A/N: The contents of this episode might not sit well with some shippers (author shrugs). Nevertheless, I reserve the right to create trials and tribulations for the characters involved as my imaginative right. Surely the Raffer storyline of "Meow" gives me creative license to do some slightly painful things. But in case there is doubt, I am still undeniably ML.
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Episode 3 - Love in a Wheelchair
The scene opens with Max on a doorstep in her Jam pony gear. She's obviously delivering a package, with her mind half-way elsewhere.
"Jam pony messenger." Max stated in her routine way. As the door swung the entire way open her eyes slide down to a handsome young man in a wheel chair. "I need a signature."
"Yeah sure…" the young man stated, and although he reached up to take the clip board his eyes never leave Max's face.
He doesn't attempt to write his signature and the pause that ensues annoys Max.
"You going to sign for that thing or do I need to send out a search and rescue mission to get my clip board back?" Her voice contained her usual sarcasm, with only a hint of amusement.
As if just realizing that he's been staring the man jumped and stated: "Sorry… listen I think we've met before…"
Max snorted ever so slightly, thinking it's going to be one of those runs.
"Yeah? Can't say I recall. If you'll excuse me a need to go back to my job."
"Max…" the man remembered, and Max finally took a closer look at him. He was around her age, with dark eyes and hair and a fair complexion. He hadn't quite lost his boyishness and that coupled with his more gentle features made him look artful, nearly pretty in his good looks.
He continued, "I remember seeing you once or twice at our basketball games. Weren't you meeting up with Logan Cale?"
"Yeah that's right," Max answered, her voice softer now that she knew he wasn't some jerk attempting to hit on her. "You guys have game."
"I remember thinking the same thing about Cale when you met up with him," the guy gave Max a wide, charming smile. "My name's Kurt, Kurt Stormer."
"Yeah Kurt, well Logan and I aren't like that," Max replied automatically. "And I don't mean to be rude, but think you could sign for that package?"
"Sure thing!" Kurt looked down momentarily to sign, but as he held out the clipboard his eyes once again sought out Max's. "Listen, I don't mean to be forward or anything. But if you and Logan really aren't together, I'd love to take you out to coffee sometime…"
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Jam Pony
"And you said what?" Original Cindy asked Max. The two women were sitting on the bench by their lockers as Max recollected the scene that just transpired.
"To my surprise, I said sure." Max shrugged, obviously uncertain of what to think.
"And you did that because…" O.C. didn't bother to hide her amusement.
"Because it was such a normal way to be asked out. I mean there was no cheesy pick up lines, no lewd looks, and he made sure I wasn't dating his peep before he asked…. It was just…" Max stuttered for words.
"Nice." Cindy finished for her.
"Yeah, nice."
"Well, Sugar, if anyone deserves an evening of normalcy it's you. When's this thing going down?"
"Mm…" Max replied distractedly, before replying. "He said he'd give me a call sometime soon."
Cindy summed up her friend's face and then decided to ask the million dollar question: "So are going to tell miracle boy about your date with the new roller boy?"
Max paused before answering, as if considering.
"I don't see why I should; I mean not unless he asks or something. Besides, we haven't been spending much time together lately anyway." Max hedged.
"And whose fault is that?" Cindy inquired, well aware of the answer.
"Logan made his choice. He wanted a life free of the chair, no matter what it cost, and he got it."
"So why are you trying to up the price on him?" Cindy determinedly asked.
"What you mean?"
"I mean, why are you trying to make the price of his walking be you?" Cindy bluntly inquired. " Listen boo, I know that this Vertes bitch reminds you of the baddies from your childhood, but what was Logan suppose to do – give up his chance to be up and around because she ain't no saint? If you ask me, you have some overly high standards for that boy, and you're just pissed that he didn't meet them."
"Whatever…" Max replied, but the look on her face suggested that Original Cindy had hit a nerve.
Before the conversation can progress any further, Max's beeper went off, signifying the end of their conversation and a whole new batch of issues for Max to deal with.
"Wonder who that is?" Cindy teased, her eyes thoughtfully taking in Max's undecided face before prodding: "Go answer the man before he sends out a search party."
Max didn't bother to affirm whether or not she was going to return Logan's page, but that didn't bother Original Cindy. Instead, the stalwart friend chuckled to herself as she watched Max grab a package that she was pretty sure was going to sector nine, thinking this was going to interesting…
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Logan's apartment.
Scene opens with Logan at his computer attempting to do research. It becomes clear that he's distracted as his eyes keep moving from the screen to the phone beside him. And he jumps slightly when a familiar voice suddenly announces from his office door:
"You paged?"
"Hey Max," he couldn't help but smile at her, though his tone indicated that he was less than sure of her mood. "Long time no see."
Pushing off from the door frame, Max crossed to stand closer to Logan.
"Yeah well, I've been spending some quality time with my peeps now that the good doctor is out of town."
There's a note of hostility to her voice that doesn't go unnoticed by Logan.
"Max, about that… I know you devoted a lot of time to all this and I just wanted to say thank you, and I'd like to make it up to you. Are you still interested in taking a wilderness excursion? I know we talked about it briefly before the stuff with Vertes became heavy and…"
Max's beeper suddenly went off, effectively ending Logan's speech. A fact he tried to not let annoy him, even though it had taken a few days to work up the guts to ask her something so… intimate.
She had been so distance lately, so cold that he'd realized he needed to make some grand gesture if he were ever to get back on friendly footing.
Expression neutral, Logan watched as Max pulled her beeper out of her pocket to look at it, a slight frown marring her forehead.
"Work?" Logan asked.
"I don't recognize the number," Max ruminated, perplex. Unknown numbers were always a cause for alarm in her world, and silently she tried to think if Original Cindy was planning on calling her from somewhere to do lunch. "Can I use your phone?"
"Of course."
As Max picked up the phone and began to dial, Logan's eyes refused to turn back to the computer screen and instead follow a vertical path up and down Max's body. His eyes were filled with longing, though the look wasn't totally sexual. He missed her, and the combination of physical and emotional want caused him to swallow hard.
It was only when she began to speak that he was able to snap away from his reflections and return his eyes to the screen.
"Hey, it's me."
There was a slight pause.
"Oh… hey. Didn't expect you so soon."
It wasn't her words, but the tone of her voice that caused Logan to once again focus on her. Her usually aggressive attitude had become friendlier at the unknown person on the other line, and when she shifted her body slightly, almost as if turning away from him, Logan began to listen to the conversation in earnest, aware of how unusual it was for her to hide something like this from him.
"No, it's cool…. Nah I don't think tomorrow would freak me out, but you know I gotta work. Friday would be aiight."
