Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine

One month later

Atlantis

Elizabeth sighed as she realised she was not going to fit into her trousers. She had put on weight, damn pregnancy.

Elizabeth fell backwards onto her bed and tried again to fasten her trousers, stopping when there was a knock on her door.

"It's Ronon"

Elizabeth smiled to herself slightly

"Come in Ronon"

Ronon walked into the room and smiled when he saw her laying on the bed. Elizabeth turned her head to him and sighed

"I'm officially fat."

Ronon chuckled to himself and pulled her off the bed

"You're not fat, just pregnant."

"If you deal with the nausea and weight gain, pregnancy is just one big thrill"

Ronon chuckled and Elizabeth walked to her closet and pulled out some more trousers. She walked into the bathroom and changed into them while Ronon waited for her outside. She came back into her room and walked over to the mirror, taking a look at herself. She smoothed out her clothes over her stomach. She didn't have a bump, not really, yet but she knew it wouldn't be long. Soon everyone would know.

Ronon came up beside her

"Are you okay?"

Elizabeth turned to him and smiled

"I'm fine"

Suddenly Ronon realised how close they were standing to each other. They were close enough so he could feel her breathing, to feel her warm breath on his neck. Ronon took a step back from her and smiled

"Good. We should get going"

Elizabeth nodded, grabbed her radio and left the room with Ronon following her.

Ronon's close relationship with Elizabeth had caused him a problem. Teyla. She'd noticed how close he was becoming with Elizabeth and it was making her openly jealous. She knew Elizabeth was her friend and hoped that she would never do anything to hurt her but she couldn't be couldn't be sure of that. She'd noticed a change in Elizabeth lately and couldn't help but think that it had something to do with Ronon.

She'd made the suggestion to Rodney who just stared at her before telling her that she was being irrational and of course there wasn't nothing going on, after all Ronon wasn't Elizabeth's type.

Teyla had nodded and slowly and tried to believe Rodney but she couldn't get over the nagging feeling that maybe he was wrong.

One month later

If Elizabeth was honest with herself, she knew telling John would be best, but as she looked down at her small bump, which cocooned her child, she was suddenly reluctant to do so. She didn't know if she wanted John involved with her and her baby. He was so unreliable at times and she didn't know whether she could put her child through having a father like that.

There was a knock on the door, which broke Elizabeth out of her musing, followed by a voice

"It's me"

"Come in"

The door opened and Ronon stepped into the room carrying a jacket, which he passed to Elizabeth who was still dressed in her pyjamas.

Elizabeth smiled

"Thank you Ronon. I needed something to cover this"

Elizabeth turned round and pointed to her stomach.

Ronon looked down, his eyes wide. The bump had gotten there so quickly that he didn't even realise. Ronon stepped closer to Elizabeth and placed his hand on her bump. She didn't even tense, instead she slid her own hand down to the bump and placed it next to his, their fingers touching every so slightly.

That moment was the moment Ronon realised he was, for the first time in his life, in over his head. Quickly he removed his hand and stood back.

"I...I should go and let you get changed"

Ronon left the room, not even waiting for a response from Elizabeth.

As he walked through the Atlantis corridors, he knew what he had to do. He had to do the one thing that Elizabeth would kill him for. He walked to the gym knowing who he was looking for would be there. As he entered, he could see John already training with some Marines. He waited for a second before walking up to John.

"Sheppard, you got a minute?"

John nodded and walked with Ronon to the side of the room. John leant against the wall and sighed

"What can I do for you Ronon?"

Ronon looked towards the Marines to make sure they were out of earshot before turning back to John.

"Here's a bit of advice which I suggest you act upon. Go to Dr Weir's quarters. Now"

John looked at him in a self of disbelieve and sighed

"What is this Ronon?"

Ronon leant closer and sighed

"This is advice you should act upon. Go now and don't knock. Just walk in"

John continued to look at him sceptically but there was something in Ronon's eyes, which shouted honesty.

"Fine. But I swear if this is a set up I will make your life very difficult"

John pushed himself of the wall and walked around the winding corridors to Elizabeth's quarters. He didn't know what Ronon was playing at but whatever it was it'd better be worth it. He didn't want to see Elizabeth. Since he'd said Elizabeth's name that time with Mokian, everything she'd done had been driving him crazy. He'd tried refusing her requests and acting like a bastard to her, anything that could make her hate him but she had just brushed off everything he had done as if it was nothing. He wanted her to hate him so maybe he could get away from her, stop thinking about her, but his plan was not working. So he'd decided on another plan, this plan was to just stay away from her but it turned out that wasn't going to be easy either.

