A/N: I'd like to thank monicafoster, Nightlover2, jumbie55, The Musical Fool, WishfulTrance (x2), LizziePixie-Aiko, Vitzy and Wizards-Pupil for reviewing! Y'all have no idea how much it has meant to me. Also, thank you to Nightlover2, PhoenixShadow101, WishfulTrance, Vitzy and Spastic-Kitty for alerting me and/or my story; and to Nightlover2, Vitzy, LizziePixie-Aiko, fanofanime2006 (I forgot you the first time - sorry!), WishfulTrance and wiskerface for favouriting me and/or my story. It's a massive boost of confidence whenever I get one of those notification emails, it really is.
A/N: Also, last week I got into Pottermore! I was super excited. I was sorted into Ravenclaw, which was really weird because I've been a dedicated Hufflepuff for almost a year - needless to say it caused a kind of identity crisis! I still go to answer "Hufflepuff" as my house when I do Facebook Harry Potter quizzes. It feels so wrong to put Ravenclaw and yet that is where I am! Perhaps I'll just put down Pigfarts next time - keep it neutral.
And speaking of Pigfarts...
Disclaimer: If I was J.K. Rowling, I'd probably say so. Actually, no, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't be writing this story, now would I? :) I'm also not a StarKid (just a Starship Ranger) so I don't own AVPM.
A Rather Unusual Holidays
Act 1 Part 2 – Did Someone Say 'Draco Malfoy'?
Previously on "A Rather Unusual Holidays":
The Next Generation have decided that this Muggle-style musical must have been performed at Hogwarts while their parents were at school.
Harry doesn't look like Harry, Ron looks like an idiot and Hermione… well…
"You think I'm frumpy!"
"Well, Lucy, Rosemary," began Hugo, "it looks like you've gotten your wish. This Muggle-style musical mustn't be over at all!"
"I do hope that there's more than just singing all the time," Lucy replied. "I mean, I am enjoying it, but if all they're going to do is sing then it's going to get boring."
"Yes, I agree," said Fred.
"Perhaps we should quieten down," said Victoire, "and give it shot. Who knows – it could be great! And Lucy, Fred – despite the singing it was rather good, wasn't it? Seeing Uncle Harry, Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione up there?"
"They weren't 'up there'," said Lily, somewhat scornfully, "because that isn't actually them."
"Shut up, Lily," said James. "Let us watch it."
Scowling at her eldest brother, Lily wriggled into the couch and the laptop recommenced playing the musical once all were silent.
The music grew steadily louder as Harry, Ron and Hermione walked quickly to their left. A female voice quickly called out for Ron.
GIRL: Ron!
Ron looked behind him and groaned, pushing out his hands to stop a girl with long red hair from getting too close to him.
RON: Oh no, no, no…
GIRL: You're supposed to take me to Madame Malkin's and use those sickles Mum gave you for my robes today!
The room was stunned.
"Is that Mum?" asked Albus.
"Her hair wasn't ever that long in the photos I've seen," said James.
"How many red-headed girls do you know went to school with your father, Potter?" Scorpius drawled. Lily glared at him. It was bad enough that the git was here, why did he insist on speaking? For a blissful few minutes, Lily had forgotten that he'd been here, in her house, at all.
"Oh, shut up, Malfoy," Alice groaned. "I've bloody well had enough of you already."
Scorpius scowled and turned back to the wall.
Ron put his hands up in surrender – clearly this girl wasn't going anywhere.
HARRY: Uh, who's this?
Harry pointed at the girl.
The room leaned forward slightly. It was true that Ginny Potter had been the first female Weasley born for several generations, but that didn't mean that this girl was necessarily her – did it?
RON: Uh, this is stupid little dumb sister, Ginny—
"That is Mum!" James shouted. "She looks nothing like her!"
"That's not very nice, Potter," Alice said coolly. Having somehow ended up being the only person in her family with hair that was definitely more red than brown, Alice had always looked up to Ginny and her fiery tresses – not to mention that her idol's first words to her had been the incantation for the Bat-Bogey Hex, something that the eldest Longbottom daughter had always found quite useful.