Although he can't see her face, Logan knew there was a hint of a smile playing in the corners of her lips, and a small bubble of illogical jealousy burst deep in his gut.
"Yeah, that would work…. No, I've never been there before….. We'll I'm not one to turn down a good muffin…" she laughed a bit. "Okay, see you then, bye."
As she hung up the phone, her eyes met with Logan's and something reflected in them that he couldn't quite identify.
"Someone you knew, I take it." Logan ventured, wanting information but determined not to ask directly.
"Yeah. So what were you talking about before?" Max inquired.
Logan knew she was deflecting, but decided to let it go. Now was not the time to call her out on their ever going dance; now was the time to get their rhythm back.
"I was saying that a vacation might be in order. Perhaps a trip hiking in the Cascades – you game?"
Although it was casually said, Max knew what he was trying to do and part of her wanted to respond positively, aware of how difficult it was for him to reach out. However, letting him back in was going to take time. He'd hurt her more than anyone had in a very long time, and she wasn't ready to forgive just yet.
"Logan…" Max began, ready to tell him to give her space, to put him off for another day. But he preempted the excuses he knew she would try and give.
"Listen, nothing intense, just some hiking, fresh mountain air, s'mores…"
She smiled at that. It did seem nice, just as it had before everything had gone all topsy turvy.
"Maybe…" Max gave in slightly, "Let me think about it."
"Would it entice you at all if I suggested we could use my family's cabin?" Logan asked, giving her a charming smile.
He could be so persuasive when he tried, so utterly captivating. And after the months of doleful solitude and single-minded focus on work, it was difficult not to respond to his vigor.
"Logan Cale, using your wealthy family connections to appease the anger of a woman. I thought that went against the moral code." Max teased, despite her resolve.
He smiled back, "Not if the woman in question is worth it."
God, thought Max, he's giving me that look; the one where he looks partially like a mischievous boy and the other like a sensual man. It did things to her, as did his words that hinted at the undercurrent of emotion that existed between them. He wasn't fighting fair, and it threw Max off her balance.
When she didn't respond immediately, Logan took the opportunity to continue his appeal.
"Come away with me this weekend. We'll relax, enjoy ourselves. I'll cook." His voice was smooth and deep as he tried to entice her. He could feel her begin to give in, and he wasn't beyond using whatever means necessary to gain his objective. She was, most definitely, worth it.
Max could feel her control slipping. She missed him, his company and conversation. And getting out of Seattle was very appealing. But just as she was about to agree, she remember the phone conversation she had, not more than five minutes ago.
Leave it to Logan to make her forget everything in a second.
"Can't. I have plans."
"Max." Logan's voice was slightly exasperated and Max realized he must think she was blowing him off for made up plans with friends, like she had been for the past few weeks.
"I'm serious Logan. That's what I was just doing on the phone, making plans for Friday afternoon."
"Coffee." She explained, when she saw his skeptical look.
"Well than that'll work out great. You can have brunch and then we'll head out early afternoon," Logan responded, surprised at his own insistence. He'd found that days that had stretched into weeks of her avoidance had begun to make him impatient and bold. He wasn't use to waiting when he wanted something.
"I don't think that would be right," Max stated, thinking carefully about what she should say. It was sort of a delicate situation, and as usual, she felt ill-equipped to handle it.
"Why? What wouldn't be right?" Logan questioned, figuring he was painting her into a corner.
"It's just I don't think it'd be right to make plans for the earlier afternoon with someone, and then spend the weekend with someone else." Max hedged, trying to be purposely vague.
Logan chuckled at the absurdity of that idea. He must be getting to her, he thought, if her excuses were getting so implausible.
"Why? Do you think Original Cindy is going to get possessive on you?" Logan joked.
"I'm not meeting with Original Cindy." Max quickly responded, "Or the Jam Pony gang" she added.
Logan raised an eyebrow in expectation and Max briefly considered making up an excuse and leaving, but didn't want to draw attention to the situation.
"Just somebody I'm getting to know," she shrugged, trying to keep it casual.
Then it dawned on him. Not someone, some guy.
"Is it a date?" Logan blurted out, before he could stop himself, unable to keep the shock out his voice.
Max shuffled uncomfortably from one foot to the next.
"It's just coffee." Max stated, as if that explained everything.
It was a date, Logan realized, and his mouth snapped closed and he turned his eyes back to his computer screen as he attempted to process his wheeling thoughts and emotions.
Max bristled slightly, but whether or not it was because he sounded surprised or that she felt guilty, she couldn't be sure.
"Anyway," Max continued as she began to walk away from his office and over toward his kitchen, "I'm going to have to take a rain check on the whole hiking dealio."
Max began to rummage in his refrigerator, adding: "Got anything to eat?"
She was hoping that the destruction she was doing to his orderly fridge would distract him from the conversation at hand.
It didn't.
Quickly Logan had followed her into the kitchen, faster than he could have when in the chair or when limping. It startled her slightly to feel his eyes on her back before she could regain her composure.
"Is he someone special, or did you just meet?" Logan inquired, a neutral cadence to his voice though there was also something very pointed in the question.
Max turned around, summing Logan up, trying to see if he was really determined to hash this out. The unwavering stare of his eyes was challenging her to answer back, so she did.
"Just met. Well, just met formally…" Max corrected, "on a run" she added to let him know that not only was she going to meet him in this stupid pissing contest, she was going to best him.
"Really? Didn't know you made a point of letting customers pick you up, he must have been pretty charming."
"He was nice, actually. Just straightforward and honest in his attraction… it was a pleasant change."
"Nice." Logan repeated, as if rolling the word around his mouth to see how it tasted and finding it lacking in flavor. "Nice isn't the most descriptive word, but it's probably hard to tell that much about a guy when he's signing for a package."
His patronizing tone annoyed her, and made her answer boldly back: "Sometimes it's easier to read one guy in five minutes than another guy in five months."
"Hmmm… sounds kind of dull if you don't mind me saying. I like women like wine, complex in flavor," he stated, not backing down a bit. "I mean otherwise, where's the challenge?"
"Straight-up dating presents its own challenges." Max answered, piqued.
"I thought you said it was just coffee?"
"Not just coffee, but coffee."
Logan knew he should stop, but didn't. "So does that mean a cup of joe or the possibility of further… interactions?"
"Guess I'll just have to see where it goes."
"Sure, maybe it'll be nice."
Max gritted her teeth at his wordplay, and decided to best him, so she took a cheap shot.
"Besides - it's not the first time we've met. He's actually one of your peeps."
It was sort of like a nuclear explosion went off in Logan's brain. All he could picture were the smug, slick society guys that he had grown up with hitting on a compliant, smiling Max. It did things to his equilibrium.
