"You didn't tell me. I wish you would have…I wish you would have told me…been honest with me…couldn't you have just been honest with me?"

His blue eyes were flooded with tears, his sight made blurry as he glanced around his hotel room clutching the armrest of a nearby chair. Liam felt sick, like he was going to puke. He couldn't even speak of it, the betrayal was so deep, too much to handle, as his eyes lay transfixed on the book in front of him. It was the bane of his existence. The mobile could barely stay in his hands as they were that clammy and sweaty.

The Memoir was called 'Redefining Carla'. Its dust jacket could be summed up in a few simple and generic catchphrases about 'redefining yourself through your own lens' and 'choosing yourself'. Meant to inspire of course, they had the opposite effect on him…

Maybe it was because it all resonated with him so deeply; the fact that the more you begin to delve into the past the more you start to wonder just how much you've actually really changed. And it irritates you, it brings you down into deep dark places because you would have never had had any doubts about how far you've come as an individual or any questions about the content of your character unless you hadn't been forced to read your own past through someone else's eyes. And it's hard to handle; someone else's recollections of you etched in ink with such finality and assumptions that they are words of truth; when the reality is that everything about this Memoir is just page upon just page upon page of legend like retellings of what was in all actuality just a silly immature teenage love affair.

A silly immature teenage love affair…

Liam stopped himself then, jumbled in his thoughts because he knew this much wasn't true. He had seen her again for the first time in a long time tonight. And it was like everything he had felt back then came rushing back. She had this effect on him, always changing things within him, outside of him, shaping his world and reluctantly pulling him in directions he did not wish to go. He was powerless because his heart was bursting at the seams; remembering things that hurt too much, old wounds searing open and flowing into emotions that had no limits. It was her who had made them out to be a silly immature love affair with this book and it hurt.

She had embellished things meant to stay secret between them, cheapening things, making stuff out to be something that was entirely his fault. She had had a free for all with their past. It angered him because the readers didn't know and she obviously didn't care how she told their history or who she hurt. Sometimes legends make for a good reality, they become more useful than the facts; he got it…she needed to sell books and everyone loves a good story about an underdog, so in a way Liam could understand why she wrote it all down.

He had known her better than any else back then; in the time which all these pages keep on recollecting, back when they both had wanted to escape things and people, and realities about themselves; he understood how sometimes it became a habit to lie. Sometimes it was easier and it could be something hard to quit when you didn't even realize you were doing it. They had been like that back then; they had tried to hold onto all those child like fantasies about what they were, thinking themselves something legendary and like their feelings had been so unique. But when legends die, the dreams end; there is no greatness left. This fact must have been much harder for her to accept and to grow into than it was for him. Liam could not excuse it though. Betraying their past had only opened his eyes to new betrayals and unlike Carla he was mature enough to realized that in growing up a person no longer had the luxury of telling themselves and others the same old stories over again in hopes for forgetting it was all a lie. A story couldn't erase the truth.

If it had only been a simple and small betrayal that she committed then maybe he could find it in his heart to forgive her one day. But this wasn't just a simple betrayal, this was their daughter and this memoir; if one could even call it such a thing, was a just a bunch of stories Carla told herself over and over again to forget her betrayals…a transparent justification for this one lie. She had no right to keep this from him…their daughter who apparently from the pages of the memoir had his eyes. And now this is all he knew of her because of Carla's lies. As far as Liam was concerned she had no right to any of these lies anymore. It made him so emotional; this whole situation just tore open old and festering wounds. For every lie unlearned Liam knew you learned something new. The doctor told him that Maria's future was one where she'd never be able to give him any children. He had been ready to face the possibility of a future where he'd never be a father, so imagine how it would feel then to learn that this was all wrong, that he was already one…a father…this word so foreign to Liam, kept ringing in his ears.

"I wish you had just been honest with me," Liam repeated this time finding footing and true strength in the limits of what a human voice could convey. Harnessing all his hatred into this one statement, it was his intent that she knew just how much every part of him loathed her beyond comprehension. He wanted the message to sink in loud and clear and for every syllable to make its impact until the weight of his words brought her world crumbling down. She deserved no less in his mind, his hate was manifesting like a disease threatening to consume him and it very well could but Liam did not care so long as it destroyed her first. The feelings coursing through his body became overwhelming. Clutching his mobile, Liam shifted against the hotel wall, "I-I…" he trailed off too drunk and physical broken down it was impossible to string anymore words together.

