The next morning, Hiro found himself alone in the bed, sitting up and stretching muscles that were still a bit sore from last night with a groan. He could see through the open door to the steamy bathroom that Tohma had recently showered, and looked at the bedside table to find his clothes gathered and neatly folded. He got out of bed and collected them, going into the bathroom to clean himself up and change, pulling his long hair back into a ponytail.
He found Tohma at the kitchen table in his robe, the paper in one hand and a teacup in the other. The morning light shone on his disheveled platinum hair, the ends still damp and clinging to his neck. Hiro took a deep breath, wondering if he would be welcomed, or abruptly shown the door again like last time.
"Good morning, Hiroshi-san. Did you sleep well?" Tohma asked, with a smile so bright that Hiro was unsure if it was chilling or sincere. He supposed the fact that they were still on a first name basis was a good enough sign, and relaxed.
"Like a baby," he said with a wink. Tohma looked pleased, making something as simple as taking a sip of his tea look refined.
"Would you prefer coffee or tea?" Tohma asked, sitting his cup and paper aside and rising.
"Coffee, if it isn't too much trouble," Hiro said, taking a seat at the table.
"Not at all. I thought I might make us omelets," Tohma said, walking to the pantry.
"That sounds excellent," Hiro said.
This was entirely too surreal, Hiro thought to himself, as he watched Seguchi Tohma humming to himself and making him breakfast in his bathrobe. If someone had told him a week ago, or hell, even yesterday that this would be happening…
His phone rang, and he winced with embarrassment at the Nittle Grasper ring tone that meant Shuichi was calling, glancing into the kitchen to see if Tohma had noticed it. He saw the man give a rather enigmatic smile as he cracked an egg into the mixing bowl.
"Hey Hiro, what are you up to? Yuki's really busy, and he's in one of his moods. I thought I might swing by," Shuichi chirped on the other end.
"No! Um, I mean, I'm not at home right now," Hiro said with an uneasy laugh.
"Oooh, I see," Shuichi said with a giggle. "And where would you be this early? Still someplace from last night?" Hiro fought not to groan at his friend's accurate guess.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hiro asked in a forcefully playful tone.
"Of course I would, you jerk! We haven't hung out in a month! I need my Hiro time," Shuichi whined, making Hiro smile. He'd missed him so much that it hurt. But of course, when it came to Shuichi, those bittersweet pangs in his heart and stomach had always been par for the course.
"I'll be at NG today if you want to meet up for lunch or something," Hiro said.
"NG? Why are you hanging around there? We're not recording anything," Shuichi said, confused.
"Well, I might have been a bit productive while you've been gone," Hiro said self consciously. It was a bit of an understatement. He'd written around twenty songs, and he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to share them.
"Really?" Shuichi asked, sounding uncertain. "You've been recording without me?"
"That's right, Shuichi. I'm going solo," Hiro said with a laugh. "Don't be freaked out or anything. I've just been, well, bored without you around." And lonely, Hiro thought. And kind of depressed. Oh, and fucking our boss.
"Well, I guess that's okay then," Shuichi said. "You're at least going to let me write the lyrics, right?" Oh, and I wrote the lyrics to some of the songs, too, Shuichi. And I don't know if I can convince you they're all about Ayaka.
"Of course, silly," Hiro said. I love it when you write lyrics about how much you love Yuki for songs I wrote about how much I love you. It's great.
"Awesome! I can't wait to hear them! Send me a text when you get there," Shuichi said. Hiro said goodbye and hung up the phone.
"Shindou-san, I presume?" Tohma asked, placing spinach and feta cheese omelet before him, complete with garnish. Hiro nodded.
"This looks amazing, Tohma-san," Hiro said, then paused, looking at him to gauge his reaction. He'd never addressed him by anything other than Seguchi-san.
"Thank you. My omelets actually are pretty amazing," Tohma said cheerfully, returning to the kitchen to bring him his coffee, and to get his own plate. He slid back into his seat beside him, Hiro catching a tantalizing glimpse of his thighs as he crossed his legs beneath his robe. His gaze rose to Tohma's long, perfectly manicured fingers as they deftly unrolled a cloth napkin into his lap with a flourish.
"They do look good, but I assure you they're best when eaten," Tohma said teasingly upon noticing Hiro's distraction. Hiro blushed and gave and embarrassed laugh, before lifting his fork.