"Didn't think bored, rich guys were you thing."
Max smiled slightly. She heard the anger in his voice and knew his control was slipping.
"I didn't say your country-club crowd," Max taunted, refusing to give him more. She was going to make him ask.
"I don't recall introducing you to anybody from the informant net, which are pretty much the only people I've been hanging out with lately." Logan returned, knowing he was losing their match and not caring in the slightest.
"What about your basketball crew?" Max stated, her hand on her hip. She had a feeling this was going to get interesting.
"Who?" Logan asked, anger suddenly purged, his brain reeling with the implications of her comment. After a moment he asked, confused: "You mean the guys down at the park?"
"Yeah, do you remember a guy named Kurt? Young guy, dark haired, brown eyes."
"In a wheelchair," Logan finished.
"Yeah, well he could hardly play your game without wheels," Max answered in an amused tone, a stunned Logan Cale was a rare event.
"Max. He's in a wheelchair," an annoyed Logan repeated.
"So?"
"So, it may come as a shock to you, but wheelchair bound-guys aren't up for pity dates." Logan snapped.
"Excuse me?!" Immediately Max's eyes narrowed, her tone becoming dangerous.
"Listen Max, you may think you're doing a good thing here, but let me assure you, this kid isn't looking for charity."
Max paused before answering, unsure of what to be most pissed at.
"This may come as a shock to you, Logan, but not everybody sees being in a wheelchair as the equivalent of being dead. A cute face and a nice personality can score a guy a date no matter what his mode of transportation. And let me assure you, I don't do pity." Her voice ended in a near sneer.
"Max, have you really considered what goes into a paraplegic's spinal cord injury?" Logan softened his voice, sure that while her intentions might be noble she was obviously clueless. "It affects a lot more than just legs."
This time Max crossed her arms in front of her chest, cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow before answering, "From what I've read it means different things for different people. In regards to boys and their abilities… Well, a few guys retain their automatic functions, including sensation, and simply lose the ability to move. Some retain their reactions but lose the sensation. Most lose all control of their lower extremities, needing to rely on certain 'equipment' to keep things running smoothly. It usually has to do with the level of his injury, whether or not it's above T12 or between S2 and 4 and whether the break is complete or not. But as far as I've heard, all keep control of their mouths and fingers." Max bluntly finished challengingly.
Logan wasn't sure what threw him more, her attitude or her use of the proper vernacular.
"Max. The realities are different than theory." He finally stated.
"Wouldn't know," Max responded, "But I'll keep you updated on how it goes."
Logan opened and closed his mouth as Max gave him one more derisive look before stalking out of the apartment.
The battle lines were drawn.
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Max and Cindy's apartment…
"So…" Cindy casually stated, as she rummaged through Max's closet. "I have to ask if you're aware of the potentially screwed up nature of this dealio?"
"What are you talking about?" Max demanded, holding up two different shirts and internally running through the merits of wearing one or the other.
"Listen Boo, I know we're not making reference to a certain newly-walking, rich boy, but there are certain…parallels… that you might want to think about."
"Like Kurt is in a chair." Max snapped.
"I'm not saying it's a big deal," Cindy held up her hands in truce, "but certain people might be inclined to say you either have a fetish for wheels or that you're giving Logan his poetic come-upings. And you shouldn't put this new hotboy in the crossfire."
Max frowned at her friend, but instead of responding how she might to anybody else on the planet, she answered: "Meeting Kurt wasn't planned."
"No, Boo, but you don't want to take advantage of his feelings either."
"We just met."
"Just promise me if he turns out to be a lame duck you'll cut him loose before he can get his heart busted. You can find different ways to torture the other one."
Max considered Original Cindy's words and decided to articulate a pledge, both to her friend and to herself.
"I promise that my relationship with Kurt, whatever it ends up being, will have nothing to do with Logan. Is that good enough?"
"Sounds great, Boo. Now lets make sure you look hot. Aiight?"
"Aiight."
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Jesse's Coffee Shop…
An hour later, Max strolled into a nice, cozy looking coffee joint, wearing a purple sweater and form fitting black jeans. The shirt covered her mid-drift and her hair was in soft waves; she going for more of a romantic look rather than one of "pure hotness," as Cindy would label it.
She smiled as she caught Kurt's eye and walked over to the small table with two comfy arm chairs, one of which he's seated in with the wheelchair close beside.
"Hi Max. You look really beautiful," Kurt unabashedly stated, making Max's smile go slightly higher. His appreciative glance wasn't smarmy, but nor was it just friendly either.
"Hey. Thanks."
"What do you say we order something deliciously sugary and something mercifully caffeinated to get us started?" he asked, gesturing to the counter.
"Sounds perfect." Max replied and waited for him to transfer to his wheel chair before heading up to the counter.
"So what looks good?" he questioned playfully, before informing her, "You'll have to tell me because I can't see into that high case."
Max smiled and considered the pastries before her, "Hmmm… well I would tell you about the fruit muffins, but then I'd be steering you away from the chocolate and toffee chip one that is really the only one worth considering."
There was something refreshing at the way he easily asked for help, obviously not embarrassed or daunted by his inability to stand. It was an attitude that Max couldn't help but juxtapose against the only other paraplegic she'd had caused to interact with - Logan, the guy who had a way of pervading every corner of her world, every fiber of her consciousness. Ironic that the man who pushed her into being a better person, also had the poorer attitude toward his disability. Ironic and telling.
A fact not lost on Max, which was partly why she'd spent the ride over thinking about the man's impact on her current date.
Despite her flippant response, Max had taken the time to ponder Original Cindy's words of advice more closely. She wanted to be sure her intentions were clear and that she wouldn't be using the charming guy she was meeting as a means of punishing Logan for the Vertes situation. Punishment that was like a residual anger hangover after a long night of over-indulgence.
That nightmare had ended in much the same way as it had started - in the dark, covered in secrecy, with emotions running high on both sides.
After the scene at the clinic, Logan had never again asked her to accompany him to his sessions. Instead, he'd employed bodyguards from the informant net and had arranged plans for Vertes' departure the day of his last treatment.
It was he, and he alone that had accompanied Vertes to the city limit's check point, watching stone-faced and erect as she boarded the bus that would take her to Canada. Of course Max had followed, surveying the scene from an invisible distance, much as she kept an eye on their sessions, internally pleased with the way every therapy meeting had remained terse and almost silent after Vertes' stunt.
Max had intrinsically known why he'd been the only one to accompany the doctor to the train station, though it was dangerous and risked exposure. Vertes was Logan's shame, his weakness embodied in physical form. And, therefore, only he would be responsible if something went wrong on the way to the border. Max understood, but still considered him stupid.