"I'm not saying that she isn't pretty," James said, almost spluttering. "I just said that she doesn't look like her!"
"I think it's romantic," said Rosemary dreamily. Everybody in the room looked at her.
"How?" asked Scorpius, an eyebrow raised.
"We get to see how Harry and Ginny met," Rosemary replied.
"But we know how they met," said Lily. "They met properly just before Dad started his second year."
"That gives us the year that this is set in, doesn't it?" said Louis, for he had been trying to figure it out for about ten or so minutes.
"1992?" asked Dominique, snorting. "I don't think so. They look considerably older than 12."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Yes, it does. Nobody's going to take them seriously if they're supposed to be 12."
"We didn't exactly take the first part seriously, did we?"
Dominique opened her mouth in retaliation once more, but, finding no suitable argument, had to settle for, "Shut up."
The girl, quite clearly Ginny, waved at Harry and Hermione with a large grin on her face.
RON: —she's a Freshman—
"What the hell is a 'fresh men'?" Roxanne asked, pronouncing the American term as she heard it.
Everybody shook their heads, not knowing.
RON: —Ginny, this is Harry.
Ginny and Harry shook hands.
RON: Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter.
Ginny suddenly looked as though she wasn't able to stop shaking Harry's hand. Her eyes were wide in surprise.
GINNY: Oh! You're Harry Potter! You're the Boy Who Lived!
Lily chucked at the girl's face. She'd heard childhood stories of her mother's infatuation with her father from her uncles – many, many times – and if this musical was true to anything, it seemed to be to Ginny's reaction.
HARRY: Yeah, you're Ginny.
GINNY: Oh! It's Ginevra.
HARRY: Cool. Ginny's fine.
Most laughed at this Harry's apparent disinterest in Ginny's whole name and Scorpius took this opportunity to open his big mouth.
"Looks like your father never really took to your mother," he said loudly to Lily. "Are you still sure that their marriage wasn't arranged? I have read Hogwarts: A History, Volume II so I know about their many 'adventures' – seems to me as though they only got together because everybody expected them to."
Once more the three Potters leapt at the only Malfoy child. Victoire and Dominique managed once more to succeed in holding the eldest two back, but Louis was only able to grab at Lily's shirt, which quickly slipped from his grasp as she landed on Scorpius. In a second her wand was at his throat.
"Take it back," she said in a voice of deathly quiet. Scorpius, however, seemed to have a death wish.
"No," he said simply, never taking his eyes off her.
Lily pressed the tip of her wand into his neck a little.
"Take – it – back," she said again.
Everybody in the room seemed to be split down the middle as to what Lily should do. Victoire, Dominique, Louis, Teddy, Lucy, Roxanne, the Scamander twins and Rosemary were shouting at her to leave him alone, that he wasn't worth it. Her brothers, Fred, Rose, Hugo, Alice and – surprisingly – Molly were all telling her to give him a piece of her mind. Lily and Scorpius kept their gaze on each other the whole time.
"He's just a git, get off him and ignore the idiot!"
"Hex his balls off, Petal!"
"Yeah, show the git!"
"Don't listen to them, Lily, it'll only get you into trouble!"
"Remember that he's supposed to be a guest!"
"If he's a bloody guest then he shouldn't be saying things like that!"
"Well?" Lily asked Scorpius, still pinning him to where he was sitting. Everybody looked at him. His jaw clenched and, quickly moving so that her wand pointed away from his throat, he grunted and pushed Lily off the couch. His trademark family scowl was plastered all over his face.
"I thought so," Lily said, getting up and resuming her place on the couch from earlier. Scorpius didn't say a word. Everybody else quietened down and – not saying anything, lest they too fall victim to Lily's legendary temper – turned back to the wall.
RON: Stupid sister!
He smacked his hands together in the air near Ginny's ear, making her cry out.
RON: Don't crowd the famous friend!
Harry and Ron put an arm around each other's shoulder. Suddenly, the music changed, taking on a more decidedly Asian note.
HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?
Rose and Molly had been the only ones to register the initial change in tune, but after Hermione had spoken, heads tilted and perked up as everybody else realised that the music was indeed different.
