Disclaimer:
I don't own The Big Bang Theory.
A/N:
This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.
I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.
The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how it affects someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.
I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.
Chapter 3:
Sheldon stood there for a few moments, scanning the card the woman named Amy Farrah Fowler gave him.
Amy Farrah Fowler, Neurobiologist, PhD.
It had her cellular number and what Sheldon assumed was her office number since it says on the card she works at UCLA.
What are the odds? Sheldon thought as he saw she works at UCLA.
Then he did what he does best; calculated the odds. They were slim, but they were still there. He then kept going a little further and entered the coffee house, ordered tea and sat at his usual spot.
Sheldon sat at his usual spot in the coffee house; at a table next to a wall, facing the window wall of the coffee house, and he let himself get lost in his thoughts as he looked at outside the window at the street… at the people going on with their day.
Some of the people may have been busy with things that have to do with their work, some were clearly having a fun day with their family, which made Sheldon get annoyed with those people; how could they have fun at a day where we remember those who lost their lives for this country? He thought to himself as he tightened his hold on his cup of tea.
He took two deep breathes in order to calm down and reminded himself that the majority of the people did have respect for this day, even if this day didn't affect them directly in the sense that they lost someone close to them, they were well aware of the pain of those who did lose their loved ones in the military and they treated this day with respect and acknowledged it.
He sighed heavily as he took the last sip of his cup of tea, payed for his tea and left the coffee house.
After meeting Amy Farrah Fowler, Sheldon was a little bit hesitant about going to the planetarium at UCLA. He was a little afraid he will run into her again, and this wasn't a day to run into new people. Well pretty much every day wasn't a day to run into new people for Sheldon, but today in particular wasn't a day to run into new people. Especially a person who figured him out without him saying anything to her. even though she was nice and had good intentions… he wasn't sure he wanted to see her again anytime soon.
He was hesitant yes, and decided to keep with his original plan and visit the Griffith Observatory as he does every year on Memorial Day.
After he finished his tea Sheldon walked around, and to an outsider, or even Leonard and his friends, it would have seemed that Sheldon is going around aimlessly, and even when he walked into the public library, his friends may have risen an eyebrow since he normally uses the university library for everything he needs.
Sheldon entered the library and went to the section of the translated literature and looked for the book The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. He remembered the hype there was around this book when the translation came out and knew that Liz would love it. she loved mystery books and she read every Harlan Coben book that came out up until the accident, and Sheldon read the rest that came out after the accident… as if he's trying to help Liz compensate for what she's missing.
When The Shadow of the Wind came out, he didn't buy it like he did with the Harlan Coben books, but borrowed it and read it in one day. it was indeed well written, but Sheldon still didn't completely understand Liz's fascination with mystery, but he tried. Even after she was no longer with him, he still tried. The only reason he didn't buy this book was because he felt like if he were to buy it, it's like he's buying it for Liz and he'll be waiting for her response on it… a response that will never come and he couldn't let himself go back to the state he was in the first 2 years after Liz died, so he always pushed back the thought of purchasing the book and instead every Memorial Day he went to the public library and read this specific book.
Sheldon knew that if he went to the library in the university and one of his friends will see him reading this book, they will be asking questions. Questions he didn't want to answer.
Since Sheldon knew the book by heart by now, it only took him a few hours to finish it and not the entire day. Once he was done, he was still baffled by the book, but he had to admit that this book was good and he was pretty sure that if Liz was alive, she would have loved that book. This was the only book he decided to reread in the genre that Liz loved, because he sensed that it would have left a great impact on Liz; a book that she would talk about for days and will remember even years after reading it.
Sheldon left the library and went to a Chinese restaurant. It was Liz's favorite food to eat outside and whenever they ate outside or ordered takeout, a lot of the times they found themselves eating Chinese food. Sheldon always tried and convince Liz to eat something else… that's when he came up with the schedule for different dinners every day… but once Liz looked at him with her puppy eyes and pouted, Sheldon couldn't say no to her, and surrendered.
That's why he was so strict with his dinner schedule nowadays… especially when it came to eating Chinese food more than once a week.
So many things still remind him of Liz, that he couldn't stray from his schedule. He stuck to his dinner schedule for the majority of the year, but the week of Memorial was the one week he let himself eat Chinese food twice; once on Friday, which was the day he assigned for Chinese takeout, and on Memorial Day, in honor of Liz.
He was always afraid that straying from the schedules he made carefully over the years, will make him spiral down to a state where he can't function properly because of the pain of missing her.
Sheldon ordered what he usually orders and once the food came to his table, he looked that he got everything as he ordered it and started eating when the owner of the restaurant, who by now knew Sheldon and his friends, came to Sheldon as he did every year when Sheldon came to the restaurant alone, and brought Sheldon an egg roll, as he did every year since he figured something is going on with Sheldon on Memorial Day.
