Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Ch. 3 Disney Part 1
"I cannot believe we got banned from Disneyland," Dick said.
Dick was carrying Damian like he was a potato sack, tossed over his shoulder with Damian's head swinging back and forth as he walked. He either had fallen asleep due to the over excitement and overall chaos of the day, or due to the fact that he had eaten his weight in cotton candy and now the sugar had finally worn off. Dick was of the opinion that it was the latter.
"Well at least I got some great footage of us on the rides," Steph said, replaying what had happened on her camera. She grimaced as she noticed a particular scene. "And some not so great footage of us running away from security guards…"
~Earlier that day…~
Steph shoved the camera in her face and began to talk like she was a talk show host. "Hello once again, audience! We are here in line, a very long line, might I add, waiting to get into the happiest place on earth…Disneyland!"
Jason snatched the camera from Steph, much to her displeasure, and gave his regular smirk to the camera. "And may I add, we are very much alive with all of our body limbs intact and fully functional. No bleeding from any orifice that I can see. No lacerations. Not even so much as a paper cut. Completely and undeniably safe." He gave a pointed look to Dick, which Dick responded to with a roll of his eyes, and then continued to address the camera. Jason gestures to himself with an exaggerated wave of his hand. "All thanks to our star pilot who, by the way, got us here in record time, the badass of the family: Jason Todd."
Steph snatched the camera back from Jason the Camera Hog, as she now dubbed him.
She flipped her hair back out of her face. "Anyway," she began, "Who's paying for all this? Cuz you know we're all broke…"she trailed off. When nothing met her question but silence, she tapped her foot and trained her camera on them. "Well boys?"
As if choreographed, they all universally took out there credit cards and said, with the exception of Jason, "Bruce is paying."
Jason snorted. "Glad you guys can depend on Daddy Warbucks to get anything you want."
Dick was fed up with Jason and his attitude. "Aw, jealous Jason? I bet you wish you had the money when you were homeless. Shivering in alleyways don't quite compare to a nice and warm mansion."
Jason's smirk never wavered, but his body tensed, and his eyes flashed with something dangerous. "I kept myself warm with the thought of blood and revenge. That's enough indulgence for me." He took a measured step forward and stared Dick down. "In fact, I'm thinking I can afford to be a little indulgent right now."
Suddenly, an employee in Mickey Mouse ears bumped into Jason. Jason broke eye contact with Dick and slowly turned. He gave the man a glower that would frighten the most seasoned of Navy Seals. The employee, however, seemed to lack the self-preservation instinct that came with most of the human population.
The employee brightened and said, "Helloooo visitor! Here are some coupons that will save you two dollars upon entry to the 'Blue Bayou!" He shoved the coupons in Jason's hands and, amazingly, was able to retreat with his hands still attached. "Enjoy!'" He darted off and continued to deliver the coupons to other unsuspecting people in line.
Jason crumpled the coupons, dropped them on the ground, and smashed them with his boot. Another employee, one who was picking up scattered trash, saw this and turned to glare at Jason. Feeling the glare, Jason turned his head to the side and unflinchingly stared right back at him. The employee attempted to hold his gaze, but fortunately, he was born with a heavy dose of self-preservation that the other employee proved absent of. The employee ducked his head and continued to clean up around him, backing more and more away from Jason as the moments passed.
Satisfied, Jason grabbed a case of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. He plucked one out of the case and lit it up. If other employees noticed, they were not brave enough to tell him that smoking was not allowed.
Moving on from that spectacle Tim said, "Technically this is emergency money…"
Dick blew out a breath of air and threw up his hands. "But this totally counts as an emergency, Timmy! Damian's never been."
"I'm just saying if Bruce asks I'm not going to be the one to explain it..."
"Aw come on Tim! Don't be such a boy scout! Bruce will understand. Damian needs some experience that's normal for a kid. You should understand that," Dick reasoned.
"What I understand is Bruce will kill us when he finds out. Because you know it will be when, not if, he finds out," Tim said, unmoving.
Dick sighed and pulled his trump card. "Ok, let me put it into terms you will accept. I'm the eldest. And more importantly, I'm bigger than you. Ergo, you will do as I say and have a fun time in the happiest place on earth."
Tim clenched his teeth and didn't dignify that with a response.
Steph turned the camera over in Damian's direction. He was shifting from foot to foot and his lips were pinched in annoyance.
Steph ventured, "Excited Damian?"
"No," he replied, still squirming. "Is this line infinite? It seems as if we've been stuck here for hours! This is a torture devise unparalleled. If I wasn't being a participant I'd even be impressed. But the fact is I'm in this goddamn line. And the instinct to kill whoever is in front of me is getting more difficult to repress with each passing second."