Quietly, she'd made her way to the surveillance tower overlooking the bus stop and had quickly erased every piece of video footage linking Logan to the Manticore-wanted woman below. She'd never spoken to him of it, just as he never asked what Vertes had meant that day, but she'd left the only tape with visible footage of his face on his desk in his apartment.
He would understand, she knew. Still it wasn't a sign of forgiveness. They were far from okay.
That is what she'd been thinking as Max had stood there watching him watch the bus pull away, eyes never wavering until the tail lights completely departed his line of vision, despite the intensifying sprinkling of rain that dotted his glasses and seeped into the neck line of his leather jacket.
When he had finally begun to walk away, Max had felt no sense of closure or catharsis – though there was a sense of coming full circle.
Below her, Logan was walking with no trace of limp or pain. Physically, he mirrored the man who'd held a gun on her nine months ago – powerful, confident, gorgeous, and cold. When they'd met she'd been those things too, but she was distinctly aware that emotionally she was not that same person anymore. Now she felt vulnerable, lonely, and raw - and despite her verbal protests, Max knew, it was because of him.
Resentment and anger once again flooded through her body, and when he'd paged her that night, she hadn't answered. In a way, she'd stopped answering from then on out, despite his continued efforts.
In some primal, inexplicable way, Max felt that Logan had betrayed her, and unfortunately for him, X5s have perfect recall.
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Still, that had been days ago, and the initial anger began to dissipate under Logan's continued attentions. Under his skillful assault a new type of emotion began to permeate Max's sense: confusion. She was still responding to his Eyes Only requests, still diligent and responsive to his words, yet he seemed incapable of letting their relationship rest. It confused her and annoyed her and she found herself unwilling to deal with it. She needed a break. An emotional one. And that's where Kurt had come in.
Max wasn't looking for love or even companionship. She just needed something else to focus on, someone else. Perhaps that was using him, but not because he happened to be in a wheelchair.
Besides… was it really so terrible to want to feel like a regular girl? Kurt made her feel like that, and Logan, whatever he was to her, didn't.
And anyway, it was just coffee…
Kurt's laugh brought Max back to the situation at hand, "Chocolate toffee it is." He'd winked at her and she'd placed the order.
The two continued their date with amiable conversation. Max found herself laughing often at Kurt's playful humor. There was something very young and carefree about him that made her relax, and forget to be a soldier.
They discussed motorcycles, Kurt had ridden a specially designed one; the state of sugary treats; local bars, Crash obviously being Max's haunt of choice; and a mutual acquaintance they discovered.
All in all, Max decided she was having a good time and that she definitely wanted to continue a friendship with this guy. She had few enough people in her life that could make her laugh, and she knew the value of that particular commodity.
It was mid-chuckle that Kurt decided to change the subject on her.
"So, Max. Not to pry. Well, actually, yes to pry…. I'm curious about your relationship with Logan?" Kurt began, interested in discussing a more serious topic.
"Not much to tell." Max replied lightly, letting her walls creep up. "We're friends. I run errands for him sometimes. He cooks me dinner."
"Are you guys strictly platonic or have you played with the friends with benefits idea?" Kurt asked bluntly. When he noticed her frown, he decided he needed to be more careful Max, something he wasn't use to. "Listen, I'm honestly not trying to be too nosy. I know we just met, but to be fair I have some reservations about this unidentified, ambiguous relationship."
"Like?"
"Like moving in on some other guy's love interest before he can get up the cajones to do something about it." Kurt spelled out, completely unembarrassed by the detailed conversation. "Cale's a good guy, but he was also obviously uncomfortable with the hand fate dealt him and well… some guys take a while to deal with that."
"He's up and walking again." Max briskly stated, "and I'm not his interest."
"Really?!" Kurt started, "Not about interest part – well, yeah kind of about that too (he gave her quick wink) - but his injury? I thought he had a full break to his T8?"
Max shrugged. "Wasn't that bad. He began responding to therapy later than expected, but it wasn't like a few years had passed."
Max knew she was on shaky ground if Logan had been forthcoming with his actual injury, but somehow she doubted it. Besides, Max knew enough about spinal cord injuries to know how to spin this – she'd never admit to Logan, but she had done a lot of research on the topic.
"Full recovery?"
"Looks like it's going to be that way," Max acknowledged, refraining from adding that Logan was already taking long walks and had begun a weight training program to return the muscle to his legs and lower abdomen.
"Good for him!" Kurt stated with genuine enthusiasm. "He didn't strike me as the type who would have adjusted well."
Max was unable to hide her wry smile.
"So… that solves one of my questions," Kurt stated. "Can I ask if you've ever dated a guy in a wheelchair before?"
"Seeing if I'm a wheel-chaser," Max teased.
"Something like that."
"Well, no, I haven't. Though I'm not terribly concerned with the idea one way or the other," Max confirmed.
Kurt flashed her a charming grin, "You don't seem to be. You passed the muffin test with flying colors!"
"And what, pray tell, is the muffin test?" Max bantered back, enjoying herself again.
"To be honest, some girls aren't comfortable with the whole not walking thing," Kurt shrugged. "And let's just say I'm not in the mood to train anyone. If I take a girl here and she feels uncomfortable or doesn't want to describe the muffins, I know she's the type to resent not going somewhere if it isn't wheelchair accessible. Not that I don't have my ways" he winked again. "On the other hand, if the girl spends and overly long amount of time describing everything and deferring to my wishes to overcompensate then I know she's going to be overbearing."
"Quite a system you got there," Max shook her head in admiration, "But, I'm not sure whether I should be flattered at passing, annoyed at being tested, or jealous that I'm not the first girl you've shown these muffins too."
Kurt leaned forward as he flirted, "Definitely the last one. But then I'd have to tell you that you're by far the prettiest woman I've ever ordered a muffin with."
"Well then I guess that will have to make up for the rest," Max flirted back.
Yes, Max felt exactly like a regular girl.
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Crash…
"So spill it, Boo, how was your date?" OC asked.
"Max had a date?" questioned Sketchy, "I thought you were with that rich dude."
"Ouch!" Sketchy murmured as Original Cindy smacked the back of his head.
"How many times have I told you not to talk about things you don't know anything about?" She questioned, obviously continuing a previous conversation. "Max is exploring her options since Hotboy ain't put any claims on her."
Max looked at her two friends antics and had to laugh; she felt like she'd done a lot of that today.
"It was nice."
"Nice?" Cindy repeated, apparently feeling the same way about that word as Logan.
"It was fun." Max offered instead, unwilling to get into this debate again. "He's… fun, easy to talk to."
