4 hours I sat there. 4 fucking hours sat down the street from my house willing myself to actually drive up to the gates. Everytime I tried I backed out and decided to give it a few more minutes. By this time it was 3pm and I was starving, busting for a pee and had cramp in my arse cheeks.

I knew this could not go on.

I closed my eyes, counted to 20 and took huge deep breathes! OK woman its now or never.

I started the car and drove up to the gates.

My dad never used to be so uptight about security but before I left he had had this massive electronic gate with intercom installed and hired like a bazillion security guards.

I remember screaming that he was too late as the contractors installed them.

As if we were in any danger now! My only danger was lying in a morgue with multiple gunshot wounds.

I pressed put the window down and pressed the buzzer before I had another chance to bottle it again. A smooth voice came over the intercom.

'Yes, can I help you?' Hmm, that voice sounded familiar.

'Er yeah, Im here to see Mr Swan, is he available?'

'Do you have an appointment? Miss..?'

'Nope, no appointment and my name is........ Miss Swan'

Silence...

'Hello?' I ask wondering where the voice has gone to

More silence. Fantastic I've given the security dude a heart attack! Way to go Bella!

I knew I should have called.

Just as I was about to throw the car into reverse and get the hell out of here the voice came back.

'Miss swan? Bella Swan??'

'The one and only' I chuckle into the intercom.

'OK, wow, erm can you drive down to the house and I'll meet you at the front?'

'er, sure'

I put my hands on the steering wheel and let my head fall onto it with a deep sigh.

Fabulous, Im not even gonna get to see my family now, some security guard on an ego trip is gonna tell me to get the fuck off the property and probably not even tell them that I was here.

I sit up and head down the drive that lead to my childhood home.

It really was a stunning place. It was my grandfathers house. He died before I was born so I never had a chance to meet him, he left the house to my parents. It was a 6 bedroomed 3 floored house named Big Horn Hollow. Yeah, dont ask about the name, we inherited that too. My father used to call this place 'Renee's Palace' for a long time as my mother loved this house and did most of the redecoration herself.

It wasnt one of the biggest houses in the area but it was certainly one of the most beautiful to look at. We had an excersise room that Emmett had begged my father for, he said he couldnt stand going to the gym and being around all those sweaty teenagers. My dad finally caved and the boys practically lived down there.

There was also a games room equipt with a pool table, 50 inch plasma flat screen on the wall, the comfiest sofas on the planet and a dvd cabinet stocked with every DVD known to man kind. My brother Jasper was a huge movie nut, he would constantly wittle out quotes from any movie. I used to joke that he needed to get out reminded me of Tony Dinozzo from NCIS with the constant movie quotes.

There were 6 huge bedrooms, the only one without an en suite was my room, and that was because I had decided that I wanted a huge walk in wardrobe instead of a bathroom, there were like 5 of those in the house I could use one of them, I had a serious shopping habit which meant I had more clothes than either Emmett, Jasper or my father put togther and there was the small fact that I lived at the top of the house in the attic - yeah I know, how very cinderalla? It wasn't like that at all, my room was gorgeous with a sloping ceiling on one side and 2 huge bay windows that I would stare out of and think or watch my brothes playing basketball with their friends. I was completely secluded up here and I loved it. Noone could accidently barge into my room if my brothers decided to have a party while my dad was away. My room had a hidden staircase and was completely off limits to the likes of the common rif raf my brothers used to bring home and call their friends. Jessica was so jealous when I showed her the size of the wardrobe my dad had built for me, but after explaining that what was mine was hers anyway she didnt mind so much.

Im brought of my memories by a figure step out from the front door with his arms folded. He had a full head of crazy bronze hair that was sticking up all over the place.

Oh you have GOT to be kidding me? HIM? what the hell is he doing here and where are my dad and brothers?

No, it cant be him, he went to UCLA and then moved to San Fransisco with his tramp of a girlfriend Tanya just before I moved away.

As he got closer I prayed it wasnt him, but how many people have THAT walk and that mental unruly hair?

I could see him clearly now, oh this was just getting better and better. Just what I needed. Standing outside my house in all his gorgeousness stood none other than Edward friggin Cullen.

I pulled up and parked the car and he started walking towards the side of the door.

I didnt look at him, I couldnt. The last time I had seen him the look of pity in his eyes made me wanna puke and rip his hair out of his head!

He barely spoke a word to me after what happened to Jessica not that I blamed him cos noone else said much to me either.

I shook the thoughts from my head and sat up straighter. I was not that person anymore, I was strong, confident I could do this.

Ahh who was I kidding , I wasnt strong I was nothing but a coward or I would never have run away in the first place. So I slumped back against my seat and tried to control my breathing! NO crying Bella, pull yourself together.

He tapped on my window with what sounded like keys. I undid my seat belt, grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and opened the car door.

I stood in front of him still not looking at his face and said

'Hello Edward, long time no see'

'You came home' was all he was no tone to his voice I noticed.

