.
.
Wait here, love, wait here, for we
will surely meet if watch we keep,
unwavering as these many leaves
in the soothing shade of the sacred tree.
.
.
(Wait here)
.
.
Shippo skidded to a stop in the dirt and turned to the east, straining his ears. Someone was singing.
Wait here, love... wait here for we
He sat back on his haunches, spellbound by the soft voice, like a lone ringing bell... when the owner of it came into view from behind a tree.
"Will surely meet if - oh!" The little girl froze, hands pressed to both cheeks, flushing magenta. "Oh my gosh, how embarrassing."
"Wait, don't stop," Shippo complained loudly. "I barely got to hear any of it."
The girl squeezed her eyes closed and shifted her weight between her feet. "I was only singing because I thought no one was listening, you little spy. Goodbye." She waved hysterically and turned tail. "Gotta go home, nice meeting you."
"Hey, do you live in the village nearby?" He raced after her, suddenly very excited to meet her and paying no mind to her continued attempt to outrun him.
"Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I do." Finally she gave up and slowed her frantic pace, panting for breath. "I've only just moved here... Oh no, I hope I'm not lost."
On cue she looked around at the trees warily, but Shippo laughed. They were on a path. Not to mention he could never get lost in this forest, no matter how long he'd been away. "It's okay, you won't get lost with me."
"Oh yeah? Are you like a little dog demon or something?" He thought she was joking but she bent over and tugged at his tail with a curious look on her face. "Can you smell the way?"
"I - no, I am not a dog demon," he huffed indignantly, "I'm a fox, get it? Fox."
"Can fox demons smell the way too?"
"Well," he admitted, "actually I-" but he paused, unwilling to delve into the explanation of his complicated relationship with the nearby village. "Yeah," he sighed. "I can smell the way."
"Oh, good!" she breathed, and began to pull him along beside her. "I was getting worried there for a second!"
"Yeah yeah. So what, do you like the village?" he probed. "How is it? Is your.. are you settling okay?" He bit his tongue as he almost said "is your family.."
Ever since the death of Naraku and the completion of the Shikon Jewel all sorts of people had been coming from all over to make a home in Kaede's village. Shippo thought it was kinda stupid and dangerous to want to be around the jewel since it was what had uprooted most of them from their homes anyway... But he supposed people wanted to be around the ones who took down Naraku because it made them feel safe.
That was surely why orphaned children began to show up at the village and hadn't stopped. One of the old houses had been converted into a temporary home for them because there were so many. Who was to say this girl wasn't one of them? Shippo wasn't stupid, after all. He knew when to shut up, unlike some people who ran their mouths and had no tact at all.
A pair of white ears twitched in his memory, as if Shippo had said the insult aloud and they had heard it.
He slowed to a stop in the middle of the path and sighed. That silly thought came so naturally, even after all this time.
The small girl had stopped too and was staring at him. As always, he felt of rather inadequate size being eye to eye with a human girl no older than six or seven, but at least he'd done a bit of growing over the past couple years. He couldn't wait to see the looks on Miroku's and Sango's faces when they saw he grew two whole inches since the last time he visited. But he didn't want to go to them just yet. An old wound had pulled itself open and he didn't think he could face them yet, especially the little twins who continued to think he was their brother no matter how many times he or Miroku or Sango tried to say otherwise. Shippo didn't want to look weak in front of them. He was supposed to be the strong one.
"Hey... What was that song you were singing, anyway?" he asked sadly, stalling for time while he composed himself.
The girl blinked. "Oh, I don't know."
"...Oh. That's okay."
"Hey, hey! Don't look so sad, I'm sorry, I'll tell you." Her wide eyes told him she'd completely misinterpreted the reason for his sadness, but he didn't mind. "I just wasn't supposed to sing it to anyone, not yet anyway."
"Huh? Not yet?" She had successfully gotten his full attention.
