WINOREXIA

So it's morning at Ohtori and a gaggle of the usual anorexic little BG fuckers stroll towards like the school like none of them have ever looked a sammich in the face in their lives. And EVERYTHING MUST BE PALE GREEN YES YES YES.

Everyone's favourite trap activates stealth mode but is nonetheless swiftly KOed by her many lesbian fangirls.

'zomg utenasamakawiikakkoiidesu!!111shift+one'

'goddamit gaiz this isn't facebook, stop stalking me D:'

'DENIED'

I swear there were pools of girl-spunk on the pavement there. Big, sticky, pools. Just think about that for a while. I certainly have been.

:D

The trap collapses into the classroom clenching in preparation for moar surprise buttraep than endured by the entire castmembers of Strawberry Panic. Especially that little blonde bitch, whatsherface. The one that gets surprised sex'd all the time. Himeko or something. I hate that little cunt.

Anyway, Utena is instead greeted by the delightful strains of WHEN I WAS, A YOUNG BOY, MY FATHER--

'Oh hai Wakaba, is dat sum ketchup I c on ur sleeve thar? U shud ttly get that cleaned u—OH GOD NO NOT A FLASHBACK'

Having been swiftly reminded of the fagtastic emo fanfic shenanigans of yesterday, Utena goes all SD on her BFF's ass. Shit's tight, dawg. Nt rly, it's an epic phailure and everyone nearby was infected with catAIDS, if all the student-teacher sex and twincest hadn't already achieved that. O HAI dis is animu yesh?

Everyone's unfavourite onion-haired ho is reading the collected works of Nietzsche because, once again, NO ONE CARES. Apart from that one guy, what was his name? I forget, but he kinda doesn't care either. IT SO SAD ;_;

Never knowing when to quit, the trap-a-lap does the true shojo heroine thing and keeps bugging her friend. 'So I hear u fail at romance, amirite?'

Consistent characterisation is consistent. Il y a des evidences dessous, senor.

'nah, I'm totally over that shit from last episode :D. I want your ass now. Ur liek my tru luv!!11 and shit. Look, I wrote a songfic. It's called My Immortal. There's this chick called Enoby and—'

'thts gr8, but—'

'it can be raeptime plees?'

Utena facepalms, 'No. This isn't the movie, I'm ttly str8 4 for big fat indian co—'

'RAEPTIME BITCH'

Meanwhile, Anthy takes pix and saves them for blackmail and fap.

Elsewhere, in Lillian Girls Academy.

AWESOME INTERLEKSHUALS CHICK SPEECHIFYING GOES HERE PL0X.

Les members de le student council are usual, playing strip poker and sailing the crimson river, respectively. Sadly as Miki was still underage and no one felt like getting v& for shota the game was fucked like anthy on Saturdays and they had to play Cheat instead.

'so saionji got pwnz0rd like a fgt by some random and himemiya gets to come out the kitchen.' Touga expositions. Sadly everyone's rating a zero on the give-a-fuck-meter so he heroically cutnpastes on. 'So, did you guys get the d0x from EndOfTehWorld? You know, the ones we all get and I will proceed to tell you the contents of even though you've already read them and blah blah blah, RoseSeal, kiss my ass, the script writer needs an hero, etc.'

'That, we know.'

'STFU.' The yaoi bishie agrees.

'wait wat.' Interjects the nearby ginger, the fires of womynly RRRRRAAAAAAGE burning in her eyes. 'Shouldn't we be worried that some outsider has just popped up out of nowhere and started fighting duels that could alter the entire hierarchical system we have here and potentially grant them the power to, let's say, change reality as we see it and prevent us from achieving any of the goals that brought us here in the first place?'

Touga looks at her and deadpans, 'TL;DR'.

'Fuck you.'

'You don't like it, you have two options: TITS or GTFO.'

Thus pwned, Juri stormed off to sulk over her broken'd lez—bee—ann heart somewhere, post on altsuicide , and possibly empty the old mooncup. Mmmmmm. Brb gaiz, afk :DDDD

Room 4, Silent Hill

The trap opens the door and is greeted by the sight of hawt injun in apron.

"y hallo there lady utena. So im like ur bitch na—"

She was swiftly falcon-punched.