I just nodded as he turned to walk to the house, I followed him and stepped in to the foyer. I stood there and looked around, tears pricking my eyes. Nothing seemed to have changed, it was exactly as I left it. The foyer was huge and off to the left was our family room. We spent most of our time in this room together. The wallpaper was kinda dated but my mother had decorated while she was pregnant with me and my father being the sentimental kinda guy he was refused to change it as it was the only thing left in the house that reminded him of her.

The hardwood floor looked so much shinier than I remember though. I hated walking on it with sneakers on, my feet would squeek on the floor and make my teeth hurt, it was almost like someone dragging their nails down a chalkboard. Yeah, same reaction! I would get the soles of my sneakers stuck almost on the floor and go flying. My balance is not good at the best of times without adding buffed floors to the equation!

I turned to find Edward wringing his hands together and rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes.

'Erm, Is my father here?' I asked, although I was pretty sure as his car wasnt in the drive that he was at work.

'No, hes away for the weekend in New York. Emmett is here though' Edward said as he turned to face me.

I looked up at him, afraid of what I might see and he was just staring down at me with a confused look on his face.

'Bella, why are you here?' He asked me.

'What do you mean WHY am I here? This is my home... I need to see my family Edward, I need to try and put things right if I can, I need.. I just ... I need them'

'They thought you were dead, do you have any idea what you have put them through? Your father was a mess. He didnt eat or sleep. He stopped working Bella, when have you ever known your father to not work? Your brothers spent every damn day searching for you, you could have let them know you were alive and didnt want to be found'

'You think walking away was easy?' I spat at him. 'You have NO idea what I went through and how I was feeling so dont you stand there and judge me when you dont know what the fucking hell I went through'

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and I could see he was pissed off. What the fuck did he have to be pissed off about? This wasnt his family, he had wanted nothing to do with me, he made that very clear before I left. He never spoke to me and barely looked at me and yet here he stood acting like I had just walked off into the night for no reason.

'You don't know, Edward. How the fuck do you think this has been for me? I moved somewhere I didnt know, I had no friends no family no money and nothing going for me. I was so broken I didnt even think I could be fixed. I wanted to die, I tried to die because of how ashamed and guilty I felt so don't you dare think that me walking away was taking the easy way out'

Who the hell did he think he was? I barged past him and headed for the stairs. In normal Bella style I managed to trip on the first step and face plant the marble staircase. I landed with a loud thud and groaned. Great, that would bruise tomorrow.I reached down to touch where my shin had bashed into the stairs when I felt Edwards fingers on my arm and I stiffened. 'Leave me alone, Im fine' I seethed. I snatched my arm from his grasp and turned around to see him walking back out the front , whatever.

I sat down on the stairs and cried. Cried for myself, cried for my family and everything I had put them through. I knew they would be a mess, they obviously thought the worst when they found out I had left. I knew I didnt want to be found but I think deep down I wanted them to come look for me and take me home and tell me everything would be ok.

I cried for my scars both the mental and physical ones but most of all I cried for Jessica and her family. I really needed to go and see her but I knew now was not the time. I wasnt ready for that yet. So much for me not crying. At least it wasnt in front of that moron.

The house was quiet, TOO quiet I didnt like it. This place was normally full of laughter and fun and love. It didnt feel the same, something was missing.

I composed myself and headed up the stairs to my old room. Nothing had changed in here either, well almost nothing. There was a huge picture of me and Jessica on the back wall between my two windows. That wasnt there when I left. It had been smashed to pieces on the floor. Someone had obviously replaced the frame and hung it back up for me.

As much as it pained me to see her smiling face it was strangely comforting.

My room was still as beautiful as I remember, I had pink painted walls, go figure right? I was once such a girly girl. My home was so male dominated I felt I need to keep some feminity in the house.

I had a huge collage on the left side of my room near my wardrobe door of all my friends and family. I had ripped out all of his pictures and set fire to them so thankfully I didnt have to look at his face, I didnt think I could handle that.

I sat down at my dressing table and looked around, I honestly didnt think I would ever be back here. I walked over to my windows and sat on the huge window ledge and looked out over our garden. We had probably an ache of land out there, right at the end of the yard was a little river and then the woods. I never went past the trees in our garden as Emmett had convinced me there were ghosts out there. I shit myself until I was about 15 although I never admitted to him I was scared of what he had told me but every so often I would be convinced we were being watched and that creepy feeling - even though I knew we couldn't possibly be being watched - still made me uneasy so I just stayed away just to be on the safe side.

I smiled while remembering all the good times here. I looked down again to see Edward emerge from the decking at the back of the house, he had changed and was wearing a pair of 3 quarter length shorts a black shirt that from here looked 2 sizes too small but shit did it show off his muscles. I always knew he was gorgeous but then again so did he. He was one of the biggest man - whores I had ever met, that and the fact that he was one of my brothers best friends meant he was completely off limits. He was an arrogant pig that treated women like dirt and that was a total put off.

He was a love 'em and leave 'em kinda guy. He never once treated me like that though, he wouldnt dare. My father would have threatened him with his shotgun if he had. Our family were close to Edward's so he knew better than to be disrespectful towards me. He only had one girlfriend in the entire time I knew him, he had many women but only one he kept around. I could never understand why, she was a skanky hoe bag by the name of Tanya. She was a vile creature who Jess and I spent hours making fun of.