She blushed and smoothed out a few folds on her dusty kimono. "It's supposed to be for the festival. They came and asked me if I would sing it since everyone's always asking me to sing stuff."
"A festival?"
"The festival!" He glowered momentarily, thinking he was gonna give Miroku and Sango a big lecture for not writing to him and inviting him to this so called festival, when she continued. "The festival in honor of them," she whispered reverently, peering around at the trees as though they themselves could be listening.
"Them..?"
The girl smacked herself in the forehead and laughed. "Of course, you don't even live here. You don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Come on, I'll show you, little fox!" Shippo allowed himself to be led off the path through the patch of bushes beyond the edge, and he found he already knew where she was taking him.
He hadn't been in this part of the forest for a very long time.
"Don't be scared, come on!" the girl urged him when he stayed behind at the edge of the clearing, staring intently at the tree. He swallowed thickly and didn't fuss when she returned and grabbed his hand again to pull him along with her into the open.
"Aren't they beautiful?" she whispered, pressing her hands to her face again.
Shippo's face fell. "Yeah," he agreed, and could say no more.
The two of them looked the same as the day he last saw them, when he'd finally made his peace and left them for good after weeks of never straying farther from the edge of the clearing, and even longer months of lingering in the village and visiting every day.
They were sitting on the gnarled roots at the base of the tree. Inuyasha leaned against the trunk and Kagome leaned against him, his hand loosely draped over hers. He couldn't see it now but he knew the sacred jewel was there pressed between their hands as it had been for three long years. The roots had snaked up over Inuyasha's ankles, grasses had sprung up all around them, and fallen leaves littered their still bodies. But other than that they looked the same, if maybe a little older.
Shippo took a couple tentative steps closer, wishing to curl up on them like he so often had, but unwilling to do it in front of this strange little girl. His lip quivered and his hands curled into fists.
Inuyasha's other hand was still wrapped around the handle of his sword, which had changed even less than they had. It was even still transformed in its more formidable state where it really did look like a fang freshly plucked from his fathers mouth, giving the vague impression that Inuyasha was somehow still mid battle. The awesome sight of the transformed Tetsaiga still in Inuyasha's grasp, though grown over with moss and speckled now with dried mud, was something that had often comforted Shippo. Though he couldn't say why.
"They're under a spell," the girl whispered.
Shippo wondered bitterly why she bothered whispering. They weren't about to wake if she raised her voice. He'd tried that so much the first few days that he'd lost his voice for a whole week.
"Some people in the village say they were lovers," she continued conspiratorially, shooting Shippo a know-it-all glance laced around the edges with sap. "My friend Yui said that the girl fell under a spell and the boy was so brokenhearted that he tried to kill himself and he fell under the spell too. Isn't that the most tragic thing?"
Shippo's eyebrow twitched and his fists tightened further as he struggled not to yell at the girl. It wasn't her fault her friend was an idiot. Instead of blowing up at her he stalked forward and began to sweep the brittle gathered leaves off of his friends. With tenderness he disentangled a twig from Kagome's hair. She always got so cross when he pulled it by accident...
"Hey, you can't touch them!"
"Watch me," Shippo gloated. "It's not like they care, anyway." He started heaving at the roots that had taken hold over Inuyasha's ankles, but they were too thick to budge, and besides, that girl was hitting him on the head now.
"You cut that out or I won't tell you about the festival or let you hear the rest of that song or anything at all!"
"I don't care," Shippo pouted bitterly, "I don't wanna hear the song anymore now that I know it's about Inuyasha and Kagome."
"Fine, then you can just - oh." Her fire went out immediately and she blinked rapidly at him. "Did you say Inuyasha and Kagome? So you have heard of them after all? Why don't you want to hear my song?" she added quietly, hurt.
