Feat. oof
Foot scrambled about the dark building in a buzz, hooking in equipment and setting up supplies.
"Master Tiger Claw." A Foot approached the mutant, stopping momentarily to give the customary bow of respect. "The assessment was completed. An estimated four tenths of the supplies were destroyed in the warehouse."
Tiger Claw clenched his fists, lashing out at the ninja in an angry roar that made the human cower. "Maybe that will teach you not to handle them like idiots next time!"
The human shook in silent terror before him as Tiger Claw scowled, turning his gaze again to the working soldiers. "Tell them to set up the cameras and motion sensors. I want this place locked down before the sun comes up."
"Yes sir." The Foot bowed low, remaining in that position for a timid moment. "Ah...if I may, sir...have we received word from Master Shredder?"
"Do not ask me such juvenile questions, scum! If you want instructions from him, you may return to ask him yourself!" The tiger roared, and the Foot soldier scurried of like a frightened roach. Tiger Claw turned back again to the working soldiers, scowling.
"Yes...we'll see what that man has to say, indeed." He growled to himself, crossing his arms sternly with a slight sneer darkening his face.
.
.
.
When Raph awoke, it was with yesterday's memories seared in his brain like the tremendous aches in his body that followed him to wakefulness, and he laid still for a while, his exhausted brain numbly sifting through all of it.
That was all he really felt at the moment – numb. He could go through everything that had happened yesterday, but he couldn't feel anything; he couldn't figure out what to feel. In fact, strangely enough, the only thing he couldn't mentally pick through at the moment was his fight with Master Splinter last night. That was a large box full of dangerous things and too heavy to carry the way he was right now, so his brain shoved it into the back where he couldn't reach it, emotions and all. He vaguely wanted to go back and try to sort things out with his family, and when he thought about it there was a deep pang of guilt and longing; but he had no idea how to go back.
Maybe Splinter hadn't meant what he'd said – maybe he'd been angry, or stressed, or something. He didn't know – Splinter had never said those kinds of things to him before. They'd certainly never had a fight that horrible before…they couldn't have, Splinter had never blatantly ignored a homicide and blamed Raph instead, before, like that made any sense – at the moment, trying to figure it out made him feel too nauseous, and he couldn't conjure enough energy to care.
And the blood. Mikey had looked so scared...that woman they'd freed had been so traumatized. How the room turned red. The Foot escaping with the gun, Mikey's blast wound. Leo and Donnie didn't know – they still didn't know, really. The way Mikey and Donnie looked at their older brothers in the kitchen. Leo.
He sighed, resting his hands on his face. "Will they ever forgive me now?"
He grumbled, finally, stiffly sitting up. He trembled from the cold and his leg was on fire, and he tried to brush the gritty concrete off of himself. He left his phone again...maybe he ought to find a way to contact his brothers. Then he'd figure out what to do about Sensei, but he couldn't go back home right now. There had to be a way he could try to sort some of this out...something he could grab onto to try to stabilize himself, because right now he was reeling.
He looked up at the sky through the grate, grimacing at the early-morning light coming through. He needed to go to April's apartment.
.
.
He got to the fire escape outside the apartment fairly quickly, and knocked on the window. He shifted feet and rubbed his arms as he stood there, the brisk cold of the early-morning air beginning to give his fingers and toes a burning sensation. After a moment with no response, nervously looking around in the morning light, Raph knocked again, pausing by the window to peer inside.
April didn't seem to be home. "Left for school already," He thought. "I missed her..."
Tentatively, he pressed on the window, which April often left open for them – it gave under his hand, and he gave a small sigh of relief before slipping inside.
It was warmer inside, and he stood on the hardwood floor facing the apartment for a moment like a statue. There was the couch in the middle of the living room, facing the TV, where he and his brothers had crashed several times before. The table in front of it still had the circular water stain at the edge. Suddenly, he vaguely wondered if April watched TV much; it must be lonely here with her Aunt gone all the time. The thought was random, but he didn't use the energy to wonder where it came from; he was suddenly having lots of random thoughts. He tried to imagine what class she was taking now; if she was sitting there, just waiting for it to end so she could go home, maybe visit her family underneath the city, the way she'd often texted them in the past...he wondered when she'd be home. April, his stubborn, intelligent, big-hearted sister –
He suddenly noticed he was crying. Feeling his face with a start, he scrubbed the tears away with a grunt of dismay and slowly moved forward, looking around to make sure she really wasn't there, just in case.
He went to the kitchen first, more out of hunger than anything. Deciding to look in her fridge for something to eat, he felt bad, but feeling bad for taking things from April wasn't new. He could always try to pay her back later with one of the several online jobs he and his brothers often took. Finding a wrapped-up sandwich, he took it out and moved the wrapping off for a bite, but hesitated. Suddenly the thought of eating made him feel incredibly nauseous. But that was stupid, because he hadn't eaten since the one meal Mikey slipped him yesterday, and he had every reason to be starving. His stomach growled loudly and tossed uncomfortably as he looked at the sandwich, and he wasn't sure if he ate it, that it would stay down. Frustrated, he slammed the fridge closed again, re-wrapping the sandwich and sticking it in his waist belt for now before getting some water instead.