" I really don't know what to say about it, " she whispered back taking this momentarily lapse in silence to finally spit out those first words and pitiful first words they were. Nothing about her voice in this moment was the way he imagined it would be. It wasn't full of any of the explanations or excuses for things he was yet to ask. Instead it seemed dead on arrival, preparing to take a verbal beating and hoping that in doing so, this would somehow make up for things. Well she was wrong, "Liam…Liam—" she was more nervous than concerned and it sickened him even more.

"—You're just as soulless and selfish as ever," the anger finally erupted and words spilled out of him effortlessly as he tried to fight back tears. Gnashing at his teeth, Liam used his free hand to pull at his hair in anguish. His closed his eyes and regretted it instantly as images of his baby girl transpired out of thin air. His mind was trying helplessly to get down to a tee, every angle of her… the way Carla had described holding her…he wanted the feelings to come with the images. Liam wanted to be the one holding her and though he had read that one passage over and over again, nothing he could conjure up in his mind would match the reality. It was so frustrating because he couldn't help but in imagining things but what really struck his core was that fatherhood did not come to him immediately. As a concept he knew this news should make him feel completely different inside, parenthood was supposed to change you…he felt the same almost and it hurt so much. It was like a deficiency, he was deficient as a human being because the feelings did not just flow and come naturally. It was shameful and he would never admit to anyone that this was how he felt. Liam wanted to die and with him that little piece of her that clearly still etched for his affections and approval, "Do you hear me?" Liam raged as she sunk deeper and deeper into silence in shock over his words, "Do you hear me when I say that you are one manipulative soulless and selfish human being?"

"…Stop. I already told you I made a mistake…I made a mistake, Liam but it was—"

"—I'm not talking about thatand you know it," his voice was ice cold, tears drying up on his cheeks as he gained more confidence and plowed on, "It's not that so don't you dare make what you've done about that!"

"What is it about then?" her voice was shaking, scared even though they weren't physically in the same room he could feel every part of her shaking underneath his scrutinizing presence," W-what is it about then Liam? What is about?"

"If you didn't think I was good enough to be a father—"

"—But I did, I did," she strained for air; clearing the throat this particular accusation seemed to strike a chord deep within her. It was an attack on her judgment and character that she was anxious to salvage and defend, "I did," she repeated gaining more conviction desperately wanting him to perceive her differently, "I DID!"

"You didn't!" he couldn't stand it, how a person like her could get away with so many lies, how she could convince herself they were true and tell herself anything to sleep better at night. In the spur of the moment he swung around smashing his wine glass of a nearby table. The liquid splattered seeping into the carpet, a blood red mirroring his own hot-blooded emotions, "YOU DIDN'T!" his eyes were slits, seeing red everywhere, ready to smash the suite to pieces at any moment. He should know the type person she was, the type person he was talking to that when confronted with the nature of her faults and deceptions decided to always deflect her selfish decisions. Feeling weak, weak from all her lies like poison coursing through him, Liam sunk to the floor of his hotel suite just near the fireplace. He was tried of fighting; frankly he didn't have enough fight left. Grasping at Maria's copy of the Memoir, Liam clutched it to his chest like a lifeline. There were a few moments in which he unable to do anything but whimper pathetically before breaking into a sobbing whisper and crying, "you didn't…"

"You wouldn't have wanted her. Maybe on the day of, maybe the next…but the day after that, that next next day… " Her voice struggled on the other end struggling to put into words justifications, "… You would have looked at her differently. You weren't ready…Liam trust me—"

"—And how the fuck would you know?" Resting his fingers on his temple with his knees supporting his elbows, the heat of the fireplace emitted out into the room. The heat of it touching the surface of his skin but none of the warmth felt. Again his voice broke as he repeated in a whisper, "How would you have known what sort of father I could have been? You didn't even give me a chance."

"You would have resented that chance as soon as you got it and you would only resent her. The source of love in life often becomes the root of all resentment later; believe me Liam, I know. You would have given up so much and in all your wildest dreams you couldn't imagine the day would come that you'd look at her and be bitter. But trust me it would come, it always comes. You would resent her…"

He couldn't hear this because what it implied was horrible. It showed just how little she thought of him, deep inside the things he always felt about her feelings towards him now confirmed. All she had ever wanted it seemed is for Liam to be as unhappy and miserable as she was. This was so exhausting and more thoughts formed in his mind about her, none of which were good, "Tell me then…am I so hard to love? Am I so hard to love that you would do these things…that you do these things to me?"

