[3]
What had she become?
They rested quietly in her bed, in the semi-dark, holding one another after a fiery eruption of passion. It might have started on the observation deck in Main Mission but their hunger quickly brought them both to her quarters where they frantically clung, unclothed and made a deeply significant and profound love that threatened to devastate both if they did not follow it through to completion.
"What have we done?" she whispered in the aftermath, weak with exhaustion and satiated, nuzzling his neck. Helena drew a hand, fingers trailing down from his throat to his bare chest, and she marveled at his dominion. She had been nearly helpless in his embrace, wild and quite nearly out of control. Helena had never come across anything like it before in her life. Not while she was young, before she had married. Not with Lee, her loving but departed husband. And certainly not with Alan Carter, where they experienced pleasure but she was in charge - although he may not have been aware of it - and knew exactly what was going on.
Making love with John Koenig had been exciting and all consuming, an explosion of emotion - kissing, touching, and feeling things she had never truly experienced before … and it frightened her.
"It would be easier if I could say I regret it – but I don't, Helena." He murmured. "I can't."
Guilty, she closed her eyes, even as she marveled at what they had just done, fulfilling a deep, overpowering need. "You have to go, John." Her voice trembled ever so slightly. "This cannot ever happen again."
"Helena," he spoke softly, "I love you."
"Oh, no … no John, you just can't. This is not right!" Mood broken, Helena tried to pull away from him, to sit up with the sheet around her, and make her way out of the bed. He held her, not forcibly, but with his touch - the way he now also sat up and ran his hands up her bare arms - his breath warm on the back of her neck and shoulders … Helena, breathing deeply, could not help but wonder if his heart was beating as fast as hers or if – as it had earlier - he was feeling anything akin to the hot fire of desire that had settled in her belly. "John we cannot, for even a minute, be caught up in and be proud of what we have done here."
"Can you say you don't love me, Helena? After what we've shared, can you call it anything other than love? "
"Does it matter?" she asked, trying to focus. "John, you are married!" She turned to look directly at him, astounded by his lack of shame and propriety. "And she is a patient of mine. What we've done here is a travesty! It's a breach of trust!"
"Really?" he asked, looking into her conflicted green eyes. "Falling in love a travesty?"
"For us here on Alpha? Yes. Besides, it's all very romantic to call it love but how do we know for sure? Is it love or something foul and depraved?" she wondered aloud but knew, even as she said it, how wrong she was. It had been beautiful and, despite their culpability, both knew their lives were changed forever. Helena looked at him, raising a hand to once again touch his cheek, "I've cared deeply for you for so long, John. I can't deny that. But this is a step we never should have taken. Marcia is …"
"Marcia will have to understand. We married for all the wrong reasons, Helena. I know it and so does she. You have no idea. Had I met you first …"
"But you didn't." Helena took in a sharp breath. Despite their doctor-patient confidentiality agreement he had to know. "John, she wants to have a baby with you. Marcia came to me not long ago, insisting I remove her IUD. She was furious when I refused. It was when there was talk about possible births on Alpha." It did not please her to say it but Helena had to make him see the situation for what it truly was, "Despite what you think, Marcia adores you. And as much as I love you, John … and yes I do love you …" she sobbed, "I cannot take you away from her. We cannot do this ever again … Do you understand?"
He looked deeply into her eyes, recognizing the torment, but hearing only that the woman of his dreams had just said she loved him.
John Koenig leaned forward.
"No." she breathed, knowing he was going to kiss her again. Helena also knew, despite her absolute conviction of how erroneous their actions were, when he took her in his arms again they would make love. He would apply his heated magic, as he had not a half hour before, and she would find herself completely lost … and revel in every moment of it.
[]
When John Koenig came to Moonbase Alpha he was, at first, greeted by his long-time friend, Victor Bergman. Marcia had come up on an earlier shuttle, all clearances approved, and he was told she had taken a hand in decorating their quarters. John could only imagine what that meant but knew his new wife had brought aboard as many luxuries as the shuttle would allow.
Victor had told John about some of the troubles Alpha was experiencing. He also mentioned that Marcia would be the last civilian allowed aboard until the new Commander could figure out what exactly was going on.
"The virus infection?" John had asked his friend.
"The virus infection, of course." Bergman had muttered but his look told Koenig there was something more serious and involved than what had been divulged. "You need to talk with Dr. Russell."
Simmonds had told him about Dr. Russell and he had read her file while on the shuttle, bringing him to the moonbase. She was very intelligent, an exceptional physician, but there were some odd side notes from both Simmonds and Commander Gorski, telling Koenig to not believe everything she told him. Many of her reports had to be held because they teetered on the ridiculous, Simmonds had said. No doubt, he would later be told, because the woman was an emotional wreck. Her husband had died in some kind of radiation storm near Jupiter years ago and now she cried "radiation sickness" whenever a medical problem arose that she could not determine the cause.