"Because," he grumbled loudly. So maybe he wasn't that good at having tact. "The song is stupid. Inuyasha and Kagome loved each other but they weren't lovers. And on top of that, Inuyasha didn't kill himself you stupid idiot. He just followed her wherever the heck she went to save her because that's what he always does because he's so stupid and he loves her, which is a sorry combination when you're Inuyasha with a big dumb idea in your big dumb head!" He turned his glare then at the offender, Inuyasha, whose stupid hand was still gripping his sword. Not for the first time Shippo wondered just what the heck Inuyasha had figured out and what the heck he had done and what the heck was taking so long.
But after a moment Shippo's expression softened, as it always did.
"But he always brought her back before so I know he's still trying." His sword proved that. If he was gone for good, Tetsaiga would be in its useless form. "So I don't appreciate the stupid sentimental love songs or any stupid sentimental festival in memory of them! Because they're coming back and if Inuyasha finds out someone's been writing love songs about him he's gonna be insufferable, and I'm gonna be the one who gets the brunt of it!"
The girl's lips pressed together into a thin line in the ringing silence following Shippo's outburst and she clenched her fists at her sides. Shippo would have been sorry if he wasn't so distraught.
"You must be Shippo, then," she said curtly. When he looked surprised she added, "Miroku and Sango said you'd be coming to visit soon. They also said you were nice," she ended loudly, raising her volume for the first time since nearing the tree.
Hold on. "You know Miroku and Sango?" he said, despite himself.
"Yeah, the festival was their idea," she huffed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Sango is the one who asked me if I'd make some music to go along with that pretty poem Miroku wrote."
Shippo took pause at that, his anger deflating quickly. "Wait... Miroku wrote it?" It couldn't be that stupid if Miroku wrote it, right? He wouldn't write something lecherous and dumb... Not about them, anyway. But still, Shippo folded his arms and set his face into a firm disapproving frown. "Inuyasha won't like it. Miroku ought to know better by now."
"Will Kagome like it?"
He opened his eyes, drawn by the scarcely disguised laughter in her voice. He wasn't angry though, because she'd finally taken the hint and had begun to use the future tense instead of the past. "If I know Kagome, she'll be embarrassed but she'll secretly like it."
The girls smile softened, and her gaze shifted to the silent pair they shared the meadow with. She chewed her lip and fussed about with her kimono. "You knew them pretty well, huh?"
Shippo was reluctant to follow her gaze. They never looked different no matter how many times he looked. "Yeah," he sighed. "Too well, if you ask me."
"Miroku and Sango come here almost every day."
"Still?"
"Yes."
Guilt burrowed into him momentarily as he mulled that over.
"Hey, Shippo?"
He glanced at her sidelong, raising an eyebrow.
"Would you... like to come to the festival? It's tonight, so you're just in time."
Hmm. He squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to conjure a reason why not. "If Miroku's gonna give a eulogy or something you can count me out—"
"No, no," the girl laughed, once again pressing her hands to her full rosy cheeks in unabashed mirth. "It's not a funeral for the dead, you silly little fox. It's a celebration for the living! It's an ode to what may or may not come to pass. Kaede is calling it the Festival of Possibility." She must have noticed Shippo's obvious confusion then because she smiled and pointed to the two sleeping beneath the tree. "See, from here.. anything could happen. They could stay asleep forever... but they could also wake up five seconds from now. It's true!" she defended fiercely, furrowing her eyebrows at Shippo. "And if even a handful of the crazy stories Kaede has told me are true, then I think if you wait long enough then anything that can happen will happen."
Anything that can happen will happen? Shippo was reluctant to encourage such a fallible claim in someone so young, but he wanted to believe in what she was saying. After all, it was what he'd been trying to convince himself of every day since his adoptive family slipped out of his life. He wanted to believe they would come back any second.