No one knew about Liz until today when he told Leonard about her. Sheldon never said a thing to the restaurant owner and he never dared to ask, but he have noticed that every year there is one day when Seldon comes to the restaurant alone and sits there to eat and he always looks troubled. A few years ago, the restaurant owner started making mental notes and saw that every year that Sheldon comes there every year on Memorial Day. by now the owner knew Sheldon and his specifics, so he figured it wasn't a coincidence that Sheldon comes to the restaurant on Memorial Day and he figured that Sheldon has some relation to this day, especially after seeing him so troubled every time he comes to the restaurant.
That's when the restaurant owner decided to treat Sheldon with a free egg roll every time he came to the restaurant on Memorial Day. He hoped that Sheldon wouldn't question it, but he was wrong, so he tried to brush it off with a "Memorial Day special", but that one blew up in his face since Sheldon started to lecture him how inappropriate it is to do such things on such day, and even though the restaurant owner wanted to slap Sheldon in that moment, he was able to explain to Sheldon that it's the restaurant's way of thanking the soldiers, the fallen soldiers and their families for fighting for the country and for sacrificing so much, and that seemed to calm Sheldon down. That lecture Sheldon gave the restaurant owner pretty much confirmed to him that Sheldon has a close connection with that day, and since then the restaurant owner started a new tradition with Sheldon, but also made it a policy in the restaurant, that on Memorial Day everyone is getting free egg roll as a thank you gesture.
One thing that Sheldon appreciated about that policy, is that the restaurant seemed discreet about it; they never publish it, it's never on the bored outside the restaurant or written in the menu. They just bring the orders with the egg roll or just a few moments after they bring in the courses and before the costumers comment that they didn't ordered it, they say that it's on the house for everyone, and that's always makes Sheldon feel warm inside.
Sheldon saw the owner of the restaurant putting the egg roll next to him in the corner of his eye, and looked up and smiled a small smile at him.
"Thank you." Sheldon said, as he does every year.
"Thank you." The restaurant owner said to Sheldon who only nodded.
Sheldon never confirmed or denied a connection to this day, but he knew by now that the restaurant owner knows he has a personal connection to this day and he appreciated that he never tried to ask him about it; he simply gave him his egg roll, thanked him and left Sheldon alone.
When Sheldon was done with his lunch the sun was starting to set and it was just a little bit before dusk time. once he paid the bill, Sheldon left the restaurant and headed to the Griffith Observatory to watch the sky and the stars as he did every year since he moved to California on Memorial Day.
As always, the observatory was filled with visitors, but he hoped that the roof would be less crowded and that he will find a quiet corner to stand and look at the sky, and maybe he'll get lucky and there will be a free telescope to watch the skies in more depth.
Sheldon went to the roof top and after going through a big crowd of people, he finally found a quiet corner where he looked at the skies as the sun was setting and let out a broken sigh.
"I miss you Liz." Sheldon said with a broken voice and looked at the sky and felt the tears starting to run down his face and he quickly wiped them.
"I know… I know it's okay to feel sad and cry… I just… can't go back to where I was… I won't come out of it…" Sheldon said as if he's talking to Liz.
Just as he was about to talk again, he heard a small voice talking softly, and Sheldon could have sworn he heard that voice somewhere.
"I miss you guys… you don't even know how much." The small voice said softly.
Sheldon looked to his right, and a few feet from him was the woman he ran into today.
What was her name? he thought for a moment.
Amy Farrah Fowler, right. He immediately remembered.
He saw she was looking at a picture and she was crying a little bit.
Sheldon's first instinct was to let her be. If it were him, he wouldn't want some stranger to intrude on his private moment with Liz. If he wanted company, he would have told Leonard to come with him.
On the other hand, she did give him her card and now she was here, so maybe letting her know there's someone here who understands what she's going through may help her feel less lonely.
Before Sheldon had any opportunity to say anything, Amy wiped her tears and, in the process, looked to her left and saw Sheldon.
"What… what are you doing here? Are you following me?" she asked him with some anger in her voice.
"I was here first. I could ask you the same question."
"I come here every year."
"Me too."
"Really?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Really."
"Then how come I never saw you."
"It's a big roof… there are 24 hours a day… there are a lot of people… I can go on and on." Sheldon started.
"Okay… I get it…" Amy sighed and was about to leave when Sheldon reached out his hand.
"I… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be harsh… it's a long, emotional day. I… I'm sure you understand…" Sheldon mumbled quietly.
"I do…" Amy said and got closer to Sheldon.
"So…" Amy started to speak and then faltered.
"So…?" Sheldon asked.
"How are you hanging up?" She asked softly.
"Better than previous years. You?"
"I think I've been better… it's still overwhelming."
"It is."
"May I ask you a question about your loved one?" Amy asked softly and Sheldon looked at her suspiciously.
"Okay…"
"How old were they when they died?" Amy bluntly asked.
"She was 20." Sheldon answered with heavy tone.
