THIS TIME ON JUST SOME BOIS PLAYIN' B-BALL:
Grandpa Piss was on a fucking rampage. Xehanort and Gary Fucking Oak looked at Orange-Kun, who was smirking evilly with the mouth it didn't have. "Well fuck." said Gary Fucking Oak. "Now we gotta get G-pa Piss back into the trunk." "KEYBLADE." agreed Xehanort. They set off on a quest to find the one thing that could subdue the strong Grandpa Piss: The Great Sword of Justice™ Which, as everyone knows, resides in the BlackScrotes' hall.
Gary (Fucking) Oak and Xehanort walked through Tamriel, and crossed the border into Skyrim. "KEYBLADE!" shouted Xehanort as he pointed into the distance. Gary looked where he was pointing, and it turns out that "the distance" was barely 5 feet in front of them, and there was a huge fucking fight going on. People in red clothes were fighting people in blue clothes, and there was one guy that was just trying to steal a horse. Gary Fucking Oak and Xehanort watched the fight for a minute or two, but then someone came up behind them and knocked them both out at the same time with a Fucking Hammer.
When Gary Fucking Oak woke up from his forcefully induced slumber. He and Xehanort were in a cart with the horse thief, a blue clothes guy, and some dude with a gag in his mouth. Xehanort woke a few seconds later. "KEYBLADE" he spoke. "Ah, so you're finally awake." Said the blue clothes dude. "Nope, fuck this shit, I'm not the Dragonborn." Gary Oak declared. Immediately afterward, he and Xehanort clipped through the world. They briefly saw the face of God (Todd Howard), before being deposited in Ivarstead, at the base of the however many steps. Then it started raining. "What the fuck, I don't want to have to deal with this." said Gary Fucking Oak, angrily. Suddenly Brock appeared to give his sage advice. "Just use your frying pan as a drying pan!" "Fuck you." Gary Fucking Oak said, before pulling out a fucking gun and shooting Brock square in the face. "Well now that's settled." said Gary Oak before he and Xehanort began their trek.
They climbed some stairs! They climbed some more stairs! They- oh geez this is a lot of stairs. Well, after climbing a ton more stairs, our… protagonists came across an angry Frost Troll. Gary was surprised to see a disgusting troll in his path, then suddenly his pendant glowed! Through his descendant of the courageous Princess Mew Mew Kissy Cutie the pink light shone through and broke through the snow. With a glimmer and with some sass he yelled "Go Go Power Cuties" and his magical princess dress glittered around him in a fantasmal show of lights. Using his magic wand he screamed "MAGIC CUTIE CUPCAKE BLAST"
The attack did absolutely nothing to the Frost Troll. "USE YOUR FUcKING GUN, IDIOT!" shouted the Frost Troll. "Oh, right" said Gary FUCKING Oak. Gary pulled out his gun and shot the Frost Troll about 52 times. The Frost Troll was dead. "KEYBLADE" said Xehanort, looking quite pleased. They continued on their journey, and after several more stairs, finally reached High Hrothgar, home of the Graybeards.
A horse was sitting next to the doors to High Hrothgar. No one knows why it was there, just that it was, indeed there. Gary took one look at the horse before mounting it and riding it all the way up the mountain, to the Throat of the World. "WHAT THE FUCK." shouted Paarthurnax before Alduin descended from the sky and challenged Gary.
"YOU MORTAL SLIME BITCH BABY, YOU KILLED MY LOVER(S), PREPARE TO DIE." Alduin roared with the thunder of a thousand storms. "How the fuck did you say that parentheses thing out loud?" Gary inquired. "SHUT UP. WE SHALL DUEL." It was a long, hard duel- oh who am I kidding Gary just shot Alduin in the head. "Zu'u unslaad! Zu'u nis oblaan!" Alduin shouted, his voice becoming fainter and fainter as he went on, before he faded out entirely.
"I don't know who the fuck you are, but you need to get the fuck off my mountain right now." Paarthurnax said, before punting Gary down to the front of the Greybeard's… house I guess, where Xehanort was waiting. "KEYBLADE?" he inquired. Gary smiled. "Yeah, it was pretty great."