Stalking back out into the living room, he gingerly looked around. Slipping over to the bedrooms, he peeked inside of April's quickly, just to check. When she wasn't there either, he slunk over to the couch and fell back against it, exhausted and unsure what to do.
He briefly wondered about her T-phone, and if there were any chance he could find it, just to...but no, she always had it with her, he was sure she took it to school, too. He considered staying there all day until she came back. He didn't really have any better options, after all. Yeah – he couldn't really stay out in the daylight, anyway; Casey was probably also in school, and he didn't like the idea of hanging around in the cool air and hard cement of his hideaway that long, either. He somehow felt worse for helping himself to April's apartment and crashing here all day, but she wouldn't stay mad at him. She was more liable to just get really worried and yell at him for not coming to get her, but she'd forgive him, and he could make it up to her later.
Will they ever forgive me now?
He paused.
"She'll forgive me?...You're too used to expecting that from her. Who says she won't be upset and try to send me back when she finds out what happened? This hasn't ever..."
Sitting stock-still, he let out an unsteady sigh before reaching for the remote, hoping the TV would distract him from his quickly-spiraling thoughts.
Flipping absently through several channels, he noticed the news channel and quickly flitted past that one, too. The last thing he wanted to hear about was –
"–Report of the warehouse explosion from last night–"
He paused, flinching. Frozen between a scowl and stunned terror, he flipped back a channel. They were talking about it.
"–Docks. Now, we've received word from chairman General Dunford this morning about the incident, saying it was not an organized US military operation and no order for activity in that area of New York City was given or permitted, nor were they notified of any retaliation efforts there. This leads local law enforcement to look to the elusive terror groups of New York City, but this is all speculation for the moment, as evidence at the scene indicates many parties were involved. Most information about the case is currently confidential, but we will let you know–"
Raph quickly turned off the TV, dropping the remote with a trembling hand. He'd known the authorities were going to be heavily investigating the crime scene his brothers and the Foot had left behind. Why was it hitting him now like this? It suddenly made him incredibly uneasy. Maybe, he guessed, he didn't want to admit he was afraid of the true magnitude of the situation.
"What an awful scene to have to investigate. I wonder how much evidence was left there." Raph absently thought, staring at the black TV screen with a grievous, sympathetic expression. "Those poor people have to see..."
Raph took in a sharp inhale of breath, and his mind went numb for a moment. It was a little jarring, actually, the way the memory was gradually drifting behind a strong wall of fuzzy numbness, and he fought to leave it there. His mind shifted to the aftermath, instead. He wished so badly he knew how Mikey was doing...Donnie, too. Heck, he was even worried about Leo – he hadn't gotten a good look at what damage he'd taken from that shot aimed at all of them, but he seemed to remember his big brother looking kind of battered, now that he thought back. A pang of guilt hit him when he remembered the ambush he'd practically called down on Leo and Donnie. That couldn't have helped.
As if suddenly wanting to join the discussion, his own leg injury twinged with pain, and Raph flinched. It hurt worse than he remembered – a lot worse, actually. He wondered just how bad it was.
Looking down at himself, it suddenly occurred to him he looked like hell. And what's more, his wound seemed to have re-opened at some point and fresh blood blotched the wraps around his leg. A small red dot was on the floor by his foot.
He stared at it for a long time, a voice in the back of his mind telling him he was bleeding everywhere and to get up and clean the mess he was making, but the voice might as well have been a thousand miles away, and Raph couldn't care less. A dark, slimy feeling worsened in the pit of his gut. Everything felt wrong; everything that happened felt wrong. But what had caused everything to go so wrong? What could he even do about it?
He wanted his brothers. He couldn't bear to face them. He wanted to go home and he wanted his dad. He didn't ever want to see his dad again. He needed to keep investigating Shredder's operation and find the tank that escaped. He knew he couldn't do anything about it...he was all alone.
Feeling suddenly, overwhelmingly uncomfortable and unwelcome, he got up and slipped back out the window of April's apartment, heart breaking to be with his family.
.
.
He quickly trekked back towards his secret hideout, squeezing into receded shadows and constantly looking every which way for people.
As exhausted as he already felt, and as much as he wanted his brain to shut up for a while, it wouldn't stop looping that one thought he had in April's apartment. Everything felt wrong. But why the hell was he suddenly fixated on that? The most it did was make him feel even more miserable, trying to drag him deeper into the depths of his mind where that night still was, waiting to come up and eat him alive, and he didn't want to go down there.
He wish he knew what on earth Shredder was up to.
As he headed toward the theater district again, a police car with raging sirens caught his attention as it flew toward the wreckage of the building they'd destroyed last night. More investigation units, he guessed. He wondered how many authorities were at the scene right now. He knew there were already packs of police officers and firefighters going through the wreckage, several news stations and at least one SWAT team there, based on the glimpse he'd gotten on TV. His brothers wouldn't normally be keeping up with it at this hour; more likely they'd be in a dead sleep, trying to recover. He wasn't sure based on the way they'd been awake all of yesterday putting together the mission for last night, but they all usually switched to sleeping in the day and being active at night soon after important missions arose.
