Smexy Championship
HUZZAH! 1 REVIEW! Actually, I'm kinda upset, but I love with all my heart that 1 reviewer!
HUUUUUUUGE WARNING: - The beginning of this chapter may not be that funny, but the second half is! I swear!
But I have some sort of semi-good/bad news!
You see, this story, is 100 percent planned out, so I already know who wins, and how they do it!
It could be Kaiba though, so don't be worried to get your hopes up high! VERY HIGH! BWahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (?)
(Much too much info.)
But seriously, ANYTHING could happen!
Chapter3: Hair gel! (What a gay title)
"Mister Kaiba, the funeral starts in 3 minutes, I suggest you change… NOW!"
"WHY?"
(O.O) "…well…you can't go to a funeral wearing blue sir, it's disrespectful. You need to wear black. Now go put on the first black thing you find, you only have time to change once."
SNORT! "Whatever! I'm going, I'm going!"
Mr. Kaiba (bwahahahahahaha) got up from his chair, and headed to his room.
"Stupidfrickenmuttalwaysdieingatthemostinapropriatetimeseventhoughitwasmyfau"-
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Kaiba tripped over his shoelace and went flying into his bedroom wall. He caused a huge whole in the wall, so the electricity in his room went out.
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT!" he cried.
"Mr. Kaiba! 2 minutes left!" Shouted his butler from down the stairs.
"Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…"
Kaiba pulled himself from out the wall, and made to get into his pitch-black room.
He headed over to the closet, and flung open the door.
"Black…black…? IT'S ALL BLACK!"
All his clothes were black, so he quickly put on the closest thing to him, and made a grab for his coat hanging on the chair.
"Mr. Kaiba! 30 seconds to go!"
"I'm coming!" Kaiba hurtled down the stairs and jumped (literally) into his limo.
And their off! Bwahahahahahahah (just had to put that in!)
00000000000000
At the church:
"This is the saddest day of my life!" Yugi wailed.
(O.O) "Than why are you smiling?"
"Oh, well… I was looking for the glue gun, when I found grandpa's botox injector. I took it and accidentally botoxed my face." Yugi said as if that explained everything.
"Well, that answers one question… but raises many more."
"I'M HERE!"
Everyone turned to the voice. Of course, Seto just HAD to have a grand entrance.
Everyone's eyes fell out of their heads!
"KAIBA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?"
"What do you mean?"
"Duke shoved Kaiba in front of a giant ass mirror that seemed to appear out of no where.
(P-E-C-U-L-I-A-R?)
(O.O) "Uh… OH!"
Kaiba stared at his reflection. He was wearing a pink frilly dress! It was adorned with a red bow on the front, and tones of purple flowers on the sides.
"WHAT THE HELL! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?" Kaiba thought for a moment. "Of course! There is only one explanation for me wearing something like this! CAUSE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!"
"What is it?"
"Well, it's quite obvious! When I went up to change, I tripped, not that I ever trip, on a sanctuary stone, which awoke Joey's spirit. He then came back from the dead, and made me go through the wall, at the exact point where My great great adopted uncle twice removed and step uncle at that, installed Benjamin Franklins first lightning rod. That of course, caused the electricity to go out. While I was out, he opened my drawers, and stuffed them full of lady's clothing, that he secretly stole! Some of which belonged to Serenity, because he is a sick pervert. Than, cause it was soooooo dark, I couldn't see anything, so of course, I picked the lady's clothing. Most unfortunately, I was running late, so had no time to look in the mirror.!"
(O.O) "Eh?"
"Once again, my brilliant mind has solved an insolvable problem!"
"Well, of course, that must be it! No other explanation could be right!" Mokuba shouted.
This somehow seemed to convince everyone, so they made their way into the isles. The church thingy mabobber was about to begin!
00000000000000000000000
I REALLY don't want to go into details.
If you want me to tell you what happened, ask me! And I'll write another chapter to tell you. (grin) : )
00000000000000000000000
At the after party:
"Well everyone, I hoped you enjoyed that sad event, but now, we need to discuss the next task!"
"Hooray!"
"Alright, we've already sold cookies, so now we are going to really start the "Smexy" contests. We will be judging who has the smexiest hair! Also, this time, you will be introduced to the judges, and they will make their first appearance into this story because the author completely forgot about them last chapter."
