Sophie's Journal

by P.T Kraj

This is the journal of Sophie Singer, the daughter of Bobby Singer. Read her story about growing up with Bobby and the Winchesters. There is romance, demons, action, and much more. Start reading it now and soon you'll be begging for more.

3. Year 2003

Jan 3, 2003

It is finally the New Year. I can put 2002 behind me and start the year fresh. So much for keeping to my resolutions from last year. Soon after the New Year last year Sam and I broke up. Last year was just a crazy one. I lost my virginity, got pregnant, ran away from home, almost got killed by a demon, lost my baby because of said demon, moved back home, and got raped. I think I have most seventeen year olds beat for the craziest year. I'm really glad that the New Year is here. I didn't really do anything to bring in the New Year. Sam and I just stayed home and watched some old movies. It was fine, but there are better ways of bringing in the New Year. I'm not really sure what but there are.

I start school in just two days. I'm a little nervous. I have to get back into the habit of doing homework and studying for tests. I don't think it should be too difficult seeing as how there is nothing for me to do around the house. My father bought me a bunch of pens, pencils, notebooks, and folders. My classes this semester are English, Gym, Algebra II, American History, Latin, and Psychology. I'm looking forward to none of those classes except maybe Psychology. Latin is going to be easy because I already know most of it. My father has taught me Latin since I was young. I'm so not looking forward to school. I didn't really think about it, but I don't know anyone in my grade. I guess I will just have to make some friends. My father tells me I shouldn't have any problems making friends because I'm a nice girl. He has to say that because he's my father. Sam just tells me to be myself and if they don't like me than that's their problem.

Jan 10, 2003

So I survived my first week of high school. Well it's not technically my first week, but it's my first one since I left last March. It is strange to walk those halls again. I recognized some people from before I left; most of them look much older. Some of them have said hi to me, but most of them just stare and look confused. I can tell when a lot of them are talking about me because they look right at me. Other than the stupid classmates, my classes are going just fine. My teachers have been pretty cool for the most part. Homework hasn't been too difficult yet. Algebra I have ten problems a night, English we are reading Catcher in the Rye, American History really hasn't had much work, Latin is just problems from the workbook (easy), and Psych is just reading from the textbook. It sounds like a lot, but it usually takes me less than three hours a night. Sam has helped me with Psych and my father has helped me a little with Latin. I haven't fallen behind, yet. Dean is still confused as to why I wanted to go back to school. He keeps telling me that once I turn eighteen I can leave home and start hunting, but instead I'd rather go to school. He thinks Sam is rubbing off on me. I told him it was my idea; Sam had nothing to do with it. He never seems to believe me when I tell him this.

Jan 28, 2003

School has been keeping me busy. I took my first round of tests last week. Teachers seem to plan tests right around the same time. I got some pretty decent grades on them. In English I got a B+, American History I got an A-, Latin I got an A, Psych I got a B, and in Algebra I got a…D. So I didn't do so hot in Algebra, what can I say I suck at math. My father wasn't too happy with this grade. He said that if my next one isn't above a C he is going to get me a tutor.

I'm starting to make some friends at school. There's this one girl named Mikah who is pretty cool. She's from Germany and moved here about two years ago. Her English is pretty good. There are some occasions when she has some trouble. She is pretty laid back and has a great sense of humor. She is really into Greek mythology and tells me all these stories. I haven't really hung out with her outside of school, but that is mainly because of scheduling issues. She works a lot at night and over the weekends. Mikah has introduced me to quite a few other people who I have become friends with. It is nice having friends who don't know everything about you.

Feb 12, 2003

I'm getting a tutor for algebra. I got a C- on my last test. I tried to convince my father that I was doing better and to wait for the next test score. He just said no because it could possibly be too late. I'm not really looking forward to getting a tutor. I really tried to improve my grade; I just don't understand the stuff. I don't want some nerd teaching me how to do something I don't know how to do.

Feb 26, 2003

The tutor my dad got me is one gorgeous man. He has brown hair, blue eyes, an athletic build, somewhat like Sam's, and is about six foot. He comes over every Monday and Wednesday for about an hour. He goes to school with me, but is a senior. The grade I would be in if I hadn't run away from home. When I see him at school he says hi to me, but other than that we haven't had much interaction.

The first time he came over I was confused as to who was at the door. I was expecting some nerd who looked like Anthony Michael Hall from Sixteen Candles, but he looks nothing like that. His name is Nate. I really want to get to know him outside of the tutoring sessions, but I don't want to weird him out. I'm not sure if he is okay with having a relationship with someone he tutors. There is something there between us, but I could just be imagining it. I asked Mikah what she knows about him and she just told me she has a class with him and that he is single. That was good news because I don't have to worry about flirting with someone who is taken.

March 6, 2003

My birthday was pretty good this year, a lot better than last year. I'm finally legal! It started out like any other day. I woke up, went to school, and then came home. I saw that I had three voicemails on my cell phone. I could think of two people who would call, but I couldn't think of the third. I called my voicemail and started the messages. The first one was from Sam wishing me a happy birthday and to give him a call if I wasn't too busy. The next one was from Nate, my math tutor. He was calling to remind me that we had tutoring and for me to meet him at the library at six instead of seven. I couldn't believe he was going to make me study math on my birthday. The last message was from Dean and John wishing me a happy birthday. Dean said he would call me later to talk to me about something. I wasn't quite sure what he needed to talk to me about.

When I was done listening to the messages I called Sam back. He is finally comfortable talking about Jess. I didn't bring her up this time, he did. They're getting pretty serious. He said that they're planning on moving in together next year. I know I should be jealous because he was my first love and I was carrying his baby, but I'm really not. I am genuinely happy for him and Jess.

At six I went to the library to meet Nate, but he wasn't there. I waited for him for about half an hour when he finally gave me a call. He said his car broke down on Main Street and was wondering if I could go over there and help him jump his car. I was a little fed up because this was not how I planned on spending my birthday. When I got to Main Street Nate's car was there with the hood up, but Nate was nowhere in sight. I pulled up to his car, popped the hood, and got out of the car. Then from behind his car Nate popped out with a bouquet of flowers and a present. My anger towards him immediately went away. I was confused and wondering what was going through his head. He had never shown any interest in me before and now he shows up with flowers and a present on my birthday. He asked me if I had dinner yet, I didn't realize it until he asked how hungry I really was. He told me it was my choice for dinner and it was his treat. I thought about it for a minute when I finally remembered the Thai restaurant Dean took me to. I hadn't been there since that night. Nate said that was cool with him and then he told me to hop into his car. I then said the stupidest thing ever. I said, "But I thought your car broke down." He had to explain to me that it was a decoy, when I already knew that. I felt like a total dumb ass.

At the Thai place I was a little more adventurous and went with the Pad Thai. It was amazing and I was so glad I ordered it. The entire dinner was great. I learned so much about Nate and his family. He was born and mainly raised in Wisconsin until about three years ago when his father relocated to South Dakota. He is a middle child with one older brother and a younger sister. His family is so normal compared to mine. He asked me about my family, but I wasn't sure what to tell him. I told him my real parents died when I was an infant and Bobby adopted me. The only picture I have of my biological parents I got a year ago for Christmas. He said he was sorry, and then he changed to subject to something happier. We talked for about a half hour after the check came and then we finally left. Nate was asking me if there was anything else I wanted to do when my father called me asking me where I was. I told him I was with Nate. My father told me in a very authoritative voice to come home now. I was a little concerned, why did I have to come home so soon, it was only 8:30. I told Nate the situation, and he said it was fine. He dropped me off at my car and said he would follow me home to make sure I got home safe.