Edward did enjoy winding me up, he knew I was attracted to him,I mean come on, who wasnt? But I had no intention of acting on my feelings, it was only a tiny crush and quite frankly god knows what he was riddled with, yuk, I had seen a few of his conquests, it wasnt pretty! But whenever he could he would embarrass me and go out of his way to try and make me turn as many shades of red as physically possible.

I blush easily which he found highly amusing. I remember once walking in on him in the shower after a party at our house. I was mortified and turned crimson but he just stood there with his annoyingly gorgeous crooked smirk and asked me if I was going to stand there and just stare could I make myself useful and scrub his back. I was beyond horrified and avoided him at all costs for the next week. He would joke that it was only fair if he saw me naked too which used to make me flush even more furiously. I knew he wasnt interested in me in the slightest and that my reaction to him only egged him on but I still had the hugest crush on him.

I was brought of my day dream and noticed that Edward was staring up at my window while I gawped at him like a mindless school girl with my mouth hanging open. I saw him snigger and snapped my mouth shut and turned around fuming.

That arrogant prick, as if he would still get the same reaction out of me he did back then. I wasnt the same person.. . not by a long way.

I was completely exhausted so I collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep.

When I woke I had a thumping headache from all the crying I had done. I knew I needed to go downstairs and talk things through with my brothers, sooner rather than later.

I jumped in the shower quickly and changed my clothes. I was rather surprised that all my old clothes still fit me. I had lost and gained so much weight over the last year due to comfort eating. Angela had forced me to go to the gym with her after 6 months of me sitting on the sofa all day eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watching Jeremy Kyle reruns. It made my life slightly better watching other people act like idiots on national where do shows like this find these people? They all had revoluting teeth. Can we say Dentist?? But then I discovered the joys of kick boxing. It was seriously theraputic kicking the living shit out of a bag!

I grabbed a pair of dark black jeans and a Forks high hoodie that I think belonged to Emmett when he was on the football team back in high school and threw them on.

I tried to do something with my hair but it just didnt wanna play today so I just shoved it back up in a pony tail and pulled the hood over my head.

As I walked down the stairs I could hear laughing jeering and talking. Ahh crap I just realised what day it was... Friday.... Friday nights were Jasper and Emmetts movie night! They would have all their 'boys' over to watch movies, drink beer and eat thier body weight in popcorn and chips.

I had contemplated waiting til morning but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway and I was pretty sure they all knew I was here as Edward would have probably tattled on me. God he was such a brown nosing arsehole.

I stopped on the bottom step, pulled my hood down and thought ok its now or never. I rounded the corner slowly and stepped into the living room. There were floor to ceiling windows in here, my mother had a thing about light apparently. You could get out onto the decking from here and down into the garden, The view from this room was spectacular. There was a huge fireplace in the centre of the room with an enormous picture of Emmett, Jasper and myself when we were younger hung above it, I think I was about 6 when it was taken and wearing quite possibly the most hideous dress known to man kind. My dad refused to take it down even though it was highly embarrassing.

Emmett said he looked 'shit hot' and that 'girls dig baby pictures' even though he was like 10 at the time. Whatever, it was horrendous!

There were 3 huge 3 seater black leather sofas which were currently filled with rif raf. A few of them were playing one of the games consoles and jeering each other on. Why they had to do this in the family room and not the games room was beyond me.

Emmett was laughing at something that Jacob Black said and Jasper was busy texting on his phone while sitting on the arm of the sofa.I recognised a few of them, I think there was Mike Newton who was so slimy he could give an slug a run for their money. Tyler something or other was playing on the playstation with a boy who I think was called Sam and then there were a few faces I didnt recocgnise or I couldn't see.

I spotted Edward in the corner of the room in the arm chair sipping on a bottle of Bud. When he saw me he sat up straighter and had an odd experession on his face. I bet the smug prick was probably gonna enjoy me getting chewed out by my brothers.

Ideally I had wanted to do this in private but there was no backing out now.

Someone cleared their throat and suddenly all eyes were on me... except Emmett and Jasper. Em was laughing at his own joke and Jasper was probably texting his latest conquest.

'Er, hi guys' I managed to say in a really shaky voice.

Emmetts head snapped up and he spun around and looked at me with his mouth wide open. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Jasper too looked equally stunned, he looked up and had such a shock when he saw me that he fell off the side of the sofa. He bolted off the floor and looked at me.

'Bella?? Is that you?' Emmett asked while squinting at me. Yeah cos I was standing so far away from them, they were only the other side of the room for gods sake.

Jasper was still glaring at me and from the shock and surprise on their faces I take it Fuckward hadnt told them I was here. PERFECT!!!!

'Hey, Em, you guys got a minute?' I asked while looking down at my feet and shuffling from one leg to the other.

The next thing I knew Jasper had me by the arm dragging me roughly towards the kitchen.

Oh bollox, the shit had hit the fan!