"HEY!"
"Just stating the facts."
"WHY YOU!"
"On with the story than!"
"I'll get you later!"
…
"You will have exactly 1 hour to perfect your Smexy hair!"
"Only that long?"
"YES! Now, without further ado, I introduce to you, the judges!"
(whistling)
3 lovely ladies walked out.
"This is Tea, Mai, and Serenity!" (Serenity isn't lovely, just so ya know! I HATE HER!)
"Hello!"
"Hi!"
"They will be doing all the judging from now on, so please BE NICE TO THEM YOU SICK TWISTED PERVERTS!"
(O.O) "O…K…"
"Now go home, and be at TE GRANDE PARLURE tomorrow at 5pm! That's when the contest will start. You will each be given a haircutter and stylist, now… GO WAY!"
000000000000000000
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!"
A loud no could be heard through all of the northern equator. (I don't know what part he lives on!)
"This contest is going to be impossible to beat! Yugioh is obviously gonna win! I mean, even an idiot would know he has the most SMEXIEST hair in the world! What am I going to do? I can't even settle for second, because Mokuba is obviously gonna win that! I mean, he's got lovely fissure, raven long hair! And what do I have? BROWN HAIR! The colour of… SHIT! God damnit!"
0000000000
Just so ya know, I have dark brown hair too, and I think it's the most LOVELYIST hair colour out there. So no offence at all to brown haired people!
00000000000000
Kaiba sat in his parlor once again, drinking his- (wrestling sounds) chocolate milk. This was one contest he couldn't use his money to beat. Or could he?
No he couldn't!
"Hmmm… It looks like my only option is to ruin Yugi, AND Mokuba. Although, I really don't want to hurt Mokuba, so I'll do something a little less intense. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Kaiba took another gulp of his chocolate milk, draining the cup. Than for absolutely no reason at all, he through it at the wall and called "OOOOOOOOh Moooooooookuba!"
"Yes?"
"Let's go for a walk even though it's 2:30 in the morning, I'm supposed to be sorting stocks, and I'm secretly a werewolf, so the moon will make me eat you."
(O.O) "What?"
"NOTHING! Let's just go!"
Kaiba and Mokuba exited the front door, and started walking down the street.
"Hey, would you look at that! It's the abandoned jail house they closed down last week! Let's go inside!"
Kaiba lead Mokuba into the building.
"Big brother! I don't want to be in here! It's scary. Can we leave?"
"NO!"
"Oh man…"
"Hey Mokuba! Why don't you take a look in one of these cells? They're really cool!"
"No. It's OK-AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!"
Before Mokuba could react, Kaiba shoved him intro a cell and locked the door.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I will win! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! So long dear brother!"
Kaiba left the building, and threw the keys into the neighborhood volcano.
00000000000000
OK, I'm putting this story on pause! I REALLY HAVE TO PEE!
000000000000
THAT'S fricken BETTER!
00000000000
ohhh! I just remembered something hilarious! My brother asked me what we do in the girls bathroom, and If it was sumo wrestling! In a sarcastic manner, I said no! We go in there to throw up! That's why we take so long! And that's why theirs always a shortage of paper towels! Because what else are we gonna use to clean up? (not answering that!). Than I go on even further and say, in fact, sometimes we have throw up parties, and order 10 toilets so we can all throw up together! It's so much fun!
Than my bro sort of shrank away from me, looking at me as if I were the most horrid thing in the world! But not before he laughed so hard
bwahahahahahahahahahaha
THAT WAS EXTREMLY GAY AND POINTLESS! ON WITH THE FIC!
0000000000000000000
"All right, is everyone ready?" Asked the king of the world.
"Yes!" The remaining contestants all chorused back.
Let's go over whose left. Duke, Yugi, Mokuba, Seto, Grandpa and I believe that's it!
"OK! I think we all know what this contest is about? THE MOST SMEXIEST HAIR! HOORAY! Now, when I say go, go into-NOT NOW YOU FRICKEN IDIOT!"
"But you said "go"". Protested Yugi as he ran towards the parlor.
(O.O) "You are such a fricken lesbian, Yugi, now come back here before I disqualify you!"
