This chapter takes place 12 months after the previous two, on the eve of Thanksgving.

Chapter 3

He heard the soft glide of the front door before it clicked shut. Turning over in bed he reached blindly for his phone, touching the screen to see the illuminated numbers. This was the third night in a row she had come home after midnight, each time he had pretended to be asleep when she slid between the sheets and curled up at his side. And each morning when he woke again she would be gone, drawn away by some internal drive to seek justice for others unaware of the void she left within her own family when she wasn't there to read a bedtime story, to check under the beds for monsters or tuck their small bodies into the warm cocoon of their beds. Three days since he had held a conversation with her that wasn't over a phone during a brief interlude in the case.

He listened to the squeak of the loose floor board on the stairs as she made her way slowly up to their rooms, could almost plot her course as she entered first Asher's room then the twins. She would take a few stolen moments to watch them sleep, maybe pick up Bran's sheets where they lay in a twisted lump at his feet, tuck forgotten toys into limp arms as she briefly attempted to remind herself of the good and wondrous things that existed in life outside of the daily homicides she dealt with.

As he heard her pad softly back downstairs, he almost rolled over in bed and shut his eyes reluctant to confront her about her recent absence from their lives. Through half closed lids he could make out her outline in the dim morning light as she tip toed across the room. He could see the exhaustion evident in the slump of her shoulders and the stiff way she carried herself as if sheer will was the only thing preventing her from collapsing.

"Kate" he whispered into the still night giving up the pretence of sleep in favor of honesty.

She startled, halting in midstride to the ensuite bathroom and turned towards the bed. He saw the moment she gathered herself and tried to hide the evidence of her exhaustion from him. She smiled softly at him and he felt the bed dip at his side as she sank down.

"Hey, babe" she murmured, leaning in close to place a soft kiss to his lips and draw a deep breath in as she placed her head against his shoulder and curled into his side. "Missed you"

"It's almost four in the morning, Kate. Where have you been?" He hated the harsh tone that slipped from his lips but three days of frustration and no communication had taken its toll, and not just on him, his children missed and needed their mother. He felt the tension come back into her limbs as she pushed herself up and away from him. He watched as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and turned away to flick on the bedside light. Squinting against the sudden brightness he felt her slide off the bed as she put some distance between them. A sudden regret for his hastiness in broaching this subject at four in the morning burst through him. They were both tired, she looked dead on her feet and this was probably not the time for an argument about her long work hours.

He watched as she threw her jacket over the armchair in the corner before pacing to the bathroom door, he thought she was going to leave the question hanging in the air but as she placed a hand on the door she pivoted on her heel and turned back towards him, the tension seeping from her body.

"I'm sorry Rick, but this case, I can't just drop everything and rush home. I've searched and searched and I can't find the answers. Nothing makes sense and every day that goes by he gets away, he's out there ready to do this again and I can't protect you, I can't protect our children if I don't know who he is. I'm sorry but I can't just sit at home and play house whilst someone is out there targeting other families, other children. I won't." her voice dying away to a whisper as the frustration and pain leeched out in her words. "I can't, babe."

She sunk down onto her knees beside the bed, her hands finding his in a warm grasp as she laid her head on their joined hands, he felt the soft sobs as they built up and burst from her before he heard them. Climbing out of bed he hauled her into his arms, his anger and frustration long vanished as he watched her cave in to the torment of the last few days. He had known what this last case was doing to her from the moment she had called him from the first crime scene, her voice shaking with emotion as she asked to speak with the children. He had known but he had still let his frustrations tear at her when she most needed his support and understanding.

"I'm sorry Kate, its ok, its ok. They are safe and asleep in their beds." He whispered into her hair as he wrapped her in his arms and laid her on the bed. The frailty in her limbs worrying him as he realised she had lost more weight the last few days, weight that she couldn't afford to lose.