Anyway, he felt uncomfortable with all those people at the crime scene. He had no idea where Shredder's entourage had gone to last night, or what they intended to do now, especially with all their hostages gone, and...
Sneering to himself, he made a slight change in direction and headed for the crime scene, instead. If the humans found out anything helpful, he wanted to know now.
.
While he was still a few miles off, he immediately spotted helicopters hovering over the scene, and made extra sure to stay under cover. Running across the city in broad daylight, even deep inside the darkest shadows he found, make him feel vulnerable and uncomfortable enough to want to sink into the ground. When he finally arrived at the site, the crowd was about as big as he was expecting, although the police had blocked off a wide enough portion of the city that no citizens could even get within viewing distance, which was a relief.
Raph clambered up onto a fire escape in the shadow of two buildings closely wedged against one another, still several hundred feet off as an extra safety measure, and sat down to watch, hands clenched around his hurt leg that burned in protest against the strenuous activity. He knew this was probably the worst possible thing he could be doing for it, and was trying to be as careful as he could. The police, firemen and SWAT team down at the building site were rummaging through the rubble sections at a time, apparently testing each location with equipment and dogs before proceeding, so it looked like it was slow-going. Several reporters from many different news stations stood outside the caution tape, giving their reports. Realizing with frustration that he'd have to get closer to gather any intel, Raph got back up and started sneaking closer, on the ground this time and slipping through what buildings he could to avoid the helicopters.
"...Yesterday evening when what sounded like bombs went off here at this abandoned warehouse." One reporter prattled on, and Raph rolled his eyes. "Some of our sources have suggested an ISIS terrorist attack..."
Tuning her out, Raph invisibly slunk from the empty warehouse he watched from to the one next to it, circling around to get a better view of the workers. Climbing to the second floor, he walked around holes in the old wooden-plank floor and sat near a large crumbled section of the wall, tucked enough to the side to stay out of sight.
Instantly, he realized something incredibly unsettling. Nobody had given any indication that they'd found any Foot soldiers, but he was sure several had been lying around that nobody had gone back for when everyone made a mad dash out of the building. However, most of the place had been up in flames by then, and today, there wasn't much of it left standing – the rubble was massive. He wondered if there was anyone left to be found...
The woman was so scared, the room–
His eyes darted over to that section of the building against his will, his chest shuddering with a sharp pain. Most of that was gone, too, and someplace deep in his mind that he couldn't reach and didn't understand let out a sigh of relief with that knowledge. Thankfully, at least, it didn't seem like the government was going to make any discoveries about his family or what they did yesterday.
"...Either a submarine or a large tank-like vehicle, although it is yet to be identified." The reporter nearest to him said, catching his attention, and his eyes went to her with a sharp gaze. "The armed forces are working together with investigation units and eyewitnesses to confirm the sighting and figure out who it belongs to. However, several eyewitness reports from Durham Beach describe the vehicle appearing to head north before submerging again and disappearing. Authorities are still working to find out its destination and intentions..."
Raph's eyes narrowed in a dark scowl. It was headed north, along the banks! There was only one place Shredder used north of here that something like that tank-submarine could discreetly travel to – and he knew where it was. There was no doubt that was where they were transporting everything – that place was huge, and in a fairly rough and sparsely-populated part of town. He gritted his teeth; as much as he wanted to go immediately, it was best to stick around and find out what else he could for now, and go at nightfall. He needed to find water and more food than the sandwich he'd nabbed, and besides, while this many people were still here, at least until they concluded their investigation for the day...
Raph stood, distantly hearing one of the search dogs start barking, figuring he might as well start his hunt for water to go with his sandwich before coming back, and considered going back to April's. It was only noon, she wouldn't be back yet –
"Hey!"
Before he could think, react or even blink, a gunshot went off behind him with a POW! and something whizzed by Raph's head, slicing his cheek open.
Mind racing furiously, only his years of stealth training kept him from crying out in shock as he fell forward, tripping over a hole in the floor and falling through, landing on the ground below in a cascade of splinters and dust and thoroughly jarring his wounded leg.
"Fuck!" Raph hissed in pain, grasping at his leg with an agonized grimace. He looked up in worry when the sound of heavily-armored people came racing up to the building.
A SWAT member kicked the shoddy door down. "Put your hands up–"
The building was empty. The SWAT agent lowered his gun and walked inside, looking around dumbfounded as others followed him in.
.
Raph panted heavily, sitting below a manhole cover a couple hundred feet away a few minutes later, the sounds of shouting men just beginning to reach him as he slid into a deeper slouch, and fell onto his side in exhaustion to curl around his leg.
Giving it a glance after a moment, Raph moved his hands to see it had split open again, and was bleeding much more heavily than before.
