SUMMARY: Alph must replenish the cafeteria's supply of watermelon before the school collapses in chaos. Zelda makes a personal bet with Samus.

Chapter 3-Melon Madness

It was the greatest tragedy Smashville has ever known. Even the Great Battle with the Hands has never been so devastating. Society as we know it almost collapsed if it hadn't been for Alph.

Here it goes. Can you handle it?

The cafeteria was out of watermelon.

I know, I know. It's unthinkable. But that's what happened. It all started when…

"So, how's Link doing?"

Zelda hesitated as she drank her apple juice. When Samus said something like that, it never ended well.

Zelda, Samus (without her power suit of course), and Lucina sat at their usual table in the Smashville School cafeteria. Why everybody went to school, Zelda didn't know. Maybe it's because Mario refuses to let everybody choose brawn over brains. Since Mario pretty much saved Nintendo by releasing Crazy Hand's core, he was unofficially the Smasher's leader. He didn't take advantage of it too often, but he always made sure that everybody was prepared in case of another attack. Unfortunately, school was one of them.

It wasn't bad actually. It relieved Zelda of her duties as princess of Hyrule for a while. It felt good to act like a regular teenager. It also felt good to have other female friends who also are true warriors at heart. Lucina is also destined to have a throne of her own, so Zelda wasn't alone in the world.

Unfortunately, when Zelda thought of being a teenager, she didn't imagine talking about boys with her girlfriends. Samus unfortunately brings that up a lot. Weird, some days she's serious and other days she could be just another teenager.

As they sat down at their table, Samus jumped right to the point. "So, how's Link doing?"

Zelda hesitated before replying. "He's fine. Why do you ask?"

Lucina smirked as her eyes darted to Samus.

Samus's face, however, was dead serious. "I mean what the deal with you two?"

Zelda put her juice down. "Oh, you know, good friends as always."

That wasn't what Samus wanted to hear. "Oh my god, Zelda!"

"Don't say that," Zelda warned. "I'm descended from a goddess."

"Why hasn't he asked you out yet?!" Samus said a little too loudly. A few people from nearby tables glanced over. Peach and Rosalina giggled. Even Luma seemed to be laughing.

Zelda turned on Samus with murderous eyes. "Can you say that louder please?!" she hissed. "Might as well tell Link while you're at it!"

Samus returned Zelda's murderous look. "I might as well. It's been years Zelda! YEARS! No boy waits this long."

Lucina laughed. "I wouldn't talk if I were you, Samus. After all, Shulk hasn't asked you out yet either."

Samus directed her gaze to Lucina. "What about you and Robin then?"

Lucina's smirk died instantly. "The teacher? Of course not. He can change his gender too, and that can be pretty awkward in a relationship."

It was true. The wizard Robin was everybody's teacher. Since there weren't many Smasher's around, he/she just took all of them into one class. He/she insisted on changing his appearance every period, claiming that he wanted to, "show everyone a true high school experience." Yeah right. Zelda was pretty sure most high schools didn't have immortal guardians who all share the same periods and teacher.

Samus turned back to Zelda. "It needs to happen soon, Zelda. Everyone is talking about you two!"

Looking for a way out of the conversation, Zelda looked at her food. "Did I get any watermelon today?" she asked innocently. Samus and Lucina looked at their own plates.

"I didn't get any watermelon either," Samus said nervously. "Did you get any Lucina?"

Lucina looked over her plate. Her head snapped up with a worried look. "No…"

Zelda realized that the other tables were looking at their food also. Luigi turned his entire tray upside down trying to find the missing fruit.

"Oh, god…"

"Samus…" Zelda said menacingly.

"Sorry. Oh, gosh, are we out of watermelon?"

Suddenly time seemed to stop as everyone looked at the cafeteria chef, Dr. Mario (who was also the school doctor, in case you were wondering). All at once, the cafeteria exploded in angry shouts and stampedes. Dr. Mario was bombarded with screams and demands for the important food.

Why was watermelon so important? Let me explain…

Watermelon contains citrulline, which digested is turned into arginine, which relaxes the body and expands the blood vessels (sorry I'm bringing science into this). This relaxation reduces food fights by %30, creating a calm atmosphere and a healthy one at that. The rind is also edible, so if you're a hard-core eater like King Dedede or Kirby, just open wide and chow down! It pretty gruesome to watch, but hey, there's other stuff you can do that won't gross you out.

It brings the joy of using your weapons into the cafeteria. Smashers love to see swordsmen perform cool tricks as they slice watermelon for everyone. You can slice it in a variety or ways. Whether you want cubes, bowls, or traditional slices, just ask either Pit or Dark Pit to cut up the watermelon for you. They are in fierce competition over who can cut better. But that's not the only competition here…

Seed shooting contests are always a hit. Those pesky black things can fire pretty hard and fast with the right skill. If you don't like that, just eat them! They won't hurt…unless they're being shot at you.