"Did you hook up?" Sketchy asked, before barely ducking away from Cindy's hand. "Hey! That's a legitimate question!"
"It was just coffee," Max said with an eye roll.
"So?" Sketchy asked.
"So, we were just getting to know one another."
"And what do you say, sugar, interested in getting to know more?" Cindy questioned.
"Well we have plans to go out tomorrow night. Might bring him to Crash or something, so I guess you could say yeah."
Both Original Cindy and Sketchy smiled at their friend. It was nice to see Max doing something the normal way for once. However, when she got up to refill the pitcher an exchange took place Max wouldn't have been as happy to witness.
Looking at Original Cindy, Sketchy inquired, "So what are the odds on this and where are you placing your bet?"
Raising her eyebrow, Original Cindy answered, "Double or nothing that my girl is finally going to get some action."
"You've got yourself a deal," Sketchy answered, "I'll go call the regulars."
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Fogle Towers……
"Hey, what ya working on?" Max asked, causing a preoccupied Logan to jump at the sound of her voice.
"Max. Hey." Logan returned once he had regained his composure. It had been a while since Max had bothered to sneak up on him. "Just looking into this case about a local adoption agency. Turns out, they're running a purchasing facility out of the back… selling off American kids to other countries as either slaves or family members…"
"Sort of sounds like a repeat of the Bronck case," Max responded.
She wasn't quite sure what had made her show up here. After her date she had felt giddy, full of energy, but as the afternoon had progressed she found herself overcome with a heavy feeling in her gut and an inexplicable desire to see Logan. It reminded Max of the times she'd pulled a burglary since meeting him. At first, the adrenaline would keep her blood pumping as a feeling of triumph coursed through her, but gradually guilt would set in and Max would find herself at Logan's door, needing him to chastise her or reassure her by giving her some Eyes Only work to purge her of her guilt. It was one of the many odd things about their relationship.
"Yeah, except they're not distinguishing the kids for the sex trade… they're actually making their case to the parents who are selling their kids off to have a better chance in another part of the world."
"So mommy and daddy think junior is going to get a world class education, but he's really doing somebody's laundry across the globe." Max supplied, her brain multi-tasking between Logan's words and her own wayward feelings.
"Pretty much," Logan answered.
"That's pretty twisted. So… is this something you've got covered or were you planning on requesting my expertise?" Max bantered, noticing the pleased surprise in Logan's glance.
"Well, now that you mention it, I do need you," he smiled, not bothering to add the clause 'for the mission.' Pausing a moment longer than necessary to allow the multiple meanings behind his words to permeate her quick mind, he added, "Bling is going to pose as an interested soon-to-be parent but…"
"…he needs a baby-mom." Max supplied, already catching on to the plan.
"Yep. That way Eyes Only can get a good first-hand look at what the sales pitch is."
"When do you want to do this?" Max asked, wondering who he would have gotten to do it if she hadn't offered.
"Tomorrow, actually. We have a meeting set up for around noon. Does that work for you?" Logan inquired.
"It's fine. I'll squeeze it in during my lunch break. By the way, who were you going to get to do it if I didn't?" Max curiously questioned.
"One of Bling's old friends from the informant net. I was just about to have Eyes Only contact her before you came… but this is much better. Bling wasn't crazy about the idea of involving her and well… you're much more skilled at this sort of thing anyway." Logan answered her.
"I aim to please. So how long has Bling been" Max began, fully intent on gathering information to tease the physical therapist with when her beeper went off.
Frowning as she checked the number, Max looked up before stating: "Work."
The interruption put them both in mind of their recent interaction. And despite knowing that he should probably just drop it, Logan found himself clearing his throat and asking, "so… how was coffee?"
Max's eyebrows raised in response, surprised that he would broach the subject. "Fine," she tersely answered, unwilling to talk about it.
"Fine? That sounds worse than nice," Logan rejoined, immediately cringing at his rash reply.
Max responded by putting her hand on her hip and giving him an unflinching stare before stating: "Actually, it was fun. We have a lot in common, nothing like saving small children and widows, but you know, things mere mortals do like go out to clubs, hanging out with friends… that sort of thing."
Her biting critique of his Eyes Only work wasn't lost on Logan, it stung. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he questioned: "Mere mortals? Not exactly how I'd describe you Max."
She shrugged, "Whatever. The point is. It was good… I even passed the muffin test."
She knew she shouldn't have said that. It would only lead to further fighting, but she did it anyway.
"Muffin test?"
"Just something Kurt does to see if a woman's cool with his condition. Seems I'm not too clingy or too selfish, but perfect with dealing with… things. Well at least if the guy in question is comfortable enough to ask for help…" Her last statement was said tauntingly, daring him to push the envelope.
"Well you do have a lot of experience helping a man who's incapable of doing his own legwork." Logan responded, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.
Max smirked, a master chess player, with the king in sight. "I don't think Kurt is interested in me doing his legwork. He's got more personal desires in mind."
Her maneuver worked, Logan's control was snapped by that last comment as he openly glowered at her, his anger palpable. Although she had won, Max found herself questioning the wisdom of pushing Logan, as she struggled to keep from squirming under his possessive glare.
"What? Interested in helping with the equipment to keep things running?" Logan bit out, alluding to the necessarily accessories that many paraplegics were forced to rely on when they lost control of certain automatic functions. For months, Logan had struggled to keep Max away from those things, using them as reminder of why he needed to keep her at a distance.
"Reality-check, Logan. Being in a wheelchair doesn't make someone less attractive or any less of a man." Max snapped back, letting her anger wash over him. How many times had she wanted to say that to him?
"I need a reality check?" Logan scoffed. "I'm not the genetically enhanced super-being dating a guy in a wheelchair."
"Excuse me?! What do you think? That along with splicing me with feline DNA that they included a sequence making me attracted to moving legs?! That all I want out of partner is some who can dodge bullets with me?" Max angrily bit off.
That wasn't it, Logan knew, and he threw his trump card at her.
"More like your ignoring the fact that when you need to run you might find pushing a wheelchair a pretty tiring activity!" he angrily retorted, a hundred previously imagined nightmares filtering through his mind, all of which ending it Max being caught by Manticore.
"It was coffee, Logan! It's not like I'm going to ask him to go on the lam with me." Max immediately responded, too angry to measure her words.
The comment caused them both to pause as the parallels between the two men became impossible to ignore. Max's face burned and Logan's eyes blazed.
"If he cared about you at all, he would say no." Logan responded in a low voice, his eyes burning into hers.
"If he cared about me at all, he would understand that I didn't mind." Max retorted.
The connection between them continued to hum with emotions as their gazes didn't waiver. Logan found himself needing to go to her, to touch her, but standing seemed to break the spell she was under, and Max quickly stated: "Late."