When John reached her quarters he was about to knock on the door when he remembered what Ronon had said. Annoyed at the cryptic clue he punched in his security code, the door swished open and the door opened. John walked in but didn't see her. John cursed Ronon and was about to turn round and go when the bathroom door opened and Elizabeth stepped out. She was wearing trousers but no t-shirt. John didn't notice on the first look but on the second he realised what Ronon had sent him to see.

It was the small bump, which she had obviously been hiding. When Elizabeth saw him, she quickly grabbed the jacket, which was sat on the edge of her bed. She put it on quickly and fastened it, hoping he hadn't noticed before glaring at him

"What the hell do you think you're doing just barging in here?"

John didn't answer, he just keep staring at her bump. He'd seen it and she knew that when he didn't stop staring. John looked up and met her eyes

"You're pregnant?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes, lent her head back and licked her lips nervously, a habit she'd picked up from John.

She took a long intake of air before releasing it and looking at him again.

"Yes"

John nodded slowly and took a deep breath of his own

"Am I...?"

Elizabeth knew what he was asking and nodded slowly. John looked down on the floor, for a second Elizabeth thought he was going to be sick and was about to ask him if he wanted some water or something but didn't get chance

"How far gone are you?"

Elizabeth sighed, knowing how pissed he would be

"About five months"

"Five Months!"

The tone and volume of his voice confirmed how pissed he was and Elizabeth was reluctant to wake up her neighbour, who had been working the night shift, with John shouting how many months pregnant she was.

"John keep it down, for crying out loud"

John lowered his voice but his tone was still the same, pissed.

"Five months and I'm just finding out about this now. What the hell were you thinking? Why didn't you tell me?"

Elizabeth sat down on the edge of her bed

"When I found out, you were with Mokian. It didn't seem right. Plus I would have felt worse knowing that you were with her while knowing I was carry your child."

John ran a hand across his forehead and sighed

"I'm guessing you don't know that Ronon sent me?"

Elizabeth looked up at him and shook her head

"I'm gonna kill him"

John smiled at that. He could only imagine a five-month pregnant Elizabeth killing Ronon with a sparing stick.

John walked over to the bed and sat next to her sighing.

"Who else knows?"

Elizabeth shrugged

"Just Carson, I think. Caldwell suspects something but he hasn't said anything."

John nodded and laughed slightly

"I didn't suspect this, when Ronon set me here I did not suspect I would be having this conversation with you"

Elizabeth nodded in agreement

"Well when Ronon walked out of that door fifteen minutes ago I did not suspect he was going to tell you."

John looked at Elizabeth in confusing about why Ronon had been in her room in the morning

"Why was he here?"

"He came to bring me this jacket, my other has gotten a bit too small"

Elizabeth turned to face John. When she saw the look he was wearing, she sighed in disbelief

"Do not give me that look John. He's just a friend, there is nothing going on."

John nodded

"I should hope so; he's with Teyla after all"

Elizabeth stood up and walked over to the cabinet, which she lent against.

"We've got some things to discuss"

John nodded in agreement and stood up

"I know and before you ask me, yes I want to be involved in our child's life."

Elizabeth nodded and then sighed heavily

"I don't have anything to say now. All I had was that"

John walked over to her and placed his hands on her arms.

"I think...I think it would be easier for the kid if he had parents who actually didn't hate each other"

Elizabeth smiled

"I don't hate you...unless you hate me"

John shook his head

"I don't hate you, what I mean is...I think that... I'm just going to come out and say this, please forgive my directness but Elizabeth I want us to be together."

Elizabeth stood shell shocked for a moment as she processed what John said. She wasn't sure she heard him right but the look on his face told her that she did.

"John that's...that's not something you can say and expect an answer to straight away"

John nodded and took a deep nervous breath

"I know but...I screwed up big, I know that. I hurt you and I didn't care but I know how stupid that was. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Elizabeth leant heavily against the cabinet again.