Yugi sulked back to the group.
"As I was saying, when I give the word, head over to the parlor, and go to your designated spots. You will have one hour to fix up your hair to your liking. The barbers are specifically chosen by me myself, and all have the same skill. So remember, no cheating, no-"
"Hey! Wait a moment! Where's Mokuba?"
(O.O)
A feint cough could be heard from Seto.
"Hmmm… I really don't know, but if he's not here by the time I say "that word", than he will be automatically disqualified!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(O.O) "Why do you care Duke?"
"Ummm…well……… I don't know, it just seemed like a really good dramatic thing to do. You know, set the mood…"
"Riiiiiiiiight… Well, on your marks, get set…… GO!
A CROWD OF WILD CRAZY LUNATICS RAN INTO THE BARBER, TO BEGIN THEIR HAIR DRESSING!
0000000000000000
"Alright, my plan begins now! All I have to do is dress up like Yugi's barber, and ruin him! Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Hmmm… first, I'm going to need a pair of boxing gloves!"
0000000000
Why does Seto need boxing gloves? You'llllll never find out! Bwahahahahahaha! Actually… You'll find out in the next couple paragraphs!"
0000000000000000
"Ahhh! I'm going to be late! My client needs me to dress up his hair! I must hurry!" Yugi's barber was running madly down the hall, in desperate need to get to his client.
"OH NO! 3 minutes left! I won't"-SMASH! BANG! TWIST! CRUNCH!
"Mheh heh heh… Now I'll just shove him in this closet…"
Seto popped out from behind a corner, and punched the living daylights out of Yugi's barber.
"Bwahahahahahahaha! I'll be taking those!" Seto took off the unconscious barbers clothes and put them on.
(HOLY CRAP! THAT SOUNDS MORE WRONG THAN ANYTHING! Think about it… Seto knocked a person out, locked him and the other guy in the closet ALONE, and took off his clothes… SEESH!)
00000000000000000
"Hmmm… I wonder where my barber is?"
BANG!
"Oh Hello there!"
"Yeah, well, hi!" Mumbled the barber back to him. He had a really deep scratchy voice, that almost seemed forced.
"O…K… Ummm… I think my hair is pretty hot as it is, so could you maybe just wash it, and regel it? No trimming, just style.
"Hmph! Sure…!"
Yugi sat back in his chair, and closed his eyes. Now he could just rela-
SHRRRRRRRRRRRgrBBZZZZZZZZZZZ!
"What the- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Seto took the razor and shaved off YuGi's hair right down the middle. And before Yugi could do anything else, he, fast as lightning, shaved the rest off."
"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL SMEXY HAIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Before Yugi could yell at him (snort), Seto ran out of the room, to his own barber.
00000000000000000
"OK! This is what I want done to my hair mortal! I want it SOFTENED! And, I want it to have a SWEET breezy affect, so it appears to be blowing ever so slightly in a gentle breeze. GOT IT YOU STUPID MORTAL! JAMINGA!
(O.O) "Ummm… O…K… Aren't you a mortal too, sir?"
"SHUT UP! Now get to work before I cut your tuppins in half!"
"Tuppins?"
( ) "YES! TUPPINS! They are the type of money used in the movie Marry Poppins! Remember when the old ugly lady was sitting on the stairs, and Marry was singing about a song to give tuppins to the lady so you could feed the birds. GOD!"
(I do not own Marry Poppins!)
"Yes sir, of course sir!"
"GOOD! Now get to work,.
"One more thing sir, why did you say Jaminga?"
(total death defying glare from Kaiba)
"Ummm… never mind sir…"
0000000000000000
"Alright! Let's see everyone's hair! Come on, the judges are waiting!"
All the contestants walked out into the main hall, and lined up against the wall.
Let's see everyone's hair:
Yugi: Bwahahahaha! Is there really anything to say? HE'S BALD!
Duke: same hair, new bandana (yes, it took an hour for him to pick a bandana, so when he finished, there was no time left to style)
Seto: softened, with a sweet breezy affect, so it appeared to be blowing slightly in a gentle breeze.
Mokuba: never showed up. I wonder why? (snicker…)
Grandpa: took off the bandana, and died his hair exactly like Yugi's! Well, like Yugi's previous hair style.