She was gone within seconds, the door slamming behind her. Even working legs were no match for her when Max ran.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Crash, two days later…
Max hadn't felt this carefree in a long time, since before a certain cyber journalist had stepped into her life and made her think about things that were really none of her concern. Her earlier tiff with Logan was nearly forgotten in the loud, boisterous environment – as her and her friends drank cheap beer, complained about Normal, and debated the merits of such common issues as the state of hip hop music and hooking up with shorties .
Kurt more than fit in – he led the debate on the best new nightclubs in town and sided with Herbal on his worldview – agreeing that everything was "all good" with a wink at Max. He also kept the booze flowing and encouraged everyone to stretch the limits of their measly paychecks. In short, it was an evening like they hadn't had in quite some time, and Max had to admit it felt nice.
In addition, Kurt was also attentive and considerate to her – not in the Logan Cale chivalric, save-the-world kind of way – but in a playful, flirtatious way that Max thought was nice, even endearing. After months of uncertainty it felt good to be sure that one was wanted. After delving in the soul on so many occasions, it was a relief to have everything open and obvious for everyone to read – instead of coded and classified. All her friends knew what was going on between them and, therefore, knew how to act.
It was partly the beer, partly the ease with her friends, partly his obvious desire for her – but when Kurt took Max home and pulled her down for a kiss, Max let him.
The kiss was more than nice, it was youthful, fun, and light. It was the fruition of a couple of early twenty-somethings enjoying the feel of one another's lips and bodies.
Sort of like the bubbles in champagne, Max thought.
And secretly, Max congratulated herself on keeping Logan Cale out of the evening, noting the way Kurt's lips were really quite skillful and his technique sensual – good points to make to a certain disbeliever.
However, the late-night makeout session probably would have ended there – in front of Max's door, if Kurt hadn't chosen that moment to pull Max down into his lap. Suddenly, her body felt a lot hotter and more turned on. Conscious thought left her and her hands became more insistent as the twined in Kurt's hair.
She would never have admitted it, even to herself, but Max had spent more than one night contemplating what it would feel like to be pulled into the arms of a man in a wheel chair. That the man was Logan Cale and not Max's current lip partner wasn't totally noted by her body. With her eyes closed and mouth occupied it began to react as it had wanted to on many previous occasions.
Of course, Max didn't consciously register this – she just knew she was excited to continue kissing and didn't protest when Kurt opened the door and wheeled them inside her apartment for privacy. It felt good, his hands in her hair, his lips on her neck - Max actively participated in their heavy-lip session until he pulled away slightly.
"Max," Kurt gasped. "Why don't we continue this on your couch where we could be more comfortable?"
His voice made Max jump as her eyes became focused and she realized where she was. Or more exactly, who she was with. Again, her mind refused to make the connection that was just under the surface – instead she rationalized she just didn't want to continue.
Smiling at him shyly, Max untangled herself from Kurt and gently, but firmly stated: "I had a really nice time, but I don't think I'm ready for a couch tour."
Kurt took a deep breath to steady his pounding heart, but gamely replied, "I enjoyed myself too, but are you sure I can't persuade you to continue it?" A little wiggle of his eyebrows, affirmed that he wouldn't push things if she wasn't ready.
"Nah. But maybe we can meet up later this week?" Max soothed.
"Of course, I'd like that." He answered.
With good-natured reluctance he turned to go, running into Original Cindy on his way out.
Kurt was far from embarrassed and his smile alone wouldn't have been enough to clue OC in on what had been going on, but the look on Max's face, and the lateness of the hour, told her all she needed to know – not to mention the big red mark on her neck. Original Cindy nearly did a gig.
She couldn't wait to collect on her bet.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jam Pony…
Normal didn't know it, but he was about to live through one of his personal nightmares – anarchy in Jam Pony.
The day had started out fairly regularly. Most of the bike riders moseyed into work late, and spent too much time socializing. Fifteen minutes before lunchtime, Normal watched as many of the slacker bums darted out of work early – as if he couldn't see them. Seeing one particularly bold transgressor, who didn't even bother to hide her intent, Normal couldn't hold back the scathing comment:
"Excuse me. Wouldn't want work to get in the way of your lunch hour."
"Don't worry Normal." Original Cindy answered back directly, ignoring the sarcasm. "I won't."
"Well then missy, I'm sure you won't mind your little break getting in the way of your paycheck."
"You know Normal, normally Original Cindy would find your negativity to be the fly in my flavor – but lucky for you I'm about to make more loot over this one lunch break than I normally do in an entire day."
If Normal thought about inquiring as to the nature of what was probably illegal activity, he didn't have time as Original Cindy sauntered out of the building.
A few minutes later, at the appropriate lunch hour two gentlemen – Max's rich friend and an attractive, well-defined black man who was dressed sloppily – entered Jam Pony. Normal couldn't help but admire the unknown man's cut pecks – very gladiator like, he thought.
They stopped only long enough for Max's friend to say they were looking for her, and then they marched out of ear-reach, at least temporarily.
XXXX
"Hi, Max." Logan stated, as he approached her.
He was wary of his reception, but figured pretending like everything was normal would be the best course of action. Besides, Blink was there to keep things civil.
"Hey." Max returned, slamming her locker with unnecessary force.
"Rough day?"
"Nah. Just not looking forward to blowing my lunch break on an errand."
"Yeah, sorry about that. If it helps, I packed lunch. Payment and an apology." He smiled at her, letting her know the apology was for more than just the added lunch duties.
"Well it's a start," she answered, not totally immune to Logan Cale's smile. "Hey, Bling."
"Hi Max, thanks for acting as back up."
"No problem. You two ready to get this over with? I eventually gotta get back to my paying job."
"Lead the way." Logan mentioned, picking up Max's backpack as he turned to go.
They trio were stopped by a breathless Original Cindy who ran up to block their path.
"Going somewhere, sugar?" she asked Max, barely acknowledging the two men beside her.
"Well I wasn't going to take in the fresh air," Max replied, aware that there was something odd about her friend's behavior.
"Listen. I need you to do something for me, is there any way you can hang around a bit longer?" Cindy asked.
"You know I usually have your back girl, but Logan needs me to run this errand…"
"It's okay Max. " Logan interrupted, anxious to be accommodating to win back her favor. "We can wait, can't we Bling?"
Bling refrained from chuckling and played into Logan's wish.
"Sure. No appointments today."
"Thanks." Original Cindy jumped, seemingly aware of them for the first time. "If you two want to take a walk in the meantime I'm sure we'll be finished soon."