He sneered. "Fuckin' dog...fuckin' SWAT assholes...fuckin'...fuck."
Staggering up, he braced his hand on the sewer wall and limped in the direction of April's house.
.
.
It took him three times as long to get back, at the pace he was going, taking up a good hour and a half before he reached the apartment, and he ate the sandwich that had miraculously stayed in his waist belt on the way, though it was a bit worse for wear after his one-floor tumble. His leg was absolutely killing him, but he'd tied some extra wrappings over the original to stem as much of the bleeding as possible and try to keep from leaving a trail, and thankfully the blood flow had stopped after a while. When he finally got there, it took the last of his energy climbing the apartment unnoticed and slipping inside. Instead of stepping through the window like he'd planned, he fell over the windowsill shoulder-first and ended up in a heap on the floor.
"Great...so much for not bleeding all over April's apartment." He thought, pushing himself up and making for her first-aid supplies, then the bathroom. The first thing he had to do was, finally, give his leg the emergency attention it now really, really needed.
By the time he was finished, it was almost three o'clock, and finishing his business here before April got back at four was beginning to press harder on his mind. He hadn't been able to stitch anything since the area of the injury was so wide, except in the center where it went deeper, and had clotted and split open even further; but it was so mottled, there hadn't been anything he could get a hold of to actually stitch. It was like someone had taken a serrated meat cleaver to his leg; a couple hundred pounds of gauze would've been more helpful, but April didn't have that much. He cleaned it as well as he could, not realizing until now how bad it was, or that he had other blast wounds littered across the right side of his body too, just too small and non-serious to notice through everything else before. He finally understood why Leo had probably looked so worried, bandaging him up on the fire escape…he tried as hard as he could not to think of his older brother in the process of taking apart Leo's careful bandaging and putting fresh cloth over his leg. He cleaned up the rest of his wounds too, as well as he could, and was amazed at the end that April's drain hadn't clogged or started spitting things back up in protest.
He couldn't get over how serious it was – it had felt like nothing, last night, despite bleeding so much; but it was certainly worse than Mikey's had been, and the implications of the amount of adrenaline he'd been on sent chills down his back.
After he finished washing and re-wrapping, he spent the rest of the hour scrubbing the tub out with bleach. He really wanted nothing more after that than to collapse on the couch and die, but he already knew he couldn't stay here anymore. He couldn't go back home right now, and April would definitely know he was here after this, so he couldn't come back again. He stuffed some cold water bottles and as much food as he could fit between them in a backpack he found in a closet, left a long note, looked around the apartment one more time and tried not to cry, and was gone.
.
The exhausted, wobbly trek through the sewers back to his hideout made him really, really wish he had his bike, onlookers and stealth be damned. He was so tired, he wanted nothing more at that moment than to fall forward and hit his hammock in his room at home instead of the concrete sewer floors, filled with soft blankets and pillows where he'd sleep for years, if he were there. He cursed and swore the whole way back that he'd never go out in daylight like this again just for the reason of not being able to use his bike, but he knew somehow or other, with all this crazy stuff going down, he couldn't commit to that. He'd have to go back to the lair at some point anyway, at least to get his cover-up clothes so he could be more mobile, but not right now – he had to rest; yesterday's mission was affecting him terribly and he felt like he was dying.
Investigating the Foot warehouse was going to have to wait until later tonight, after all; but the more darkness he had to work with, the better.
.
.
.
Leo landed hard on the rooftop, his feet scraping into the concrete, and did a 360 of his surroundings, ears straining to cut through the noise of the city.
His voice was incredibly raw, and his mind starting to swim in exhaustion. Even using the form of meditation he could normally sense his brothers with, even with the utmost of his tracking skills, which he had better mastery of than any of his brothers, they'd found no sign of Raph anywhere they thought he might've gone. Once sensing nothing from his surroundings, he gripped the heavy coat around him, trying to keep the lead weight on his insides from pulling him under into an ocean of despair. There was no use yelling anymore in hopes of getting an answer – he'd been doing that for hours. He'd donned as many human clothes as he could to run around topside, in broad daylight; and his Tphone sat heavily in his waist strap pocket, as he debated whether to check in with Donnie and Mikey again.
He stood there shifting his weight back and forth, struggling with an overwhelming sense of deep-rooted panic over his missing brother that had fogged his senses ever since last night. Eventually, worry won him over, and he dug his phone out to dial Donnie's phone.
After a couple rings, his little brother's voice came on the line. "Hey Leo."
"Where are you at, Donnie?" Leo said, wincing when his voice rasped more than he thought it would.
"The intersection of Second and Fourth by the drug store. My feet are killing me." Donnie sighed for a moment. "Do you want to meet up?"
"Yeah. I want to regroup with you two. We should meet over the jewelry shop next to the salon. I'm going to call Mikey."
"Roger that." Donnie responded.
"And remember to stay out of sight! People are more likely to see us roof-hopping in the middle of the day."
"No duh, mom." Donnie chuckled, Leo's face falling into a flat scowl. "I'll meet you there. And Leo?"