HARRY: Music? What are you talking about?
Harry and Ron removed their arms from each other, as Ron appeared to realise that Hermione was right.
RON: Yeah, someone's coming.
"Oh, typical," said Roxanne, "use the music to announce that somebody else is about to appear."
"That's supposed to happen, I think," said Teddy.
Everybody looked to their right.
RON: Someone's coming.
Suddenly, a look of shock and surprise took over the faces of Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny as they saw who had arrived on the stage. Ron, who looked the most shocked of all, pulled his younger sister back by her arm as she pointed at them in obvious surprise.
Three girls of varying height had come onto the stage in a straight line. The shortest girl, an Asian who looked to be in Ravenclaw, took the front spot, with another girl – one of average height, also in Ravenclaw – behind her, followed up by one who was rather tall. This girl, too, looked as though she was possibly in Ravenclaw.
THREE GIRLS: Cho Chang!
Domo arigato!
Ron and Harry looked slightly… enthused to see the girls' dance movements.
Teddy idly wondered if this was the Cho Chang who he'd hired to work in his department several months ago. He remembered the older woman, who'd claimed in her interview that she'd wanted a change from her former workplace, particularly as her relatives had also worked alongside her and they'd never been completely supportive of her marrying a Muggle.
THREE GIRLS: Cho Chang! You're okay.
From Cho Chang: Happy, happy new year.
Cho Chang!
Ending the short song with a small slap to the rear – which seemed to impress Ron and Harry – they turned away, talking to each other in a small huddle. Ginny gave a slight moan of envy.
GINNY: Who's that?
HARRY: That's Cho Chang.
RON: That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since Freshman year.
The room filled with gasps and open jaws at this new revelation. Harry Potter? In love with someone who wasn't Ginny Weasley? Impossible, it couldn't happen, to be sure!
Scorpius longed to make a remark about illegitimate Potters running around the countryside, but the sense of gentility that his father had instilled in him suddenly kicked in, alongside a desire to be able to have sons and daughters of his own in the future – a desire that he was sure was dependent on Lily not killing him – and he refrained from opening his mouth.
"Dad and I need to have a little chat," said James. "I don't know what a 'fresh men year' is, but I think I'd like to know a little more about his infatuation with this Cho Chang."
"He's never mentioned having any other girlfriend besides Mum before," Albus said.
"You don't know that they ever dated," said Lucy.
"Oh, that's right."
Harry flexed his fingers, twisting his neck as though to crack it in a show of masculinity.
HERMIONE: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.
RON: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl you like her, it makes you look like an idiot.
"That," said James, "has got to be one of the wisest things I've ever heard."
Scorpius privately agreed with him.
"That's a bit rich, coming from you. Anyway, I think it's ridiculous," replied Alice. "If you like a girl, I think you should man up and tell her."
"And face rejection?"
"Meh," there was a dismissive wave of the hand from Alice, "there's that and there's also the possibility that you could be happy for the rest of your life."
"Oh, Alice, you're such a romantic," said Rosemary, half-joking.
"Uh, no," her sister replied.
Harry nodded in agreement with Ron at Hermione. Ginny, who'd been looking at the group of girls with increasing interest, walked over to shortest girl and, tapping her on the shoulder, spoke to her.
GINNY: Um, konnichiwa, Cho Chang.
The other two girls found this incredibly funny. Looking at each other, they giggled as they put their foreheads together, before turning to look at Ginny and their friend.
GINNY: It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.
"Well, my mother is polite at least," said Lily, a smile on her face.
Rose, Alice and Lysander nodded in agreement. Scorpius thought that Lysander nodded perhaps a little too eagerly.
Ginny held out her hand to the Asian, who turned around and chuckled to her friends, before snapping at the youngest member of the Weasley family.
SMALLEST GIRL: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!
Several people snorted in surprise.
"What do you mean, that's not Cho Chang?" Fred asked loudly. "She's Asian – that girl's Asian – who the hell is Cho Chang if she's not Asian?"
"The real Cho Chang is Asian!" replied Teddy. "She works in my department at the Ministry!"