"Never. Never!"

He wanted to laugh then, because every word and action has said otherwise. Now Liam had reached the point where he was over this conversation, "I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you're so angry at the world that in all attempts to make people love you they only end up hating you—"

"—Liam…"

"It's true," he was smiling uncharacteristically through the remainder of tears, "it's so true. You do it protect me though right… always to protect everyone? And we all only end up hating you for it," laughter was starting come through in all the anger, "I fucking don't even know anymore…"

" Liam…Liam, you don't know anymore about what?" there was silence and panic filled her voice as she repeated pleading with him, "Liam?!"

"Who you are. I don't think I've ever known. I think you're a lie and I don't care how many copies of that Memoir are saying otherwise, I've read what people are saying…they are so sympathetic to what you did, but I laugh because they don't know…"

"What don't they know?" her voice grew strong at the insult; she could never take the insults.

"What you are. They don't what you are. They'll defend because they don't know my side of things and you know what let them, let those sympathetic reviewers spew their shit but they fucking don't know…," he trailed off again sure that this would be the last time he ever spoke to her again. Wanting her to know that from this day forward she had absolutely no affect on him and no longer mattered he muster with great conviction letting syllable ring loud and clear, "…you know what? It doesn't matter anymore," sighing he added, "it doesn't matter because…," she gasped holding her breath preparing for the final blow, none of the quivering had any effect on him. She was dead to him from this day forward, dead, "…because you don't matter anymore."

This was enough; he had successfully broken her. There were a few moments were Liam could her here moving the phone away trying to conceal the breakdown through muffled sounds and exhausted breathing. But none of it work and he was glad because now she would realize how much her actions had ruined him. And he hoped every moment of her existence for this day forward hurt so badly with the knowledge that she could never have him, that she'd be cast out of his kindness and warmth forever. Liam hoped every part of her desiccated and wasted away like the rotten soulless trash she was.

"…You're breaking my heart. Liam you are breaking my heart. Did you call just to break my heart."

"All I ever do is break your heart. It seems I was born to break your heart and no others, and good. I hope every part of you breaks," he spat emotion ever coming his body again, "I hope you are ruined…because you ruined me. The difference is I'm not going to spend years reliving this. And now you'll finally knows how it feels—"

"—I think I should hang up now," she whispered feebly another croak in the windpipe still trying to win his approval, "that's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna hang up—"

There were many things he thought about Carla and for all his anger with her and the betrayal of this Memoir; Liam had to admit it had been good for one thing. Finally he was exposed to a truth he could no longer deny as he began to recall all the ways Carla had been manipulated against him, how he had been fashioned into something so completely hard to love. Like she had done with his own father before him; Liam's mother Helen Connor had went out of her way to ruin the potential of any relationship between Liam and his daughter. She had known all along of the child's existence but never mention a single word after all these years, even when Liam and was despondent over the possibility of Maria having no children. But he had confronted her tonight and he saw the same old patterns and excuses. Helen went about her life alienating everyone and everything she claimed to love. It was though her only intent in life was to make everyone as unhappy as she was. All those years ago when he she manipulated his feelings, making Carla out to be beneath him, making it seem like family was the only thing that mattered…it sickened Liam. He did not know his mother; he never knew his mother and he decided then as she played up her victim act on the other end of the phone that he never wanted to know her again.

"—Good," Liam said the tears leaving he was left with a voice only mocking and bitter, " You fucking do that. That's a fucking good idea. I think probably the best idea you've had in years…in all your life."

He would never speak to her again but Liam didn't care because as he glanced down at the Memoir he felt perhaps now she would learn how it feels to be kept from the child you love. Many of the reviews online were full of people applauding Helen and Sharon for helping Carla make such a difficult decision. Calling her things like mother of the year and doing it for her sons benefit as well Carla's. It was a nice little spin and his mother would surely appreciate these views. But no matter how many stories she'd tell herself over and over again trying to justify her reasons and forget her lies; Liam hoped that she'd never forget the biggest lie of all…that she somehow every did any of this for love. And he hoped his mother felt emptiness like the emptiness he was feeling right now. He hoped that it was worth it because all his life people had admired Helen Connor's strength in her decisions…her conviction.

He really hoped it was worth it because all the admiration in the world can never fill the place where love is supposed to go…especially the love of a child.

And now she had lost her own sons love forever.