A/N-
Hi readers so I don't really know what to say in this other then please don't read if you have a history of self harm. Now I don't intend on this being over dramatic in anyway, however I think it's important that people who don't self harm or just believe that every self harmer is doing it for attention or just for the sake of it. Everyone had their own reasons and if you self harm as a copping method I want to help you and I'll explain why in a moment. For starts I will hopefully be writing a self harm themed for each Assassins and maybe going into more themes like suicide and loss, depending on how conftable I am with that topic and how well this one dose. Now with out sounding like I want people to be like 'Awe' 'You're great for getting over it' I don't I'm like I said trying to help people. If you are hurting yourself I'm not going to say it will get better BECAOUSE that's all I was ever told and it never helped it always seemed to make it worse. So try to find an outlet mine was wright, adult colouring books talk to someone. Don't suffer on your own. Everyone means something in the world even if your quiet you mean something! Believe that I know it's hard to wake up and feel lost like you're an alien but think about cutting won't help you and it's okay to cut if that how you cope as long as it's a clean blade then you clean the cuts It's alright if your going to do that you do what you going go. But I think scars relating to self harm in piticuler show how strong you are. You have survived okay you may have battle scars but who cares you still here breathing and that's all that matters 😊 .
You walked back in the cart you now shared with Jacob. At someone point you're going tell have to him, you kept telling yourself. But then….we've….and he not noticed. You blushed slightly picturing Jacob. But the thought was quickly replaced with the Emptiness. You sat at the desk. You ran you fingers over the book you were reading. 'Wuthering Heights' you picked up the book and started to read, even if it takes your mind of….it….for a while. You started reading and were taken into the book. On a far-off journey. Then you are being you. Your mind slipped brining you back to the hard crush of reality.
You slammed the book with a thud then tossed back on the table. You walked to the bed and collapsed onto it. Your tried forcing yourself to cry. You just made yourself angrier. Your mind cast back to earlier you and Jacob were together trying to find out information. The rain was pouring and you slipped nearly giving away your cover. Jacob sent you home. Angrier then he had ever been. You were sat on the bed looking down at your arms. You traced the line of the veins with your fingers. You dared touch your arm. In terms of Jacob seeing it most people would be happy as too him not seeing but a part of me was screaming out for help, I just didn't know how. Let out a sigh. Knowing what was about to happen. I went to the draw and pulled out a small box. It had a necklace in it a sliver heart filled with a diamond. Jacob bought it for me after our first date. I pulled the necklace out along with the foam lining and kissed it. At the back of the box was my blade. I took out the blade and placed everything back in the draw as it was when I found it.
PLEASE DON'T READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IT MAY BE GRAPHIC AND I'D RATHER PEOPLE NOT GET UPSET OVER IT IF THEY DON'T WANT TO OR HAVE A PAST WITH IT
You sat back down on the bed. You exposed your tights. There were hardly any scars, but there were one or two white lights bleached on to your skin. You drew in a breath as you held the blade softly in your fingers. Now tears streamed down your face, and onto your leg, You moved the blade with a steady hand to you leg. You started at the top. Pushing the blade down, you felt it in your skin. It didn't hurt though. You swallowed hard and slowly dragged the blade. You could feel the blades edge cutting and slicing the skin. It was a similar feeling to when you drag sisters along the edge of paper. You thought you yourself as you released the blade and moved on to the next line. Meanwhile your tears rolled down your cheek landing on the cuts. Once you had six line going down you looked at your legs. How you failed today flashed into your mind and, you slashed your skin deeper. Going up and though the fresh cuts. You did the same to your other leg. Blood poured out of both sides. You grabbed two bits of cloth and heled them they're until the bleeding stopped.
Once you were cleaned up you decide to go to bed early you lay in bed the covers coving your legs. Until you fell asleep you cried a little, once you were asleep you felt happy just being in a dream. You were woken up by kisses on your face. You didn't open your eyes. "(Y/n) Jacob purred in your ear. Jacob ran his hand over your bottom and then over you leg. You eyes shot open. The words got caught in your mouth, Jacob flinched. You sat up Jacob looked at you with sad eyes.
"What happened to you" He asked as he sat down on the bed and looked into your eyes.
"I happened I did this to myself" You muttered out as tears started to fall.
"(Y/n) Jacob said. He pulled you close into his chest. He sighed and hold you so tightly.
"Listen to me Love, you don't need to do this you're beautifully the way you are your eyes are like starts and your smile if beyond perfect in fact you are perfect. You looked up at him and he smiled. "Please don't do this, I love you too much" He said you could here the pain in his voice. You told Jacob about the blade. His eyes shut when he saw it. He took the blade out and placed into his jacket pocket then he went back to you. "Hit me" He said with a smirk. "Huh?!" You said looking taken a back Jacob chuckled "Hit me if you want to do that" he said You smiled,
"Jacob did you ever-" You kissed your hand
"Yeah I did I was hoping they weren't anything and I didn't really want to ask then either" Jacob lifted you on to this lap and heled and hummed in your ear until you fell asleep.
Here are some websites (As well as things you can use instead of cutting or self harming) if you want help for yourself or someone else. If you want to ask any more questions then please do Thanks I was going to put these in at the start but I think after is better anyway I'm sorry if this upset anway but I did say not to so but nevertheless I'm sorry
Websites:
ChildLine 0800 1111 you can chat to them online I recommend this and their number won't show on your bill nor the website on your history. (Uk only until your 19) .uk
Relate They offer online as well as a range of other help with a counsellor as well as advice
Young minds Offers help offer help and advice to young people.
CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. CAMHS are the NHS services that assesses and treat young people with emotional, behavioural or mental health difficulties.
The Mix If you're under 25 you can talk to The Mix for free on the phone, by email or on their webchat. Yyou might need. Freephone: 0808 808 4994 (13:00-23:00 daily)
Ways to cope:
Writing Reading a book Adult coloring Putty An elastic band (hurts but won't leave a mark) I've used these and they help me