A/N: This chapter has been a long time coming… too long. Sorry for the wait, everyone. Thank you to everyone reviewing/favoriting/following so far, but a tremendous shout out to all the people that kept reminding me that I hadn't updated. You are the reason this got done. I'll do my absolute best not to wait three months before updating again!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything having to do with Marvel Comics or any of its creations. I can only appreciate the characters they've given us to work with.
Complications in Cyberspace
Part III
freefromfreedom: You've been particularly quiet tonight.
sightsetonthesky: I don't recall ever being chatty. Most of the time, I'm trying to figure out a way to end our conversations.
freefromfreedom: Talkative, no. But if you didn't want to talk at all, you wouldn't be here.
In the growing darkness of her apartment, Jane frowned at the laptop screen. The only thing worse than being proved wrong was being proved wrong by a random stranger in a chat room, which only served to fortify what was quickly becoming the most important (and most mystifying) question in her life:
Why, why, why did she keep coming back?
The option for seeking professional help was still open, but the therapy she obviously needed was expensive and her bank account had more spider webs in it than actual cash. In the end, childish comebacks were the only weapons she could wield.
sightsetonthesky: Shut up.
freefromfreedom: So what, may I ask, is it that has you so preoccupied and snippy?
sightsetonthesky: Do people even say snippy anymore?
freefromfreedom: Yes.
sightsetonthesky: It's an old word… are you sure you're not a creepy old man?
freefromfreedom: Yes.
sightsetonthesky: I'm still not entirely convinced.
freefromfreedom: How unfortunate. Are you aware of how poorly executed your attempt at evasion was? It did nothing to sway my curiosity of why you're particularly edgy this evening. If anything, it increased it.
sightsetonthesky: Are you aware of how annoying you're being by insisting we talk about this?
freefromfreedom: Yes, but I'm well and truly interested. I suppose I'll just have to guess. Let's see… your parents are planning an ill-timed visit that will invade your personal space?
sightsetonthesky: My parents are on a permanent staycation in another country. You invade my personal space more than they ever will.
freefromfreedom: Your friend is trying to convince you to switch to a different chat room?
sightsetonthesky: One entirely-too-nosy stranger is enough for me. I don't need any more.
freefromfreedom: The illicit affair you've been carrying on with a co-worker has recently come to light?
sightsetonthesky: The only affair I'm currently having is with my pillow. I could spend all day in bed with it. Some days, I do.
freefromfreedom: Ah…
Jane paused, fingers hovering above the keyboard. That wasn't a good word. Ah was never a good word. It didn't matter that the expression only consisted of three dots, two letters, and one syllable. Anytime it was said, it meant a whole lot more than just a simple tone of observance.
sightsetonthesky: I don't even want to know what you're thinking.
freefromfreedom: I've figured it out.
sightsetonthesky: No, I'm serious… I really don't want to know.
freefromfreedom: It's the potential significant other.
sightsetonthesky: Yep, I was right. Didn't want to know.
freefromfreedom: So when are you going to do it?
sightsetonthesky: Excuse me?
freefromfreedom: When are you going to actually speak to this guy you've been pining over? If it weren't for the fact that all your interactions with him thus far had been so tragically dull, I'd almost believe you to be making him up.
sightsetonthesky: One, I do not pine. Two, we've talked plenty. And three, none of those conversations were dull, thank you very much.
freefromfreedom: And yet he remains the potential significant other.
freefromfreedom: The key word there is potential.
sightsetonthesky: Yeah, I got that.
As if she needed reminding. Feeling somewhat bitter, Jane took an especially large drink of wine. It was more gulp than sip, and when she set the glass down on the coffee table, she may or may not have done it so forcefully that a bit of the wine splashed out. She also may or may not have scowled at the laptop screen.
sightsetonthesky: There are always people around when we talk. If it were just us, we'd probably be on a date right now. That's probably the only reason he hasn't asked me yet, because we haven't had the chance to talk alone. I have it from a good source that he is genuinely interested in me.
freefromfreedom: Well, he sounds like an idiot.
sightsetonthesky: Says the guy that spends every Friday night lurking in a chat room. And anyway, you don't know anything about him. Or me for that matter.
freefromfreedom: I know enough about you to know I wouldn't wait until we were alone to ask you on a date.
sightsetonthesky: It's disconcerting how many times I have to say that you don't really know me.
freefromfreedom: Details.