"Yeah?"
"...You be careful too. Ok?"
Leo sighed softly. After what happened the night Raph left, he wasn't at all surprised his remaining two younger brothers had been especially worried about him. Raph, primarily, obviously, but Leo, too. After all, he'd never – never lost it like that, before. And no one, including himself, could've ever guessed the person he lost it like that with would've been…..he was sure he scared them. And he regretted how it had dragged them down with him, too. They shouldn't have to be out here with him right now, running around looking for Raph in broad daylight, unwilling to return to the lair and the person there.
"I will, Don. Thanks."
They hung up after that, and Leo dialed Mikey's phone as he headed in the direction of their destination.
.
They all met up on the rooftop, sneaking cautiously in painful awareness of their vulnerability, converging in a dark shadow between a stairwell room and the connected building directly next to it. Leo got there first and waited impatiently as the other two came a few minutes after him, all grouping up in the shadow and taking a moment to lean against the concrete in exhaustion.
Mikey plopped down on his backside with a sigh, arms wrapped under his legs and hanging his head. Leo watched him in worry before finally deciding to kneel in front of him, examining his wound. "How's your leg feeling, Mikey?"
Mikey didn't answer right away, before eventually muttering something unintelligible, not making eye contact. Leo and Donnie shared a worried glance at their little brother's standoffish behavior as Leo continued examining the wound's dressings himself, checking for any bleeding. Mikey hadn't been very talkative since last night – not since what he did after Raph left.
Screaming. Violence. A blue streak whipped around and lunged at the tallest figure so fast it took a second before the other two comprehended. They were fighting. They weren't fighting, they were gonna kill each other – help, someone stop them, they were gonna kill each other, screaming, yelling – but his mind was roiling, he was so angry and scared and upset and ANGRY, he didn't know what to do – Donnie grabbed a hold of him and huddled with him against a wall, arms protectively around him as he watched the other two with a razor-sharp expression. Things were being thrown around the room as the rage happened in front of them, it was dangerous – his brothers were suddenly leaving the lair, Leo was trying to herd Mikey and Donnie in front of him, and Donnie was pulling Mikey along behind him.
Splinter reached out and grabbed Mikey's other arm, saying something, desperation and pain on his face that looked shattered and so upset, and something pulled painfully behind the raging anger that suddenly consumed Mikey –
He tore his arm from Donnie's grasp and lunged at Splinter, slugging him in the stomach. Splinter tumbled backwards in shock before freezing. Everyone – everything had frozen.
Mikey screamed at him, and the world around him became a roar of overwhelming pain and emotions. "Don't you DARE touch me! How dare you attack him and ostracize him like that, after everything he went through?! He almost died protecting me and you SHUNNED him! DON'T YOU DARE touch me! I hate you! I hate you!"
Blurry vision. Tears and anger combined to blind him, and he was sure something would have come apart in him if two pairs of arms hadn't suddenly grabbed him like they were pulling him out of a hurricane. Those arms consumed and protectively held him tightly in the darkness, comforting and protecting him from the outside, but the yelling continued loudly around him. He wanted it to stop. Finally, finally, it began dying slowly as they moved further away from the one causing their stress, and eventually there was silence, and Mikey couldn't fight the pull towards unconscious sleep. He didn't know where he was or what was going on, but the two pairs of arms were still wrapped around him, rocking him, and he succumbed to the warmth.
After that night, when they'd slept for a while – too exhausted from the violent mission earlier to push forward – the three had immediately decided to set out in search of Raph. Leo had refused to let Donnie and Mikey go out alone, insisting they team up, and Donnie had compromised that the two stay at least within a mile of each other, both of them insisting they needed to cover more ground; and none of the three had taken any time to discuss the previous night – or, what exactly had happened to Mikey and Raph on the mission. None of them had been willing to waste another minute; and besides, none of them really thought they could handle it at the moment if they tried. All effort was put into finding Raph, even though...
Donnie dropped his head against the concrete wall, endlessly worried and frustrated. They'd checked everywhere they thought he might be, but they hadn't found the first sign of Raph, and Mikey remained quiet, but with a simmering anger toward their father and even their brother that seemed unique, and worried them to death.
Leo was still crouched in front of him, looking like he was trying to figure out how to broach the subject with Mikey, but didn't know what to say to the hunched figure before him. Finally, with a burdened sigh, he sat on his knees and put both hands on Mikey's shoulders.
"Everything's gonna be ok, Mikey. I promise." He said, eventually lifting the younger's chin to look sincerely in his eyes. "Everything's gonna be ok."
Mikey's expression crumbled a little, looking sadly up at his two big brothers, almost like there was a thought he wasn't expressing. Then, suddenly, his breathing hitched and he buried his face in his knees, unexpectedly and abruptly breaking down.
Leo, surprised at this sudden outburst, quickly moved forward to gather Mikey into his arms and squeeze him tight. Donnie quickly knelt down beside the pair to put worried hands on the youngest, and Leo pulled him into the hug, too. Mikey's sudden breakdown worried the older two awfully as they tried to understand what was going through his head, but the brokenness in Mikey's voice indicated there wasn't much to tell that could be put into words. Before they knew it, they were crying with their little brother, holding onto each other as tight as they could.