Steph laughed. "Sure, I bet you're thrilled, but you're too damn stubborn to show it."
"T.t. I am not 'thrilled' to enter this idiotic amusement park known as 'Disneyland.'"
Steph grinned. "Uh-huh. If you're not excited, then why are you so impatient to get in? Why are you squirming so much? Hmm?" She pointed out.
Damian gave her a batglare in answer and tried to stop squirming. Unknown to Stephanie, was that Damian's problem was more biological instead of any desire to see the park. After Jason little joy ride, that could qualify as an amusement park attraction itself, Damian had the undeniable need to urinate. The fact that there is a large water fountain nearby is not making Damian's problem any less urgent.
"Don't worry Dami, we're almost to the front!" Dick assures.
"Finally," Damian muttered.
They went through the gates and encountered a new world known as Disneyland. Colors in all shades greeted them and music suited for all ages blasted through the speakers. Laughing, screaming and tired families surrounded them, some wearing the merchandise of Disneyland, some not, but they all gave off the vibe of a tourist.
The first thing they did upon entry was to take out the giant Disney map they were given. Dick held one side while Jason held the other. While they were busy looking and discussing the many places located on the map, Damian had already spotted his salvation: the section where the bathrooms were located. He was gone in a blink, leaving the others to argue what ride to go on first.
"We're going on the Mad Hatter's Teacups first!" Steph proclaimed.
Jason groaned. "I am not going on a ride made for toddlers!"
"Me either," Tim said.
Jason looked him up and down. He smirked. "Why not? That ride seems to be up to your speed."
Tim reddened and was about to argue when Steph intervened with, "We're not here for you guys, we're here for Damian. Besides, we're gonna start off on the easy rides and work ourselves up to the awesomer ones, like the Tower of Terror!" She held up her camera, extended her other hand, and exclaimed, "Onward!"
Decided, they started to walk. Half way there, Dick was the first to realize Damian was absent from the group. He glanced around. "Umm guys, where's Damian?"
The others stopped walking and their eyes darted from one face to the other. Realization slammed into their faces one by one.
They started to look around frantically, calling Damian's name, except for Tim. Tim wasn't particularly devastated that they were missing Damian.
Jason summed up the situation while being his articulate and eloquent self. "Well shit."
Stephanie smacked her palm on her face. "We were in the park for like ten minutes…" She dropped her hand and lifted her face to them. "How'd we lose him?!"
Tim sighed and decided it looked like he needed to be the voice of reason as usual. "Guys, just call his cell phone."
Dick gave a relieved smile. "Oh yeah! This is why you're the genius in the family."
After a couple minutes of calling and getting no answer, they began to lose hope. That's when Steph groaned and said, "Ugh, I just remembered, when he called Bruce back at the manor he put his cell phone on the coffee table. I think he forgot it there."
They all looked at her, their faces in equal stages of horror.
Jason was the first to speak after Steph dropped that bomb of information. "That's just great. Our last words will be, 'Bruce, don't get pissed, but we lost your son at Disneyland in less than ten minutes.'" He gave a bitter chuckle. "R.I.P. Irresponsible Robins. And the 'P' will stand for pieces, just to clarify that for you all."
Dick was not amused. "No one is going to die, because no one is telling Bruce, and because we are going to find him!" Steph perked up at that.
"Alright guys split up! I'm taking Timmy," Dick said, fully immersed in battle commander mode. He pointed to Jason and Stephanie. "You two go look for Damian that way. We'll look over there." He pointed in a direction to the left. "We'll meet up at the teacups in an hour. If one of us finds him sooner, we'll call each other."
"Sir, yes sir!" Stephanie saluted him. Then she grabbed Jason's arm and started dragging him through the park.
…
Meanwhile, after a particularly satisfying bathroom break…
Damian walked back to the spot where they were, just to find an arguing family that wasn't his. He looked around, trying to spot them. "Son of a… where the fuck did they go?" He placed his hand on his chin.
"I was gone for like a second…I can't believe they left me!"
After a moment he sighed. "Guess I'll just call them…" He dug in his pocket and found only his wallet. He made a face. "Damn it."
Damian stated to sort through his memories and came to the conclusion, "I left my phone at the manor. Fuck. This is Drake's fault! If he never started to argue with me, then I would not have gotten distracted, and I wouldn't have forgotten my cell!" He shook his head. "I suppose they'll be lost without me. I might as well go find them before they go and do something stupid." With that resolved, Damian went to search for them.
Meanwhile, a diligent search party commences…
After twenty minutes of yelling "Damian!" Stephanie and Jason gave up. Well, the more precise explanation would be Stephanie gave up. Jason, on the other hand, was hardly trying. He was more like to open his mouth to complain about being dragged around then anything concerning Damian.