When I got home I was walking up the front steps when Nate told me to wait. I had forgotten my flowers and present in the car. He came over to give them to me when he leaned in for a kiss; I was about to kiss him when I heard a coughing sound from the doorway. My father was standing there with Dean right behind him. My father pulled me in and shut the door, but not before I said goodnight and thank you to Nate. I was a little baffled as to why my father was acting like this. I asked my father what was going on, but he just told me to take a seat.

I put the flowers and present Nate gave me on the coffee table and sat down. My father started by asking me what happened at the Halloween Party while he was away. I didn't really know how to answer this. I just told him there were some dancing, conversing, and games of poker going on. He asked me if anything else happened. I played dumb and said not that I could remember. He then asked Dean to refresh my memory. Dean just looked up at him and then at me. He looked like he didn't want to answer the question. Dean just asked if we could do this some other day, like when it wasn't my birthday. My father got upset and ordered Dean to refresh my memory. Dean finally did as he asked and told his side of the story about when I was raped. When he was finished he stood up and walked out of the room. I never knew Dean had such a sensitive side. I was going to go after him, but my father told me to sit back down.

I was so scared. Where was my father going with this? I had gotten over being raped. It was almost a half a year ago. My father turned to me and asked me why I had never told him about this. I was trying to think of a way to answer the question without getting an angry response from my father. There really was nothing I could say that wouldn't get some sort of rise out of him. I finally told him that I didn't want him to have to worry about me anymore than he already did. My father took a deep breath and said in a calm voice that it was his job as my father to worry about me. He then sat down next to me and put his arm around me. He called for Dean to come back into the living room. About one minute later Dean came out from the kitchen. He was standing there looking at my father wanting to know what he wanted. My father got up and walked over to Dean, put his arms on Dean's shoulders, and then pulled him in for a hug. He started thanking Dean for protecting me. Dean looked a little shocked and uncomfortable. My father then stopped hugging him and walked out of the room.

Dean came over and plopped down next to me on the couch. He slapped my leg and said happy birthday. I just punched him on the shoulder and went up to my room. About a half minute later I heard Dean marching up the stairs. He knocked once on the door and then opened it. He walked in holding his shoulder asking me what that was for. I then started yelling at him asking how he could tell my father after he promised he wouldn't. He said it slipped out and before he could take it back his father wanted to hear more. Once John got the whole story out of Dean he called my father and told him what had happened. Dean said he tried to warn me by calling me earlier, but I didn't have my phone on me.

I started to calm down a little bit after that. I sat down on my bed taking some deep breaths when out of nowhere I started bawling my eyes out. I put my hands over my face and just started crying. Then I felt Dean sit down next to me and he just put his arm around me not saying anything. After about ten minutes I finally stopped crying. Dean then asked me about Nate and what was going on there. I didn't really know what to tell him because I wasn't sure what was going on. I just told him he was my math tutor and he surprised me by taking me out to dinner. Dean started cracking jokes about doing the math tutor. We sat up in my room talking about life until I looked at the time and realized that I had school the next morning. I kicked Dean out of my room at about 11:30. He kissed me on the forehead good night and then went into the room next to mine to sleep. It may not sound like the night was that great, but it was because now Nate and I are pretty close. I apologized to him about my father's behavior. I also thanked him again for dinner and the gift. Oh, the gift was a bracelet cut from a piece of leather with this really cool pendent on the end; he made it himself.

March 18, 2003

Sam has been in for the past few days for Spring Break. He was going to go to Jess's and meet her family, but the idea backfired. Something came up and Jess couldn't have Sam come over. Instead he decided to come back to our house. Sam wanted to meet Nate and see if he is worthy of my time. I told Sam all about my birthday and what Nate did for me. I left out what happened after dinner with my father and Dean. Sam didn't meet Nate until he came over to tutor me. Nate was polite and introduced himself to Sam. Sam seemed a little jealous or something about Nate. Sam started grilling him asking him all these questions. He was acting like my father or an overprotective brother. After about five minutes I had to stop Sam and told him Nate has a job to do. Later, when Nate left Sam said he approved of Nate. He seemed like a good guy with some real ambition in life. I was glad Sam approved of him, but Nate and I aren't officially together. It has only been about two weeks since my birthday and we've gone on one date since then. It was a good date, but nothing has been confirmed that we are together. It's not like when Sam and I were together. We were living in the same house together and knew where each other were all the time. I haven't even met Nate's family.

I've been trying to think of a way to train myself. I'm getting weaker everyday, and I want to build up my strength again. I looked at classes at the YMCA and found a kickboxing and self-defense class. I have been thinking of going, but tutoring with Nate clashes with it. I might just talk to him and see if he can change our tutoring time. The only big problem is my father. He would want to know where I am going for those two hours and why Nate had to change tutoring times. Dean thinks I should just tell my father the truth. I'm a little scared to tell my father. He might think that I want to pursue the demon again or go out hunting. The truth is I just want to get in shape again.

April 1, 2003

My father kicked me out of the house. I have been moving from place to place. Just kidding, April Fools! Everything is fine at home. I'm on Spring Break right now. Nate came over a few times; he likes my house more than his own. He says because his house is too loud with his brother and sister. He gets along great with my father. I'm really glad they get along.

I told Nate about changing the time for tutoring and he said it was fine. We are meeting an hour later. I signed up for the class and start taking it next week. I'm super pumped for that class. I can get so much anger out. The class is about an hour and a half. It costs quite a bit of money though. It was roughly $50 because I am a non-member. It will be worth it though. I didn't tell Nate why I needed to reschedule, but he never really asked. If he does ask I'll just tell him I have a class to take.

My father wants me to sign up for classes over summer break. There really is no harm in taking them. He says I will probably be able to graduate by December. I'm still trying to decide if I want to go off to college or not. I don't even know what I would major in. I'll have to see. Speaking of college Nate is going this fall. His school is about two hours from here. So it is not that far. I'm not really worried because I dated Sam while he was at college. Wait a second, Sam cheated on me while he was away at school; maybe it isn't such a good idea to date Nate when he goes away. I'll have to see how I feel. Right now I don't want to and I'm pretty sure I won't want to in a couple months from now, but you never know.

April 20, 2003

Happy National Pot Smoking Day and Hitler's Birthday!

My father is leaving me at home alone for a week or so. His friend Caleb called him for help and he accepted. He asked me if it would be okay before he said yes. I'm kind of looking forward to having the house to myself, but I'm not at the same time. I'm going to like the freedom, but I'm not going to enjoy the loneliness. I feel weird asking Nate if he wants to spend the night because he might think I'm coming on to him. At least I have school to keep me preoccupied.

April 25, 2003

I'm getting a little worried because I haven't heard from my father since he left four days ago. I've tried calling him several times and left two voicemails. That was about two days ago that I left him the voicemails. He could just be in an area with no cell reception, or he could be severely hurt or worse, dead. I can't think negatively. I have to think positive. I checked with Dean, Sam, and John to see if they've heard from him, but none have. All three of them told me to just remain calm. Nate wouldn't understand why I'm so upset and worried. He thinks my father is on some business trip somewhere.

Speaking of Nate, we've hung out at my house once since my father left. We didn't even do much, he seems nervous, like my father is going to walk in at any moment. I'm not sure what he thinks I have in mind. Last time I had sex I ended up pregnant. I know it isn't possible for me to get pregnant, but I am still very sensitive to the issue. It was nice having him over here. We just made some dinner, watched a movie, and then kissed each other goodnight, nothing too crazy. Nate mentioned going camping with some friends after Prom. I hadn't really thought about Prom. I wasn't planning on going, but I didn't say anything to Nate about that. It seemed to me that he really wanted to go. I'm going to have to talk to my father about buying me a dress. I don't own one, not even a casual one. I don't even think I own a skirt, if I do it's probably from like eighth grade. I'll also have to schedule a hair appointment, and I'm not really sure what else. I'll have to ask Mikah what to do to get ready.