"I'm so sorry." Leo mumbled miserably into his two little brothers' shoulders, their heads snuggled into his, his raw voice giving away his heartbreak. "I'm so sorry all this is happening. Everything'll be ok. It'll be ok."
Biting his lip, Donnie buried his head deeper into Leo's shoulder and nuzzled Mikey, tears streaming down with a deep, broken pain in his chest, and all three missing Raph horribly.
They had to call April and Casey.
.
.
Donnie hit the "end call" button with a frustrated scoff, looking over at Leo.
The three of them were already making their way to April's apartment, despite having already looked there first thing that morning and finding nothing, deciding to call their human friends on the way. Leo was going to call April, but hesitated when Donnie had trouble reaching Casey's phone. After one more attempt, Donnie quit trying, looking at Leo and still holding the phone with trepidation.
"It says the phone's been disconnected."
"What?" Leo looked alarmed. "Do you think something happened?"
"I don't know." Donnie thought about it for a minute, when his face changed to shock as something dawned on him, and then to despair, putting a hand to his face in frustration.
"What?" Leo asked anxiously.
"He said he had a hockey tournament this week. He probably accidentally smashed it again. It happened last time."
Leo sighed heavily, his own face sinking. "I'm gonna try April."
Phone already out, he raised a finger to it, when it suddenly started ringing on its own.
Shocked, the group stopped running across the rooftops to look at it, anxious to see if it was Raph and surprised when it was April, calling herself.
Leo glanced at his little brothers before answering. "April? Something's happened, we were–"
"I know." April said almost breathlessly, and Leo's expression slowly melted, stunned. April sounded panicked. "Raph's been at my apartment. You guys need to get here as fast as you can."
.
.
The three brothers were still fifteen minutes away from April's apartment after the phone call ended, and they got there in six.
When they stumbled in through the window, not bothering to knock first, the first thing that hit them was the faint smell of bleach. Thoroughly confused and panicked, the three brothers spotted April as she hurried to them across the apartment, and they met her halfway.
She was reaching out to them, and Leo gently grabbed her arms when they met, frantically searching her face and a million questions racing to come out first.
"April, what–"
"Raph, he was here, not too long ago." April rambled, her mind racing. "He was here, and he – oh, I didn't know, why in the world didn't he call me? Why didn't he just come and get me–" Suddenly almost breaking down into tears, April fought to pull herself together and herded the three to the couch, where she urged them to sit down. "Just...sit, ok? I...I have to tell you what happened. I got home from school and smelled this awful bleach in here, and I thought the apartment had been vandalized. But the only thing missing was a lot of food and water from my fridge and a backpack, and the shower was wet. The bleach is strongest in there. Apparently he was in there, and tried to clean up after himself." She paused only for a second on that thought, gauging their reactions to confirm her fears about the state Raph was in. "I don't know what in the world is going on, but he – there's…..there's blood on the floor. And he left a note."
The three went a little paler, and Leo looked around the floor, almost immediately seeing little spots of red, mostly concentrated around areas where Raph had apparently spent more time. He gripped the couch tighter to stop the sudden sensation of becoming sick, all three too shocked to ask about the note.
April rubbed her hands over her eyes for a second, the awful emotion from their human sister that shouldn't know what was going on, jarring and unsettling. "Just – just stay there. I'll let you read it yourselves."
She left and was back with the note in just seconds, and the three brothers grabbed it, desperately scanning their only hint to their brother with trembling hands. It was a long apology; for crashing at her apartment and making a mess of it, stealing resources, making a gruesome, bleach-cleaned mess of his leg in the bathroom, and generally involving her in his situation at all. Raph was pretty vague, but offered a few details by way of explanation and giving April a forewarning about Shredder's activity, and that his brothers would come looking for him. He didn't give any real information about what happened, but suggested clearly enough that it was pretty bad, involved their last mission, and he was trying to make it right, but he was on the run right now and didn't want to be found. Raph's handwriting was rushed and unusually unsteady throughout as he apologized over and over again, and they could almost feel his heartbreak through the crinkled paper, spotted with one water stain.
"He...he came here..." Donnie finally mumbled unsteadily, just trying to regain control of his racing thoughts. "He must've not known where else to go. He-he needed – needs help, and couldn't go home. We..." He looked at his other brothers brokenly, and only Mikey returned the devastated expression, Leo staring at the note. "We missed him..."
The note crinkled as Leo tightened a fist around it, clenching his eyes shut with emotion. "Raph...!"
"Please, guys," April folded her hands over her chest, not looking much better. "Tell me what's happening. Why is Raph running? What is he trying to do that he thinks he has to be all alone?"