"I thought it was a one off, a random bombing of a shopping centre that first time. I thought we'd find him, he'd be connected to those poor people or their families and all we had to do was keep digging until the story made sense. But it doesn't. There is no rhyme or reason to this story. It's like he's a phantom, a ghost and he struck again yesterday. A day-care centre this time. It was horrible beyond even your imagination. All those beautiful children dead because some psychopath decided to plant a van with explosives outside their school. I couldn't help thinking that each child that they carried out of there in body bags was one of ours. I was going to call you, just to check on them but I knew I wouldn't be able to do what I had to do if I heard their voices. I'm sorry I ignored your calls but I just couldn't. I couldn't let that horror touch our family." He shuddered, the tragedy of her day overwhelming him and he bit back a curse at his own selfish attitude towards her avoidance of his text messages. He had thought she was avoiding him because she didn't want to argue about her long hours and with all three kids sick with the flu he hadn't had two seconds to spare or the energy to call her to find out why.

"Kate, I didn't know. I haven't had time to watch the news or check the internet, between snotty noses, fevers and the occasional vomit I haven't had time to stop all day. I think I even still have Bran's lunch on my pants. I'm sorry I took my frustrations from a bad day and hit out at you and it's not your fault. I know you love our family and I know you would be home if you could but I would never stand in your way of justice for these kids or their parents." He pulled her closer, listening to her soft sobs subside as the last of her energy seeped away. He gently stroked her back, smoothing a path up and down, waiting to feel each muscle relax before moving onto the next. Kate tucked her head under his chin, her soft lips caressing the sensitive skin over his collar bone, each warm puff of breath sending chills down his spine.

"Kate" he waited whilst she mumbled into his skin, "Kate, you need to get up and change. When did you last eat" Knowing too well how she would forgo food in order to hunt down suspects and usually relied on him to remind her to eat.

"Too tired, Castle" she murmured, sliding a leg over his to curl herself further around him. "So comfy here" she slurred.

"When did she last eat?" He slid his hand from her back to cup her firm abdomen, splaying his large hand over the evidence of their baby, Kate interlaced her fingers with his over her belly.

"Hmmm, she ate rice and broccoli for dinner. The boys ordered in Chinese but she didn't like the musu pork tonight." Kate grumbled. Castle was only too familiar with Kate's ongoing bouts of morning sickness that seemed to hit her anytime of the day and had lasted way longer than any of her previous pregnancies. It had resulted in her losing weight this pregnancy rather than gaining it and made keeping down most foods a daily battle. "Gates made me eat the broccoli and I hate broccoli Castle. But I ate it because she was sitting there watching every mouthful going into my mouth, I thought she might even put me back onto desk duty if she believed I wasn't looking after myself."

"Well you did go into threatened preterm labour on her watch just four weeks ago. She just doesn't want a baby born in the middle of her precinct. And you promised if she took you off desk duty for this case you would look after yourself. I think I like her even more now." Castle shuddered remembering Kate's frantic call from the hospital four weeks ago when she had started to have contractions at just 28 weeks. She had been out picking up a suspect with Esposito when she had had accidently slipped over and landed heavily on her abdomen causing mild contractions. They had been fortunate that the labour had been responsive to the tocolytic medications she had been given and Kate had been discharged after a night observation and steroid loading to help the baby's lungs develop, with strict instructions to stay on bed rest for another week and then desk duty for a month. Gates had only let Kate back on this case because they needed everyone on board to find the bombing suspect but it looked like the stern captain wasn't letting her best detective neglect herself no matter how high profile the case was. Castle smoothed their joint hands over the taut skin covering their little girl relieved that she had decided to remain where she was for a little longer.

"Well couldn't she have found something else other than broccoli to torment me with, anyway I'm back on desk duty in two weeks so she won't need to watch out for me then."

"I know you hate desk duty but I for one am happy to sit beside you and help you do paperwork right now. "

"Ha I'm only too aware of your aversion to paperwork, writer boy. I'll be doing it all myself whilst you watch."

"Man, writer man Beckett" He growled into her hair as she relaxed into his arms. He could feel her breathing slow as sleep threatened to overwhelm her. Castle was tempted to allow her to slip into oblivion but knew she would feel better in the morning if she had a shower and some food first.

