Chapter 3

Author's Note: The song that Ruthie will be singing is I'm Kissing You by Des'ree from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. I love the song and I hope you look it up its really good. The other song that she will sing will be As I lay me down by Sophie Hawkins. Enjoy.

We were on our way to Glen Oak. I heard from TJ that the venue was sold out. It seems that the whole neighborhood was happy that I was coming home. Right now I am sitting on the tour bus and writing my latest song. I am almost done and I think I'm going to sing it tonight. Veronica told me that I would be singing the last song solo to an audience member she picked. We did that sometimes but we usually sang together. This was the first time I would be doing it alone.

"Yo what you writing", asked Veronica looking at my notebook.

I hand her the book. She scanned it.

"Ruthie this is amazing", whispered Veronica in awe.

"But this is outside our type of songs, this is not a hurting song this is a love song", said Veronica.

I nodded my head.

"I know, I thought about what you said last night, and well this song came to me".

Veronica nodded her head.

"Let me help", said Veronica.

I nodded my head once more.

"How about changing the word missing you to kissing you", suggested Veronica.

I looked at the song.

"That's perfect".

It was really perfect. I closed my eyes and started humming.

"I'm kissing you".

"I think it should be song with no heavy instruments maybe just a piano", suggest Veronica.

"What?"

She couldn't possible expect me to sing it alone. It was hard for me. I sound great with a guitar and drums but by myself.

"Yes, your voice Ruthie is amazing. You sing with your whole heart and I think this song should be sung pure with no accompaniment, Ruthie I think the song will be amazing", said Veronica looking at me.

I was still not convinced but she looked at me with those eyes and I knew there was no way to convince her that I can't do this. Veronica always believed that I could do anything. Like I was the strongest person in the world when I knew I wasn't. I was just this scared little girl with a broken heart sometimes.

"I'll play the piano with you so you wouldn't be alone singing to the audience member", suggested Veronica.

"How do you figure that I'm going to sing this to the audience member?".

"This is the song Ruthie, this song should have been on our album, to bad, maybe we could still release it as a single", said Veronica.

"It's not even done".

"It will be, this song is amazing Ruthie. Let's sing it together", said Veronica.

I nod head. I close my eyes and let the words wash over me. I see the face that pops up in my head. My heart is racing. I see him so clearly. I know that I will never be over him. It hurts sometimes. But this song is just another in the long list of songs about him. I hear Veronica's voice with mine. We do make a great team. She stops singing though and I continue. I didn't know that everyone on the bus stopped and was looking at me. I never noticed the look on TJ's face when he saw me singing. Veronica smiled at me and took hold of my hand.

"Sing with your heart Ruthie Camden", said Veronica into my ears.

I continued to sing my song. The lyrics moved me. I loved this song. It wasn't about heart attack really it was about trying to heal for me.

"Pass me that keyboard Kenny", I hear Veronica say.

I continue to sing and I hear the music to my lyrics as Veronica began to play it on the small keyboard that we had in the bus. It was perfect.

"Add a solo".

Veronica nodded her head.

"I think that we need I little guitar on that", said Kenny adding his solo.

I smile and continue to sing. I could hear it. It was perfect. When I'm about to end the song I only hear Veronica playing with my song. It ends and I hear an uproar.

"Oh my god", said Kenny.

The other band members are in awe.

"That's a hit", said TJ looking at both girls.

I laugh when Veronica rolls her eyes.

"That song has to be played tonight", said Jimmy another band member.

He played the drums.

"To the audience member", said Veronica smiling.

I saw something in her eyes but I couldn't place it. It was gone before I blink again.

"Alright. We have to practice though".

Everyone groaned. I know how mush they hate practicing.

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The tour bus pulls up to my childhood home. I close my eyes and sigh. I haven't been home in a while. I miss it.

"You ready", asked Veronica looking concerned.

I nod my head yes.

"I miss it, I should come home more you know".

I say this to her and I see her nod her head and lean her forehead against mine.

"I know I miss them too and they are not really my family", said Veronica.

Did I mention that Veronica doesn't have any family. Her mother died and her father left her. Her aunt had been taking care of her all this time. And Veronica has made it her mission to give her aunt back everything that she has done for her. She brought her aunt a large house and a new car. She made sure that her aunt would never be left wanting. I met her aunt Kelly. She is like the coolest person ever. I loving going to her house. She is so cool.

"Mom, Dad, Lucy".

I could hear the footsteps.

"Ruthie", yelled my mother.

I run to her and hug her tightly. I missed my mother. I talk to her on the phone but it just isn't the same you know.

"Daddy".

Eric Camden my dad hasn't change. I could see the tears in his eyes. My dad is not macho, he is kind and sensitive and the kind of man I would love to be married to. I love my dad.