'UTENA-SAMA, FGT, THIS ISN'T FUCKING SAILOR MOON!' the trap screamed in her face. 'JESUS CHRIST, IT'S NOT THAT HARD, SUBS NOT DUBS KIDS, FFFFFUUUUUUU—"

Sadly, Anthy was too busy exhaling spleen to respond. Solid forth wall is solid.

Trap-kun then notices Anthy choking on her own face and pulls her out of the puddle.

'yeh so i need sum me time with the vaseline after wakaba's special goodbye, so liek r u gonna gtfo soon? tets are also a valid alternative. :D'

IT'S A MEME JOKE SHE DOESN'T MUNCH VAG OK U PPL MAKE ME SICK

'denied, i live here nao'

See if it were me I'd shank a bitch, right in the uterus. Seriously, I'd go guro-chan on that ho. Just tellin' it like it is. Got 99 problems but an incestuous bisexual injun rose bride ain't one of them, amirite?

Utena, who is not me, says, 'says who?'

'the student council'.

Trap-kun thinks and then gives up before she hurts herself, smart move.

'fuxx0rs. But, like, why—'

'rose bride.'

'ok, but—'

'rose bride.'

'yeah, b—'

'rose bride.'

'….fuck you, himemiya.

'w/e. orite, hope u dnt mind anthropomorphic manifestations of my tormented inner soul, or lack thereof..'

The trap blinks at her, and then says 'TL;DR. also stfu himemiya, some little blue furry bastard has eaten my delicious caek D: omgwtfbbq. .'

'he is my only friend. ):'

The trap looks at the little animooted cunt choking on its own greed before her. O herro dere i am comic reliefs in case animu about wincest and phailing lyfe gets too srs kk?. :3

Utena narrows her eyes. Her face looks like something out of fist of the northern star. I shat brix just thinking about it. A house of brix.

'i haet mudkipz.' she says.

The injun faceplamed, or would have done had she not been ASSBURGERS today, like everyday.

Then they have like another boring subtextual conversation in which Utena is too dumb to live and Anthy says -1 anything while dyin inside just itty bitty bit moar. :'( like, w/e, i wasn't really paying attention cos i was busy making a haet shrine 4 that rapist out of that animu about the lezbane robots. chikaru or something. that bitch has had it too good for too long.

but mudkips, as I say, can't fault them.

meanwhile, Touga and Saionji go HARD GAY in the kendo room.

'so i herd u got beaten by a pink-haired lesbian.'

'FUUUUUUUUUUUU—'

Saionji LIMIT B-B-B-B-BREAKS. Sadly the attack is ineffective and instead he just waves the sword around looking like star wars kid.

Touga looks at him and deadpans, 'gg'. Of course he was tying to conceal his xbox hueg bonar at the same tiem. Cos him and Saionji r HARD GAY for each other according to this one scene where its sort of maybe impliedish if you look at it sideways when you're drunk through tracing paper and play the sound backwards in like episode 9001. or so i herd

'just becos im a tortured and sensitive soul being led on being a passive-aggressive whore trying to manipulate me into doing her evil bidding D:'

'lol wat.'

it must be true, fanon says so. anyway ur wrong! she belongs to me. 4 that is wats written on my myspace paeg.'

'I didn't see that.'

'below the links to all the MCR videos and that little gif with the dripping blood? Mood: apathetic? Next to the little unsmiley faces?'

'fgt.'

'says EndOfTehWorld's bum-chum.'

Touga considers this.

'….touche.'

I FUCKING CAME

They're a bit gay, you know. I heard that. Something about a bicycle.

Meanwhile, on Guro-chan

That little blue shit's on screen again. Well done Ikuhara, you massive fgt. GB2 pallettown.

Utena regards the pokemanz balefully, 'stfu mudkips, im tryin to eat delishus caek here. Go raep a frog or something.'

After sadly phailing to get the trap to look up from her OM NOM NOM'ing (growing boys need their food after all—WAIT WAIT WHAT), squirtle takes a third option and impales her hand with a fork b4 running away. I lol'd.

'IMMA CRUSH YOU' Tenjew roars in manful rage. Cos ten jews are better than one, amirite? Or was it the other way round? Shit.

She then proceeds to start upon what looks like a scene from Elfen Lied. It was pretty hawt.

