Like a Lonely House-A Love Story Told in Nineteen Parts
Part III
Just as I'm sitting down to breakfast, I hear a word I've be secretly desperate to hear for weeks. Weasley. My heart immediately jumps to my throat, and I fight to remain impassive.
"Weasley?" I repeat, and I can hear the eagerness in my voice. "Which one?"
Adrian bites his lip and raises his eyebrows mirthfully.
"Lefevre and Weasley are getting back together," he tells me.
Thank the stars. If they'd have been talking about her brother, I would have bloody lost my mind. I ignore Adrian and turn to Leolin instead.
"Are you?" I demand, all attempts to seem nonchalant pretty much forgotten.
I've been waiting for this news for ages, praying that their friendship was stronger than Lefevre's admittedly annoying indulgence of Draco's prejudices. I knew she wouldn't listen to him forever, though, I assure myself, feeling triumphant despite the fact that nothing's actually changed yet. I glance over to the Gryffindor table where Weasley's just sat down. Even the fact that she's sitting next to Granger doesn't dampen my good mood.
"What is wrong with you?" Leolin snaps at Adrian, punching him hard in the arm.
I ignore them; they're constant bickering makes me want to rip my own eardrums out.
"Ooh, touchy!" Adrian continues, unable, as always, to simply let her be. "Darling, I think you better let Draco fu—"
Draco shakes his head, silently warning Adrian not to say another word. I'm frankly surprised he's gotten away with as much as he has; no one is generally allowed to tease Leolin when he's around, and Adrian's had to get pretty creative about slagging her off. I watch Weasley tuck some copper hair behind her ear and smile—Merlin, that smile—at something that stunted ape Finnegan says. Still, she looks slightly sad, and we all know why; she and Leolin miss each other. I know Drake can see it too, and honestly, I don't understand how he can profess to love her and still feel okay about trying to keep her and Ginny apart.
"Lefevre!" I demand. "Are you and Weasley getting back together or not?"
"Maybe," she says. "We'll see."
"No we won't," Draco amends, looking pointedly at Leolin. "Don't listen to Pucey, Z, you know he's full of shite. Leolin's not to go anywhere near Weasley."
"You can't make this decision for me!" Leolin snaps at Draco, who mutters, "the hell I can't."
"But you don't…hate her anymore, right?" I press, heart rate elevating as my mind begins creating wild scenarios. Honestly, Weasley just has this insane ability to make me act and feel crazy. And the really crazy part is, I can't seem to get enough of it. Blaise Zabini, emperor of indifference, conoisseur of distain, pulled completely undone by a girl who's never even bothered to smile at him. It's pathetic, I know that, but somehow I don't really care.
Leolin doesn't answer my question, she's too busy eying Weasley longingly now, too, so I continued. "You won't mind if I—"
She cuts me off by holding up a hand.
"She isn't interested, Blaise. Give it up."
"But if you do reunite with her—" I say, already entertaining a completely absurd scenario where the four of us are all good friends.
"Pack it in, mate," Adrian adds, probably still sore at being silently told off by Draco. "Nobody fucking cares."
I let this comment glance off my back—I sincerely don't care what Adrian thinks—but I scowl at Leolin's response. It bothers me that despite everything, she still doesn't think I'm good enough for Weasley.
"Whatever," I say sullenly. "Draco will never let you make up with her anyway."
Leolin turns to give me an ugly look that I return. I've always had her back; is it really too much to expect her to have mine? She obviously thinks Weasley's class; it shouldn't bother her so much that I agree.
I steal another glance over to the Gryffindor table to find Weasley's actually looking in my direction. Well, technically she's looking in Leolin's direction, but when she realises I've caught her, she glances at me, seeming almost sheepish. I watch the flush creep up her cheeks. Embarrassed is so charming on her.
She doesn't give me the frown I've come to expect when she catches me looking at her, and instead she meets my gaze steadily for several seconds. I would pay a billion galleons to hear what she's thinking right now. I revel in the attention, however brief, as I furiously try to decide my next move. Should I smile, or maintain the rare upper-hand by looking away as if I don't care? I've never really tried playing hard to get with her, mostly because it feels like it would be a wasted campaign. I don't get enough face time for that to work. Besides, I don't feel like I could pull it off; she's too magnetic.
I know she's eventually going to get fed up with our little staring contest and look away, but just as I decide to just smile at her and see where that gets me, her sodding brother plops down next to her, giving me an incredibly nasty look. I wonder if he knows it was me that melted his cauldron and lost him thirty points in Potions the Monday after Potter cheated on Lef. I assume he must, unless he's actually as stupid as he looks; I didn't make any big secret about it.
He leans over to whisper something in his sister's ear—honestly, how the hell did those two creatures emerge from the same gene pool—still giving me the evil eye. She looks at me again in response to whatever he's said, and her gaze is back to being frigid. Ronald, that fucking twat.