"Kate, Kate" He shook her shoulders gently "Come on Kate. Go and take a shower and I'll make some food." Softly placing a kiss to her lips as she mumbled her displeasure at him, he eventually managed to get her up and out of the bed. He watched as she weaved unsteadily towards the bathroom, following her to make sure she didn't fall.

"What do you feel like" he asked, as she slowly began undressing. Her actions made clumsy by her fatigue.

"I feel like sleeping curled up with your body warming me." Kate replied, glancing sideways at Castle as he lent against the door.

"Kate, I know I'm irresistible but I was talking about eating. And no that's not what I meant either, get your mind out of that gutter Kate." He replied as he caught her eye roll.

"Ice-cream, she wants butter pecan ice-cream. Ohhh with Oreo cookies crushed on top."

"That's not food, that's dessert"

"It's got dairy and nuts. That's food."

"Hardly, but ok you can have the ice-cream if you eat some fruit with it"

"Fine. I'll have fruit but no sneaking any strawberries or any other berries into it." Castle nodded only too aware that anything red seemed to trigger her nausea.

"I think we still have some bananas and peaches left. Ok, you get in the shower and your food will be ready once you're out"

"I think I'm going to have a bath. I haven't had one since the hospital but I really want one now." She stated as she walked over to the large twin tub that they had installed several years ago to replace his much smaller one. He watched as she filled the bath and tipped in some aromatic oils. Steam and scented vapours filled the bathroom as she finished undressing.

"Stop staring Castle, it's still creepy"

"No it's not, it's sexy" he stated as he walked over to her side, running his fingers along the sensitive skin at her side, where taut pregnancy skin met the soft skin of her back. He felt her shiver under his touch as she placed a hand to his chest to steady herself as she stepped into the tub. He placed another arm under her elbow and helped lower her down into the warm soothing water. A drawn out sigh escaped her lips as her sore muscles were enveloped in warm water.

"It's only sexy when you're naked as well, otherwise it's just creepy" She smiled up at him as she leant back in the bath and allowed her swollen belly to sink below the water. He trailed his fingertips through the water, checking that the temperature wasn't too hot. Tucking a loose curl behind her ear, he cupped her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, breathing in the unique scent that was Kate.

"Hmmm, it's always sexy when I look Beckett" he murmured against her lips before standing and walking from the room, leaving his wife to stare after him.

Castle made quick work of the fruit salad and ice-cream that Kate had requested. He added a cold glass of milk and an oat cookie to the tray to alleviate his need to provide some form of nutrition to the meal. Picking up the tray he found the light switch with his elbow and turned out the kitchen light as he headed back to their bedroom. He heard her soft words as he entered the room, placing the tray quietly on the bedside table he walked over to the bathroom door to ease his curiosity.

Kate was reclined in the bath, her eyes closed as her hands massaged soft swirls into her belly. She was talking softly to the baby as she relaxed and was oblivious to her audience, so caught up in the private moment she was sharing with their daughter.

"Daddy was right, baby bug. Don't tell him though because his ego needs no further stroking. He may be silly sometimes baby but he knows us and he loves us. Sometimes I think he knows us better than we know ourselves. Just don't tell him ok, that's just between us girls." He watched as she sighed, as she slipped lower in the scented water.

"I'm so very glad you decided to stay where you are for just a little longer. I know you're eager to come out and meet your daddy and your brothers and sisters, but we need you to stay just where you are for a little longer. Mommy needs you to stay with her just a bit longer baby. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I can't be the mother that you deserve." She whispered, a silent tear escaping from beneath her closed lids. Castle stepped forward clearing his throat unable to watch Kate cry.

"Kate. Shhh Kate" he whispered as he gathered her close against him ignoring the water as it splashed over the sides of the bath and soaked his clothes. "What's all this about"

"I keep letting her down. No wonder she wants to come early." Kate murmured into his neck as she clung onto his shoulders, his clothes now drenched in water.