'ANTHY Y WNT U LOVE ME DDDDD:'

Anthy looks at him, 'do i no u? a/s/l? i haet myself :D'

She is swiftly downed by a quick katana slice to the ovaries, followed by several teeth-loosening curb stomps. Dammit bitch, shoulda stayed in the kitchen.

Of course what with Trap-kun being a SHONEN HERRO she charges in and cuntpunts the green giant's yaoified shitspawn into next year. Only joking—she just responds with the age-old battlecry of those who can form no coherent arguments.

'NO U'

o snap. Nice one, uterus. Rly.

Saionji looks up and wipes the residual innards from his not-at-all ghey uniform.

'lol w/e. btw i only lost last time cos i ttly wasnt tryin or anything'.

'BS. And this is gross, theres spleen on mai shoes.'

Guess anthy forgot how to maintain vital signs, lol.

'i only hit her cos i luff her. :'( also, fight me agen…'

'kiss my ass'

'…or b& IRL.'

Our heroine gropes for a comeback sufficient for this, including some sort of query on what kind of school, exactly, rewards one with a promiscuous yet emotionally void teenage girl for viciously beating other students with a large wooden stick.

PROTIP: it was a phailure. Srsly.

'fuck you, shrimpdick.'

Saionji leaves to cut himself s'mores or something. Thus pwnt, Utena turns to the puddle formerly known as himemiya.

'so liek, u dnt mind if i lose on purpose then?'

'wat, being returned to an abusive jerk after playing a part in emasculating him and being left to face the inevitably violent fallout as he realises that I've been pulling passive-aggressive crap since day one in a failed attempt to regain control over my mockery of a life? Not really.'

'TL;DR'

Utena leaves to consume moar caek. Fat bitch.

'1 day,' mutters anthy, 'i swear i will stab her'

Then she lol's becos she has seen episode 39 and the above statement is thus highly ironic.

IMEAN—OHSHIT—

It's TIME TO DUEL! Dun dun dun

'i can c this stock footage swiftly becoming annoying.' Deadpans Uterus. 'also, the cg effeks need MOAR COWB—I mean MOAR LENS FLARE. And less fail.'

Anthy shrugs 'its just stock footage lol. Fucking budgets. Wait til you see the second round of duels, you'll shit.'

'90s anime, what can you do.'

They were then predictably interrupted by R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-ROSE ! O luk at ze pretti simbolozims this anime is sew deep imma write an essay about the different BG colurs nao :D

'b careful'.

Tenjew turns, 'o anthy, I didn't no u cared :D'

'i only care about ending this miserable pretence of a life, hence my expressionlessness, lol :D'

'D': '

Moar stock footage. This would be a good drinking game if i hadn't already been hitting the JD. But we don't talk about that. :'(

They fight, it's not as good as the fight scenes in Sailor Moon. At least there were panty shots. And magikkal lezbanes. And shit. Anthy watches with her asspie face. Dialogue, some dialogue. Or something.

'I hav suddenly bin inspired by the ridiculous duel song lyrics to fight properly'

'IMMA CUT YOU.'

'DENIED'

Saionji then kicks Utena straight in the tits and she goes flying like goat-face being smacked by that red convertible in episode 237 or whenever. Ha ha ha.

'i am about to win yet will still stand over u gloatin and give u a chance for a not at all foreseeable comeback :D'

'kthanx'

Utena is then entered by the ghost of a young black boy. And—shit i'm sorry, but they censored it out with another SPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIRAL, there was obviously sum pen0r there, im not even making this shit up anymore, just jewtube it. w/ ur other hand, obviously. Cos we all no wat ur doin with one of dem rite nao amirite? :D Jewtube.

Geddit, jewtube?

Like Tenjew?

Hurr.

So Saionji loses. I, for one, did not see that coming.

Back at Astraea Hill, Utena does some rapping to blastoise.

'so liek after i kicked him in the eyes for the eighth tiem he started vomming shit up n i went and had a cheezburger instead, seeing as we're all winorexic here.' Brags the trap.

'i thort u were gonna lose lol, nice fail at failing.' Says the injun. Not that it matters to her in her pit of angst or anything. Obviously.

Trap-kun turns round.

'…who r u again?'

in the next episode:

raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep raep

if u dnt like raep, ive got sex.