Name: Kate, daysandweeks

House: Hufflepuff

Week: Three

Prompt: Set Three – Angst. In order of appearance: there's a beginning of things; you know?; rose; snuffed out candle; never; while this was happening; let me forget

Only Ever Yours

Her lips taste like liquor.

He never expected that, but right now his must as well. He kisses her impatiently, hungrily. God, why does he want her so badly? When did she become so beautiful?

Teddy can barely remember the hours that led up to this moment. He fumbles with her dress, slides it above her hips. Lily shivers against him and he thinks, Oh my God. I'm compromising her. Can't do this. I have to walk away.

But he doesn't listen to those words because she pulls him closer and he realizes that if he intended to walk away at all, he should've done so hours earlier.

xx

There's a beginning of things.

There's always a moment when relationships, love affairs, and casual hook-ups are formed. With the most sensible associations, both parties involved usually fail to notice the start. It might involve a flirtatious glance, a dangerous comment or a simple kiss. Usually successful couples can't look back and notice when things started. They might remember the moment they met or their first date or first kiss or the second they fell in love, but it's hard to pick up on the official beginning when things are so right and set in stone.

When things aren't right, though—that's when beginnings are easy to pick up on. There was a moment that night that alarms went off in Teddy's head. It was an hour after he arrived at the Burrow that evening for the Weasleys' annual sending-off party.

The late August air was humid and seemed to slow time as he entered the dining room. His eyes flew to Lily right away, which was strange since he normally noticed Victoire and the accompanying stab to his heart first. But tonight he noticed Lily. She had somehow become a woman since he'd seen her last—a year ago from today, in fact. She would start her final year at Hogwarts tomorrow.

An hour later, he was alone in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of firewhisky to dull the confusion he felt at admiring his goddaughter, of all people. That's when Lily walked in, took the bottle from him, and poured herself a glass.

"I've missed you," she said quietly, and then he looked at her and then her lips and then her eyes again and realized that if he was going to turn back, he better now.

Instead, he told her, "I've missed you too."

And then he led her outside.

xx

She kisses him fiercely, nearly clinging to him as he pulls her tightly to his body. She feels fantastic. She's beautiful, Lily is, and only seventeen but he's done having qualms about that because she's… Well, she's what he's always wanted, isn't she? Only Teddy's just noticing things now, which is typical of him, really. She's loved him for how long? And he's always cast her aside, thinking of her as a little girl…

But she's not a little girl, he reminds himself as he takes off his shirt and then slowly, romantically peels of her dress, casting it aside in the soft grass. She lies down in the grass as well and he gazes at her pale skin in the moonlight. There's a freckle on her left hip.

He has to kiss it.

xx

They walked outside, bottle of firewhisky in tow. "Why haven't you been around?" Lily asked, sipping her drink carefully. Teddy watched her out of the corner of his eye and couldn't help but smirk as she winced. She was still young in so many ways but an adult by all standards as well. For a disturbing moment, he longed to be the soft blue cotton dress that clung so tightly to her skin, but then pushed the thought away in order to allow blood to his head. He had to answer her question, after all.

"I'm busy with work," he told her, feeling horrible for the strange, hurt look she sent him. "But I'm here now. I had to see my goddaughter off before her final year of Hogwarts."

He winked at her and she giggled but then frowned before giggling and frowning again. The changes that played across her face were so startling that Teddy had to reach out a hand and place it on her shoulder, which was a big mistake by all means. She folded herself into him, leaning against his side before saying, "I wish I wasn't your goddaughter."

His arm wrapped around her of its own accord. He suddenly wished they weren't just in the backyard of the Burrow, but rather miles and miles away. He didn't want to Apparate, though, so he just pulled away from Lily before grabbing her hand and leading her to the field he used to run about with her in when she was a child and he was her age.

Once they were at the field, Lily sighed and sat down in the long grass. She forgot about her glass, instead taking a swig directly from the liquor bottle. Teddy followed suit. "The words you used… seeing me off." She quoted him and laughed, rolling her eyes. "I remember you saw Victoire off once, not so long ago. Is it going to be like that, then?"

She looked Teddy in the eye and he froze, wondering if her gaze was hopeful or reproachful. He didn't speak for some time, sitting down beside her instead. "It's not going to be like that," he told her because that's what his brain commanded him to say. His heart, however—and his loins, if he was to be honest with himself—suggested something different. Just kiss her. She wants that. She needs it twice as much as you do.