"You haven't let her down. It was an accident that could have happened here in the loft or out with me or one of the kids. You tripped and fell, no one is at fault here, especially you. She is safe Kate, we have got her to 32 weeks now and her chances of making it are now 95%. You did that Kate. You kept her safe and instead of 80% she now has a 95% chance and each week that number gets better and better. Do you know how in awe you make me. You are one of the strongest, most fierce and intelligent women I know and I only hope our daughter takes after you." He whispered into her ear as she ducked her head under his chin. He could feel the sobs subsiding as she calmed down. He shivered as a chill settled in under his wet clothes, reminding him that Kate must be getting cold as she sat half in and half out of the bath. Shifting her back into the warm water, he slowly peeled off his wet t-shirt and boxers, tossing them onto the floor before standing up.

"Lean forward" He stepped into the bath and slid down behind Kate, wrapping an arm around her non-existent waist to pull her close as he slipped down into the warm scented water.

"Thank-you Rick" She whispered as she relaxed against him. Castle wove his fingers between hers as he placed their joint hands under her bump. He inhaled deeply taking in warm scents of vanilla and cinnamon.

"It's not really about the fall" she murmured shyly, reluctant to express the emotions that had been building up within her for the last few months. "I'm scared that she knows that I didn't want to be pregnant again" Kate whispered quickly before sucking in a deep breath.

"Kate.."

"No, let me get it out please. I'm not sure I can say it if you interrupt me."

"Ok, lips sealed, not a word will pass these lips until you allow it"

"Ha, I wish" she laughed sarcastically as she turned in his arms to clasp his face between her palms. "But just give me a few minutes to say what I need to say"

"Anything for you"

"It's not the fall or even the early labour, not fully anyway" she started again, her hazel eyes flashing green as she stared into his. Her warm fingers caressing his chin, his lips, his cheeks as she spoke. "I thought we had completed our family and I was happy with what we had. Happy and contented. The kids were finally at an age that I was getting you back, I was getting us back to where we were before we had three babies under two to run after. I had you back at the precinct working beside me building theory and it felt so good. We could finally sit down and have a movie night again without being interrupted by a crying baby needing a bottle or a diaper change. And I know that sounds like I didn't love our babies, because I did, I do but I'm also enjoying them as older more independent children. Then I missed a period and I took that pregnancy test and all I could think was please, please don't let me be pregnant and for a moment when it came back as positive I was so disappointed, I didn't want it, I didn't want her. And I can never take that moment back. I think she knows that and that's why this pregnancy has been nothing like the other two. I let her down and she knows." Kate sobbed, her voice breaking on the words as she shuddered against him.

"Never, never Kate" he pressed a light kiss to her lips, her eyelids, her nose as she bend her head in shame. He had known that she was struggling with this pregnancy but had assumed it was just that she was 44 and it was physically taking a toll on her body.

"Kate this pregnancy was bound to be different from the start. And it's not just that you are seven years older than during your last one or that you have three active children you are chasing after whilst managing the world's longest case of morning sickness. No one would expect that it wouldn't take a toll on you physically or emotionally. But that doesn't change the fact that you love this little girl with all your being and I know that you will spend every day ensuring that she knows that. Do you know how I know this?"

"How can you be so sure?" She whispered, seeking reassurance in his words as she always did.

"Because I see you with Asher, Brandon and Noah every day and I know that you are an amazing mother who loves her children with her whole being. Your mother would be so proud of the daughter she raised if she could be here now. One moment of indecision and regret does not mean that you don't love her or want her. It just means that you are human even though I think you are extraordinary and hope that our daughter has half the courage and strength that you have."

"You're not so bad yourself Castle" she laughed, pressing a smacking kiss to his lips, relief evident in her posture. She had truly believed that he would be disappointed in her when she admitted her guilt and he was ashamed that he hadn't pushed her to reveal it sooner. He was usually the one who poked and prodded her to get the answers but this time he too had hung back waiting for her to reveal what was going on. He knows that he too has been caught up in the everyday busy of their lives lately and he forgot that sometime she needs to be poked and prodded for her own sanity.

