Try to find someone to talk to. She didn't have to succeed she just had to try. Unfortunately all trying every really got her was a broken heart and a return to home as she fought the urge to go back to the gravesite. Going back to talk to Neal wasn't going to help her in her day to day life. It would only make her just as crazy as she'd once been told she was sitting in an asylum and she refused to do that.

So she tried.

Granny first. Ruby would have been easier but since she'd made friends with Ruby, Granny had been a part of her life. She was crusty enough to push her and yet soft enough to be warm and inviting no matter what. Besides, she'd always thought of her as a bit of a adopted Grandmother, maybe with Ruby gone she needed a granddaughter. So she told Granny what happened one night at the Bed and Breakfast when the Lost Boys were snug in their beds. And while she could see that Granny didn't exactly understand what she was going through at least she tried to understand. Sometimes that was good, other times she found herself thinking bitter thoughts about that. People could try to understand, that didn't necessarily mean they would. No one ever would understand it unless they lived it.

Perhaps the person that she found she could talk to easiest was her father. She'd debated endlessly to the point of torment how she wanted to handle telling her father what had been done, but in the end she had been the one to give him a call because she wasn't going to let pride or Rumpelstiltskin or anything stand in the way of her only blood family in town now. So she called. They scheduled a lunch together and under Granny's watchful and supportive eyes, she talked. She told him the gruesome tale from beginning to end and in the end her father hadn't been half as upset or angry as she thought he'd be. At the very least she had expected him to say "I told you so" in some form or another, but he didn't. He just let her talk all the way through lunch, out the door, and down to his little flower shop. And when they were done and had arrived he'd given her a lily and told her to come by any time she needed him.

Since then they'd had lunch together every couple days or so and they chose to ignore the topic all together. But somehow that was almost worse than talking about it or hearing "I told you so". He asked her about the library and Granny and the house and just about every topic that wasn't Rumpelstiltskin. They'd spent fifteen minutes talking about her hair one afternoon. And in the back of her mind he was there. An untouchable dark spot, a blemish on her heart that was given attention just by avoiding him. She had thought her father would help. But after a couple of weeks it just wasn't worth it anymore. Instead of inflicting that torture on them over and over again she'd told him that she was busy and that maybe it would be a good idea if they just had a standing lunch date every couple of weeks and he'd agreed quickly. Maybe he felt the same strange awkwardness that she felt. And she...

She hadn't lied. She was busy. The library was up and running again. She'd had it shut for nearly two weeks while she had mourned but eventually decided that if she wanted to talk to people she had to find something else besides her husband to talk to them about. The library provided that for her as it always had. It was her salvation. So was the local middle school that had assigned its seventh graders a project to read an author's autobiography and then three books by the same author in order to show how the authors life had effected their writing. It was exactly the thing she needed to keep herself busy, helping the kids, handing out library cards, making sure the parents were entertained…that gave her plenty to do; plenty to talk about. And when she found out that the name of the teacher that had suggested such a project was Mary Margaret…she was grateful. They were giving her space, which she appreciated, but she liked to think that she'd done it on purpose for her as well. To help her through the dark and give her back some semblance of a new life. It wasn't the one that she'd had, certainly wasn't the one that she'd shared with them, but it was something at least.

Things were fine. Nothing was great, but it certainly wasn't as bad as she would have expected it to be only two weeks later. At least now she felt in control of herself. At least she had a life that was hers. At least she didn't have to wonder what was real or fake or true or false. What she saw was what she got. Which was probably why she'd started reading again. Everywhere she went she tucked a book under her arm. They were spread out on every table in the house at the library there were even two nestled in the car. She'd forgotten how much she loved to read, how it could take her away from a dull existence and transplant her into a set of problems that she only needed to worry about until she closed the book and on days like today, when she went to Granny's for lunch but she was too busy to talk it gave her something to do as the world shifted and turned unpredictably around her. It was good. It was nice. It was-

"You have some nerve!"

