wow, so there is some interest in this little guy? awesome. thank you (a buncha bunch) for the comments!
many apologies for that ridiculously super long wait. i took on more classes this february. i'm hoping things'll settle down soon, so i can fit in more writing time. right now, i'm not sure when i can get updates out. won't be a regular scheduled deal, they'll probably just come atcha randomly, here and there. cool? i hope so.
hotcutii3 - yes, sara is married. :)
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Sundays. Lazy Sundays.
When I was younger, Sunday was my least favorite day. My neighborhood friends spent their Sundays in church. And since my family doesn't attend church services, isn't associated with any type of religion, I was stuck in my house with only my dolls and nanny (who barely knew I existed) to keep me company.
Sundays were boring and lonely.
Until Spencer.
Spencer makes Sunday the best day of the week.
I watch my toes bury in the hot sand. A shadow falls over me. Two wet feet come into view.
"C'mere."
I tilt my head back, look up at the tanned, bikini clad beauty standing over me. My eyes drift down her body before I find her outstretched hand. I don't even ask, I just slip my hand in hers and follow her down the beach. We stop when we hit the tide.
"Sand castle time." She sits Indian style and begins rummaging through the large beach bag that she brings every Sunday.
I settle down beside her, and can't hold back the grin when I see the items she is pulling out. "Aren't we a little too old for sand castles and shovels and pails, Spence?"
"Oh, we'll never be too old for sand castle building, Ash." Spencer smiles brightly and squints her eyes. And I curse the sun. Curse it for being the reason I can't see her gorgeous blue eyes. "Never."
I laugh lightly, and accept the shovel being handed to me. "Okay, if you say so."
"I do." Spencer starts packing the pail full of wet sand.
"Then it must be true, since you never tell a lie."
"Like, totally."
"Ugh," I use my shovel to flick some sand on her, hitting her leg, "you know I hate those two words used together like that."
Spencer giggles, sweeping the sand off of her. "I know, that's why I say it. I love to annoy you." She lowers her head and gives attention to filling the pail. "Your face gets all scrunchy and your nose wrinkles. It's cute."
I feel my face warm. But now I'm thankful for the sun because my blush isn't visible through my sun-kissed, pink cheeks. Before I can make any kind of comment, a pail of wet, cold sand is dumped in my lap. "Hey!"
"You started it!"
"But I... it wasn't... not this much!" I brush off my lap.
"Well, now you know," Spencer waves her little yellow plastic shovel at me, "not to mess with me."
"Oh, puh-leeze!" I laugh. "You're the biggest wimp, Spencer Carlin."
"I am not!"
"You are. Like, totally," I say jokingly, but can't help cringing as the words pass through my lips.
"So, I'm not allowed to say 'like, totally,' but you are?"
"I can pull it off."
Spencer lifts an eyebrow. "I'm not sure that's something to be proud of."
I chuckle.
Spencer sits the pail back down between us. "Okay, I obviously won the sand war, so now that that's over with, can we get serious about this castle? I want to make a big one. With three levels. And a mote," she says excitedly, patting the sand into the bottom of the pail. "Oh, and a drawbridge!"
How adorable is she? "Uhh... let's be realistic here, Spence, I doubt we can pull off a drawbridge."
"We can, together." Spencer lifts her eyes. I get lost in seas of blue. She grins, knowing the cheesiness that's about to come out of her mouth, "Together, we can pull off anything. Get through anything."
"Really?" I stick my shovel into the sand, removing a chunk. "What about world hunger, think we can end that? Together?"
"Hm, I think we should start small. For instance, with this sand castle, giving it a drawbridge. Then, we can build up from there. And end world hunger. Together. Someday."
"Wow," I draw out, amused at our silliness. "Someday, we're gonna be important."
"Like, totally," Spencer grins. And I shake my head and give a slight eye roll at her wording. But as annoying as those two words are – the more Spencer uses them, the more I like them. "Well, as long as we stick together. I mean, you're nothing without me. No way would you be able to end world hunger on your own."