"You're right," I hear Draco say, and I turn back to the conversation at my own table. "I'm sorry, darling. If you think that making up with Weasley is best then of course I support you."
I glance at Adrian, who looks confused as well, and I watch his expression fade into mild disgust as Drake leans over to kiss Leolin in a manner that more suited to a soft core pornography than the breakfast table.
"For fuck's sake," he growls, rolling his eyes. "Give it a fucking rest."
I'm not watching them, though, because I know how Drake's mind works, and I know why he's doing what he's doing. I glance over to the Gryff table again to find I'm right; Potter's just arrived, and he looks about as pleased with the kiss as Adrian.
"Why would you do that?" Leolin demands, pushing Draco off.
I don't say anything—I have no interest in inserting myself any further into their drama—but I'm with Leolin. I find Drake's jealousy extremely tedious, and, more importantly, he's practically goading Potter to fight back in kind, and I have no desire to watch him kiss Ginny the way Drake just kissed Lef.
"I hate the way he looks at you," Draco sneers.
Oh here we fucking go. I glance at Adrian again, and he rolls his eyes as well.
"You used to look at me the same way," Leolin continues. "Worse, actually, and Harry never tortured you."
"That was different, obviously."
As I feel the fight escalating, I tune out and glance at Weasley again. Potter's got her arm around her now, and it may just be my own selfish agenda bleeding through, but she doesn't look entirely comfortable in his embrace. As I imagining what she'd look like in my arms—and then, inevitably, what her hair would look like fanned across my dark pillow as I shag her into ecstasy, Adrian nudges me again. I reluctantly look back at him to find Draco and Leolin have temporarily stopped arguing, and that he's asked me a question.
"So you never told us," Adrien repeats. "How'd things go with Gracie?"
I shrug, and I can't hold back the smirk. I'm still a bloke, after all, and she may not be Ginny Weasley, but Grace is a very attractive girl.
"Honestly, it was brilliant," I admit. "The girl is incredibly flexible and she bloody knows what she's doing. Plus, the best part was that when it was over she just grabbed her things and left. Didn't even try to sleep over. She almost had me worried I didn't satisfy her, even though she shuddered and squealed through the whole thing."
As I describe the rest in somewhat ungentlemanly detail, I can't help but imagining Weasley again. What I wouldn't give to do those things to her. I look over at her for an unprecedented third time, it's too find she's looking at me again, too.
Maybe I will get the chance after all, I think arrogantly, and then after I can casually mention that my feelings for her are the best proof I have that my cold heart can love after all, and that I wouldn't mind having loads of beautiful, mixed-race children with her...
Just for something to, you know, talk about.
When she finally looks away again, blushing even more deeply than before. I feel a thrum deep in my chest.
My Ginny is back.
The agony I feel at watching Leolin and Malfoy together at the breakfast table is so acute, I feel like I would have to invent a new language just to put it into words. I'm still furious at her for the way she's been carrying on—it still makes me sick to think of them strutting back into the party last night in fresh clothes, presumably just to torture Harry—but I can see Malfoy's hand so clearly in all of her cruel antics, the anger is easily justified away.
Besides, more than angry, I mostly just feel guilty. I know I don't really have to as much anymore, all of their bullshite has allowed me to bow out from being the villain, at least in the arena of public opinion, but I still feel guilty all. the. damn. time. She shouldn't be with him, and the only reason she is is because first I couldn't be honest with her, and then I couldn't keep my selfish agenda in check and stay by her side when she needed me most. Not to mention the fact that if she hadn't burst in, I probably would have shagged her boyfriend. At least tried to, anyway.
I watch them for another second—she looks unhappy with him about something—and I grit my teeth.
I made them; I created a vacuum in her life, and left her defenseless and alone when she was at her most vulnerable. She would have been easy prey for any bloke with the cruel mind for such things, and Malfoy was no ordinary predator. He'd been lying in wait for months, waiting for his opportunity to strike. Like the snake emblazoned on his robes, he'd known just where the sink his fangs in to spread the poison the quickest, and just like that, she'd become his.
"You alright, Ginny?" Seamus says jovially, interrupting my hate-fueled shame spiral. "You look like someone's just cancelled Christmas."
I give a weak smile and tuck some hair behind my ear. He knows why I'm acting so forlorn; I'm pretty sure everyone does, they're too polite to say anything. That, and I don't get the sense anyone was ever very keen on my having a best friend in Slytherin, and secretly they're glad they don't have to like her for my sake anymore.
"Fine," I manage. "I just have double Transfig with the Slytherins today."
"That sounds dreadful," Lavender says. "Though I will give you a hundred galleons to transfigure Pucey into a cockroach and step on him."