So you can see why watermelon is so important. Without it, society could fall. Without it, Dr. Mario could lose his life. He almost did that very day, but our hero Alph saved his life. (This is where the main character changes from Zelda to Alph).

Alph stood on his table and shouted at the top of his lungs. "PEOPLE OF SMASHVILLE! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE…"

"What is this? The Hunger Games?!" shouted Meta Knight.

"Gomo hasda tyrune incanady, fooming teekolada!" Marth exclaimed.

"…"

"Oooo-kay, that didn't make sense. Does anyone here know what he just said?" demanded Wario.

"EVERYBODY! LET ME FINISH!" Alph yelled. "As I was saying, I will venture to the end of the universe to find the fruit of the gods! I will journey across miles and miles of deserts to find our watermelon! I will single-handily climb the tallest mountain for any lead on where our beloved fruit may be!"

"Um…" Zelda coughed. "Can't you just look in the African jungles? Isn't that where watermelon is naturally grown?"

Everyone turned to Alph.

Alph sighed. "Leave it to you people to ruin everything…" he muttered.

"'Scuse me?"

"Nothing! I just said that I have the most experience finding fruit, so I will lead the epic quest! I will also need help with loading the watermelons into the DRAKE, would anybody like to come?"

All hands flew to the air. "Pick me, Pick me!" everybody was saying.

Alph selected Villager and R.O.B. since they had the best experience carrying things. They saddled themselves into the DRAKE and blasted off.

After crashing into a few trees, the crew landed safely into the jungles of Africa. ROB and Villager immediately began searching for signs of watermelon content as Alph scattered his Pikmin around. They searched for hours until they realized that there was no watermelon around.

They explored even farther until Alph heard some pretty terrible singing.

Alph cuffed his ears. "What is that terrible bird song!? Make it stop!"

ROB had it easy. He just had to shut off his speakers and silently laugh as he watched Alph and Villager walk around with bursting eardrums.

"It's not a bird," Villager was saying. "It's some kind of monster."

"No no no," Alph dejected. "It's a dying elephant."

"Are you talking about my singing?"

Alph turned around and saw Phosphora glaring at the two. Somethng about the vine around her waist seemed familiar…

Villager was one step ahead of Alph. As fast as Phosphora's own lighting strikes, a butterfly net was drawn and cast over the nature goddess. Phosphora shrieked as the net tightened around her. She became so confused, she couldn't do anything to free herself.

So Villager, Alph and Rob happily loaded the captured nature goddess into the DRAKE and flew back to Smashville.

The huge crowd never left the cafeteria, even though school had ended about two hours ago. The DRAKE crashed through the wall and unloaded its cargo.

Everybody practically fumed when they realized that they came back empty handed.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Peach exclaimed.

"I want my watermelon!" Little Mac yelled.

Diddy Kong went bananas and started throwing peels everywhere.

Despite the threats, Alph kept a cool head and displayed the butterfly net for all to see.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Alph yelled dramatically. "I give you…the Goddess of Nature!"

The net was released. Everybody gasped.

"Phosphora!" Palutena exclaimed.

"Palutena!" Phosphora exclaimed.

"Pit!" yelled Pit, shoving a fist into the air.

"Nobody cares!" yelled Dark Pit.

Pit's mood changed drastically after that.

The two goddesses looked at each other. At the same time they hugged and did their secret goddess handshake. "Bestie!" they cried.

Pit and Dark Pit looked at each other and smirked.

"So did you see the latest episode of Skyworld Idol last night?"

"Of course I did! I didn't like that angel guy though. He was ugly."

"I thought he was ok…"

"Puh-lease! His voice was like nails on a chalkboard."

Alph covered Villager's mouth before Villager could break the news.

The goddesses continued to talk until a hungry King Dedede got to the point.

"Where's our stinking watermelon?!"

Phosphora looked shocked. "Are we all out?"

"YES!" everybody yelled.

Phosphora looked ashamed. "I'm sorry Palutena," she apologized. "I thought you guys had plenty leftover!"

Palutena laughed. "It's ok. Can you grow more?"

"Of course." Phosphora concentrated as a green glow emitted from her body. The vine on her waist sprouted watermelon by the dozens. The Smasher's rejoiced as watermelons poured forth. Dr. Mario was relieved to see watermelons growing in the garden one more.

"Thank you bestie!" Palutena cried with a face full of watermelon. "See you at Tuesday's brunch!"

"Bye bestie!" The handshake was performed, and Phosphora disappeared in a flash of light.

So the world was saved, and Zelda couldn't be happier with a dress full of stains. To her left, Samus said, "Isn't this nice. Almost as nice as you getting together with Link…"

Oh boy, Zelda thought. Thinking actually did something to her, because she got an idea.

"Tell you what, Samus," Zelda promised, "If you can get Link to talk regularly like everybody else, then I will consider asking him out."

Samus smiled. "Deal"

And another handshake was performed that day. But this one sealed a deal. Will Link every talk? What will he say? What will his personality be like? What would his favorite food be?

Those are questions for another day. Probably tomorrow.