Hiro had gone home not long after breakfast, after Tohma had politely mentioned that he had business to attend to. It was hardly as abrupt as the last morning's dismissal, but still left him with no further clues as to what exactly this whole thing he had going on with the older man was. There was no goodbye kiss, no mentions of another rendezvous tonight, and nothing particularly personal in what little conversing they'd had over their meal. Hiro still wasn't completely sure what to make of this situation or how he felt about it. It was exciting and frustrating at the same time, really.
He stopped by his place for long enough to shower and change, agonizing for a moment over stuffing another change of clothes into his bag, before deciding to hell with it and grabbing a shirt and boxers on his way out. He was going to the studio a bit earlier than usual so that he could meet up with Shuichi, as he had intended to arrange for them to meet there. There was one track at least that he had set aside especially for the singer to play with. While Shuichi did not have the talent Suguru did with arrangements, he felt this particular composition played to Shuichi's strengths lyrically and musically, and he couldn't wait to see the look on his friend's face when he heard it. He knew that while Shuichi enjoyed his lyric writer and lead singer status, it had always been a little bit of a sore spot for him that he had been pushed to give up working on the instrumental aspect of their music.
He took his usual route to the small studio on the top floor, saying hello to Sakano and K on the way, and walked into the little booth that had become a second home over the course of the past month. Even in all the time he'd spent there, he'd only now begun to notice the little things that had escaped him before, the things about the room that were indelibly linked to the man who had designed it. It had the same color scheme and couch as his own apartment. The keyboard and piano were Tohma's preferred brand. There was even a picture of the NG president standing between Yuki and his wife hanging on the wall that he had never paid much mind to before. If he breathed deeply enough, he could even catch the slightest scent of the man about the place. He sat at the piano and closed his eyes for a moment, when he heard someone open the door behind him.
"I thought I'd finally look in on your progress in here," Tohma said, walking towards him with a smile. "I have been tempted a few times to have a listen to the playbacks, but since this has been a more personal project, I thought I'd wait for your permission."
"You know, I've been so into with my own things in here, that I never really thought much about all the freedom you've given me, letting me come here so much," Hiro said. Tohma gave a small sigh, joining him once more at the piano, his gloved fingers lovingly gliding over the keys for a moment.
"Yes, I'm aware it is a bit unprecedented," Tohma said. "I'm a rather observant person, Hiroshi-san, and I am especially prone to file away information I feel may be to my benefit down the line. One of the things I noticed rather early on when I signed Bad Luck, was that you were clearly in love with Shuichi-san. I thought at one time this might prove useful should he prove to not be the best thing for Eiri-san."
"So you thought that you could use me to throw a wrench into the situation," Hiro said with a tight-lipped frown.
"It was nothing motivated by cruelty, I assure you," Tohma said. "I thought perhaps the two of you were a better fit, and that Eiri-san would be able to free himself from a mutually destructive situation. But when I finally did accept that their relationship was hardly a fleeting thing, I knew that you had very likely done the same."
"So, you let me find a way to distract myself out of pity," Hiro said, his hair falling over his eyes as he gazed down. Tohma looked up from the keyboard at him, laying a hand on his elbow and shaking his head.
"I'm not really the kind of person who is prone to pity, Hiroshi," Tohma said. "It was more a matter of respect, actually, of knowing the burden of always having to love from afar, of loving so deeply that you sacrifice yourself to make the ones you love happy. I wanted to help you in some way, because I felt it might ease my own pain somehow."
Hiro looked at him, surprised at the unguarded expression on the face of a man who always seemed to be so in control, and frightened of the way it pulled at his heart to think that this man had been watching him, that he had been touched by feelings that Hiro had held so tightly inside himself that he had never dreamed anyone else had noticed.
"Are you in love with Yuki-san?" Hiro asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. Tohma shook his head.
"I do love him, yes, and far more than I should," Tohma said. "But my desires for him are not the kind that you are thinking. I have always felt deeply responsible for Eiri-san, and it is his happiness and well-being that comes first."
Hiro felt that there was much unsaid in this statement, but had lost the determination to press the matter, as he sensed the unease and melancholy he had caused with his question. He touched Tohma's face, the other man turning his gaze to him, and kissed him softly.
"It doesn't matter," Hiro said. "Thank you, Tohma."
Tohma's eyes softened, and he returned the kiss, which deepened, Tohma's velvet gloved fingers closing around his neck as their tongues met and they drew closer together.
In their distraction, they didn't notice that the door had opened behind them, until they broke away quickly and turned around at Shuichi's startled gasp.