"Ruthie your home", said Eric.

I could feel the tears against my shirt. I'm trying my best not to cry myself.

"Well can I get some love to", I hear Veronica say behind me.

"Oh Veronica honey, come in", I hear my mother say but I still haven't let go of my father.

"Hey Annie, it's good to see you", said Veronica smiling and hugging my mother.

I let go of my dad and I see Veronica hug him.

"Eric, it's good to see to", said Veronica.

Veronica is like part of the family now. IN fact she was the one the convinced my parents to let my record my first album. I wasn't 18 years old in fact I had just turned 17 and I need parental consent. She say with my parents and I don't' know how she did it but she convinced my parents to let me record.

I spent the whole afternoon with them and Sam and David that have grown so much since the last time I saw them. I look at my home. Did I mention that I brought it for my parents. Yes I did. I was going to buy them a large house but they said they loved their home so I brought it for them from the church it was my Christmas present to them. I never saw my mom cry so much. I walk up to my old room in the attic. That place was like coming home. It was still the same way that I left it. Mom told me that she couldn't bare changing it. I was her last daughter and she had a hard time letting me go. I walk over and gently touch my dresser. I remember everything about this room. I remember living here with Lucy. I remember it all. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I lay back down and close my eyes. I'm just so tired. I must have fallen asleep because I felt someone shaking my awake.

"Hey Ruthie we have to get a move on, the concert is in two hours and we have to do a soundcheck and all that", said Veronica smiling down at me. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and sit up.

"What time is it?".

"About a quarter to six", she replies.

"Wow I was asleep for that long?" I ask her.

She nods her head.

"I didn't wake you because I knew that you were tired", she said smiling.

I get up and follow her. I see my parents already dressed up. I smile at them when I see their outfits. They were trying to be cool. I do love them.

"You guys seem ready".

My mother smiles.

"I'm going to see my baby perform at our hometown. I'm so excited. Lucy walks in then. "Ruthie", she squeals.

She had been out when I came and then I fell asleep so I didn't get to see her.

"Hey Luce", I say smiling as she starts talking a mile a minute. Veronica is mildly amused.

She told me that she loves my family but they were a little off the wall sometimes. I agree they were but I love them.

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"Once more", yelled TJ.

"TJ its fine, we need to rest our voices", snapped Veronica glaring at our manager.

Veronica and him had been fighting ever since we got here and I wonder what in the world is going on. I mean I know they never got along before but the open hostility they were showing wasn't something that I ever saw in the four years we have been working together. TJ glared at her before stalking off. I could see her sighing.

"Okay what in the world is going on?".

I see her look at my then look down. I know she is going to give me some bullshit answer.

"Don't lie to me".

Veronica sighed.

"He doesn't like who I picked for the audience member", said Veronica.

This was about the audience member.

"Okay I don't understand".

"He wanted to pick the person but I chose them and our dear manager hates not being in control", she says.

I know there is more to the story but I let it go. I know that there is some truth to the story because TJ hates not have a say in everything. I see Veronica stalk to where he was and I hear yelling before I hear Veronica yell something along the lines about him being a control before stalking back to the stage area. I sigh once more and sat down on the edge of the stage.

"Penny for your thoughts?", asked a voice behind me.

"Simon". I ran to him and hugged my older brother tightly.

"Ruthie", I hear him say.

"How's my baby sister?", asked Simon smirking.

"I'm not a baby anymore Simon".

I say this rolling my eyes.

"You will always be my baby sister".

I mockingly say this with him. He rolls his eyes.

"So where is Sandy?".

"Oh they are getting ready for my little sister's big rock concert", said Simon teasingly.

I roll my eyes.

"Shut up". He laughs.

"Well I'll see you in a few".

I nod my head before hugging me. I close my eyes and sigh once more. This is an important concert to me because it would be the first time I ever played at home.

I never knew that this night would forever be imprinted in my mind.

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"How are you doing Glen Oak", I yell this in the microphone with Veronica smiling next to me. I hear the cheers so loudly in my ears.

"It's good to be home".

This makes them yell more.

"Our next song was one of my favorites growing up".

Veronica looks confused for a minute before a look of recognition comes to her face. She tells the band what song and they smile. It was an old cut from Dawson's Creek. I loved that song so much and I used to hum it all the time on the tour bus driving them insane.

It felt like springtime on this February morning
In the courtyard birds were singing your praise
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today, Now

(chorus) As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away
I'll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy

I close my eyes as I hear the audience singing along with me. I hear Veronica singing too. I do love this song. It is a song that represents my youth, my innocence.