Stephanie threw up her hands. "I give up."
Jason glanced at her. "Already? And you were so determined just a minute ago, promising 'I will search for Damian until my legs fall off, until my vocal cords are shredded, until there is no more air left to breathe in this world.' It was very inspiring in a totally unnecessarily dramatic way. And then you just say you give up."
She shrugged her shoulders. "It's easy to say that when my throat wasn't burning like one of hell's volcanoes. I'm tired of shouting…"She narrowed her eyes at him. "It's not like you were helping. You did nothing but complain the whole time." She gave a small smile. "Plus I hear there's a SPA here, so I'm going to check that out. Wanna come with? You look like you could use a mani-pedi, "she joked.
Jason made a face. "No thanks. I'll pass. Last time I got one of those, I was passed out drunk," Jason said.
Stephanie looked confused, so he explained, "Roy's idea. He thought it'd be fun to have Kori give me…" he stopped as he realized what he was saying. "You know what? Never mind. I'm going to flirt with princesses. Underpaid and underappreciated make for easy pickings. Later."
She laughed as he walked away. "Your roommates sound awesome!"
Meanwhile, the son of the bat was…
Damian assumed from a higher altitude he'd be able to spot them, and the closest ride with high altitude, unfortunately for him, was named the 'Dumbo ride.' The ride was comprised of small statue elephants that the visitor would sit in. The elephants would then spin around and around, going up and down at timed intervals. And the elephant in question had abnormally long ears that Damian could only think of as some kind of mutation. And the line was just as long as the aberration's ears.
Damian thought that with the situation being what it is, he decided to skip everyone. He was getting an assortment of curses and dirty looks from various people in line, and being labeled the accursed name, 'line jumper.' Damian cleverly kept telling the angry mob that his older brother was waiting for him in the front. At the front he gave one black haired man a hundred bucks, fifty to let him cut, fifty for letting him pretend he was his brother. It's not like Damian's father is going to miss the money. They are rich, after all.
…..
Meanwhile, the badass of the family was…
Jason was sauntering down to where the majority of the Disney characters were, or more accurately, the people who were paid to act like Disney characters were.
His gaze zeroed in on a girl in a yellow dress who was bending down to pick up a book she just dropped. Jason decided he liked what he saw.
Jason tried to rack his brain for far-away childhood memories of Disney movies. He was pretty certain that this princess was 'Belle.'
He searched around for what he could work with. Spotting someone selling roses, he went to the stand and bought a single red rose. Now armed and prepared, he made his way to the 'princess.' Plastering his usual smirk on his face, he strode forward purposely.
She was sitting on the bench, reading the book she dropped earlier. She was an adequate representation of the princess she was trying to impersonate: Long brown hair (that could be real or just a wig), pale skin, brown eyes, a coating of red lipstick on her lips to get that unnatural Disney look.
He stopped when he was a foot away from her and said, "Excuse me?"
'Belle' stopped looking at her book and gave her full attention to Jason. "Yes? Can I help you?"
Jason nodded solemnly. "Help me? I very much hope so. You see, I have a problem. Many years ago this evil witch cast a spell on me. She said that I will only find love with the person who accepts a rose from my hand. Unfortunately, I have had no success in my affections thus far. I was about ready to give up." He gave small smile. "However, when I saw you, reading on this very bench, I have begun to hope that maybe, just maybe, I can take a chance to be able to find love." He brought a rose up to her face. "Would you free me from this curse, my beauty?"
Now, this 'Belle' was a seasoned member of the Disneyland employee roster, and because of this, she has experienced so many cheesy lines and come-ons that she could probably work at a strip bar and feel less sleazy. However, with this guy, she could tell he was joking. He knew how cheesy the story was. And while his particular come-on was not original, it was also not one of the common ones. The fact that he went so far as to buy a rose to complete his act gave it a little more charm than others. Plus, on a completely shallow level, he was attractive. The leather jacket accentuated his physique and his black jeans hugged in all the right places. His dark eyes seemed very wicked and intense as he stared at her, waiting for a response.
"What kind of princess would I be if I let you suffer any longer?" She said, and took the rose gently.
Jason gave a mock bow. "Thank you, my lady. You honor me beyond measure. I am quite beastly, I'm sure we'll get along well." He smirked. He leaned forward to steal a kiss, but someone, in a costume Jason perceived as a Yeti, grabbed his arm.
"Get your own princess. I waited years and suffered talking inanimate objects, awkward trips to the bathroom, identify issues, and shedding. I need to break this curse. This one is MINE," he growled.
Jason glared. "You've got three seconds to let go of my arm before I put a leash on you and make you my bitch. I gave you two more seconds to think than necessary because you look kind of slow."