He didn't, though, or at least not right away. When Lily gazed at him again, her eyes were glassy from the firewhisky. "I don't want to be your goddaughter, you know?" she said, repeating the same idea she had brought up at the Burrow. "I want us to have a chance."

"I want us to have a chance, too," he admitted, and he didn't kiss her but that was alright because she kissed him.

xx

He wants to make love to her in the moonlight, the soft grass rustling around them, but then so many images come to him and he freezes. Lily's seventeen and he's pretty sure she's a virgin. It wouldn't matter either way; he'd want her just as badly. But still, she deserves more than a drunken romp in the field. She deserves a romantic evening with candles and rose petals and quiet music in the background. She's too beautiful for this.

"Please," she whispers to him, sitting up in the grass, which appears colorless in the moonlight. "I want this, Teddy. I want you. So much."

It's a candle he pictures now—a candle straight out of what should be Lily's perfect romantic evening. But now she's reclining against the soft grass once more, her eyes so wide and glassy and vulnerable, and the candle is snuffed out.

xx

"We should stop," he said, pushing her away. He had been lying in the grass, Lily on top of him. "We should go back. We shouldn't do this."

Lily looked completely heartbroken and he immediately felt remorse for his words. She bit her bottom lip and then stood up slowly, smoothing the skirt of her dress along her legs with trembling hands. She began to pace and he thought she was about to walk away and stood up, suddenly regretting his words. His hands caught at the hem of her dress as he brought himself to his feet, but she didn't notice.

"Don't you want me?" Lily nearly shouted, twirling around. She was obviously surprised by his proximity and folded herself into his embrace once more. "Don't you want me?" she cried into his chest.

Teddy was shocked by how small she seemed once more, but it wasn't the sort of small that made him think of her as a child. "Of course I want you," he murmured into her hair, which had turned a rich shade of black over the years, before kissing the top of her head. "I've never wanted anyone more."

Lily stepped away from him. "Then take me, please," she said, untying her dress. It was a simple maneuver and did nothing to reveal any more of her skin, but stirred something in him nonetheless. "Take me. I'm yours. Only yours. Only ever yours."

xx

They lay in the grass now, Lily's head resting on Teddy's chest. He thinks only of her, relishing in the feeling of her warm summer skin against his own. She will be gone tomorrow. Does she feel the sadness I feel about it? he wonders, kissing the top of her head once more. They won't see one another until December. Does she regret what they've done? If not, will she grow to?

He prays that she won't and hugs her to his chest. "I love you," he whispers to her, wondering where such words came from but knowing that they're the truth.

She sniffles and looks up at him with her wide brown eyes, obviously shocked. "Thank you," she nearly cries before snuggling into him even more, though they were already very close together. "God, I love you."

They rest like this for a while until Teddy begins to wonder what is going on at the Burrow. While this was happening—while they were making love—the rest of their family was celebrating as usual. Did they wonder where Lily and Teddy had run off to?

Teddy nudges Lily and helps her to stand, realizing that he is still a bit drunk by the way the world seems to spin around him, but maybe it's just her presence that does this to him. "We've got to head back," he says, handing her her blue dress. "They'll wonder where we are."

She smiles at him and takes the garment and the two get dressed. They head back to the Burrow hand-in-hand. "What will we tell them?" Lily asks quietly the moment the house is in sight.

Teddy shrugs. He doesn't know. It's wrong what he's done, and yet so right. And furthermore, it's what they've done, not just what he's done. He smiles down at Lily and kisses her. "We'll tell them an altered version of the truth," he says. "Because… Well…" He wants to be with her. Forever. It's a jarring thought but it's the truth.

When they return, though, everyone has gone to bed. The younger cousins sleep in the living room, the adults in separate rooms upstairs. Teddy and Lily pick their way through the crowd until they reach an empty couch where they lie down together. Teddy supposes they really haven't been missed that much—or perhaps everyone knew what they were up to. Perhaps everyone saw it coming but him.

It's a comforting thought, though he doesn't quite believe it. He wraps his arms around Lily and closes his eyes and the spinning sensation returns. He's still not sure if he's drunk on her love or the alcohol, but in case it's the latter he sends out a prayer before falling asleep. Please, he thinks, please don't let me forget this in the morning.

Lily sighs contently into his chest and the two fall asleep.