OoOoO
Shindou-san stands there, gaping like a fish, as I try to make my exit as calmly as possible. I steal a glance at Hiro on my way towards the door. He still looks stunned, and I feel slightly guilty leaving him alone in this situation, but assume it is for the best to give the friends privacy in such an awkward moment.
So, I suppose the proverbial cat has been released from his bag, I think with a shake of my head as I walk back towards my office. I should have known better than to be so careless. It is quite unlike me, and I wonder if perhaps in some way I actually wished for something like this to happen, to at last lay some sort of claim on my new toy.
Soon Eiri-san would know that I had taken an attractive teenaged boy as my lover. Even K cannot cover up this one. Unless, of course, I had him shoot Shindou-san, I think to myself with a smile. Don't worry, I'm only joking. Really.
Never mind, though. This, I suppose, was inevitable from the moment he kissed me last night, when I'd realized just how badly I had wanted that kiss to happen.
I had been as giddy as a schoolgirl this morning, making him breakfast, taking care of him, I think, rolling my eyes, as I reenter my office. I love taking care of others, as evidenced by my attraction to complicated men who always seem to need me, like Ryuichi-san, and of course my beloved Eiri. Perhaps it because I was never taken care of myself. My mother was an aloof, cold-hearted bitch, truth be known.
Mika-san had never needed me for anything outside of the money and status I provided her, while little Eiri-san had attached himself to me from the day we met. He'd filled a void in my life that I had never even known was there. That beautiful, intelligent child who was once my shadow was now but a shadow of himself because I had failed to protect him.
It isn't long before Sakano is rushing into my office with something easily fixed presented as a disaster, the phone begins ringing off the hook, and I am allowed to push these things aside for a while.
OoOoO
Shuichi stands in the doorway for a long moment after Tohma exits the room before he speaks.
"Hiro? Did I just catch you making out with - with Seguchi Tohma?" Shuichi asks.
"I thought you weren't coming for another hour," Hiro said.
"Well, yeah, but I was up anyway, and Yuki's all pissy because I used his computer and claims I downloaded some virus, and - hey! Don't change the subject! What the hell is going on with you, Hiro? I'm gone for a month, and not only are you making out with guys, you're making out with the scariest man in Tokyo?" Shuichi asked, his voice growing louder with every word.
"Damn it, Shuichi, calm down. And shut the door behind you," Hiro said with a sigh. Shuichi came in and closed the door, sitting on the small sofa facing him.
"Now will you tell me what the hell is going on? Is he blackmailing you or something? Is he threatening to fire you, or kill your family?" Shuichi asked, getting worked up again and bouncing in his seat. Hiro shook his head, placing a hand to his face.
"No Shuichi, no one is threatening to kill anyone. We - we've just sort of started, well, seeing each other - kind of," Hiro said, not sure he knew how to explain what was going on between him and the NG president when he wasn't sure he understood what it was yet himself. Shuichi was still looking at him like his brain was broken.
"But he's married!" Shuichi said, raising his hands. "And you're straight!" Yeah, he knew that was coming, Hiro thought to himself with a frown.
"Tohma-san's marriage is over, Shuichi. The baby she miscarried wasn't his, and they've been talking about divorce for a while now. You can ask Yuki-san. He probably knows all about it," Hiro said.
"Mika-san had an affair?" Shuichi asked. Hiro nodded.
"And the - um - you being straight thing?" Shuichi asked, eyeing him curiously.
"Not as straight as you apparently thought I was," Hiro said with a shrug. "In fact, I always had a little crush on Tohma-san when we were in school. I just never really saw any reason to mention it. I mean, it's not like you ever told me you liked Sakuma-san that way." Hiro added the last part a bit more bitterly than he'd meant to, but Shuichi didn't pick up on it.
"Tohma-san," Shuichi spat, wrinkling his nose. "So, you're really dating him now? This is just beyond weird."
"Well, I don't know if dating is exactly the word," Hiro said uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck. "But yeah, we do have something going on. It wasn't really anything we planned. It just sort of happened the other night."
"You're sleeping with him?" Shuichi asked, his eyes growing wide. "But you - you've never - with Tohma?" Hiro couldn't help but give an embarrassed smile.
"Holy shit, this is weird," Shuichi said, standing up and pacing. "I thought maybe you were old-fashioned or something, or just hadn't found the right one - but Tohma?"