Still, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, he was clouded always with doubt. Even now he was doubtful, even with the girl's honest words echoing in his mind when he bounded after her as she skipped back into the shelter of the woods in the direction of the village, humming that lilting melancholy tune he had heard her singing before. If at that moment he had glanced back toward the sacred tree he would have seen that the girl had struck a rich strain of golden truth. As Shippo and the little girl vanished into the trees, the giant sword which had remained unchanged for three long years glowed briefly with familiar light before dimming and leaving behind a smaller, battered, and altogether unimpressive blade which would look less than ordinary to the average observer. For some unknowable reason, Inuyasha's Tetsaiga had reverted.
All around, birds and cicadas fell silent. Even the soft sussurus of the leaves in the canopy above went unheard. The surrounding wood held its breath in anticipation as it waited to see what would happen next.
.
.
One thought was on his mind as he entered the void: finding Kagome.
But when the dark enveloped him it began to devour him with such pure ferocity that it forced that thought from his head with instant effectiveness, like gale force winds clearing a loose scroll from a temple. All at once it hit him. The tidal wave of energy was so raw it threatened to rip him to shreds. A familiar and deep instinct, primeval, demonic, reared its dragon head inside him and roared, taking control more decisively than it ever had in his life. With one-track determination he drove the tidal wave back with all the power he possessed.
So: Inuyasha was thrown head first into the now-recently-losing side of a centuries old battle, and had but one choice. Even the playing field or die. Unable to fight it in such a state, unable to even understand what was happening, he succumbed fully to the demon inside him and its survival instinct as it flared out against the opposition in the effort to save him.
He was too far gone to remember what brought him here, his conscious mind too far beneath the demon to remember that the opposition here wasn't just another foe. It was Kagome. That tidal wave of pure energy that threatened to destroy him was Kagome. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered but survival.
That internal war that had been raging for hundreds of years found new developments for the first time as the two fresh warriors usurped the front-lines on both sides of the battle. They flew at each other with the hot intensity only found in the souls of the living - something the innermost heart of the jewel had only stolen glimpses at before. They were as matched as rivals could be as they pushed each other back continually, and for a long, long time the war was as it had always been and was always intended to be: a perpetual stalemate.
But there is a gift the living can give themselves which the dead never can give, nor borrow, nor purchase.
That is to say: the living can change.
It happened gradually, as does every major continental shift. It began with the barest of communications, so bare that neither realized they were communicating.
After what seemed like a short while, he became aware of a shift in the air, a weakening on the other side, an opening in which to strike... Except he didn't strike, and instead he felt a sudden surge of sympathy for his opponent. By the time he had squashed the feeling of sympathy in order to make his deadly blow, the opponent had already regathered it's strength.
She wanted to wish so she could rest. Except when she came close to wishing for the first time in the hopes of ridding herself of the jewel forever, a sudden inexplicable rush of assurance quelled the desire and spurred her on.
This would happen many, many times before she would finally realize that the source of her reassurance was him.
Of course, once she'd realized he was in there with her it was only a simple leap of logic to understand that she'd been fighting him. For how long he'd been there she couldn't begin to guess, and of course it wasn't only him she was fighting, but that didn't matter at all. As soon it came to light, as soon as her faceless foe finally had a name and the name was Inuyasha, the battle was over before it was over.
It was without any hesitation that she quieted: she laid down her spiritual arms, silenced herself, became still for the first time in a eon. She understood she would be instantly destroyed but staying alive was not worth destroying him, or containing him in the stasis which she herself was contained in. She refused take part in it for one second longer. Maybe she had no control over her own fate, but at least she could gift him control over his. That was enough.
The unceasing battle suddenly ceased as his opponent stilled for the very first time, and every instinct in him screamed to go in for the kill. He was the frontline now, after all, as he had long since taken up the reigns on this side of the battle. No move could be made without him. The two sides of the war writhed in suspense like squirming koi, yin and yang frozen in their chase of each other: the pure side held hostage behind Kagome's soul, unable to attack or defend while she refused to pick up her arms, and the impure side pent up behind Inuyasha's, waiting for the dam between the halves to break at last on Inuyasha's damning word.