May 4, 2003

My father is back; he said he was in an area with no phone reception. He wanted to use a pay phone, but Caleb complained that he was slowing them down. I told my father about Prom; at first he thought I was joking, but when he noticed I wasn't laughing he knew I was serious. He didn't really know what to say. I went on and told him I needed to get a dress, schedule a hair appointment, and get my nails and makeup done. He wanted to know who was going to pay for all that. I told him I was hoping he would pay for half and then I would pay for the other half. He just said that he would think about it. Mikah said she would go with me to find a dress. She is really excited for me. She wanted to know what we had planned for after. I knew she wanted to know if we were planning on having sex. I just told her he had planned on going to some cabin with some people after. She just nodded and changed the subject.

Sam is happy I'm going to Prom. He says it is something all teenagers need to experience. I then asked him about his Prom, he said he never went, but wishes he had. His father made him go with him on a hunt the week of his Prom. Sam said he would be back here in time to see me go to the Prom. I haven't told Dean yet about going to Prom, I just don't feel like he needs to know.

May 16, 2003

Prom is in about two weeks. I scheduled a hair appointment and Mikah said she could do my makeup and my nails. My father said he would pay for me to get my hair done, but I have to pay for the dress. I already found my dress it is very simple, but I really love it. It is black and comes just below the knees. It is a halter, so I had to buy a special bra for it. The bottom is asymmetrical and is angled to the left. The best part about the dress is the cost. I got it for $25 because it was on clearance. Mikah loves the dress on me; she thinks it fits me like a glove. I'm starting to look forward to going to Prom. Nate said that the cabin is about two hours from here and there are about three other couples coming with us. We will be going for the entire weekend.

Sam is done with school already, but won't be here for another week because he is spending the week with Jessica's family for the first time. I hope they aren't too mean to him. I don't think they will, it is hard to not like Sam. School is done in a week for me. It is not really done for me though because just two weeks after I get out I have to go back for summer school. I'm taking an English class for the first semester and then I'm taking a history class for the second semester.

May 29, 2003

I'm all set and ready to go to the Prom; I'm just waiting for Nate to get here. He isn't late or anything, I'm just finished really early. My hair looks really good. I had the stylist put it half up, half down and she curled my hair. Then Mikah did my nails and makeup. She did a really good job. My nails are like a dark burgundy color. The way she did my makeup is just amazing. I don't really ever wear makeup because I seem to mess it up. Mikah made my eyes real dark, it looks sexy. My father barely recognized me when I came out from my room after Mikah was finished. Sam's jaw dropped more than I thought it could. I just took it as a compliment. I can't wait until Nate sees me. I didn't think I would get this excited about going to a dance. My dad is still confused as to why I decided to go. I feel like a girl for once because of what I'm wearing and how I'm feeling about going to a dance. This weekend will be fun, I hope. My father said to call him every so often so he knows I'm alive. I'm surprised my father gave me permission to go. I thought he would tell me to come home right after Prom, but I was wrong.

June 1, 2003

So this weekend at the cabin was interesting. We arrived at the cabin around two in the morning. All of us were tired so we went to our designated sleeping areas. Nate already claimed the big queen size bed for the two of us. We each changed into our pajamas and went to bed.

Everyone woke up around eleven and had some brunch. After brunch we all went to the lake to swim and just goof around. We were on our way back to the cabin, which was about three blocks from the lake, when I spotted a familiar car. There sitting about one block away from the cabin was a black '67 Impala. I couldn't tell if it was Dean's car or not, but I decided to check it out. I told everyone I would catch up with them, but I had forgotten something back at the lake. Nate insisted he come with, but I told him to go back with everyone else. I started heading for the lake, but took a U-turn when I saw everybody was out of sight. I ran over to the Impala to check it out. I looked at it for just one second and knew it was Dean's. The license plate gave it away for me. Dean was not in the vehicle, which made me wonder where he went. I waited by his car for a good ten minutes, but he never showed up. I decided to go back to the cabin before Nate started to worry about me.

When I got to the cabin I decided to search the area for Dean. I looked all around for him, but was interrupted by Nate. He wanted to know what I was looking for. I just told him I was taking in the cabin and the area that surrounds it. We then went inside where people were lying around waiting to take showers. There was only one shower in the cabin with four bedrooms. Everyone decided to order some pizza for dinner. I was about to throw in a ten, but Nate stopped me. He insisted he pay for it and for me to put my money away. He then told me to go up and take a shower. I did as he told me and twenty minutes later I was done with my shower. About an hour later the pizza arrived and everyone started eating. We all ate outside on the screened in porch.

As we were sitting outside talking, Pete, one of Nate's friends, went inside and came out with a six-pack of beer. He said it was time to get the party started. We all cleaned up and went to the back to start a bonfire. Pete offered me a beer, but I declined because I knew Dean was watching somewhere. Nate gave me a strange look and also declined. I told Nate he could have a drink if he wanted one. At first Nate was hesitant to take a beer, but after about a half hour he finally took one. Alex finally suggested we play a game.

We started playing charades when out of the corner of my eye I saw something move. I looked in that direction, but there was nothing there. I went back to the game when I saw something move again in the same area. I decided to go over there to check it out thinking it was probably Dean. Everyone was preoccupied with the game to notice me get up. I walked over to where I saw movement, but nothing was there but a bunch of trees. That's when I heard someone behind me; I turned around to see Dean standing there. He just stood there with a grin on his face and then after about ten seconds he finally said hello. I just stood there staring at him. I knew he was there, but it didn't become real until I physically saw him. I asked him what he was doing here. He started to answer the question when Nate showed up wondering what was going on. I told him I was wondering the same thing. Dean avoided the question all together and just introduced himself to Nate. He said he was a friend of mine and just happened to be in town. Nate invited him to join us. Then he put his arm around me and led us back to the campfire. Dean followed, grabbed a beer, and then sat by the fire.

Everybody looked at Dean with confusion, wondering where he came from. Nate finally introduced him as one of my friends from back home. Peggy, Pete's date, asked Dean how old he was. He replied with his real age of twenty-four. Pete then asked him if he would buy us more alcohol. Dean said sure as long as they paid him extra. Everybody gave him a list of what they wanted and Dean was on his way. As Dean was walking to his car I decided to go with him so I could talk to him without any interruptions. Nate looked a little confused and concerned as to why I was going with Dean.

Dean and I were on our way to the liquor store when we got to the reason he was here. Subconsciously I knew the answer, but I just needed to hear it for myself. It took Dean a while to spit out the truth that my father sent him to keep an eye on me. I knew it was too easy for me to get this weekend away from my father. Dean said not to worry, it could be worse he could've sent John. I had to agree with him there. At least Dean was cool enough to get my friends alcohol and to hang out with them. I told Dean to watch what he talks about; these people don't know what my father really does for a living. He said not to worry, and then we went into the liquor store, when we got back the real party started. Everyone just started drinking and playing games.