"Oh… she… you don't hear that a lot…"
"Yeah… she was my girlfriend…"
There was a tense silence before Amy talked again.
"My boyfriend was 21 when he died… my brother was 22. It was the worst day of my life." Amy said as if she's talking to no one in particular.
"Yeah… it was the worst day of my life as well…" Sheldon said to the air.
"May I ask another question." Amy asked hesitantly and Sheldon only nodded.
"How…" she faltered, but Sheldon understood her perfectly.
"Training accident. Her plane and another plane collided. there were no survivors." Sheldon answered.
"Yours?" Sheldon asked softly.
"Afghanistan. My brother and my boyfriend were in the same unit together and they were in an operation when they were shot by terrorists. The doctors tried to do everything they could but there wasn't much they could have done… they both lost a lot of blood and vital organs were hit…" Amy said brokenly, as if she's reliving the day all over again.
"I… I'm so sorry…" Sheldon said softly.
He didn't know what to do so he took out a tissue out of his windbreaker pocket and handed it to her.
"Thank you."
"How long ago?" Sheldon asked her.
"It was in 2001, so 9 years ago. You?"
"10 years… in fact yesterday was exactly 10 years…" Sheldon said and sighed heavily.
"How can one move on from that?" Amy asked in frustration, not really expecting an answer.
"I don't know…" Sheldon said.
They kept standing there, looking at the skies as it slowly darkened and before the knew it, it was the evening.
They stood there quietly when Amy broke the silence.
"See those three bright stars in there?" Amy pointed to a patch in the sky where there three stars close to each other, shining brighter than any other star in the sky.
"What about them?" Sheldon asked.
"I want to believe that these stars are our loved ones, signaling us that they are okay and that we will also be okay." She said softly and looked at Sheldon who looked at her like she was a crazy person.
"Really?"
"I know it's not a real thing, but this is my way of coping… do you have a better suggestion? Walking into people maybe?" Amy asked him annoyingly.
"I said I'm sorry about that… and… I guess not… I also fell into the practice of talking to Liz out loud as if she's here…" Sheldon said and saw Amy looking at him with question.
"What?" he asked.
"Liz?"
"Oh… my girlfriend."
"Oh… okay. I was confused for a moment. yeah, I talk to my brother and boyfriend like they are here as well… I guess it just happens automatically." Amy pondered.
Sheldon stayed quiet. He felt like he already shared too much with Amy, a woman he didn't know, and he didn't want to go into the story of losing his grandfather and father and how he dealt with their loss comparing to losing Liz, but in his heart he knew that the way he dealt with the loss of his grandfather and father was completely different. He only talked to Liz as if she was here. It didn't happen with his dad or grandpa. Only with Liz.
They stood there a while longer before Amy talked again.
"It's getting late. I guess I should get going…"
"Yeah… me too." Sheldon said and they went down back to the street. Back to reality.
"Well… um… do you need a ride?" Amy asked hesitantly.
"No… it's okay… I'll take the bus."
"Okay then… goodbye." Amy waved at him.
"Goodbye." Sheldon said and went to catch a bus back home.
On his way home Sheldon thought how easy it was for him to open up to Amy. it took him years to tell Leonard about Liz, but with Amy it was much simpler. He didn't know why and how it turned out that way, but in some ways he felt relieved. He felt relieved that he started to talk about her to other people and that Amy could understand what he's going through.
After a very long bus ride, Sheldon finally got to his stop. Once he was in the building, he took out his phone to see if someone looked for him. there were a few texts from Leonard, his mom and his sister, telling him that they are here for him and Leonard also said that if he needed a ride he will come and get him.
Sheldon responded to all and then took out the card Amy gave him this morning and looked at it with hesitation.
Eventually he tucked it back in his windbreaker pocket and entered his apartment to see Leonard watching some tv.
"Hey buddy. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Sheldon sighed and went to put his things at his desk.
"Long day?"
"Yes." Sheldon said and went to make himself some tea.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm not sure."
"It's okay. I'm here for you." Leonard said and Sheldon nodded.
Sheldon took his tea and went to his room, his mind filled with thoughts. He took out Liz's picture form his drawer and stared at it and sighed.
"Why was it so easy to talk to her? It was never that easy to talk to anyone. It shouldn't be that easy… it was only supposed to be easy with you…" Sheldon said brokenly and started to cry.
He put his tea on the nightstand and took the picture and hugged it tightly as he kept crying until he fell asleep.
Back in Glendale, in a small apartment, Amy Farrah Fowler looked at a picture of her boyfriend and asked him the same question Sheldon was asking his girlfriend, and she also cried herself to sleep, holding on to the picture of her boyfriend.
A/N:
Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. I really hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to write the next chapters.
Also, I can't wait to read your thoughts about this chapter.
Fun fact: The Shadow of the Wind is one of my favorite books from when I was a teenager. I think it was the first "adults" book I read.