sightsetonthesky: Yeah, those tend to be kind of important in a relationship.
freefromfreedom: Important to which one, exactly? The nonexistent one with your mystery man or the virtual one we share here?
sightsetonthesky: I'd hardly call what we have a relationship.
freefromfreedom: I don't see why not. We've met at roughly the same time every week for the past five weeks, we share banter like people that have known each other for years… if that's not a relationship, how would you classify it?
sightsetonthesky: Practice. You're a constant test of my patience.
freefromfreedom: Amusing, but we're getting off topic. When do you plan to talk to him? Alone?
sightsetonthesky: You seem awfully fixated on this.
freefromfreedom: Only because you seem to be in desperate need of advice.
sightsetonthesky: I'm talking to a dominatrix-loving, power-tripping, freedom-stealing stranger cum matchmaker. That can't be a good omen for my love life. It practically spells disaster.
freefromfreedom: Here is my suggestion… next time you see your idiotic potential significant other, whether the two of you are alone or not, you be the one to ask him. In your case, there's a seventy-five percent chance of acquiring a date.
sightsetonthesky: How do you figure that?
freefromfreedom: There are four factors to consider. The first two are that he is either interested in you or he is not; the second two are that you will either be alone or in a group when you ask him. That leads to four different situations. Of those four, the only one in which he would reject you would be the one where you talk alone and he isn't interested. Even if he isn't interested, he wouldn't turn you down in front of your peers.
freefromfreedom: Going by that, if a date is what you're after, I would advise you to ask him when you're with a group of people. It's failsafe.
sightsetonthesky: Most people would call that manipulation.
freefromfreedom: Those are the people sitting by themselves at home having affairs with their pillows.
Darcy would be ashamed to know Jane had said that (the details of her dismal, lackluster social life were things better kept to herself) and would most likely subject her to a ten-minute-long tirade if she ever found out. In all honesty, Jane wouldn't blame her if she did. What had she been thinking?
freefromfreedom: Ask him.
freefromfreedom: Just a suggestion.
But before she could respond, there was a soft beep as he logged out. And as usual, Jane was left staring at the inactive hyperlink that had been his name.
Two days later, Jane sat at a small table outside a coffee shop drinking a latte. People roamed the sidewalks, but she stared unseeingly into the distance, half-listening to Darcy as she inspected the contents of Jane's cup.
"They drew a tree in your drink."
"I think it's supposed to be a Christmas tree."
"Who draws a Christmas tree in the middle of August? It's the hottest month of the year. He should've drawn a swimming pool." Darcy took a sip of her iced mocha (courtesy of the Bank of Jane Foster because, even though Jane's bank account was covered in spider webs, she at least had a paying job) and poked at the offending drink again. "You don't think it's weird?"
"Why would I?"
"This might come as a surprise since you tend to be kind of a hermit and a slave to work, but Christmas is usually in December. There's not even a holiday in August."
Jane didn't even blink. "The twenty-sixth is Women's Equality Day." There it was again, her propensity for random and irrelevant facts.
"It's not always a bad thing to be dominated sometimes, if you know what I mean." In her peripheral vision, she noticed Darcy try to lean into her line of sight without having to actually get up. She didn't succeed, but she got close enough to force Jane to focus elsewhere. "Do you know what I mean? When was the last time you got laid?"
Apparently, Jane's love life (or lack thereof) was a popular item of discussion in both the internet and real world.
"The fifteenth is Relaxation Day."
"Tell that to my boss. Oh, wait… that's you." Darcy settled back in the chair. "Keep that in mind next week."
"Today is National S'mores Day."
"Seriously? Why the hell are we drinking coffee when we could be eating chocolate and marshmallows that have been melted and smashed between two graham crackers? We should be getting that as a paid holiday instead of Labor Day. A s'more is the gift that keeps on giving. You get to enjoy it once when you eat it and twice when you lick the gooey bits off your fingers. If you're creative, it could even spice up the bedroom. Drizzle a bit of the chocolate on the guy's chest and you get to enjoy it a third time. Hey, maybe you should try that! It couldn't hurt, right? Jane? Are you even listening?"
But Jane was too focused on the figure across the street. It had taken her a moment to realize what she was staring at, but when she did… even from the back, the shoulder-length blonde hair and ridiculously attractive amount of muscles was unmistakable.
It was Thor.
And he was alone.
And she was crossing the street (with an annoying suggestion replaying in her head) before she was able to convince herself otherwise.