A/N: Mama mia, here we go again Whee. I don't have much to say anymore. Pluto's been discovered as a dead planet, so they're not even going to call it that... IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT! At least now we have a bunch of books written about Pluto we can use to prove little kids that it IS a planet in the future. You know, throw some drama in their life when they go back to school...

The Japanese will not be translated. I am not fluent in Japanese and if I get something wrong people will hurt me. Don't worry. I'll limit Tseng's speaking. I'm sure Japanese speakers will get a good chuckle.

...Did anybody else notice that Rude looks like the Rock in Advent Children

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, mac and cheese, or the Rock. I also don't own Sephy-kins and Zack's chocobo aprons...

Summary: When a chibi mass-murdering general shows in our world, what happens? Obliteration by cuteness, that's what...

WARNING: My my Big bold letters! I'm getting closer to the plot. It's coming, I swear! Or not, we'll have to see what happens... I still haven't come up with the man's name... Though, I know what he looks like. You don't though. ...KEKEKEKEKEKE. EXPERIMENT!

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Ongaku Niji

Language Barrier : Why Wutai Lost

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The doorbell rings.

Well, it's more of a buzz. An angry, constant buzz. None of the males, myself included, acknowledge the buzzing. I sit innocently nibbling on the chocolate chip chocobo cookies. Who knew Zack could bake? I surely did not.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Tiffy-wiffy gives me an annoyed look very similar to my roommate's. I shake my head, her glare intensifies.

"You're the guest..." I reason, nibbling on another cookie. I didn't even know we had cookie mix. Did he make these from scratch?

"As the guest I request that you open the door." Tifa ordered, her voice hinting PAIN if I refuse. She doesn't scare me, honest. Sephy-kins floats over in search of more sugar. I break my cookie in half and give it to him, like any good mother should.

'Heehee.'

Hush.

I sigh, pushing the chair back and getting up. I pat Chocobo-head on the way to the door, just to piss him off. We've come to a mutual understanding of dislike at this point. Well, I've come to an understanding of dislike. I'm not sure if Cloud can hate anybody other than Sephiroth.

"I win again!" Zack says, Cloud gives another muffled complaint. Well, it was unfair, being tied to a chair and all.

"Buzz buzz buzz!" says the door. I'm honestly afraid to open it. The last time I did I was stabbed in the leg, but it did lead to the cleaning of the kitchen... I wonder what lamp Chocobo-head and Sephy-kins broke. Do I even own a lamp?

Deep breath, put hand on doorknob, open door...

...and get tackled by a falling TURK.

I hate my life. I really do. Of coarse, there are kids in other countries who're starving right now, but I feel that the Universal Power is out to get me. First, my kitty disappeared, then I was stabbed and my lamp broke! Now I've been surprise glomped by Tsneeze!

...I mean Tseng...

'Sure you do.'

Chibis are heavier then they appear, oh yes. Though they appear to be light as feathers(don't be deceived by the flying!) they really weigh eighty-five billion pounds. This is not an exaggeration, I swear. Tseng's small hands grab my shirt and I have no choice but to obey gravity. Elena, Rude, and Reno come tumbling after him, their eyes turning into black swirls. My body makes a lovely THUNK sound when it hits the ground.

"MAMA!" Sephiroth cries, flying to my side. Tsneeze... er- Tseng, almost completely composed, sits up.

"Sumimasen." he says in a non-apologetic tone.

"Bless you." He gives me a weird look and stands. Reno, Rude, and Elena are still swirling on the welcome mat. A chibi in a wheelchair rolls through the door; stops next to my left hand. I turn my attention back to Tsneeze.

"Hajimemashite." He bows like any respectable Wutaian man would.

"..." Sephy-kins and I give him a blank look, I look at the wheelchair chibi.

"What's wrong with him?" I ask, Mr. Wheelchair glares at me from under a white blanket. I can't quite remember his name.

"His translation broke." Rude answers. The only surprising thing about that is that Rude talks. He had, what, five lines in Advent Children?

'No waii!'

Yes waii!

'I lol'd.'

Seriously.

...I'm semi-aware that I'm fighting with myself. Funny, I don't even sound like me... Stop thinking, it's bad for my health.

Tiffy-wiffy enters from the kitchen and Zack looks over to us. They both give a look that clearly says 'ShinRa. Gasp!' Mr. Wheelchair glares at them too.

It starts with an 'R'...

