have been looking to see if they have a Codex, but it seems that they do not. Nothing of there's is written in any book. So I am crossed," Magnus seemed bothered by the fact that no matter how hard he tried he kept getting dead ends.
" So then why don't you summon the Silent Brother that died?" A familiar voice said from behind me. Jessamine. She had followed us and I never even heard her come in.
"Did you walk through the wall or something Jessie. I didn't even know you were behind me," I said in a mocking voice.
"Ha ha ha, actually I did," she replied.
"Ah, Jessie you do have a great idea," Magnus responded.
"What Silent Brother? I thought they were immortal and none died at the fight with Mortmain," I interrupted.
"Oh Will, you have forgotten so much. Remember when I passed, the fight with the automatons," Jessamine was trying to jog my memory.
"Yes I remember, it was the night Jem was hurt and Tessa was kidnapped," I remembered.
"Well I guess you forgot that a Silent Brother was killed during that fight too," she explained.
"So Will if you think a little further back, I summoned a demon for you which means if I change up some things I can possibly summon the Silent Brother too," Magnus said proudly. His attitude changed since the idea of Jessamine's and come to think of it his whole demeanor changed when he realized Jessamine was in the room. There was something I wasn't seeing going on here. But I didn't have time to mess around with it. I needed to find the cure for Jem, and I needed to see Tessa again.