She's wringing her napkin so tightly her knuckles are white as she watches the object of her loathing from three tables over, growling to herself as he tips his head back to laugh, unnaturally white teeth glinting. I watch Leolin punch him hard in the arm, and I can't hold back silent cheer for her, both as her friend and as a member of the female sex in general.
"No," Hermione interrupts. "We have to stop fighting! Haven't we lost enough House Points? Honestly, at this rate we'll be playing catch up the rest of the year!"
"Who cares about House Cup?" Seamus replies. "It will be worth it to lose if we keep Slytherin from it as well."
Hermione huffs and goes back to The Daily Prophet, and I turn to look at the Slytherin table. I wonder if Leolin asked her boys to start the prank war for her, or if they'd done it out of their own warped sense of loyalty to one another and to their house. Probably neither, I decide. More likely than not, it was Malfoy's idea; a way to keep Leolin separated from me disguised as a gesture of support.
I hate him, I think savagely. I wish I could drive a stake into his heart and watch all the light drain from his stupid eyes. One thing at a time, I remind myself. First I need to get Leolin back, then I can worry about dismantling their relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, it was my meddling that got me in this mess in the first place, and I should just focus on being friends with Leolin again. Still, I can't help her. I love her too much to let him devour her without a fight.
No, first things first, Weasley. Focus.
How am I going to get her to forgive me? I know she wants to reconcile, too, I can see it on her face, but I also know how intent Malfoy must be to keep that from happening. What I really need is an double agent. Someone that will give me access to their inner sanctum and run interference on Malfoy. That really only leaves me with...
A steal a glance over at their table in a effort to discreetly size up my would-be ally, only to find he's already looking at me, jade eyes glittering as he watch me. I blush as he studies me, like he's never seen before. This is the first time I've caught him staring at me in a while, and I feel a fluttering in my stomach. After what happened between me and Leolin, he'd started pretending I didn't exist. Could the fact he was looking at me again mean that Leolin had confided something in him about us? I didn't dare hope.
Still, I'm tempted to find out.
What would he want, I wonder, in return? He was a Slytherin, after all; they never give something for nothing. I suppose the more important question would be, what was I willing to give him? Before i could stop myself, I picture the contrast of his dark skin against mine as I ride him, imagine running my hands down his smooth chest, and a pleasant pit forms in my stomach. I can't help remembering what Leolin said about him having a talented tongue. I've never really—Dean hadn't been much good at that, so I don't really get why girls are always going on and on about it. Zabini is still watching me, and I feel a faint tingling between my thighs. Maybe I'm ready to find out.
Just then Ron plunks down next to me, breaking my reverie. Oh my stars, did I just have a sex fantasy about Zabini? I'm losing my sodding mind.
"What does that twat want?" he says in reference to the object of my thoughts.
"Stupid blighter melted my cauldron a few weeks ago," he continues, grumbling. "I know it was him. What did I ever bloody do?"
"Nothing," I say, feeling guilty again. "It was to punish me."
"You didn't do anything wrong, darling," Lavender says from across the table, giving me a sympathetic look.
"Besides," Seamus adds. "Sort of hard to be the bad guy when you're up against those two."
He gestures over to the Slytherin table, where Malfoy's kissing Leolin as if he intends to shag her right there, in the Great Hall.
"Lovely," a voice echoes quietly, and I turn to see Harry approaching.
He looks drawn, and for a few seconds I feel my guilt being subsumed by anger for his sake. However, when I notice that Leolin and Malfoy have started arguing again, I realise the kiss was just another one of his petty manipulations, and I grit my teeth.
"Good morning," he says as he sinks down next to me, kissing my cheek.
I try not the stiffen too much, but I admit that despite Malfoy and Leolin's erotica display just now, I'm still a bit uncomfortable with being physically affectionate with him in public. Unlike Malfoy, I have no desire to flaunt our relationship in an effort to enflame jealousy and contempt.
This is still at the forefront of my mind as Harry slides an arm around me. It's not that I don't love him—I do, I know that now more than ever—but I suppose I expected his touch to thrill a bit more than it does. It's not that I don't like it, or that it didn't feel good when we finally had sex the night of the Slytherin-Hufflepuff party, but I always imagined love this true would be accompanied by blazing sexual chemistry.
Maybe that part is coming, I decide. After all, I plan on spending a very long time with Harry, so we have plenty of time to find out. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I suppose I could go to Hermione, though I don't really fancy putting her in the middle. She is Harry's best friend, after all.
It's not Hermione's advice I want anyways, I admit to myself. It's Leolin's.
Of course it is.
I glance over at the Slytherin table one final time, eying Zabini with new determination. I don't care what it takes. I'm going to bend him like heated steel until he gives me what I want. Until he helps get me my Leolin back.
I just bloody hope he's ready.