'Reno?'

That's the redhead's name.

'Roxas?'

He's a blonde too, but no.

'Rikku?'

No. She has better fashion sense. Really, who wears white after Labor day?

'Who wear's short shorts on a snowy mountain?'

Touchè.

"Rufus ShinRa!" Tifa nearly yells, though she doesn't. Cloud muffles 'Woofrms Shmra'.

Heehee. Woofus.

'Hee.'

"That's it!" I say in a 'eureka!' sort of moment. Elena stands up and positions herself next to Tsneeze and Rude. Reno is still blissfully swirrly-eyed. Sephy-kins is perched on my shoulder like a parrot. Well, I've always wanted to be a pirate...

Tifa and Woofus glare at each other for several minutes, a tumble weed blows by. Apparently, Tiffy-wiffy and Woofus don't get along very well. I stand up, inching my way to the kitchen.

"I'llgomakedinner." Poof, Sephy-kins and I are gone, like ninjas. I grab the curtains that we use for a kitchen door and slide them shut, releasing the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I turn to my demise, the kitchen. It's not that I'm a bad cook... It's just that anything I do cook tries to eat me.

Time to venture into the belly of the beast.

The fridge is always full because I rarely eat. Cooking requires energy that I don't have, even with eighty-six cups of coffee a day. The only things that ever run out are the sweets my cousin drops off. She cares about my health enough to give me artery clogging sweetness in the form of pastries and candies. The Universal Power has blessed her with a good heart and the ability to bake.

"What should we make?" I ask.

"Mama! Nya!" The mental image of myself in a boiling pot with Sephiroth and Zack adding vegetables makes me cringe. Can he say anything else? Heil Jenova? Praise Meteor? Death to all chocobos?

I decide on something simple: mac and cheese. Hopefully it won't come to life and attempt to eat the chibis. That would be really hard to explain. I put the hard noodles in a pot with water and set it to 'boil not mutate'.

"What 'cha doin'?" Reno's a ninja. He managed to get passed three TURKs, Woofus Shma, and Tiffy-wiffy without being crushed by glares.

"Attempting the impossible." I answer, cutting up a block of cheese. Reno gives the famous 'o' face and climbs onto the counter.

"You think that's gonna feed us?" I glare at him from the corner of my eye and nod. I'm not cooking for all of you, dammit.

"BANGBANGBANG!" says a gun. A red handkerchief flies through the curtains, spewing bullets in random directions. I hear my roommate's door slam open.

"WHAT THE HELL?" he cries, stomping towards the kitchen. Thinking fast, I grab the red cape of bullets and stuff it under my shirt, for I lack pockets. Reno hides behind the toaster and Sephiroth... is missing.

"Sorry! Attempting to cook!" I call and he stops dead in his tracks. I'd laugh if I wasn't so terrified.

"...I gotta go to work." Poof, gone! I am the best ninja ever. Not only can I make myself disappear, but I can get rid of others as well!

"Chomp," says the cape. I twitch slightly, the door slams, a woman screams. ...Well, that's my scream, because the cape slithered through my shirt and is biting my wrist hard enough to draw blood.

Before I could do anything Sephiroth leaps from the ceiling fan with a fly swatter. In one, fluid chibi motion he smacks the cape and it flutters to the floor in the form of Vincent Valentine. He stands up less than a second later and lunges at my ankel.

"RAWR! I ARE THE VAMPIRE!"

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Ongaku Niji

Three : End

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A/N: I'd like to thank Nuva for comparing my writing with a crude birth metephor. Really, I giggled like woah. :o Rios Masquerade is still my favorite reviewer, as she's given me my first review for two chapters. Cupcakes, pocky, crepes, and strudel to her.

Crepes and pocky to LittleBrick, Moonshine's Guide, and Nuva for reviewing! You guys are the best!

Pocky to the rest of you ghost readers. You're important to me too!

Let me explain the Tseng/Tsneeze thing. Originally my friends and I believe that you pronounced Tseng like 'Seng', and we'd often call him Tsneeze. In Advent Children Vincent pronounced it Tsung(it was the only time they said it in the movie, too). JoshRoush(he knows who he is) came up with the nickname after I'd long forgotten it...

Next Chapter: Vexen and Hobo -conk- Hojo meet and create a TIME PARADOX! in the basement. Vincent is a vampire. RAWR! What will our heros do?

Comment on the cuteness! Do so now!