"Why does this bother you so much?" Hiro asked. Shuichi stopped pacing and turned to him.
"Because he's dangerous, Hiro! Do you not remember the whole demand I break up with Yuki or my career is over incident? And that Yuki broke up with me because he was afraid Tohma was going to do something insane? He's the kind of person who won't stop at anything to get his way. For all we know, he's killed people!" Shuichi ranted.
You mean like Yuki-san? Hiro thought bitterly, knowing when to hold his tongue. He'd never felt like Shuichi had exactly settled upon a prince himself.
"Don't you think that you're overreacting just a little bit?" Hiro asked. "Look, I'm not going to claim to understand or defend everything he's ever done. I'm really just now getting to know him. He's a complicated person. I would think you of all people would understand."
"I guess so," Shuichi said with a frown. "I'm just a worried about how trustworthy someone like Seguchi-san is. I don't want you to get hurt is all." Hiro smiled at him, reaching over and ruffling his soft, pink hair.
"Don't worry, Shuichi. A little heartbreak hasn't killed me yet," Hiro said. Shuichi looked slightly confused, as Hiro stood and walked over to the mixing table. "So, do you want to hear a song I wrote for you while you were gone?"
"Yeah, of course!" Shuichi said, hopping out of his seat and walking over to join him. Hiro opened the laptop on the table, opening the program to play the file.
"So, um, how was it? Your first time?" Shuichi asked with a smirk. Hiro paused for a moment, watching the program load, then gave Shuichi a side-long glance, grinning widely.
"That good, huh?" Shuichi asked with a laugh. "Did it hurt a lot? I know it did when Yuki and I started doing things."
"Um, well, actually," Hiro said, giving Shuichi a look.
"Uh-uh, no way," Shuichi said and doubled over in laughter. "Seguchi Tohma's an uke?"
"Not so loud," Hiro said irritably, despite the room being sound-proofed.
"Come on, you've got to admit it's a little funny," Shuichi said with a titter.
"Oh, grow up," Hiro said, bonking him on the head playfully with his fist. "It's not like we've established some rule about it. It's just the way things have sort of gone so far."
"Hey, I'm jealous, if anything. Yuki never lets me top," Shuichi grumbled, then looked at him curiously. "So, you're saying you wouldn't mind if he wanted to switch it up?" Hiro shrugged.
"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it, but I don't see why not. I mean, he really seems to enjoy it," Hiro said.
"Does he now?" Shuichi said, waggling his eyebrows.
"What can I say?" Hiro said with a grin, shrugging. " I definitely haven't been getting any complaints."
"You really do like him, don't you?" Shuichi said, looking at him with wonder. "I mean, this is the happiest I've seen you since the whole Ayaka thing."
Hiro glanced back down at the computer, searching for the right file. He had liked Ayaka, she was sweet and very pretty, and he had wanted to get to know her better, but he knew the real reason he had seemed down enough for even someone as thick-skulled as Shuichi to notice had much more to do with Shuichi himself. He supposed his brave face wasn't as convincing as he'd thought, and it was a small relief to have his brief time dating Yuki's former fiancée to blame it on.
"You really think so?" Hiro asked. He wasn't sure he was quite ready to over-analyze how he felt about Tohma just yet.
"Well, yeah. I mean, I was surprised how much you and Ayaka breaking up seemed to get to you since you hadn't really known each other very long, but you looked so sad when Yuki and I left on our trip. You usually never let anything get to you like that. And now you seem, I dunno, happier.
I may not be Tohma-san's biggest fan, but I am a fan of you being happy, so go get 'em tiger!" Shuichi said with a goofy laugh, giving him a slap on the back.
"Well, I'm certainly relieved to have your blessing," Hiro said sarcastically and smiled.
OoOoO
I have decided to turn the reigns over to Sakano-san and take a very long break from NG for dinner. Eiri doesn't eat well when he's trying to meet a deadline, and this recent trip with Shindou-san has nearly pushed him past it. And of course, I have missed him.
He greets me with the surly lack of enthusiasm I expected from showing up unannounced at his door with all the makings of a gourmet meal, but I can tell by the way he eyes my bags that he is actually starving. Shindou-san is nowhere to be found, to my delight, and I find a scrawled note on the refrigerator announcing that he has gone to the movies with his sister, surrounded by a nauseating amount of little drawn hearts, as I sit my bags on the counter.
"And where is Shindou-san this evening?" I ask, solely to amuse myself. Eiri shrugs.