"Hey!" I fake a pout, knowing it's a joke. But, really, it's true. I am nothing without Spencer Carlin. She's a part of me. As much a part of me as my right arm. And if I lost my right arm, I could get a prosthetic in its place, but it would never be the same as the real thing. I wouldn't be the same.
"I'm kidding. You know I'm kidding." Her eyes and smile softens. A seriousness takes over her features. "You can do anything, Ash. You're amazing." Shyly, she averts her gaze. The word "perfect" floats quietly from her lips. I catch it. Barely.
I feel my heart pounding. And I want to say so much. Tell her that she's amazing. She's the perfect one. But I can't. I never can. Fear gets in the way, tells me that it's not a good idea. That she'll see through my words. See that I don't mean them in the friendly way she means them.
She'll see the truth. And I can't let her see. Because I don't want to lose my right arm. I wouldn't be the same without it.
Without her.
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Gym. I hate gym. And Mondays. And Sara. Okay, no, I don't hate Sara. But I really want to after this morning.
I definitely hate my literature partner.
Why Spencer? Thirty-two students are in my first period class. Thirty-two! Why, or how, is it that I'm paired with the one person out of that thirty-two that I want nothing to do with? Why? How?
It's so fucked up.
And what's even more fucked up is that I can't stop thinking about it. Three classes have gone by, and I'm still dwelling on first period.
Feeling frustrated and sticky (from gym), I weave around swarms of people in the halls and slip into a bathroom. I check the stalls. Empty. Just the way I want it. I toss my bag on the counter and tightly clutch the edge of the sink. Shoulders bunched up, head forward, I stare blankly at myself in the mirror, trying to clear my thoughts of... everything. Then, my eyes focus. I look. Really look. And I see my sloppy appearance. Frizzy, matted hair. Pink cheeks. Ew. An hour of running track – why is that a requirement?
First, I concentrate on taming my hair, putting it into a quick and easy ponytail. Then, I go to my face. I open my bag, riffle through its contents, dig out my makeup kit. Facet on, water flows out in a rush. I adjust the temperature. My fingers touch the stream, checking its warmth. Before I bend forward to wash my face, I hear the door open. Footsteps. I pause, straighten my back and look into the mirror. Blue eyes lock on my brown.
Out of all the bathrooms in this school! What the hell is going on? For two years, I've managed to avoid running into her, but today, I can't escape her.
"Sorry, I didn't know you were in here." Spencer drops her head, steps backward. I hate it when she puts on the shy girl act. It used to be adorable, but now it bothers me, gets under my skin. "I'll go."
I take a breath and force myself to calm down. "It's a public bathroom," I quip, stopping her retreat. I lower my head and slowly cup my hands under the running water. "I asked Mrs. Pierce for a different partner." My eyes wander back to the reflection of Spencer and start searching. Searching for a hint of a smile, something that shows she is happy or relieved by my statement. But I don't find what I want, what I think should be her reaction. All I find is my ex-best friend standing with a bowed head and fidgeting hands, looking like she's the loneliest, saddest girl. My gaze falls to the sink, where my cupped hands are overflowing with water. "Unfortunately, she turned me down."
"I'm sorry you have to be stuck with me."
"So am I," I say, frostily. The frown on her face tells me that my words stung.
Spencer shakes her head. "I don't understand–" Two girls enter the bathroom, interrupting her. She moves out of their way, settling against the sink next to me. The girls disappear into stalls. She leans into me. "We can get through anything – together. Remember that?"
I can't be here. Not in this small space with Spencer. So close. Whispering. Filling my head with the past. A past that, before today, I had managed to forget. Two emotions are battling inside me. Anger and, something I wasn't prepared for, sadness. My eyes are stinging with tears. And I don't want her to see that I'm still weak around her, that she can still get to me, so I quickly shut off the water and shove my makeup kit into my bag. "That was a different time. A time I don't want to remember," I say in a rush, throwing my bag over my shoulder and turning toward her. "A time I wish never happened." And that's it. I walk past her and out of the bathroom.
I clench my jaw, blink away those unwelcome tears.
Where's Paige? I need a cigarette.
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