Leo paused, looking up at her with sad eyes. He had no idea where to start, and honestly felt a strong urge to bust back out the apartment window and race across the city screaming Raph's name again, but Raph was almost definitely nowhere near April's apartment anymore. Besides – April needed to know, regardless. As he struggled to find the words, Mikey suddenly got up from the couch with a stony expression. The three stared at him wide-eyed, both older brothers surprised and worried.
"Raph's blaming himself for a genocide Shredder committed, because we couldn't stop it." He said, and April's eyes went a little wider. "The four of us were on a mission last night to interrupt an operation Tigerclaw was heading, and I found twenty hostages in a dark storage room."
The three listened silently, Leo and Donnie with intense eyes fixed on the youngest, taking in every word intently as Mikey described – for the first time anyone had heard it – what actually happened; and, watching him closely, processing what the other two went through in horror.
"Raph and I weren't supposed to be together, but he joined up with me, I think after hearing about the hostages himself. It was a good thing he showed up, or else I would've tried to jump in alone to stop them – he came and stopped me because he knew I was in danger. They were planning to film the execution to threaten the government with it, and we didn't have time to figure out what to do."
The three blinked in shock. Leo and Donnie shared a quick, silent look, obviously stunned at this piece of information.
"They had a huge cannon gun. We couldn't – couldn't just stand there and watch. Raph told me to take out the camera, and he went to stop the gun. Everybody was shooting at us…they shot the cannon once while we were fighting them, and we were all almost buried alive." He paused to take in a shaky breath. "The hostages were spared by some miracle, so we tried to free them, but I only got one before they tried again."
Here, Mikey balled his fists and clenched his eyes shut, voice beginning to quiver at the horror he had to recall. "W-we tried so hard to free them, but there were too many, and the gun – Raph kept screaming for me to move, but I couldn't. He fought through Foot and reached me at the last minute – he jumped into the line of fire to save me. We both got hurt just from proximity. B-but the people...th-they...were just…" With trembling shoulders, he reached up and scrubbed at his eyes. "R-Raph…I….w-were both so scared…..Raph was scared. We just wanted to get Leo and Donnie and get out. But he still picked me up, and told me the Foot had hell to pay, and ran on his shot leg to get all of us out of there. Raph lied, he said everything was his fault. Like Shredder wouldn't have killed those people if it weren't for him! None of it was Raph's fault, no more than it was mine, too! There was nothing we could do! But Splinter, he started fighting with him and yelling like – like th-that asshole thought he caused it to happen! Like any of us even KNOW what happened! Like…like all those people–" Finally, he choked on his words, crying quietly in what looked like a desperate fight between horrible anger and despair.
Almost as quickly, though, Leo and Donnie both reached out and grabbed him, forcefully pulling him into their arms in a fierce hug. Mikey broke down into sobs full of horror, burying into Donnie's shoulder, and the two curled around him on the couch; Donnie holding him from the front in a vice grip, and Leo tightly wrapped around them both from the other side, his head snuggled against Mikey's.
"Oh, Mikey." April rushed forward, immediately joining the group hug and crying with the brothers, nobody knowing what to say. Tears running down his face, Leo peeked at the note still crunched tightly in his hand, and then out the window of the apartment, before lurching with a sob caught in his throat and pulling the group closer.
.
.
Night fell over the busy, bustling city of New York. Raph walked at a slow pace through the sewers towards the lair, cursing his leg the whole way.
Again, he wished he could use his bike, but he didn't have the disguise clothes needed to make such a trip – the very reason he was going back right now. It was stupid though, and he hated it.
On top of that, he had no idea what he'd do when he got there. He didn't know where his brothers were; hopefully, they'd be out of the lair looking for him, as much as he hated that, too. But Splinter….he wasn't likely to have left. And being on alert, he might even know the minute Raph got within ten feet of the place.
The more he thought about it, the more he doubted he'd be able to avoid Splinter's attention entirely. He might, however, be able to slip in and back out through the shadows and get what he needed to, if he was fast enough. Then he'd run like mad and disappear on the surface, damn his leg.
As he devised his plan, he came near the lair and paused, shifting to high-alert for anyone that may be nearby, looking for him to come back. When he didn't sense anyone, he proceeded with utmost silence near the front entrance.
Immediately, pressing himself anxiously to the wall outside the entrance, his mind began racing with a plan of action. Finding clothes would be difficult because he'd have to cross the lair and get to his room to get any – there was a big overcoat and a motorcycle helmet in the garage, but he needed pants, gloves and his big boots, modified to fit his feet. He waited and listened for anyone nearby. He didn't hear or sense his brothers; they didn't seem to be here. He couldn't tell where his sensei was, either.
Very carefully, he crept along the wall of the living room like a shadow until he got to the hallway where their bedrooms were, and couldn't help pausing along the way. Damn, he thought, looking about the place with wide eyes. It looks like somebody vandalized the place. Furniture was thrown about, glass and electronics were broken, the punching dummy looked like it had either been used as a weapon or a martyr and was strewn across the floor. What it actually looked much more like, which he couldn't understand, was a huge fight. But nobody was bleeding on the floor and he had no time to figure it out, slipping down the hall to his room and soundlessly shutting and locking the door behind him. As he entered, he did a critical analyzation of his room to make sure no one was hiding in here, but nobody knew his room better than he did, and was quickly assured he was alone.