"John...I know you're sorry and I do forgive you. But I don't know if I can trust you again and on the off chance you did something like that again...well lets just say I wouldn't want our child to see that. I wouldn't be able to deal with him asking 'Why as Daddy done that?' I just can't go through that"

John shook head

"I wouldn't do that"

"You can't promise me that, can you?"

John swallowed hard, knowing it was true. Elizabeth nodded knowing that he wouldn't be able to respond to what she had just said, knowing that it would be stupid to expect that childhood dream which she had of a loyal husband, beautiful children, a nice suburban house, a nice teaching job at the local school, weekend picnics and barbecue's. Sometimes childhood dreams wouldn't come true and this was one of those times.

Elizabeth stepped forward and kissed John lightly on the cheek.

"You'll always be his father and you'll always be special and important to me, but I can't put myself through it again"

She kissed him again before leaving her room and leaving John reeling about the fact that she had just broke his heart, and she knew she had done that because she had just broken her own.

One Week Later

Elizabeth walked into the infirmary. She was finding it difficult to believe that nobody had noticed her bump but they hadn't, so she wasn't going to tell them. They'd find out eventually.

She walked over to Carson who smiled and led her off to a private room which he'd set aside for her to be examined in during her pregnancy.

Elizabeth took off her jacket and slid on the bed. She then did undid the top button of her trousers as Carson lifted up her shirt and placed a cold gel on her stomach that Elizabeth couldn't remember the name of. Elizabeth knew it must have been funny when Carson secretly asked one of the Daedalus crew to bring the equipment he needed for the baby back from Earth without Caldwell or the SGC knowing, but she knew it wouldn't be as funny as what she was going to do on Caldwell's next trip back, which was ask him to bring back a crib and baby clothes. If he didn't get that she was pregnant then he never would.

Elizabeth smiled as she mused about the baby.

"Lets see how he's doing?"

Elizabeth sighed

"Must we always refer to him as a boy? If it's a girl we'll all look very stupid"

Carson nodded in agreement.

"Aye but...he'll never know"

Elizabeth smiled again and closed her eyes as Carson he turned on the monitor and placed the x-ray camera on her stomach.

Carson was quiet for a long time but Elizabeth didn't even realise

"How's he doing Carson?"

Carson was silent as he put down the device and felt around her stomach. Elizabeth's eyes opened sharply

"Carson?"

Carson picked up his stethoscope, a desperate look on his face, and placed it against her stomach.

"Come on, come on, come on. Please"

He said it so quietly that she didn't hear but she knew he had said something

"Carson, what's wrong?"

Carson put down his stethoscope.

"I...I..er...need a second opinion. Dr Murry, she's looked after you before, she's trustworthy. I'll go get her now"

John and the team stepped through the Stargate several hours later. Elizabeth was not in the control room like she usually was which was strange. What was even stranger was that Carson was waiting for them and they hadn't even asked for a medical team. Quickly Carson called Ronon and John over to him. He walked them out of the busy control room to somewhere quieter.

"Elizabeth had her check-up today"

Both men nodded, they'd known that. She'd told them, they were both actually a bit upset they couldn't be there, after all Ronon had been with Elizabeth for every check-up she'd had. He'd seen all the scans and John was upset that he would be missing another chance at seeing his child. Even if it was just a grainy picture on a machine.

"And...What happened?"

Carson closed his eyes as he remembered the look on Elizabeth's face. The look on Dr Murry's face

"Carson, what's wrong?"

Carson put down his stethoscope.

"I...I..er...need a second opinion. Dr Murry, she's looked after you before, she's trustworthy. I'll go get her now"

Carson hurried out of the private room and straight into his office. He lent against the wall and took a deep breath to stop the tears, which were forming. He'd seen this before; he'd seen it many times. It was never easy but this just seemed worse, because it was his friend, because it was someone he loved.

Carson stood up and took another breath before leaving his office and walking up to Dr Murry

"Julianne, can I borrow you for a minute?"

She nodded and followed Carson. Julianne Murry was a young woman but very capable, very reliable and very trustworthy. When they got to the door Carson stopped and turned to her

"I need you to promise that what you see in this room stays in the room. If anyone else finds out, I'll know it's you who told them"

Julianne nodded

"What's the problem?"

Carson sighed, his voice cracking

"I need a second opinion. I'm not willing...I can't call this"

Julianne nodded as Carson led her into the room where he had left Elizabeth.

