Disclaimer/Notes: I own nothing! Not Sailor Moon, not the characters, NOTHING. Except for the plot that is all, mine. This is an insomnia production fed by no sleep too many double chocolate chip muffins, reviews and my own personal muse, beta, and she's practically my co-author MapKwest2, mad huggles to you, because w/out chapter may not ever have come out b/c writers block sucks. (hopefully this one's ok, it's just a scene setter, ch. 3 is all action trust me) :-D Once again taking them from their sandbox and playing with them in mine. Yay sand!

"Apathy is a sort of living oblivion."
Horace Greely

Have you decided who and what I am now? Hmm… If not let me sway your opinion. I really wish that I could say I hated Usagi-san, that I loathed her and her existence. And yet I can't.

Even though in my darkest moments when memories assail me, I wished to do so desperately. That that sound of her name could congure anger and yet I couldn't, it doesn't and part of me hates my 'soft' heart for it.

But through her I learned something very important about my self. I learned how not to feel at all. That being in a world that desires you to control your desire, was easy when you had none.

True I still feel. I hurt. I ache. I feel passion for things, like cooking, martial arts, and the beauty that is nature. I love those closest to me like Mamoru, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuan and espcially Hotaru. Ami is still a good friend, though we haven't spoken at all.

Despit those my passion for people to accept me has waned. You cannot hurt that which was does not allow you in. As for Mamoru, misery does love company. But deep in my heart I could not hurt him for the soothing of
my own hurt. So I did what I always did and tried to be a true friend by sending him care packages as away of saying I still care.

Funnily enough after my lovely soliloquy and the silence that reigned. My "friends" pursued me and my answers with dogged persistence.

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

Ring, ring, ring.

Ring, ring, ring

This is Mako I'm not home to take your call; you know what to do.

BEEP.

MAKO! Where the hell are you? What was that last and why aren't you answering your communicator. We need to talk. You have much to answer for!"

'Lovely, Rei really.'

Moving back to her kitchen Makoto stared at her very full answering machine.

'At least it's better than Haruka's stalking. That was just plain weird and uncomfortable.'

Haruka cornered her in small unused coffee shop, as Makoto had taken to avoiding the senshi's normal haunts. How Haruka found her she would never know. But it went better than expected. Well there was minimum yelling at least. And nobody got punched. That was entirely Michiru's influence she was sure.

"Who are you to leave your duty, and why! Do you know how much trouble you've caused? Koneko-chan's all upset, she can't sleep, can't eat does, she does nothing but cry. Do you even care that the inners are looking for you. Do you have any idea what your little tantrum could do to the timeline? Explain yourself!"

"Well I would if I could get a word in edgewise. But since I can't, I guess I'll be going then." In all her sarcastic glory Makoto bit out and then began grabbing her things, while waving a single hand for the check.

"I didn't take you for a coward Mako-chan." Came the soft but firm, like steel, voice of Michiru.

"Call me what you will. But as I said then, I am done. Nothing anyone can say can change that. And as for Usagi-san's tears, let her cry." Surprising her own self Makoto found she neither felt angry, or sad but merely apathetic; despite the coldness of her words.

'It's the least she can do, I've shed enough tears for them already.' Thinking to herself, Makoto proceeded to get up when unexpectedly she found herself being pushed back down, with Michiru seating herself next to her. Glaring mildly at Haruka till she grudgingly did the same, across from them.

Coming face to face with Michiru, she expected nothing but scorn and irritation. Yet found calm, sympathetic, understanding.

"Order something, this could take a while." Her voice came out dry, low, and indifferent. This contrasted greatly with her wide hurt-filled verdant irises.

After having received their orders and more than ten minutes of awkward silence; Haruka broke first.

"What happened?" Confusion arranging her features and littering her barely restrained voice.

"Usagi happened. Seiya happened. They just happened together is all."

"What do you mean happened? She's with Mamoru and you and Seiya..."

Makoto finally looks up from her re-filled coffee cup. "They are, but she and Seiya are dating as well. At least they are now."

It just came down to explaining why she had to leave. Granted bringing up those memories was hard for her, it seemed Haruka took it worse. Not truly being a fan of Seiya's anyway, but tolerated his presence and made peace. She was civil to him even but by the end of Makoto's explanation she was couldn't seem to find one nice thing to say.

"That dirty rotten slime ball asshole! Did he even consider your feelings? Let me at him, I'm gonna give him a new hole breathe through."

Michiru not being one to condone cursing let her slide, as she too had less than satisfactory notions about his behavior. Usagi was not made an innocent either; none were spared the verbal lashing.

"It seems our degenerate leader has become nothing more than a boyfriend stealer. All those notions about love seems to have gone straight to her head. Apparently she can't be left alone, and after Mamoru left for school she was quite sad. Therefore she goes for the next best thing which is Seiya. It doesn't help that he has always made his affection for her known, she was his dumpling. And at last back where she wanted to be, someone's number 1. As for Seiya he is nothing but a weak man, instead of vying for her heart he chose you, and broke yours. Because Usagi finally decided that she wants him. I just hate that they've forgotten and hurt the people who have stood beside them all this time in their rash, selfish conduct."

When all was said and done, Makoto promised to keep in contact with them at least. And that they wouldn't say a word about her whereabouts till she felt ready, again that was completely Michiru's influence as Haruka was ready to take on the town on her behalf.

"We love you and you will always be welcome in our house, don't you forget that okay." Giving her a hard hug Haruka pulled back so Michiru could do the same.

"If you need us you call, anytime. Don't think your leaving is going to change a thing we will track you down and let Hotaru tickle you to death if use this as an excuse for abandoning us."

It was hard not to laugh because this being Michiru she knew she was serious. Hugging them once more and promising to stop by soon, Makoto stepped back from the curb and waved as they drove off. Choosing to walk instead of risking her life as one of Haruka's passengers she found herself alone once more.

'So what to make for dinner…"

"Makoto! Stop! I want to talk to you!" A voice sounded off behind her.

Makoto turned around only to see flashes of hair and a set of blue eyes, which was all she needed to see to start running. And ran she did. Only they were faster and before she knew it, they'd grabbed her arm and spun her around. She came face to face with one of two people she didn't want to see right now.

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