The words caught her off guard. She'd had her eyes down in her book for so long she hadn't even noticed that someone had come to stand by her table. In all honesty she was used to blocking out noises and sounds, but what struck her as odd was that no one was defending themselves against the accusation and when she looked up from her book she was confronted with the face Regina. The person she was making the accusation against was her! And Regina...she had a smile on her face that she hadn't seen in over a year. It was false and nasty. It was a smile of complete and total bewilderment and shock. And behind her eyes, anger flickered unpredictably making her nervous.

"Regina, I…I um…" She honestly didn't know what to say to the woman. She hadn't seen her, not for weeks, not since the Spell of Shattered Sight had been cast. Of course she'd heard from Granny about what had happened with Robin Hood and Marian, how they'd left Storybrooke the day Rumple had because the magic killing Marian would have no hold over her there, but this was the first time in what felt like a very long time that she was seeing Regina. And it was clear that this reunion wasn't happy.

"It's all true isn't it," she glared down at her. "You did it, didn't you?! You really did it and now you're just sitting here having lunch and reading a book as if nothing has changed? As if everything is perfectly fine?!"

The voices in the diner had quieted to a hush and she was aware of people looking over at the two of them. She didn't want to do this. Not here, not now, but if she didn't…

"I think we can both agree that nothing is perfectly fine anymore."

"Don't be smart with me," she snapped quickly, her nose turning up as if disgusted. She didn't know what Rumple and Regina had been exactly. Friends was the wrong word. Enemies was not right. But she knew that she'd cared for Rumpelstiltskin in some way. They both seemed to have respected and even feared each other on a certain level. And yet she was here? Now? Hadn't she heard about all this days, weeks ago even?! Why was she here now?

"Regina," she sighed, "Maybe…maybe we should talk outside," she suggested, trying to find her bag to remove them from the-

"No!" she responded quickly, suddenly moving to sit in the booth across from her. "No, I want and explanation! And it better be a good explanation as to why you would toss a man that loves you as much as he did over the town line without so much as a-"

"He was a threat," she insisted, trying to lower her voice. "I couldn't risk Henry's life-"

"I can handle Henry…and Rumpelstiltskin," she insisted. "What I can't handle, what I just can't seem to understand no matter how much I try…he loved you! You could have gone with him! The pair of you could have started a life together outside this town, no magic, no curse, and yet here you sit reading a book as if nothing ever happened!"

"A lot happened."

"And is it really that easy to just give it all up?!"

"No!" she snapped back at her, a fire igniting somewhere in her chest at the very suggestion that this was easy. "It's not easy," she corrected. "It hurts, every day, every hour, every minute!"

"Then why not leave?!" she stressed. "You can do that. You don't have anything holding you down to Storybrooke and there is nothing standing in your way, nothing stopping you! You can go and be with him outside of Storybrooke. You don't have to be alone! Why don't you do it?"

"It's not that simple," she excused.

"The hell it's not!" she shook her head, then slid out of the booth. "If you can then you should. It's the simplest thing in the world!" And without another word she walked past her, out of her line of sight, and through the door to Granny's leaving her sitting in her booth stunned…and strangely unwilling to let it end there. She understood. She knew why Regina was saying what she was saying, why she was using those words, but she couldn't let this continue. She was tired of being a punching bag for the Evil Queen every time something didn't go her way or she was having a bad day! She didn't bother to pay her bill or finish lunch, or even touch the piece of chocolate cake Granny had given her, she just launched herself out of her seat and out the door after her. She hadn't made it far, just outside of Granny's property on the sidewalk.

"Isn't it that simple for you?!" she cried catching up to her.

Regina stopped in her footsteps. "How dare you?" she hissed turning back to her.

"It should be that simple for you," she went on ignoring her challenge. "Robin Hood is out there, just beyond the line! You love him and he loves you, I could see it every time you looked at each other. Just because Marian is around it doesn't change that you are the one he wants! But you can't go after him. Because of Roland because of Henry. It's just not that simple. The idea that love is simple is a lie! Love just isn't enough sometimes. He loves me and I love him but that love isn't strong enough to overcome what he did to me. Magic or not the Dark One is still in his blood and if I can't trust my own husband with my life, if I can't trust that he'll value me over his power…how can I be with him?" she concluded. "I can't be…I won't be with him. And I won't leave my friends or my family or my life here in Stroybrooke behind just to go off and force him to make the choice he never made but I made every single day of my life. I won't lower myself to accepting second best. He had to choose it on his own and he didn't. He couldn't. It's not that simple...it never was. It turns out I'm just the last person to see it."