I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow
Heavy hearted
Till you call my name
And it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train
On a summer evening
I'll run to meet you
Barefoot barely breathing

I open my eyes to see my whole family in the front row smiling at me. I wink at Veronica and she also smiles. I walk down to where the audience is. I hear the screams. Veronica is on the other side of the stage with her microphone greeting the audience like I did. I hug my parents and my brother and sisters. I see Matt smiling big at me. They all knew how much I loved that song. They all knew what it meant to me.

(repeat chorus)

It's not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though it's not clear to me
Every season has its change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again

(repeat chorus)

I walked back to the stage to end the song. The whole audience loved it. I greeted most of the people in the first couple of rows. Some girls scream and yelled so excited to see me. It is sometimes a surreal feeling to be admired like that. I hear the audience singing with me. I see my family singing too. I look at Sandy that was surprised that I hug her. I whispered into her ears that I loved because she was family. She smiled at me and sang along with the song. Everyone is waving their hand back and forth with my and Veronica. I felt great. This was the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't change it for the world. I played a couple of songs before the last song of the night. I was nervous because it was a new song and we didn't practice so much. Veronica hugged my thought and told me that it would be alright.

"GlenOak it's almost done", said Veronica.

She smiled when she heard the audience groan.

"This last song, while be a solo of Ruthie's. It's not a song you could find on the album, in fact it's a new song. She is going to sing it to one of you lucky audience members", said Veronica.

I laugh when I hear the screams.

"I already picked the person out.

"Hit the lights", said Veronica.

I looked at her confused. Why was she asking for the lights to be shut off. I moved to the front with the microphone in my hands. I could just barely see the outline of the person that Veronica made sit in the seat. It was a guy that much I could tell. She walked to the piano.

"Ready Glen Oak".

They screamed. I close my eyes.

Pride can stand, a thousand trials,
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you,
My soul cried.

I sang the first verse and it was so silent. Everyone was looking at my in awe. I turned around and walked towards the person seated in the chair. It was then that the lights turned on. I gasped and step back like I was hit with a truck. It was him. It was him. I kept repeating in my head. I knew that I had to sing. I looked at Veronica and saw her give me the signal to continue. Martin sat before me looking at me. I felt the tears coming to me eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen. I know the audience could see me. They could see the tears in my eyes. They probably thought it was part of the song or something. They never knew the torment that I was going through.

Heaving heart is full of pain,
Oh, oh, the aching.
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you.

I stand next to him and looking at him in the eyes. I could see the anguish in his eyes also. I could see the tears in his eyes. I killed me. The pain was so visible on his face as it was on mine. I don't know what came over me but I took his hands making him stand up. He stood before me looking down at my face as I sang and cried out my song. He pulled my closer to his body and we swayed back and forth. I know for a fact that he could feel my trembling.

Touch me deep, pure, and true,
Gift to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you.

I tilt my head up and feel the tears that he had been crying fall gently down my face. I could taste the salty tears as they reached my lips gently. I held his hand tighter and felt him lean his head against mine. I close my eyes then. I could feel him stroking my hair. I felt everything. I felt his body against mine. I felt the small tremors from his tears. I felt him kissing my forehead. I knew he felt my tears against his shirt collar. I never saw the reaction of the audience. They were crying with me. They didn't understand everything that was going on but they somehow felt my pain. The pain I knew that was in my voice.

I look up at him to see his eyes closed and tears streaming down his face. I gently cupped his face and wiped them gently. But they kept coming. I cried too. The tears didn't stop flowing down my face. I made him look at me. He could see the pain in my face. I felt like I going to fall on the ground. He held my waist as I sobbed out the rest of the song. I could hear the Veronica's solo and I clutched his shirt trying to hold on. I felt like falling and he seem to be the only one with the ability to keep that form happening. The last verse came up. I looked him directly in the eye and gave him my all. I gave him my love in this song. I knew it was coming. He leaned down and I lifted my head up. Our lips touched gently at first and then it consumed us. I heard my heart beat as well as his beat at the same time. Was that possible for two people's hearts to beat at the same time. Then I remember Veronica's words.

Because Martin Brewer is your soul mate. They only come around once in a lifetime. He is your other half. Ruthie Camden. You are lucky, you found the one. People spend lifetimes trying to find that. But you got it. Don't forget him, don't let him go, don't let that pain go because it makes it more real. He is a part of your soul Ruthie. That's what the pain is your soul is crying out for his.

Where are you now?
Where are you now?
'Cause I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing you, oh.

I pulled back and did the only thing that I could. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I could hear the audience's confusion. I could see my family trying to run after me but that just made run faster. I could hear Veronica's voice yelling out my name. But most of all I could hear the sob of pain that Martin gave when I ran from him. I didn't see him fall to the ground on his knees and sob. I ran faster until I got tired and then I fell to the ground clutching my chest in pain. I let out a sob and then a wail of pain. I knew I was coward. I am scared. Martin Brewer owned my soul and I was scared.