"But Mother has predicted that this one is going to be like her and we can only hope that we will be able to keep up with her."

"Castle! She's not that bad" Kate laughed as she swatted his shoulder, before sliding back down his chest until she was submerged again in the warm water. "She raised you didn't she"

"No a series of drunken nannies and boarding schools raised me, she just had a starring role in it"

"Maybe she will be like Alexis, all quiet and studious and twenty years too old for her age." Kate suggested.

"We can only hope but given the three we have managed to create so far I can't wait to meet this little girl"

"Oh I can wait at least another eight weeks."

"Did you hear that baby, you have to wait eight weeks before you come out to play. But I promise when you get here you have a big, amazing family who can't wait to meet you" He murmured as he caressed Kate's belly beneath the bubbles and water. He felt an answering nudge as the baby moved.

"See she agrees with me, she just hi-fived me"

"No she didn't Castle. She's probably getting too hot. Help me up and I'll get out." Kate stated, shifting forward to let him out. "I know one thing I can't wait for and that's to get my flexibility back so I can get out of a tub or chair by myself. I made the mistake of sitting in one of the low chairs in the interview room yesterday and had to wait until Esposito came in to ask for help out of it. I swear he mentioned something about marine mammals and beaches under his breath. He's lucky I'm too slow these days to chase after him or Lanie would have gotten half her man back last night."

Castle laughed knowing only too well how lucky Javi was to escape the wrath of a pregnant and hormonal Beckett. He threw the wet clothes into the hamper as he grabbed a towel each for them. Wrapping Kate in a towel he steered her towards the bed and her early morning snack.

"Thank-you Castle. I sometimes feel that I don't tell you that enough" Kate stated as she dipped a spoon into the melting ice-cream. He paused in his hunt for replacement pyjamas for them both. She made quite the picture, sitting in a towel in the centre of their bed. Her 7-month pregnant belly poking out from between the edges of the towel where it didn't quite meet as she ate her pistachio ice-cream. He walked over to kneel down beside the bed and took the bowl from her hands.

"We made these babies together and we are raising them together. That's all I've ever needed or wanted. You have given me a family and I can never thank you enough for that. Happy Thanksgiving Kate." He kissed her tasting pistachio ice-cream and Kate on his tongue as he deepened the kiss. "Hmm, this isn't half bad" He said as he took a spoonful of her ice-cream.

"Hey, give that back. You can't have my ice-cream Castle!" she said as she grabbed the bowl back and shuffled up the bed.

As she finished eating her snack, he changed into another set of boxers and t-shirt, grabbing one of his spare shirts and boxers for Kate as she always seemed to end up in his clothes these days. Climbing under the covers he watched as she got up to brush her teeth and change, admiring the way she moved with grace and determination despite the prominent belly. He would never admit it to Kate but he loved the way she looked when she was pregnant with their child, she carried a new sensuality with her that intrigued and captivated him.

The bed dipped as she crawled under the sheets, her long limbs snaked out to wrap themselves around his body, her belly supported as she curled into him. Castle linked his hand with hers and placed a soft kiss to her palm before resting their joined hands on his chest.

"I set the alarm for ten. And no I won't set it any earlier" He murmured as she started to protest. "Mother is in the guest room and will get up for the kids if we're not awake."

"We're in the middle of a case Castle"

"And the boys will call if something drops before then" She needed to get more than four hours sleep if she was going to continue to be useful in this case. He knew it, she knew it despite her protests.

"Ok" she sighed

"I love you Katherine Beckett"

"Even when I'm hormonal and grumpy" she muttered as she pressed a kiss to his collarbone, the only patch of skin she could reach from her cosy position at his side.

"Especially then. Now go to sleep." Reaching across he turned off the bedside light, ensuring that her phone was on his bedside table so that he could reach it first if it was to ring before the alarm clock, determined that she would get some solid sleep today.

"Love you too." She murmured sleepily. "Happy Thanksgiving Castle."