But as time stood still inside the jewel, he did not give the word.
Something was gnawing at him and it wormed its way so deep that it cut through the demonic instincts that had overridden every aspect of himself and found its way to the very center of his soul. It wasn't the sound of Kagome's voice as it had sometimes been before because there were no voices here in this strange inbetween. It wasn't even Kagome herself because he was still too far gone to know her.
It was as simple as this: some foundational part of Inuyasha, older than he himself, recognized the sudden stillness on the other side of the battle as surrender. And that one little fact tunneled straight past the demon and found his humanity. Because Inuyasha had something no demon fighting within the Shikon jewel had ever possessed before.
He had mercy, and that changed everything.
The hateful forces waiting behind him to make the final strike they'd so longed for would never have the chance to do so because despite the blood his instincts howled to spill, Inuyasha went against everything in his nature and (in so many words) he too sheathed his sword.
There was a beat of silence. A resonant calm. A single breath of fresh air, of peace, as the two halves washed away from each other without any fanfare, as naturally as a wave recedes from one shore to find another. As the sides faded to nothing they left two people naked briefly on the shore where they could see one another plainer than they ever had before... and, without the need for words, each understood they had saved the other.
The beat of silence passed, and the void turned inside out.
.
.
In the shallow shade under the sacred tree there was suddenly a brilliant light.
Two figures blinked blearily with eyes that hadn't seen the light of day in three years, blinded now by the pink and white rays bleeding from their loosely clasped hands through the cracks in their fingers. The two of them looked at it blankly, the knowledge dawning on them that their actions had directly brought about the end of the jewel in a way no one could have ever imagined was possible.
Inuyasha was the first to withdraw his hand, as though he'd been burned.
"Inu.." Kagome tried to say his name but her voice broke; her throat was infinitely dry and her lips cracked. His response was to drop his sword into the tall grass and throw his arms so tightly around her that the breath was forced from her lungs.
"Don't ever leave me again," he commanded, his face buried in her hair.
The implications of his words didn't surprise her as they once would have—not now, after everything they'd been through, after the brief telling glimpse of his soul on that distant shore. No, what was shocking her into silence was the still growing light in the palm of her hand where the jewel used to be, growing brighter yet by impossible degrees. She opened her mouth to reassure him but nothing came out.
"Besides," he added softly, "you should know by now that I'll come looking no matter where you go." There was an undisguised warning in his tone that was grating and harsh but she saw right through it. The familiar reassurance that had kept her so long from wishing on the jewel flooded her. She didn't know why it had taken her so long to realize it was him.
It had always been him, since the very beginning.
But a flare of light that breached her hand and licked down her forearm distracted her again from his words.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome's weak unused voice cracked in her alarm and Inuyasha looked up finally at the strange light left in the wake of the departing Shikon Jewel to notice something was deeply awry. He growled and took a swipe at the light, attempting to knock it from her hand. He didn't know what else to do. But his growl turned into a choked sound as his hand sailed straight through hers. He swiped again and found to his horror that no, he could not touch her hand.
Kagome gasped and flailed, shook her arm, writhed helplessly away from his grasp in her vain attempt to rid herself of the light. He grabbed after her other arm like a lifeline and yanked her back. She wheeled around toward him, twisting through the grass, feeling the stinging tug of it on her legs. A foreign emotion coursed through him when he saw the beginnings of tears welling up in the corners of her eyes when she turned toward in him in despair. It felt like the preview of a thousand years of grief yet to come. She fell on his chest like she had done many times before, only this time one of her arms fell through and she withdrew it with another gasp back to her own chest.
"Don't," he said, his voice strangled in his throat. He didn't know whether he was pleading with Kagome or the light that was swallowing her. "Don't-"
But Kagome had a sharp and unwelcome intuitive feeling in her gut but about what was happening. How many times had she wondered before what would happen to her once the jewel was gone? It was only through the jewel's power that she had come to this era in the first place, and now the power was drying up quick like leftover midsummer rain.