"OC!" Max scolded, surprised at her friend's rudeness. "We can go for the walk."
"No can do sister girl, we need to wait here for some people to show up."
Max eyed her suspiciously and ignored Original Cindy's eye gestures which were signaling for her to get rid of Bling and Logan. Logan was just about to concede to OC's less than subtle signs when a familiar voice came from across the room, sealing all of their fates.
"Max!" Kendra shrieked, running up and wrapping her former roommate in a big bear hug. "Long time no see."
"Hey Kendra," Max answered back, pleased but surprised. "Didn't know you would be stopping by. How's Walter?"
"You know him… active and virile as usual." The woman bubbled, seemingly unaware of the disgust Max swallowed down and the smirks of Logan and Bling.
"So… are we ready?" Kendra asked, looking at Original Cindy for confirmation.
"Ready for what?" Max asked.
"Well, I was going to wait for Sketchy and Herbal as witnesses." Original Cindy responded, betraying a slight nervousness in her manner. "Maybe we should meet them outside. What do you say?"
"How long before they get here?" Kendra wanted to know. "I've got this appointment and well…"
"Yeah, us too." Max piped up, annoyed to not know what was going on and feeling the absurdity of waiting to bring down people who harmed children in for whatever OC and Kendra had up their sleeves.
"Not sure, but…"
"You've got three minutes," Max broke in, crossing her arms in a way that everyone who knew her recognized as a gesture of stubborn resolve. "Unless you feel like telling me what's up."
Sizing up the situation, Original Cindy came to a decision. "Hey, moneybags, do me a favor and go ask Normal when Sketchy's gettin back."
If Logan objected to the title or the manner of address, he didn't let it cut too deep, as he rolled his eyes slightly and stated: "Sure. No problem." And walked off to find her an answer.
"OC…" Max began, even more annoyed. "Not that I don't love a good mystery and all, but what the hell is going on?"
"Just a second." Original Cindy demanded in a voice that would have impressed a Manticore field commander. "Bling, my man, I need you to do us a favor."
"Sure, what do you need?" asked Bling, interested in their unusual behavior.
"Just stand here," Original Cindy said, leading him a few steps so he was standing in front of Max "…and watch."
"Okkkaay…" He raised an amused eye to Logan whose communication with Normal had lasted only a few seconds, long enough for a quick 'soon or that bums fired,' and was about to make his way back to party as they spoke.
"Max?"
"Yes, OC?"
As Original Cindy leaned into to supposedly say something, she reached over and tugged the edge of Max's turtleneck down, exposing a large red mark on the right side of her neck, visible to anyone facing that direction. The startled intake of breath from Kendra as she noticed it and quickly smothered giggle, left no doubt that the love-bite was the purpose of this little venture.
Immediately, Max covered the spot with her hand, stunned by her friends' actions.
"Oh my god, you're right," Kendra squealed, unable to contain herself. "Max Guevera a marked woman. Who would have thought it?!"
"Told ya. That's ten large," a pleased OC smirked.
"I would never have believed it if I hadn't seen with my own eyes," murmured Kendra who was enjoying the deer caught in headlights look that Max was giving them.
"That ain't nothing yet. I'm going for the jackpot…. Max!"
Max hadn't moved, her face was still in shock and her hand still pressed to her neck. Maybe it was the fact that the two women were squealing about something on her neck that wasn't a barcode, or maybe it was just the humiliation of having been exposed in front of a room full of people – either way Max remained impassive enough to turn her eyes to Cindy without saying anything.
"Tell us boo, you're squeeze got skills?" Cindy brashly asked, adding. "…despite his juvenile handy work."
"I need to sit down." Kendra stammered.
"But you saw it right! Bling, you need to bear witness. That was indeed a blush that graced our favorite tough-ass bike messenger's face, was it not?" Cindy crowed.
"Can't say there is any point in denying it," stated Bling, obviously amused with the two women's antics. "Good to know Max has friends who keep her real."
"So Kendra, I believe that's a total of fifty that you owe me."
As she watched Original Cindy's hand stretch out to Kendra, Max was finally able to focus on one aspect of her humiliation.
"You bet on me!" her voice was incredulous and slightly high-pitched.
"Listen Boo, no offense but I've lost a lot of money on you over the last year and this was my chance to get some back."
"And how exactly," Max's sarcastic edge was finally back in play, "did I do that?"
In a moment of reckless triumph, OC responded: "Some of us thought you might be getting busy before now, if you catch up drift."
Perhaps Original Cindy thought she was being purposely vague but Bling, Kendra, and Max all caught her meaning with perfect ease. As did, Logan who had made it back to the party early enough to catch on to what was happening, the mark of Max's neck visible from his spot a few meters away.
It was Max's glance over her shoulder that finally caused OC to turn around and notice him too, standing perfectly still, eyes intense gazing at Max, who unbelievably, flushed a second time in one day.
Damn, was all Original Cindy could think, knowing things had suddenly gotten very complicated… and perhaps slightly dangerous for herself.
"There's a chance I might have to kill you." Max deadpanned to Cindy, her eyes never wavering from Logan's who seemed to be pinning her into place, though he never said a word or moved a muscle.
There was only one way out of a huge jam like this, Original Cindy knew, and that was to bluff your way out by attitude.
"Max!" OC stated, putting her hands up in a gesture of peace and surrender, "I was just defending your honor. I knew my home girl wasn't doomed to everlasting spinsterhood. And there's no shame in getting a little lip-sugar."
The admission was carefully crafted to let a certain someone know just how innocent Max's night time activities had been.
"Besides it wasn't me who started this little pastime; Kendra and Sketchy began one night at Crash, and Herbal and a few other Jam Pony messengers have got in on it since. I figured Kendra was the best of the bunch to actually witness the transaction." There was no way to cover the last part, it was said simply to cover Original Cindy's ass as the X5 continued to seethe.
Max didn't trust herself to answer. She couldn't remember a time when she'd been this angry at her friends, and judging from the looks Kendra and OC were exchanging they knew it.
"Come on Bling – let's go get this bitch over with." Max responded to the one person in her sight who she wasn't furious with or embarrassed to face, wrenching her gaze from Logan's with a determination to finish the Eyes Only mission as if nothing had happened.
Unfortunately for all, she didn't get far before Sketchy caught up to them, huffing. "Alright. I'm here for proof, let the judging begin!"
He should have noticed the murderous look on Max's face, but he didn't.
"Sorry Sketchy, proof of Max's late night activities has already been given, and I have witnesses to prove it. Now pay up." Original Cindy stated, anxious for him to quiet down.
"What?! No way, man. I want evidence." Sketchy stated.