Next, he walked to his closet and silently threw open a chest of clothes inside, yanking out a spare blanket folded overtop and a torn shirt. Grabbing his pants, gloves and boots, he methodically slipped into them before stuffing the gloves into his back pockets and creeping back out the door.
Standing at the end of the hallway for a moment, pressed and hidden against the wall, he did a thorough scan of his environment, attempting to sense for nearby presences through a partial use of the astral plane their father had taught them, though he'd never been much good at that – Leo and Mikey were much better. For just a second, he looked longingly about the trashed place; toward the TV pit, Donnie's lab, the kitchen, the dojo. Wishing he could just lay on the couch and pass out; wishing his brothers were here; wishing he didn't feel like a stranger in his own home, right now.
Finally, through the most miniscule hints of sound coming from the dojo, he located his father inside, and silently wandered past the closed doors on his way to the garage to grab his jacket and helmet.
From the other side, there was a soft murmuring as Splinter spoke quietly. Raph wondered if one of his brothers was here after all; unable to sate his curiosity, he paused and walked closer to the doors. Once he could hear better, it sounded more like Splinter was on the phone.
"…Yes….no, I…I simply do not know what to do, Ancient One." His father's muffled voice came through the doors, and Raph pressed his ear to them, surprised. He'd only heard Splinter speak of the Ancient One before, an old friend of their father's from when he was human, and one of the few who was aware of their family and the Battle Nexus – another place he'd only ever heard of.
Splinter occasionally took long trips to visit this friend, and even less occasionally, sometimes they'd call.
"Yes….yes." His father continued, and Raph stared at the floor, waiting patiently between the pauses. "He is…..yes, you are probably right, Hasame. But he – you know how Raphael is."
Raph's stomach dropped, and his brow furrowed.
"He is just….I…..sometimes I do not know what to do. Saki grows stronger every day, and my sons….it is like he does not understand." There was another short pause. "Last night he told me he disrupted his brothers' mission. They were all hurt. Do you think he….just….struggles?"
As Raph's heart sank, there was another short pause, and then low laughter. Was Splinter saying he wasn't right in the head?
"Of course, of course…" Splinter continued. "I had hoped my feud with Saki would have never affected my boys so much. But there is so much resemblance in Raphael, sometimes it is impossible to live with him."
There was more laughter from the other side as Raph's world bottomed out from under him. He stumbled back, looking at the doors in withering shock and disbelief, and it was only a second that he tried to grasp what he just heard before quickly, silently, he bolted for the garage, forcing himself not to throw up. Barely registering grabbing his jacket and helmet, he was out the door long before Splinter ever emerged from the dojo.
As Raph ran out into the darkening night, strangely, a phrase from a couple days ago looped in his otherwise-shot mind, of another time he was listening to someone through a door.
"…I was frustrated. But it wasn't your fault, ok? It just...please, open the door, Raph."
He wanted that one back. He wanted to be able to open the door, for everything to be ok. He wanted Leo. He wanted his little brothers. He wanted his brothers, and his father, and to tell them all how much he loved them, and know they loved him back. As he ran to his bike, jumping on to race to the surface and head north toward Shredder's secret hideout, he sent up a prayer to the brothers he was sure were still looking for him – to stop looking.
Chapter song: If you want love - NF
A/N: YIKES! I'm so so sorry for the millions of years it took to post chap. 3! This story is particularly difficult to write, but thank you everybody so much for all the support and reviews :) (ALSO, SPOILER ALERT, a plot twist involving Tigerclaw is approaching! Can anyone guess what's gonna happen?!)
Starfire201: You are right on the money. And yeah, that is a good description of what I'm setting up in this fic - a "perfect storm". You hit the nail on the head with what's happening within the family.
LittleMiss Icequeen: Yes, I am continuing this! I even plan to finish it, lol. Sorry updates take so long! (It frustrates me, too.)
WinterHeath: Thanks for checking out my story! I'm glad you appreciated my review, I love your stories as well (and I've been looking forward to new chapters of I Hate Space every week!). And yeah, that's the thing - there's a lot of miscommunication between Splinter and Raph right now, and neither are handling it correctly, but Splinter is kind of twisting the knife and making communication impossible at the moment. (I'll go ahead and say this, though, he doesn't really know what he's talking about rn.) I was worried about writing this Splinter, since cannon Splinter isn't abusive, but I recently read one of the IDW turtles comics with BrightLotusMoon where Splinter was also kind of being an ass, so it encouraged me to portray him the way I needed to for this fic. (Rest assured, though, they'll figure it all out before the end!)
And yes, you're right about how losing trust in your parents makes you feel. I wanted to show that situation through Raph, because I think a lot of people going through what Raph is just really need someone who cares about them, and I want to show that anyone really can be that person.
Everyone else, thank you SO MUCH! I read all your reviews often and I appreciate them very much!