Peggy suggested we play the childhood game of Truth or Dare. At first it sounded like a good idea and everyone was playing well until it got to me. Kevin asked me truth or dare, I decided to be adventuress and take a dare. I now wish I had chosen truth. Kevin sat there for a good minute thinking of a good dare when he glanced over at Dean and gave a sinister smile. I knew what was coming next and braced myself. Kevin dared me to go over and make out with Dean for a good minute. I said no right away. Nate was right there; I wasn't going to make out with somebody else right in front of him. Kevin told me to take the dare or take the chicken. Nate told me not to worry and take the dare. He said he didn't care and that it was just a game. I looked around at Nate and Dean. Dean just sat there wanting to know if he was getting a make out session or not. After about a minute of contemplating I took the dare. I walked over to Dean, sat on his lap, and started making out with him. We had Kevin keep time to tell us when a minute was up. At first I was holding back, but then this sensation washed over me and I started to really enjoy kissing Dean. My lips and my hands started to have a mind of their own, as did Dean's. Right before Kevin stopped us I felt mini-Dean fighting to come out to play. It was awkward, Dean tried to cover it with his shirt, but Nate noticed it.

Nate didn't say anything right away, but when it got to his turn to ask truth or dare he picked Dean. Dean picked truth. Nate asked Dean to explain why he got a boner when he made out with me. Dean turned into his smooth, I-don't-care self and told him, "It's simple, I'm a guy, she's a girl. I like girls sexually and Sophie is one hot chick." I was sort of flattered by this, but at the same time I knew Nate was not happy with this answer. He walked over to Dean and punched him. Dean just sat there with a bloody lip. Nate ran into the house followed by his friends. I asked Dean if he was all right, but he just told me to go after Nate; I told Dean I was sorry and then I ran into the house looking for Nate. Dan, another one of Nate's friends, told me he was in our room and that he was very upset. I wasn't quite sure what Nate was so upset about. Dean just said I was hot, it's not like he called me a bitch or whore. If he called me one of those I would've punched him myself.

I went into the room to talk to Nate. Nate was just sitting on the bed, not doing much. I sat on the bed next to him and just put my arm around him. He said, after a minute, that he took things out of hand. I just nodded in agreement. He apologized and then admitted that he had never punched anyone before. I told him it was a pretty good punch for his first time. He complained that his hand hurt. I took his hand in mine, brought it up to my mouth, and gave it a kiss. Nate finally turned his head and looked me in the eye for the first time since I had stepped in the room. We just gazed into each other's eyes for what felt like a good hour, but couldn't have lasted more than a couple of seconds. We then started making out hardcore. Nate and I started taking each other's clothes off. Nate pinned me down to the bed. I started to remember the Halloween Party and when I got raped. Before I realized it I was yelling at him to stop it. I was basically in tears; Nate stopped immediately and asked what was wrong. I just told him I didn't want to talk about it, grabbed my clothes, and ran out of the room.

I went into the bathroom, threw my clothes in the corner, and crawled into the bathtub. I sat there just thinking about everything, after about one minute of thinking I started crying, crying so hard I could barely breathe. I tried to keep it down so nobody would hear me, which didn't help with my breathing. I heard someone coming so I stopped myself temporarily and shut the shower curtain. About twenty seconds later I heard the door open and a male's voice. I was focusing on not crying or making any noise to notice right away who had walked into the bathroom. I realized that it was Dean and he was talking to someone on his cell phone. I was curious as to who he was on the phone with. I sat in the bathtub listening to the conversation when I figured out whom he was talking to. He was on the phone with my father telling him what we had been up to. I was fine with what he was telling him until he told him that Nate and I were sleeping in the same bed. I wasn't sure why Dean had told him that, why was that relevant? He then continued and told my father that Nate and his friends made him go out and buy them alcohol. He said they all got drunk and were being very inconsiderate. He continued by telling my father that he thinks Nate and his friends are a bad influence. I got very upset by this because Dean was flat out lying.

I stood up and opened the shower curtain, Dean jumped so high, and he had no clue that I was in the bathroom with him. Once he saw that I was there he hung up with my father and just stood there staring at me. He then finally asked me what I was doing in the bathtub. I told him it was none of his concern. I continued by commenting on his conversation with my father. He just said "thank you" in his Dean like way. I ignored that remark and asked him how he could lie to my father about Nate. Nate was not drunk and he is not a bad influence on me. Dean came back with saying Nate was drunk and he punched him for no reason. I told him Nate was just being stupid and not thinking before he acted. Dean was about to say something back when he finally realized I wasn't wearing pants. I totally forgot as well, I was too in the heat of the moment to remember I wasn't wearing pants. Dean asked me where they were and why they were off. I pointed at the pants in the corner and told him it was none of his business why my pants were off. I tried to get back on topic, but Dean asked me if I had been crying. I got taken aback by that, how did he know I had been crying? Were my eyes that red? Dean could tell by the awkward silence that the answer was yes. He asked me what happened, what did Nate do to me? I told him that Nate didn't really have anything to do with it. Dean asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Before I could think about what I was saying I was saying it. I just asked him in the bitchiest way possible, "Why so you can tell my dad?"

Dean took real offense to this and stormed out of the bathroom. After he left I got my pants, put them on, cooled off for a few minutes, and then went back to the room Nate and I were staying in. Nate was already in bed pretending to be asleep. I could tell he wasn't really sleeping by his breathing. I changed into my pajamas and then went into bed with Nate.

Nate and I woke up before anyone else in the house. We went to the kitchen and made ourselves some breakfast. We sat at the counter in uncomfortable silence eating our breakfast until Dean walked in making things even more awkward. Dean seemed a little surprised to see us awake already. He grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge and left. Dean left the cabin for good around noon.

At about three we all left the cabin to go home. Kevin dropped me off at my house at about 5:30. I walked in and Sam was watching television while my dad was in the kitchen making dinner. Sam asked me how the cabin was. I told him to ask my father. I then proceeded on into the kitchen to have a little chat with my father. I told my father smooth move having Dean watch me while I was at the cabin. My father played dumb acting like he had no clue what I was talking about. I proceeded to tell him that if he wanted to know what I was up to he should've just called me. Sam must've heard me yelling because he came into the kitchen asking what was up. My father told him that it was nothing. I interrupted and told Sam what my father had done. I told him my father sent Dean to baby-sit my friends and me. Then I stormed out and went to my room. A half hour later Sam came into the room asking me if I wanted to talk about the weekend. At first I was a little hesitant, but after awhile of telling him about the weekend I really started to open up. I told him everything from finding Dean's car to the Truth or Dare game to my confrontation with Dean in the bathroom. I had totally forgotten that Sam didn't know about me being raped. He got all concerned and asked me when that happened. I got all nervous; I didn't feel like talking about this again. I just gave him the quick story: it was Halloween, it was by some drunken guy, and Dean stopped him. Sam could tell I didn't want to talk about it anymore so he changed the topic. That was about it for the weekend. Besides all the drama nothing else has happened, so far.

June 17, 2003

School may be out for summer for some people, but it is not for me. I started classes again this week. It is hard to go to school when it is so nice outside and when others don't have to go. Sam sits at my home helping my father with this and that while I am sitting in a hot classroom listening to my teacher talk about god knows what. I've already got homework to do. Nate keeps calling me to do something, but I have to keep telling him I'm busy with school. He doesn't understand how I have so much to do when it is only the first week. Summer school is much more difficult than normal school. The class is taught for a short length of time. Instead of class for an hour, the class is for three hours. Time goes by so slow. It is hard to sit in an English class for that long. My teacher wants us to have our first paper written by Monday and to have the first 150 pages of A Tale of Two Cities read. Nate suggested getting the Cliff Notes version of the book and just reading those. I gave it some thought, but decided not to take the easy way out.