More than a little pissed off, the 'Yeti' yanked Jason's arm more, and Jason deemed the three second grace period was over. Lighting fast, Jason twisted out of his grip and slammed his foot into the 'Yeti's solar plexus. The beast gave a howl and collapsed to the floor in a ball, whimpering.
While down, Jason pulled the mask off the beast's face and revealed the pathetic employee underneath. Pimples covered a face that looked to be in the early twenties. Sweat covered his brow and tears were streaming down his face. Jason dropped the 'Yeti' head down and looked away disgusted.
He looked at 'Belle,' and saw that she was entranced, clutching the rose he gave her tightly. She didn't look away once from Jason. He smirked and asked, "You on break? Wanna get out of here and get some overpriced tourist food?"
Before she could reply, some other Disney characters approached as back up to their fallen comrade-in-impersonation.
The person wearing the character 'Woody' appeared to be their designated leader as he said, "Hold on there, partner. You'll be coming with us to await court justice. We suffer no law breakers in my town."
Jason could not believe this. He decided to try to talk to them on their level. Fire with fire. Disney with Disney. "You realize that your name is Woody right? And the name of your movie is 'Toy Story?' Could the euphemism be any more obvious?" He shakes his head and scoffs, "And 'Beauty and the Beast' is practically Stockholm syndrome mixed with a not-so-healthy dose of bestiality. Disney sure is promoting those family values, huh?"
'Woody' pretended to roll up imaginary sleeves. "Alright. You have said enough. Now, if you come quietly, you will be treated with the utmost care-"
"Utmost care?" Jason cut off. "Isn't that what your owner did before he abandoned you liked yesterday's trash? Oh, wait a minute, first he gave you to his sister like you were a two-bit whore, than he practically sold you into slavery when you went to that daycare with those monster kids. Then you finally settled into pasture with a new home, starting the cycle of abuse and abandonment all over again. Poor, poor, Woody," Jason mocked.
Jason imagined that under the suit, the person who plays 'Woody' is getting redder and redder as each word left his mouth. Jason thought these people were taking their roles to scary extremes.
'Buzz Lightyear' came to stand next to 'Woody.' 'Woody' said, "Since you seem intent on being a law breaking fool, you leave me no choice. He nodded to 'Buzz.' 'Buzz' cracked his knuckles and walked toward Jason.
Jason laughed. "Damn. Can't do anything without your bitch, even in reality, Woody? Fine. Bring it on, you mockery of an astronaut. I'll blast you to infinity and beyond asshole."
…..
Meanwhile, two bats were…
Tim's jaw was dropped in utter and complete shock. "Oh. My. God." He was shaking his head back and forth so fast his face was a blur. "No way. Is that Damian on the Dumbo ride?!" Tim said, while pointing to a flying Dumbo wearing a blue hat.
Dick's worried expression was replaced with his usual smile when they found Damian. With no trace of the worry that plagued him before, he said, "I'm so glad I brought a camera!" He zoomed in, pressed a button, and the camera flashed. Dick looked at the resulting image and gave a nod of approval.
Over his initial shock, Tim smiled wickedly. "I'm never going to let him live this down."
Dick pulled out his cell phone. "Hey Steph, we found him! He's ok. "
Meanwhile, the lone female robin was…
Stephanie was relaxing in one of the SPA's comfy sofa chairs, letting her nails dry, when she got a call from Dick.
"Hello?" Steph answered, nonchalant.
"Hey Steph, we found him! He's ok. Come over with Jason. Meet you at the teacups! You'll never believe where we found him! Hurry." Dick hung up.
She stared at her phone a minute, wondering briefly if she should be ashamed that she barely remembered the name Damian in her relaxed state, let alone that she was supposed to be looking for him. In the end she just shrugged, deciding that if Damian was alright she shouldn't suffer in any guilt over giving herself some alone time.
She got up, and smiled while looking at her nails. "Yup Bruce. This manicure you're paying for. It was definitely an emergency."
Now if only she could find Jason…
The Batclan Reunited…
"I can't believe I had to ruin a perfect manicure just because you couldn't stay out of a damn fight!" Stephanie shouted at Jason, not for the first time, while they walked toward the group.
"Oh boo-hoo. So you broke a nail. Get over it. At least you don't have Disney characters trying to assassinate you!" Jason sniped.
"I don't usually complain about broken nails, but damn it, I wasted money and my time for nothing! Besides, who the heck is afraid of Mickey Mouse?!" Steph continued arguing with him.
Dick turned to Tim. "I don't think we should ask."
Tim nodded. "Agreed."
…..
End of Part One!
Thank you for the reviews and thank you 'Unnoticeable Person'! (She wrote the majority of Jason's parts so she gets the credit for that!)