"Don't forget me, okay?" she pleaded. The light had spread to her shoulder. It was stupid, a pointless demand. She knew he wouldn't. But she didn't know what else to say. In that moment she wanted the selfish comfort of hearing that she wouldn't be forgotten once she was gone.
He was very close to understanding what was happening, but didn't want to. "Kagome." She was scaring the shit out of him with those tears. He'd been so elated only seconds ago. What the hell went wrong?
Her lips quivered as she struggled for something to say, something worthy enough for an unexpected goodbye she could never have had enough time in the world to prepare for. Words didn't come. She couldn't say it. So instead she moved closer. Any and all reserves she had left were thrown out the window. Gone. She wouldn't have to worry about the repercussions of her actions because all signs pointed glaringly to I'm never going to see you again... So she did something she'd only endeavored twice before. The first time was half-forgotten, so surreal it felt almost as though it had never happened; a reckless moment neither had dared mention since in case the other had forgotten. It had been a last resort when she'd thought she was going to lose him if she didn't do something.
The second time was what felt like only weeks ago and had been different in every possible way. There'd been no urgency, no dire situation, no hanging threat that fueled their actions. All there was was the two of them it seemed, sitting alone on her bedroom floor as she leaned up and he bowed his head toward her, hitting her with smoldering gold eyes that had only given her that expression a handful of times and never with this intensity. Strangely she hadn't been nervous at all. There was only this rising sense of light expectation. As if they were simply saying hello.
Maybe that's why it was the second memory that chose to resurface now in her mind as she leaned up toward him, all the sensation gone from her arm all the way through her chest, the numbness bleeding down through her stomach. It was because she longed for hello and would have to settle for goodbye.
Inuyasha knew exactly what she was doing. And while he hated the fact that it reeked of goodbye, he bowed without hesitation toward her parting lips and did exactly what she wanted. He kissed her.
His lips fell on hers with the same intensity he attacked everything else with when things weren't going his way. He pulled her closer until he couldn't pull her any closer. Maybe he could hold her here by sheer force. She released a panicked shuddering breath against his lips as the feeling vanished from her other hand and she felt it begin to slip through his chest, but he moved his lips roughly against hers and still wouldn't let go. The next time she drew a breath and the warm air passed between their lips, she found she could no longer feel the air on her tongue. And when he pressed in to close the hairline gap she'd created between them his lips passed through hers.
She pulled back an inch, staring up at him with sad half-lidded eyes.
He brought his hand up to her cheek and it fell hopelessly through her head. This couldn't be happening. Not yet, was all he could think. Not yet.
Her lips moved like she was saying something but whatever she said he couldn't hear it. The rays of sunlight streaming between the leaves above them were visible through her body now. Soundlessly, her lips moved again and she stretched her arm up toward him but now he couldn't even see it, and as he sucked in a breath to shout something after her (anything) in the hopes she would hear it, a light so violently vibrant he had to turn his head away erupted from her.
Then, nothing. As it had been a thousand times before, in the space between one heartbeat and the next, first Kagome was there and then she was gone. Like a trick of the light; nothing more than a mirage. But unlike a mirage Kagome had always come back. Despite everything, she'd always come back. Yet even as he raced toward the well now in despair he knew this time was different than the times before, and instead of the lush forest alive with the overlapping cadences of bird songs and the thrum of cicadas, Inuyasha felt he was running through an arid desert.
He reached the Bone Eater's Well in moments, but his feet hit rough dirt and fossilized skeletal remains instead of dipping into the cold electrifying bath that led on, first through darkness then to light; to Kagome.
The way was closed. For him the well shimmered still in the distance, warped by the heat, nothing more than the delusion of a dying man under the unforgiving sun. He would never reach it.
But, like any dying man in a desert, he would keep walking toward it.