I haven't really talked much to Dean since we had our little fight. He says he is on a job right now and can't really talk. I'm still pretty upset about what he said about Nate and his friends. My father believed everything that Dean told him about Nate. I could tell by the way my father looks at Nate when he comes over. I get this feeling that he sends Sam over to spy on us, but I'm not sure. It seems like whenever Nate and I hang out together Sam is somewhere around us. It could just be that he doesn't really have anybody else to talk to besides my father. Sam does talk on the phone a lot with Jessica. Sam is very serious about her. He says that he thinks he's in love. He asked me if I'm in love with Nate. I told him it was too soon to tell. Nate and I have only been dating for three months. Sam says that he's happy for us, and he hopes that we last. It should be weird talking to your ex about new relationships, but for Sam and I it just seems like another conversation.

July 4, 2003

Happy Independence Day!!

Just two more weeks of summer school and then I have the rest of the summer off. Nate wants to spend as much of that time with me as possible. He says his time is limited with me because he will soon be going off to college. I'm worried about him going away to school because of what happened with Sam when he went away. There are going to be so many girls there throwing themselves at him. Nate is a very attractive guy with an amazing personality, what girl wouldn't want to hit that? I'm also worried because Nate and I haven't had sex yet; what if some hot skank tries to seduce him and succeeds because I haven't slept with him yet? Look at what I have become. I'm going to be one of those annoying girlfriends that check on their boyfriends every ten minutes. I blame Sam for this. If he would have never cheated on me I would be able to trust guys. Nate would never cheat on me, but then I never thought Sam would be the type to cheat, either. Damn you Sam!

In other news, tonight Nate and I are going to see fireworks at some golf course. They are supposed to be amazing. I'm looking forward to it. It is supposed to only be us two going. I mean there will be other people there, just not with us.

July 20, 2003

Summer school is finally over and now I have the rest of the summer to relax. There is about one month left until I start school again. My father wants me to talk to my counselor to find out if I can graduate early. I'm still trying to decide if I want to go to college or not. Nate leaves for college one week before I start school. He has been with me everyday so far since summer school has been over. My father thinks I spend too much time with him. He thinks I should be more productive with my time, meaning he wants me to get a job. I told him I would look, but I don't really want to start working until Nate leaves. My father informed me that the local library was hiring and to hurry up and apply. I went over there and got an application to make my father happy.

Aug 2, 2003

Just two more weeks until Nate leaves for college. I'm really going to miss him. I really need to stop dating guys who are about to leave.

I got a job working at a coffee shop in town. I am a barista now. I just started training this week. It is a really nice place. It isn't like Starbucks; it is much more high class. The shop is only two blocks from my school so I can just walk right over after school. Right now the hours aren't too bad. I'm usually done working by two o'clock. My father is very happy that I got the job. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm spending less time with Nate.

Aug 10, 2003

Two more days, that's all the time I have left with Nate. I told my boss at the coffee shop that I want these two days off and he gave them to me. Then this morning I get a phone call asking me to come in because they are extremely short. I was a little hesitant at first, but then I decided to go for it. Nate and I didn't have plans until later. I got to the coffee shop and saw that we had a new employee. She looks to be about 20 or 21, has brown, wavy hair, and is from England. How cool is that? She seems really nice and sounds so proper when she talks. You can definitely tell she is from the upper class part of England. My manager trained her, but she picked up on everything pretty quickly. She already knew how to make most of the coffee drinks. Oh, her name is Annabelle.

Aug 13, 2003

Nate is now gone for college. Sam also left, so now it is just my father and I. Luckily I have the job at the coffee shop to keep my mind off of this.

Annabelle is really cool, today at work we got to talk a lot more with one another. I found out where she is from in England and mainly why she is here in South Dakota. She said she moved here because she was offered a job, but after a couple of months the company went bankrupt and had to lay people off. Her lease for her apartment isn't up for another five months. She found out that the coffee shop was hiring so she applied and the rest I already know. She asked me about my family. I told her the cleaned up version that my parents died when I was a baby so Bobby raised me. She apologized for the loss of my parents.

I'm sort of looking forward to going back to school. Annabelle couldn't believe I was still in school. She thinks I look much too old to be in high school. I told her that I took a semester off and have to stay an extra semester. She wanted to know why I took off a semester, but I just told her it was personal.

Aug 28, 2003

School is back in session. My counselor thinks that I should be able to graduate by the end of this semester. He asked me what my plans are for after high school. I told him I was thinking about college, but I wasn't sure. He gave me several brochures to different schools. Some were public, some were private. After looking through some of them I'm definitely giving college a thought. I talked to Annabelle about it and she thinks I should go. She asked me if taking off that semester would hurt my chances of getting in. I told her I hoped not. Now that I am thinking about it, it might. My father thinks I should go for it. He thinks that if I write a good enough essay to the school then I might get in. So I have started some of those. Both Sam and Nate recommended that I visit my top schools so I can really get a feel for the place. I'm not even sure which ones are my top schools. I'm still trying to decide if I want to go. Then there is the million-dollar question on what I want to major in. There really isn't any career I could see myself in when I'm older. What I really want to do is go hunting. Sitting around thinking about what I want to be when I'm older and all I can picture myself doing is hunting or doing something with the supernatural. I didn't tell my father this because I know he would freak. I haven't told anyone. I can't tell Nate, Annabelle, or my counselor, Sam would probably tell my father, and Dean isn't really talking to me, still.

Speaking of Nate, he's coming home this weekend because it is Labor Day weekend. I'm really excited to see him. He loves college. He says he has made lots of friends and is thinking of joining a fraternity. I would be dating a frat boy, how awesome.

Sept 6, 2003

I'm so upset at my father and work. I got to see Nate a total of maybe an hour while he was in. Yet again, I was supposed to have the weekend off, but they called me in. I would have said no, but my father answered the phone and told them I had nothing better to do. Nate and I had planned to do absolutely nothing together. We were going to go to the park and just enjoy each other's company. I told Annabelle all about this, she told me I was lucky to have a boyfriend. Nate was so sweet and understood, but the rest of his weekend was booked with family stuff. He made a quick stop at the coffee shop and talked to me for a while until it started getting busy. He then stopped by when I was finished so we could relax for about an hour until he had to leave to be with his family. My father sure was happy that I didn't get to spend much time with Nate. He still thinks that what Dean told him is the truth about Nate. I'm not sure if my father will ever give him a chance because of stupid Dean.

Why did Dean have to lie to my father about Nate? Did he think I would stop dating him? Why would Dean care if I dated Nate in the first place? I mean it's not like…oh my god, Dean likes me, as in has a crush on me. I just figured it out. I was thinking about the questions I just asked over and over and that was the best reason I could come up with. It makes so much sense. Dean probably thought that if he got my father to disapprove of Nate then he and I would break up. Dean then probably thought him and I would hook up. I don't think the kiss during truth or dare helped much. I mean I could be wrong. Dean could just be a jackass. That kiss was something though. There was certainly some chemistry there. But I can't date Dean that would be too awkward. For one thing I'm already dating a guy I could quite possibly be in love with. And another reason is that I dated his brother that is just weird to date brothers. I don't even know why I am thinking about this. Nate is an amazing boyfriend and I have no plans of breaking up with him.

Sept 21, 2003

I may not have had any plans of breaking up with Nate, but it seems he did. He called me last night and said he wanted to start seeing other people. It was so out of the blue. Everything was going fine between us. We talked on the phone at least once a day, and I even planned on coming down to visit him. He said that the long distance thing wasn't working out too well. I didn't really know what to say. I just told him that if that was how he really felt there was nothing I could do to stop him. My father is trying to feel sorry for me, but it isn't convincing me. I know he is happy to see him go. I will just have to move on. It shouldn't be too difficult, I'm not even sure if I loved him. With Sam it was much harder because I knew I loved him. There was no doubt in my mind. I still love him today, but in a different way.