The minute she saw the bump she held back a 'holy shit' by biting the inside of her lip. Carson led her over to Elizabeth. He gave Julianne control of the machine and sat with Elizabeth who was looking increasingly worried

"What's going on Carson? What is she doing here?"

While Carson was explaining to Elizabeth that Julianne was there as a second opinion, Julianne had discovered what Carson didn't want to except or see. Slowly Julianne sighed and turned off the machine. She nodded at Carson who closed his eyes.

"Elizabeth...I...I couldn't locate a heartbeat"

The whole world slowed down as John heard the sentence, which broke his heart. The second time his heart had been broken in a week.

John pushed back the tears

"Are you sure?"

Carson nodded sadly

"Well what now?"

Carson swallowed again. He was upset and nervous and he just wanted to break down himself but he knew he couldn't

"We...I removed the bab...foetus..." He corrected himself as if it would make it easier, it didn't "...under Elizabeth's request, straight away. She's in her room. She...She's upset and angry at everybody so I'd leave her alone for a little bit. I'm sorry John"

John nodded and walked away from the two of them. Obviously heading in the direction of the south pier. Ronon on the other hand headed off in the direction of Elizabeth's quarters. She might not want to see anyone, but he needed to check she was okay. As he reached her room, he knocked slowly on the door before allowing himself to enter.

He couldn't see her, but he could hear her crying in the dark room which obviously was reflecting her feelings. He walked round her bed and saw her curled up in a ball, she was gently rocking herself. One hand on her now flat stomach. Seeing her like that made a barrage of tears form in his eyes. Quickly he pushed them back and knelt down next to her. Carefully he pulled her into his arms. She gripped onto his arm tightly with one of her hands. They stayed like that for a few moments. He was sure she didn't even know it was him, even when he spoke it was like she didn't know he was there. Eventually he pulled away from her, she was still crying though.

He placed his hand on her's.

"Do you need anything?"

Elizabeth shook her head

"I just want my baby"

John stood gripping the railing of the south pier. His hands were red and blood was pouring slowly from where he had dug his nails into his skin.

Teyla watched him from the doorway. She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know why Carson had wanted to talk to Ronon and John or why the two of them had left upset, afterwards. Slowly she left the doorway and walked over to John.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

John turned round, saw her and then turned back round and stared at the ocean.

"Teyla, I don't mean to be rude but can you leave me alone?

Teyla didn't. Instead she lent against the railing and sighed

"Rodney and I know something is going on. What aren't you telling us?"

John shook his head

"I can't deal with your's and Rodney's feelings of being left out. This stuff doesn't concern you"

Teyla sighed, slightly angry

"I am your friend. I care about you. You are obviously upset, now tell me why"

John had no strength to fight with her, not today.

"Elizabeth...Elizabeth lost the baby"

Teyla eyes suddenly got very big

"Elizabeth's pregnant?"

John shook his head

"Not anymore."

Teyla nodded slowly

"It was yours?"

John nodded slowly

"I only found out last week. She was five months pregnant and I didn't even realise. Ronon was the only reason I found out."

Teyla looked at John sharply when he said Ronon's name

"Ronon knew?"

John nodded slowly

"Right from the beginning. She trusted him but not me. Not that I can really blame her."

John hit his hands against the railing hard. Teyla grabbed his hands before he could do it again and pulled him away from the edge.

"John listen to me. Just listen. You're upset right now, very upset. But there's someone in the city who's just as upset as you right now and that's Elizabeth. She'll need you, especially tonight and you'll need her. So go to her room, put aside any difference you might have and be there for her. Hold her and tell her everything's going to be fine."

John nodded slightly and walked away from the pier and back into the city.

John walked to Elizabeth's room. He didn't bother knocking on the door; he knew she wouldn't answer anyway. Instead he punched in his security code, the door opened and he walked in. Elizabeth was curled up in the foetal position on the bed. Her back towards him. Slowly John walked over to the bed and laid next to her. She didn't shudder as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her hair. She turned around though after about five minutes and buried her head in his chest. Her cheeks were wet, he could feel the tears soaking into his shirt, but he didn't care. He needed her to be with him. He needed to feel her next to him, even if it was only for one night.

John felt like he was being punished, as if losing his child was punishment for hurting Elizabeth. Maybe he was to blame.

TBC…