"Yeah," piped up a voice beside him, Jay the peeping bike messenger whom Max had had to lay the smack down on a few times, joined in. "If I'm laying down ten bucks, I want something to fuel my fantasies for later."
Neither Original Cindy nor Kendra bothered to answer, knowing Max's temper was beyond the point of no returned.
Her deceptively calm and low voice answered back, "That so? Want something to think about? And you Sketchy… need some 'evidence'."
The men weren't totally fooled. They saw the look in her eyes and backed up as she advanced on them.
"Nothing personal, Max," Sketchy tried to amend his previous statement. "Just a harmless bet. Understand?"
Max shook her head, as if in acceptance, as she continued to advance. "Oh, I understand. And how about you understand this…"
Swiftly, Max had pushed the men back and into two large, black metal garbage cans behind them. Their fall caused the garbage cans to roll, down the smooth floors of Jam Pony and in opposite directions. Sketchy's can, turned barrel, took out several riders and their bikes. Jay's rolled for a longer distance, gaining speed and hitting the lockers with such force that they tilted and shook, knocking most of the contents onto the floor.
Normal hadn't seen the exchange, but he noticed the mass chaos that resulted, packages and papers flying everywhere, limbs and bicycles being straightened out, voices accusing, yelling, and laughing. Both Kendra and Original Cindy's eyes remained wide, wisely staying quiet as they stared at the results of Max's temper.
Without waiting for a reply, the angry transgenic stomped out of Jam Pony, Bling following with Logan at a greater distance.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Logan's penthouse…
The rain seemed to fall in moody streaks outside Logan's penthouse view. Or perhaps, Bling reasoned, it was the man who sat staring out the window that leant the air of solemnity to the weather.
The afternoon had progressed with notable regularity since the memorable events at Jam Pony, or at least as normal of an afternoon as one could expect with the man behind Eyes Only. The three of them had completed the mission without incident, meeting those in charge and getting a peak at the files that help their company records. During the situation, Logan and Max's interaction remained professional and perfunctory as neither alluded to the scene that had just gone down as they communicated on coms.
If anything, they'd struggled for even greater normalcy than their recent encounters had had. An effort that made things seem even more tense than before. It had been with a silent huff of relief that Bling had finally watched Max depart for Jam Pony, aware of the large, red elephant in the room, hidden by Max's turtleneck, but clearly visible to both Logan and Max. They both needed time to reflect on it, Bling reasoned, although he largely suspected that neither would come to the logical conclusion about their embarrassment.
Still, he had owed it to Logan to show up later that night and see what his twisted mind had done to the scene. Knowing him as he did, Bling was not surprised to find Logan at his usual brooding spot. However, he was taken aback by the words that reached out to answer Bling's request of how he was doing.
"An attractive woman came on to me today, at the market. Asked me if I'd like to go out on a date sometime," Logan stated to a watchful Bling.
Of all things, that definitely hadn't been what Bling was expecting to hear. Still, Logan's mind often worked in a circular manner, particularly in regards to feelings, so the therapist was willing to follow.
When Logan didn't continue, Bling was forced to ask: "And you said?"
"No."
There was no anger or annoyance behind his response, just pure contemplation.
"And this is significant why?" Bling questioned, confused by his friend's pensive mood, and the bent of the conversation.
"I told her I was with someone else."
"So?" Bling laughed slightly. "Famous excuse."
"I meant it." Logan revealingly replied, letting the words sink in to the perceptive man behind him.
"Ahhh..."
"Yeah."
"Despite what happened today?" Bling pressed.
"Apparently."
"Are you planning on telling this someone else how you see your relationship?" Bling inquired, finally understanding the realization his former client had just had, a realization that was long overdue.
Logan continued to stare out the window and shook his head to the night.
"Can't. She's with someone else."
"Little make-out session doesn't necessarily mean anything. Where's your sense of competition? If she's worth it, fight for her." Bling hoped the cajoling note to his voice would jolt Logan out of the mood he was currently in. The man had just realized he was in love, or something very near to that, with his best friend and cat burglar, surely that had to shake a guy into action.
Logan thought about that, trying to figure out why he was so resigned to losing Max; why was he so willing to give up what he wanted the second after he realized how desperately he desired it?
The answer stared back at him as obvious as the water on the window pane. For months now, he had denied his feelings on the premise that he wasn't worthy. He'd told himself he couldn't get involved because he was a danger to her, because he'd slow her down and Manticore would catch up, that he had nothing left to offer.
Her relationship with Kurt stood out as a direct contrast to those thoughts. It had never been the chair keeping them apart, he acknowledged, it had been Logan's own neuroses.
The realization came with a price. It forced him to consider all the choices and feelings he'd had about himself since the shooting in full panorama – and they weren't pretty.
As much as Logan wanted to start by fixing the symptom – his relationship with Max - he knew he needed to begin with the disease, his own messed-up self-perception. He owed her that. To approach her as someone able to be a partner, even a caretaker in certain situation, wasn't something he could do just yet. And, if Logan were honest with himself, it might be a lengthy process.
As much as it killed him, Logan knew that he might lose her in the meantime.
Suddenly, Logan resented Kurt for all the right reasons. Not because he was a wheelchair bound man who didn't realize that he didn't deserve Max, but because he was a self-confident man who was vying for the woman Logan cared for, and had the sense to do so from the beginning.
Who knew there was a right and wrong way to dislike someone?
Finally looking at Bling, Logan stated: "I can't. Not yet. I need to be whole first, and for the first time in a long time I'm beginning to realize that has nothing to do with walking."
Despite the gravity behind Logan's words, Bling suddenly felt much more lighthearted. It was the first sign of true health he'd seen from his friend and patient in many months. It was a beginning, and just as Bling suspected, it had resulted from Logan's feelings for Max, the one bright spot in a dangerous existence. As if confirming Bling's thoughts, Logan spoke once more as he stared out into the night.
"I want her to be happy. If that means watching her with someone else, then so be it."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Space Needle, voice over.
It took four hours up here to calm me down enough not to want to strangle my best friend. Took me another two to see the humor in the situation; not that Original Cindy doesn't owe me some serious penance.
It's odd; I've dealt with a secret government agency on my tail since I was nine, a thousand different situations that other people have never had to face – and what really bums my ass is just a bit of personal drama. Stuff your average girl probably deals with all the time.
Guess being normal isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Still… I wish Logan hadn't witnessed that little scene earlier. I mean it's not like I owe him an explanation. I've said it a dozen times, 'we're not like that.' So me dating someone shouldn't change anything between us.
Except the thing is, it changes everything.
Fade to black…
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
A huge thank you for all the reviews (including the feedback on the long chapters); as well as an equally grateful thank you to Lisa who betaed this.