Oct 1, 2003

Dean and John have decided to make a visit to our house. It was more of John's idea. He needed to talk to my father about something. I'm going to guess it is about the yellow-eyed devil because Dean wasn't allowed to talk with them.

Dean and I just sat in the living room in silence while our fathers were in the kitchen talking. It must be really important because they turned on the radio so we couldn't eavesdrop. Dean then finally broke the silence by asking me how things were with Nate. I told him we broke up. He said he was sorry and then asked when and why. I just told him the truth. Dean just responded by calling Nate an idiot. I was about to defend Nate when I realized that Dean was right. Nate was an idiot for breaking up with me. Dean asked me why I would want to date a guy I couldn't be 100% honest with. I told him I thought it would help me feel normal, but I was wrong. I felt even more out of place when I was with him. I had to watch what I said all the time. I was the idiot for thinking it would even work between us. What would Nate say if I told him what Dean and my father really do? Would he have believed me or would he have thought I was crazy? If I had told him what really happened to my parents would he have laughed in my face? A part of me thinks he would, but a part of me thinks he would understand. I don't know, either way we are broken up.

Annabelle says to hell with men. She was in a serious relationship once; they were together for three years. Then one day he tells her that he has been cheating on her with one of her friends. She was a mess, but she got over it. She said he was part of the reason she moved here. She suggests that I take some time to myself. Focusing on getting into college and then worrying about boys, she suggested. She has a point there. I do need to start focusing on college. Then when I go to college I can meet someone who really understands me. That might be more difficult than I think. Right now the only two guys who understand me the most are Sam and Dean. I already dated Sam and we know how things ended up, and Dean would just be weird to date because he is Sam's brother. I need to find a guy who is okay with all this paranormal stuff and who understands all this paranormal stuff. Is that asking too much?

Oct 5, 2003

I've decided which college I'm going to attend in the spring, South Dakota State University. It is close enough to home and is affordable. My father says not to worry about having to pay for college. He's going to pay for it all. He is so proud of me for getting in. I still have no clue what I want to do. My guidance counselor said not to worry about it. I guess a lot of people go into college not knowing what they want to do.

Dean doesn't understand why I want to go to college when I don't even know what I want to do with my life. He thinks I should graduate from high school and then go off hunting. I would love to do that, but my father would practically hate me. The look on his face would be enough to change my mind.

Annabelle looked at the brochures for the school and she thinks it looks like a nice place. She says that she is going to miss me when I leave. Apparently, she doesn't really have any other friends here. She jokingly asked if she could join me at school, at least I think she was joking. She wants to go out and do something together before I leave. She is just so sweet; I'm going to miss her. I still have a good three months before I leave. It is going to be weird going away to college. I hope I make some friends. I think it might be hard because I'm coming in at the middle of the school year. They should be sending me my rooming information soon. I believe I'm going to have a roommate. I hope she is a nice girl.

Sam is really happy that I found a school and that I'm planning on going. He says I have nothing to worry about. College is going to be a blast. I will finally be away from my father, but not too far away. That is one thing I am really looking forward to.

Oct 13, 2003

So, my father and I have run into a little problem. It turns out my father doesn't have enough money to send me to school and the university says it is too late to apply for financial aid. It looks like I will no longer be going away to school. I was looking forward to getting away. My father thought he had enough money stored away, but he was wrong. I told him I could take on another job and help pay for it, but he rejected the idea.

I talked to Annabelle about my situation and she says she knows a way to make a quick buck. I told her I was in. She wants me to meet her tomorrow after her shift at the coffee shop. I hope it is something quick and painless.

Oct 17, 2003

Annabelle is a genius. I have made a total of $400 in the past two days. She has me selling these strange artifacts to people. I have no clue where she gets them from, but they are all over her place. They look like things my father and Dean would be in to. I asked Annabelle what some of the things were, but she didn't really give me an answer. I then asked her where she got the things. She just said she had her connections. It's pretty exciting. At this rate I could have enough money to put myself through college. I haven't told my father about any of this because he would probably freak. For some reason he has it stuck in his head that he should pay for my college. Although some people would take advantage of this or think this is so nice, I feel that I should help him. That is what I intend to do. I really appreciate Annabelle's help. She didn't need to let me in on this, but she did.

Nov 4, 2003

My father is getting curious as to how I am getting all this money. So far I have gotten a total of $2,000. It feels so good to have all this money. Annabelle says she has one job that she might need my help on. She says there is about $5,000 waiting for me if I accept this job. At first I told her that I was all in, but then she told me that it could be dangerous. She doesn't want me to get in trouble. That makes me feel good about her. Now I'm having second thoughts about accepting this job. I should probably find out what the job entails before I back out completely. My father has taught me very well how to stay out of trouble; I'm not a complete amateur.

Nov 8, 2003

The job doesn't sound all that dangerous, but it is definitely illegal. Basically we are breaking into this rich person's home and stealing some medallion that Annabelle can sell for a lot of money. She says this medallion has special gems on it that protect against certain spirits. I'm not sure why she thinks it is okay to steal it from these people, but I really want the money that is involved. Annabelle is really prepared for this job. She knows where all the security devices are on the premises and how to deactivate them. She has the blueprints of the house, has a picture of the medallion, and its location in the house. She essentially needs me to keep watch incase the owners come into the room we are in. After I heard what the plan was I told her I was in. We are meeting tomorrow night to go to the house. We went over everything last night and will go over it one more time before we go into the house. The house is about an hour from my home in this upper class neighborhood. Houses there run for about $2-3 million and that is just the starting price. All the houses have gates with security codes to get in. Most of the residents are either doctors or lawyers. I guess I sort of feel like this guy deserves to have this medallion stolen. He probably earns enough to buy another one in about a days work.

Nov 10, 2003

That job was amazing. I feel so good after it. Here's what happened.

We arrived at the house and parked about a block away. The house had absolutely no lights on meaning they were either asleep or not home. Annabelle disabled the security devices like a pro and then we started for the house. We climbed over the fence surrounding the house and ran across the football-field-size front lawn to the back door. I kept thinking to myself how much it must suck to cut their lawn. Annabelle picked the lock like she did it everyday. A minute later we were in the house going straight up to the room with the medallion. I stood outside the room while Annabelle was in the room looking for the medallion.

While I was standing by the door I heard the door across the hall opening so I hurried up and ran into the room with Annabelle telling her to stop moving. Whoever came out of the room went into the bathroom and finally went back into the room about ten minutes later. Annabelle told me to go back on watch and to keep quiet. When I stepped out of the room I could smell what the person was doing in the bathroom. It smelled to me like somebody was having digestive problems. The smell was so rancid I could barely breath. I could smell it when I breathed through my nose and could taste is when I breathed through my mouth. About five minutes later Annabelle finally found the medallion and we were on our way. We headed back out the back door and ran across the huge front yard. We jumped over the fence and turned on the security devices. When we finally got to the car I realized how fast my heart was pounding. I felt so alive. I wanted to do another one. Annabelle said she would keep me in mind when she needs a partner. She also said she would have money for me by next week. I'm super excited.