This gave John Koenig pause. He couldn't be certain just how reliable the doctor was – yet Victor seemed to think a great deal of her skill and the woman herself.
When he met her Commander Koenig could see why Victor trusted Helena. She was brilliant and he saw no signs of emotional disability clouding her judgment. As a matter of fact, despite inconsistencies, Dr. Russell had given him a great deal to think about.
Oh, and she was beautiful.
It should not have matter. It didn't really. But he would hardly be a red-blooded American man if he had not noticed … and even from that first meeting he felt an odd lure. Still, it was something he did not allow himself to think too deeply about. After all, he was starting a new life with Marcia …
By the time the moon had broken away from Earth there were so many things that needed to be done, stabilized, and their mere fight for survival had become an on-going concern. However, one item of interest John Koenig did notice, as did Marcia, was whenever he had doubts, whenever John needed to see the positive side of their situation he did not talk with his wife, who was often unhappy, but to his friend, Victor Bergman.
And – yes – he would also talk with Helena Russell.
Initially, John told himself that Helena was a trained psychologist and it made sense for him to talk with her when the pressure became too much to bare. But, as they travelled deeper into space, as matters had calmed and life became routine, when it came to the inner workings of Moonbase Alpha, he still found himself gravitating to her for more than professional help. Her companionship had come to mean a great deal to him.
Then one day, when he was talking to Alan Carter in the Eagle hanger, they had discovered a flaw in the design of a power component and Koenig had asked him to make sure it was corrected, even if it took all night. They were entering into an unstable area of deep space and their Eagles might be vital if, for some reason, an evacuation was forthcoming.
Carter had nodded and agreed.
Then, as Koenig turned away to check a schematic he heard Alan talking on his comlock, telling Helena he would have to miss their get-together that evening because he was pulling an all-nighter. The Commander was stunned, angry even, and his body language must have betrayed him because when Alan clipped his comlock back onto his belt he asked the Commander if there was anything else. Possibly a bit more irritated than intended Koenig said no and Carter should immediately get back to work. Koenig then abruptly turned and walked out the double-door.
Alan nearly chuckled at what he had seen. He had always suspected it but now it was clear. Commander Koenig had a serious crush on Dr. Russell!
[]
In their early days in space, trouble had already begun in the relationship between John and Marcia.
He confronted her in their quarters, "You need to put a stop to this!" he growled. "I'm not the only one who has noticed, Marcia."
A pot and three mugs were placed on their coffee table.
"They help me, John." Marcia spoke calmly, sitting on the sofa. She looked down at her hands, appearing frail. "They help me manage."
"But you're taking too many."
He paced in front of her and their guest.
"John, I think you're over-reacting." Gerald Simmonds spoke casually, stretching his legs out from where he sat on a chair just beside Marcia. He reached over and patted one of her hands. "Even I have been known to take a stimulant occasionally to help cope with the hell surrounding us." Then he smiled oddly at the Commander, "Haven't you?"
Koenig ignored Simmonds who had somehow managed to barge into he and Marcia's life, giving her damaging advice, and causing a number of base-wide problems. Why she counted him as a friend Koenig could not begin to fathom. "A stimulant is one thing, Marcia, but Dr. Russell already has you on several antidepressants. You haven't been taking them as she prescribed ..." He looked at Simmonds, "And having the Commissioner here try to strong-arm one of her orderlies in Medical Center for refills is completely unethical!"
"Dr. Russell is not God, John!" Marcia snapped, "There are times when I think you take what she says as gospel. Everyone knows she was on her way out and off of Alpha by the time we got here. They called it mental instability …?" Marcia looked at Simmonds to see if she had the wording right.
Simmonds winked at her.
Koenig caught the exchange.
"If Helena is so damned skilled, so perfect, why was she going to be discharged?" Marcia pressed.
"This is not about Dr. Russell. It's about you, Marcia."
Simmonds gently bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from smiling. Trouble in paradise and they had not yet been wed for six months. How humorous, he thought. "Perhaps I should go." The Commissioner said, making a deceptive move to stand. "This is a family matter, after all."
"No Gerald, please don't." Marcia pleaded, reaching over to take his hand.
"No, I'll go." Koenig said with a near snarl. "But Marcia I want you to lay off the pills and no more going behind mine or Dr. Russell's backs to get them. If you need help … there are things we can do, programs we can put you in, but I want to see this all put to a stop."
Marcia closed her eyes and nodded, tearfully.
"Good." Then milder he came around the coffee table and sat beside her on the sofa. He said, "If you want to talk about it later I get off at five. Maybe I can order an early supper in and we can sit and reason through this. Would you like that?"
Her eyes opened and, looking lovingly at him, she smiled sadly, "Yes darling, I would. I truly would like that very much."
She put her arms around him and he held her close in a tender hug.
Watching them, Simmonds inwardly sighed and frowned ever so slightly.
[]
To be continued ….
(slightly shorter chapter but more to come …thanks so much for your continuiing comments. It means a lot!)