(O.O) "OK then… Hmmm… we will be awarding the contestants hair in numbers from one to ten. GOT IT?"
"Yes…"
"Alright, first up… DUKE! You get an 8!" Tea held up a giant 8.
"Hooray!"
"But he didn't do anything!"
"Yeah, cause he was so smart, he realized that his hair was perfect as it is!"
"Damn…"
"Next is Yugi… he gets a 4."
Sniff… "really, even though I don't have any hair?" Sniff…
"Yeah, well, obviously the barber who was trying to sabotage you was on drugs, or mentally retarded. Because he left some hair on the left side of your head!"
Sniff.. "Yeah, he DID seem kinda disabled…" (cheery smile.)
"Why you"- Seto started, but than stopped himself.
"OK, Mokuba gets a 0 for not being here!"
Seto made a similar gesture to Joey's, the one he made when he first got on stage.
"Ummm… Kaiba? Are you OK?"
"WHAT? Oh… why yes, yes I am! I'm just…uhhh…exercising!"
"Hey! I want to exercise too!" Yugi started copying the same move Kaiba was doing, which resembled humping air. "Am I doing it right?"
(O.O) "Dear GOD!" Was Kaiba's only reply.
"Well, anyways, grandpa gets a 10 because his hair is sooooo smexy! I mean, just look at those bangs!"
"WHAT! That's not even his natural hair!"
"Too fricken bad!"
Hmph!
"Now, last but not least, (well, maybe) is Seto!"
"Hooray! It's my turn!"
"OK, after great discussion with the other judges, we have finally agreed on a score."
"This is it…" Seto said to himself.
"We award Kaiba with a minus three!"
"Hoora- (O.O) –WHAT THE HELL? BUT MY HAIR IS SMEXY!"
Yeah, but Seto, you designed it to look like it was blowing in the breeze. The breeze in here is blowing east ward! While your hair is blowing west ward! That doesn't make sense! Your hair is unrealistic! So you get minus three! TOO POOPIN BAD FOR YOU! YOU SHOULD HAVE PAYED BETTER ATTENTION TO THE LAWS OF PHYSICS IN CLASS!"
"WHAT! I had a multi-billion meeting to attend to!"
"Well, that's your problem, ISN'T IT? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"WHY I OUTTA!"
"Ha Hummm!" The king of the world cleared his voice very loud, so all attention was given to him.
"WHAT?"
"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME MORE RESPECT!"
Hmph!
"OK, well, normally the disqualified person would be that who has the lowest score, but this round can only have one disqualification. There for, it states in the rules, that if you fail to show up, your automatically disqualified. So without further ado, I declare that Mokuba is disqualified."
"Hooray!"
"But that means, I also Declare that this whole contest was a waste of time and we should have gone strait to the next contest, Oh well…"
(O.O) Seto is just about to be redder than a very ripe tomato. ( )
"Well, that's all for today! Meet me tomorrow at McDonlds for lunch! I will reveal the next circumstances there."
"McDonlds! But I hate McDonlds!"
"Yeah! It's not a place for a King like you! Shouldn't we go to a place grander?"
"TOO BAD! I lost all my money yesterday giving it away to orphans, so I'm broke! If it wasn't for those 99 cent deals, I would be dead! See you there!" (Actually, he got mugged by a hooker he tried to pick up)
"I……HATE……MCDONLDS!
(I do not own McDonalds, and I am not saying it's a dump!)
000000000000000000000000
AC: HOLY COW! THAT'S GOT TO BE THE LONGEST CHAPPIE I'VE EVER WRITTEN!
Sorry it took so long to update! But I have finally started like, three other stories, so I've been spending all my time there.
I got this really weird new keyboard and it' all wonky shaped. It's split in two and bent down the middle. It's kinda trivcky to tye ion.
Oh well……………..
OMG! MORE FRICKEN CHRISTMAS! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE CHRISTMAS!
LET'S SEE WHAT I GOT:
Money
Clothes
Manga
Go board
Lots of candy and so much opther stuff, I can't even remaber!
Wait…… UNDERWEAR! HOORAY!
Have a very nice day!... Or, er… night!