Nov 18, 2003

I got my money from Annabelle. She is really smart. She makes sure that her customers pay her in cash so that the money is untraceable to her. She stopped by earlier today and finally gave me my money. I am not to put any of this money in the bank because it becomes suspicious. So I decided to hide the money under my bed. Annabelle also made sure the bills were small enough bills. People might wonder where I got fifty or hundred dollar bills. I would never really think about this sort of stuff. Annabelle is teaching me so much. She has taught me how to check if an artifact is authentic or not and how to pick a lock. She just makes me feel like a true adult, unlike how my father makes me feel. He acts like I'm five. He used to treat me like an adult, but then I got pregnant and ran away. All that may seem immature, but I have shown him that I have grown up since then. If he expects me to stick around after I graduate from high school he's wrong. I'm thinking that I might not go to college now. I could talk to Annabelle and maybe I could work with her selling artifacts. College isn't really for me.

This Thanksgiving is going to be boring. Sam has decided to stay at school this year because Jess and some other friends are having a Thanksgiving dinner there. John and Dean are thinking about it, it all depends on whether their current hunt gets solved by then. I invited Annabelle to join us because she has never had a Thanksgiving dinner. She gladly accepted the offer.

Nov 28, 2003

Thanksgiving wasn't as boring as I thought it would be. At first we thought it was just going to be Annabelle, my father, and me, but at the last minute Dean and John showed up. Their hunt was finally over so they decided to surprise us. My father got along great with Annabelle. She knows a lot more about this supernatural stuff than I thought. She recognized the Solomon's Key or Devil's Trap on the ceiling right away. My father was a little surprised. My father got a little too comfortable talking to Annabelle about this stuff and told her all about the hunting world. At first I was scared she would be weirded out, but she seemed to really enjoy talking about all of it. This made me feel really good about having her as a friend. I could really talk to her about anything because she now knows about my family life.

At about 5pm we were about to eat when Dean and John showed up. I had to set up two more plate settings while my father greeted them. Dean sat next to me, John sat across from Dean, Annabelle sat next to John, and my father sat at the head of the table between Annabelle and me. Dean and John got worried when my father asked how their hunt went because of Annabelle. They just stared at my father until Annabelle asked what they were hunting, ghosts, demons, werewolves. After she asked this, the conversations became a lot more relaxed. The conversations mainly focused on the recent hunts John and Dean have gone on. Dean kept looking over at me like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't because others were there.

At about ten Annabelle went on her way. John and my dad had stuff to talk about leaving Dean and me alone. When we were alone Dean asked where Sam was. I jokingly told him that Sam didn't want to see his face. Dean looked really offended, so I hurried up and told him that Sam was at school having Thanksgiving with some friends. Dean just gave a little smirk and said, "Cool." For some reason he seemed either nervous or depressed. I wasn't quite sure which one. I couldn't stand the awkwardness between us so I finally turned on the TV. "Mythbusters" was on so we decided to watch that. Dean didn't really seem like he cared what we watched. I could have put "Barney" on and he wouldn't have cared. Even though the TV was on I could still feel the discomfort in the room. I couldn't stand it anymore and asked him what was wrong. Like almost every male who gets asked this question, Dean said nothing was wrong.

When the episode was over Dean finally turned to me and said he had something for me. I was a little shocked seeing as how it was neither Christmas nor my birthday. Then he handed me some folded up tissue paper. I squished the paper and felt something in there. I finally unfolded the tissue paper and saw that there was a bracelet in it. It was a hemp bracelet with some kind of amulet on it. Dean said he got it from some woman who sells special amulets that protect against evil spirits. He said as long as I wear that bracelet I would not get possessed or harmed by an evil spirit. I told him that I really liked it and thanked him. Then I asked him to tie it on my wrist for me. He took the bracelet from me and started tying it on. As he was tying it his fingertips kept brushing the back of my hand making me feel aroused. Maybe it was just my hormones talking but all I wanted to do was kiss Dean again like we did during the truth or dare game, but this time without other people around and for much longer. I guess I had been staring at my wrist for a while thinking about all of this because Dean started waving his hand in front of my face. When I looked up I saw Dean looking at me confused, wondering what I was thinking.

My hormones took over me and before I knew what I was doing I pulled Dean in and started kissing him. Dean was shocked by this and pushed me away. He asked me what I was doing. I then asked him if he wanted me to stop. He started to say yes, but then he pulled me in and started really kissing me. Dean started to unzip my jeans when we heard our fathers coming out of the kitchen. Dean got off of me so quickly and we sat there on the couch acting like we were watching TV the entire time. John said he was headed to bed and so was my father. Before my father went to bed he told Dean that he made up a cot for him in my room.

After my father went to his room, Dean and I went up to my room to continue where we left off. Before we got any further Dean told me that this wasn't his intention when he gave me the bracelet. I told him that was great and pulled his shirt off. This is going to sound weird and maybe disturbing to some people, but Dean was so much different than how Sam was. It might be how much more experience Dean's had or the different kind of chemistry between us. What might surprise people is that Dean is a cuddler after sex. Dean joked and said that was the best thank you he had ever gotten from someone. I just told him it was a really nice bracelet. Soon after that we fell asleep in each other's arms.

When I woke up the next morning Dean had moved to his cot incase my father or his father came in. I got up to go have some breakfast, but Dean stayed in bed for another hour. I was watching some TV when he came downstairs. He asked where our fathers were and what was for breakfast. I told him our fathers were outside changing the oil in John's truck and there were some bagels on the counter. He then came over to me on the couch, gave me a kiss, and then went to the kitchen to get a bagel. I decided to follow him into the kitchen while he made a bagel. I sat down at the table and picked up the newspaper. Dean sat down next to me and took the paper out of my hand. He said that he and his father were going to Nevada the next day and I should come with. I had to remind him that I was still in school. He asked me when I was going to be done. I told him I graduate in two weeks. I continued and told him I was having second thoughts about college. He looked relieved at first and then he asked me why. I just told him about the money situation and how I really wanted to hunt. He said I should ditch school all together and start hunting now. I told him I couldn't because it would break my father's heart. Dean understood where I was coming from; he was about to give me another kiss when our fathers walked in. John said it was time to change Dean's oil so Dean ran outside to change the oil since no one else can touch his baby. The rest of the time they were over was pretty normal. Dean and I had one more round before we went to bed that night. Before he left we snuck in a goodbye kiss without our fathers noticing. Dean said he would call when they get to Nevada.

As much as I wanted Sam at Thanksgiving, I'm glad he didn't show. Imagine if he was home for Thanksgiving. Nothing would have happened between Dean and I. Dean kept to his word and called as soon as they arrived in Nevada. It was a normal phone call from Dean until he said that he misses me. I was a little weirded out. That sounds like something Sam would say, not Dean. Dean doesn't seem the type to tell a girl he misses her after not seeing them for about ten hours. Especially when we've spent months apart before. I just told him I missed him too. It wasn't a complete lie. I did miss him.

Dec 10, 2003

I showed Annabelle the bracelet Dean gave me. She told me that the amulet was genuine and rare. She said that Dean must have paid a lot for it. She thinks that she could sell it for about $200. For some reason I don't think that is how much Dean paid for it. Anyways, the bracelet isn't for sale. I also told Annabelle about what happened after I got the bracelet from Dean. She wanted to know all the juicy details. I wasn't sure how much to tell her so I gave her the R-rated version instead of the X-rated. She wanted to know if this meant Dean and I were together. I told her I didn't think so, but I wasn't sure. I'm really not sure what Dean and I are. We haven't really discussed it, and we haven't seen each other since Dean left for Nevada. He's called a few times, but just to check in real quick. He called to check in before anything happened between us. The only person to ask would be Dean. He is supposed to be coming over for Christmas. Sam is going over to Jess's again for the holiday. Annabelle is going home for the holidays so it looks like Christmas will be a small gathering.