"Brat was whining earlier about how I wasn't paying enough attention to him. Who the hell knows?" he mutters. If Shindou-san had really expected Eiri to see his note, he'd chosen a poor place to put it. He'll never understand Eiri like I do.
Eiri presents me with a marvelous aged bourbon, while I unpack the bags, along with a set of crystal glasses to drink it from. One of them is cracked, no doubt courtesy of Shindou-san, though he claims it occurred in transit. His eyes dart in a very particular manner when he lies. Nevertheless, I am pleased by the thoughtfulness of the gift and give him a peck on the cheek in thanks. He could do with a shave.
I am well into preparing the first course before he makes any attempt at conversation other than some muttered remark when he finally does find Shindou's note while getting a beer. He doesn't drink when he writes, so if I hadn't come by he'd still be wondering where Shindou-san had run off to, as if he isn't under enough stress.
"So, I hear you're currently fucking Nakano-san," he drawls as he exhales smoke from his cigarette. So I guess Shindou-san did find the opportunity to get Eiri to listen to his chatter today when he came home from his lunch with Hiro.
"I'm currently chopping onions for our Tsukune," I say airily. "But yes, I have slept with him. What of it?"
"What are you up to?" Eiri asks, eyeing me suspiciously. I give a little snort of laughter.
"I wasn't aware you solely owned the inclination to take young lovers, Eiri-san," I say, clearing the chopping board into a bowl.
"And I suppose it is mere coincidence that your young lover is the closest friend of my own, huh?" Eiri says, instinctually checking on a simmering pot of rice on the stove. I'm the one who taught Eiri to cook. He used to help me in the kitchen all the time when he was younger, always asking questions.
"Not everything is about you, Eiri-san," I say, trying to keep a straight face, as he raises an eyebrow. "Besides, I would think that you would be at least a little glad that someone else has finally occupied Hiroshi's attention."
"What, you think I'm seriously threatened by that little punk?" Eiri said. He tosses it off so dismissively, but I can tell by the way his nostrils ever so slightly flare that I've struck a nerve. I really should be ashamed of myself, playing on Eiri's delicate insecurities in such a way.
"Not so little, actually," I say with a smile. "In any case, no, I don't expect you to feel threatened. Shindou-san clearly adores you. I just imagine that having someone pining for your lover in clear sight all the time is probably tiresome."
"And you think you're the one to put an end to all that pining," Eiri says with a smirk. And now it is my nerve that is struck. Eiri always does give as good as he gets. Except of course in things like showing tireless love, patience and devotion. Those things he takes and takes and never returns. But of course, my debt will never truly be paid, so who am I to begrudge him?
"For once, Eiri, I'm not trying to solve anyone's problems but my own," I say with a weary sigh. His eyes widen. It isn't often that I surprise him, and I rather enjoy it.
"Well forgive me for not being used to you not having some sort of agenda," Eiri says, clearly still skeptical.
"Eiri-san, I am a man who has discovered his wife of ten years has been seeing someone else. I am on the verge of what is sure to be a bitter divorce, that will result in losing the only real family I have. My only agenda at the moment is to keep my sanity," I say, as evenly as I can manage, keeping my back to him and trying to focus on preparing dinner.
"And sanity is screwing someone a decade younger than you," Eiri said. "Sounds more like some mid-life crisis shit to me."
"Sanity is not turning away from someone when they are offering what you need," I say, grating ginger into the bowl. "Or did I neglect to mention that he was the one who asked me out for drinks? So perhaps you can stop painting him as Little Red Riding Hood to my Big Bad Wolf."
"So what you're saying is that in this fairy tale you're the damsel in distress to his Prince Charming," Eiri said. I turn my head to glare at the little smirk I know he's wearing.
"So now you're just going to make fun of me," I say. "If you're going to be condescending on top of cranky then go wait at the table. And by the way, thirty-one hardly counts as mid-life, thank you very much."
"Yes, Oniisan," Eiri says, and leaves the room.
I stand there, completely stunned for a long moment at what I've just heard. It is the first time he has addressed me as his brother since he was sixteen years old. My heart soars, and I want so badly to follow him and return this unexpected show of love. But I know better than to ruin such a rare moment, and simply cherish it in silence.
But that has always been Eiri's way. Just when you think you can't take his coldness anymore, when he almost has you convinced that he truly does despise you, he'll win you back with one little word.
A/N: Feedback is cherished. :)