Regina was quiet for a long time as she looked her over, maybe considering what she'd said, maybe trying to think of something to say, she didn't care. All she cared about was that she'd had her say. Didn't Regina know that she'd asked herself precisely what she had every single day? That whenever she got into the car she felt an itch to go over the town line, find him again, and live out their life in peace?! Didn't she understand that was different than love? That was settling. Going with him, believing in him, marrying him, it had all been a gamble every single day since she'd met him! She'd put everything into him. She wouldn't stand by and let him put his everything into magic and power while she begged for scraps of him. She still had her dignity. He wouldn't let her take that from her. Never.

"He loved you," Regina pointed out stubbornly as if it was the only thing that she needed to say to make sense to her, but the fire had gone out of her eyes and fierce hardness in her face had vanished.

"I know. And there will always be a part of me that loves a part of him," she answered. She didn't know if she understood, but for now she didn't have to worry about Regina causing her trouble. If anything she didn't think she'd ever have to worry about her again because she'd probably avoid her. "But it is better this way. For everyone. Including you and Henry."

"What did you do with the dagger?"

She reeled at the question that seemed to have come out of nowhere. They'd gone from love to that dagger again without a hint of why. It was at home, still safely tucked away in a drawer, though she honestly didn't know why. "It's safe with me."

"Is it hidden?" the Queen pried.

"It doesn't need to be-"

Regina snorted and shook her head as if what she'd just said was funny in some way. "Rumpelstiltskin, magic or no magic, will always be the most cunning creature in this or any realm. Storybrooke has the two things he wants most. Power. And love," she pointed out looking her over. "As long as you and Henry and that piece of metal are in this town he'll find a way back. I wouldn't put anything past that imp. If you think the dagger is safe in your bag or hidden under a pillow, then you really don't know Rumpelstiltskin."

And with that she moved around her and walked the other direction. She didn't watch her go, just stayed there frozen on the street as her mouth went dry.

Regina was right. She hated to admit it or think about it, but Regina had spoken the truth. How had she never noticed that before now? How had she missed what he was capable of? No matter what happened she knew him better than anyone and she knew that he'd go wherever there was power and if there was power here…

No. No it wasn't possible! She'd cast him out, she commanded he leave! The town was hidden there was no way to get around that! Was there? Emma had found the town. Henry had come and gone more times than she even knew. Ingrid, Sarah Fischer, she'd managed to get in. Michael, John, Greg, Tamara, the streets of Storybrooke were suddenly filled with the faces of people who shouldn't be here! If they could do it, the least powerful among them…he could too.

So a little bit more than a week has passed since she sent Rumple over the town line and I wanted this chapter to really clear up a few things. In ME&U someone suggested that Regina would be Belle's best friend because she would understand what she was going to. Well...all due respect...but I think that would be poppycock. I mean really, since when has Regina ever been "understanding". When the going gets tough she struggles to maintain her new-found sense of peacefulness. And where Belle is concerned...why would she take Belle's side? I mean really, why would she side with her, the woman she kept locked up in her tower for years over the man that taught her magic? She wouldn't. I think if the circumstances were different than she would have gone with Robin Hood and Roland in a heartbeat and so when she looks at Belle she sees herself in her and gets angry that she didn't go. I think last season Rumbelle really gave Regina hope in a way and the fact that Belle dashed that hope against a rock...do you really think she would handle that well? I doubt it!

Thank you to Valerie3956, Teresa Martin, Grace5231973, TracyJean, Deweymay, Ladybugsmomma, Rumbellefan, Raizen Yusuke, Fox24, and Skitzoeinhoven for your reviews of the last chapter. Neal/Belle and Research!Belle chapters seem to be everyone's favorite and I'm so thrilled because they are my favorites as well! Peace and Happy Reading!