I'm going to try to get something for John this year. I have a lot of money to spend on gifts. Since the last job I told you about I have made $800. Annabelle says she has just the thing for Dean. She said it would be here in about a week and she will give me a 50% discount on it. So after the discount it is going to cost me $75. I asked her what it was. She told me it was a bracelet made entirely out of elephant hairs. It is illegal here in the states, but she was able to get her hands on a few. So Dean is covered for Christmas. Now I just need to get something for my dad, John, and Annabelle. Luckily I have enough money to get something nice for all of them.

Dec 20, 2003

Dean is coming here tomorrow with his father. I got the bracelet from Annabelle for him. She has already left for the week. The bracelet is really nice; I think Dean will like it. I decided what to get my father. He is always wearing this trucker hat and it is getting really dirty and worn. So I got him a new one. It was pretty expensive because it is high quality and it is stain resistant. John was hard to figure out, but after some thought I figured out what to get him. Just like Sam, John is really into knives. Since I am old enough this time I went to the knife store and bought him a pocketknife that is pure iron with his initials carved into it. I felt that would be a suitable gift for him. I still haven't figured out what to get Annabelle, but she said it was fine because she wouldn't have mine until after she got back.

I don't know if I should ask Dean if we are a couple or not. I don't want to scare him away. I will just have to wait and see what his reaction is to seeing me tomorrow.

I'm officially a high school graduate. I took my last final a few days ago. In terms of whether or not I am going to college I have decided not to. I told my father that I would like to take a semester off to earn some more cash to go. He seems to have finally gotten it into his thick skull that I can pay for college too. He didn't really like the idea, but he agreed to it. I really do intend to go to college in the fall. I might even figure out what I want to do later in life during this time off. I know I don't want to work at a coffee shop my whole life.

Dec 24, 2003

Dean and John are back. When I first saw Dean I wasn't sure how to react. He looked so good in his leather jacket and worn jeans. I just wanted to kiss him right then and there. I wasn't sure how to read him at first. He seemed like how he always is. I thought for sure there was nothing between us until our parents were no longer in the room. As soon as both our fathers were out of the room Dean pulled me in and gave me a good, long kiss. It felt incredible. I knew my answer right then what we were. But I still needed to hear it from his mouth that we were together and that he wasn't seeing anyone else. When we finished our good, long kiss I asked Dean what we were. At first he played stupid and tried to avoid the question. I wanted to know if what was going on between us was real or if I was just another girl he had slept with. Dean took real offense to this. He said to give him sometime to think about it. After that I realized how much I miss Annabelle. She is the only one I can talk to about this, but she's not here.

It is now Christmas Eve and Dean still hasn't responded to my question. He says he is still thinking about it.

Dec 26, 2003

Christmas was interesting this year. It started out perfectly normal. My father made dinner for all four of us and then we exchanged gifts. First John gave his presents to everyone. He gave my father a book about demons and spirits; just what my father needs more books about this stuff. Dean got some new oil for his car; he was pretty excited about that. I got a new journal from him. He said that he noticed how much I write in mine and that he wants me to continue writing. I felt that it was a thoughtful gift because I only have a few more pages left in this one. Next up were my gifts to people. Everyone loved their gifts from me. Dean put on his bracelet right away, my father put the hat on, and John put the knife in his pocket.

Next up was Dean, but a knock on the door interrupted us. My father got up to answer it. As my father went to answer the door Dean gave me my gift. It was very small. I was thinking that it might be jewelry again because that seems to be a trend. I was about to open it when my father called me to come to the door because I had a guest. I put down Dean's gift and went to the door wondering who was here to see me on Christmas.

When I got to the door my father was blocking the person from my view. When he finally moved out of the way I saw that Nate was standing in the doorway. I was very surprised to see him there. I hadn't talked to him since we broke up. I wasn't sure if I should be nice to him or not. I decided to ask him nonchalantly what he was doing here. He said he was here to say he was sorry and that he wanted another chance with me. He didn't realize how much he missed me until he broke up with me. I was very shocked by this. I didn't really know what to say. I had moved on and was starting to fall for Dean. At the same time I still had feelings for Nate. I was about to tell Nate that I had to think about it when he pulled me in for a kiss. As he was kissing me I heard from behind me, "What do you think you're doing?" It was Dean. He looked just as surprised as I did when I saw Nate. Nate explained to Dean how he wanted to get back together with me. Dean then said without thinking, that it was impossible seeing as how we were together. The surprises just kept coming. Dean then grabbed my hand and pulled me into him so he could put his arm around me. Nate looked confused and asked me if it was true. I told him that it was. Nate then said goodbye and to have a Merry Christmas. He looked so sad. I then turned to Dean and asked him if it was true. He said that we'd talk about it later.

After that we went back to opening gifts. I wasn't really in the mood to open presents. I wanted to open them as quickly as possible so that Dean and I could talk. I hope my father and John didn't hear the conversation between Dean, Nate, and I. So far neither one has said anything to us. When we walked in my father wanted to know what Nate wanted. I told him the truth I just left Dean out of it. It was my turn to open my gift from Dean. He got me a charm to hang above my bed that is sort of like a dream catcher. I really wonder where Dean gets all of these things he gets me. They are all one of a kind objects. As soon as I got to my room I put it above my bed. So the rest of the gifts people got are unimportant. Let's fast-forward to what happened between Dean and I.

After we all finished unwrapping gifts and having dessert we all said goodnight to one another. About 15 minutes later Dean came knocking on my door. It was time for us to talk. Dean came in and sat on my bed. He looked so good; I just wanted him so bad. Dean just sat there staring at me waiting for me to say something. I was going to sit next to him on the bed, but I was afraid where that would end up. I finally asked him if what he said to Nate was true. Dean admitted that at first he wasn't sure how he felt about me until he saw Nate kissing me. He wanted to punch him so badly. Dean also admitted that he hasn't been with anyone else since me. I asked him why, but he didn't really have an explanation. We talked for a while about our relationship, but at the end we came to the agreement that we would try this out and see where it goes. I asked Dean if we should tell our fathers or not. For right now we aren't going to say anything, but if this lasts for a few months we'll tell them.

After we were done talking about our relationship Dean said he had one more gift for me. He got it the other day when he was out and had to get it for me, but he wanted to give it to me in private. I was a little nervous, what could he have gotten me that needs to stay private? Was it lingerie? Was it something sexual? He finally pulled the gift out of his pocket. It was too small to be lingerie; it looked like a jewelry box. I took it out of his hand and looked at him confused. He said it was something that he wouldn't normally get for someone, but I was different. I finally started unwrapping and then opened the box. To my surprise there was a necklace in the box with a single bluish gem pendant on it. He said it was an aquamarine gemstone, which the jeweler told him was my birthstone. It definitely was something different. It was so beautiful. I told him it was gorgeous and gave him a kiss. Then I had him put the necklace on me. Yet again as he was putting the necklace on me I got this huge sexual rush. I turned around after he put the necklace on me and pushed him on the bed and the rest you can guess.

So that was my exciting Christmas. The best so far.

Dec 31, 2003

The New Year is almost upon us. Oh what a marvelous year it has been. I graduated from high school, got a new boyfriend, but then got dumped, met a new best friend, and hooked up with my ex-boyfriend's brother. Not as exciting as last year, but I needed to tone it down. This past year was a lot less stressful. I'm not really sure what to hope for for next year. I guess I hope Dean and I last, but I don't want to hope too much. I hope I get the urge to go to college in the fall and figure out what I want to do when I get older.

So far my New Year's plans for tonight seem pretty boring. Dean and I are staying in and watching movies that Dean wants to watch. My father and John are going out to the bar. They invited Dean to go with, but he told them he wanted to stay and keep me company. John sort of gave him a look, but I don't think he suspects anything.