"I think it's quite funny," said Molly. "It must be a comedic gag – make the Asian witch appear to be Cho Chang so as to throw everybody off!"
"I wonder who she really is?" asked Roxanne.
"She'll probably say when we stop talking," replied Lysander.
At this, the chatter in the room began to decline slowly before stopping altogether.
Ron pulled Ginny back roughly by her arm, spinning her around to face him.
RON: That's Lavender Brown!
The whole room burst into laughter.
"That's – not – Lavender – Brown!" Hugo said between fits of laughter.
"I know, she looks nothing like her!" Rose said, clutching her sides as she rolled around on the carpet.
Lavender Brown had been the Divination professor for the last five years, taking over from Professor Trelawney after the latter had died suddenly. While she made no grand spectacle of having Second Sight, she tended to be a little overenthusiastic whenever somebody claimed to see something – nearly always made up – and was often seen consulting the ghost of the former Divination professor about lesson plans at meal times. Divination had never been a popular subject amongst the Weasleys or the Potters, with only Dominique completing it as one of her N.E.W.T.s.
Ron smacked the air near Ginny's ear, making her cry out again.
RON: Racist sister!
"Muggles do care an awful lot about race, don't they?" asked Lucy. "It's hardly necessary to bring it up in any environment other than Muggle Studies."
"I don't understand it – colour doesn't change someone's abilities to do anything," said Rose. "It seems like such an insignificant little thing – and yet they continued to ask the importance of race in Muggle society on every Muggle Studies exam we took."
The tallest girl walked over to Ginny, patting her back and trying to comfort her.
GIRL: Hey, it's alright!
"What's alright?" asked James.
Lily smacked his head with a cushion.
GIRL: I'm Cho Chang, y'all.
Cho Chang flicked her hair behind her shoulder, a smile on her face.
The mens' mouths were hanging open – even Scorpius', in a rare, unguarded moment – as Cho Chang revealed her identity. Teddy's arm was smacked by Victoire.
"I wasn't looking at her!" Teddy said. "I swear!"
Victoire wasn't convinced.
"Like I believe that," she said.
"I wasn't! I was merely noting how different she looks compared to the Ms Chang who works in my office."
"Noting her entire body?"
"I—I!" Teddy was spluttering, badly. "I—I wouldn't l-look at her like that! Come on, Victoire!"
"Calm her down, Teddy, it's your own fault," said James. "You shouldn't be looking at a lady in such a way!"
Alice's foot came into contact with James' head.
"That's really rich, coming from you," she said. "You were gawking at her more than every other guy here!"
"Aha," started James, pointing his finger in the air, "but I am not married."
"Yes, and you'll never get a serious girlfriend, either," replied Alice scathingly.
"I already have one."
Everybody raised their eyebrows.
"Rightio. Has she said yes yet?"
"No."
"Exactly – she probably knows that you'd make her miserable."
"Excuse me! If she actually gave me a shot, she wouldn't be miserable at all."
"Because you know so much about making a girl happy."
"Go out with me, Longbottom," James said. "Go out with me, and see."
The whole room sat in almost-silence, the only sound coming from Lucy as she – quite quickly – began to hum softly so that the play wouldn't start again. Nobody was really that shocked about the fact that James had asked Alice out – he, much in the same style as his paternal grandfather, had been doing so since Alice had started at Hogwarts – even getting up on the Gryffindor table at breakfast one morning to do so, giving poor Neville a heart attack and earning him a week in detention.
"Go to hell, Potter."
It was the end of the conversation.
HARRY: She is totally perfect.
Albus and Lily raised their eyebrows.
RON: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?
Leave it to Uncle Ron to point out the painfully obvious, thought Fred.
HARRY: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that? Who is that?
"'What is that?'" repeated Roxanne. "Really smooth."
She had spoken up in the hope that it might break the awkward tension that had settled in the room.
A good-looking boy – evidently Cedric Diggory – walked up to the front of the stage from behind Harry, pushing in between Ron and Harry, thus knocking them, as well as Ginny and Hermione, to the floor.
CEDRIC: Cho Chang!
I am so in love with Cho Chang!
He twirled Cho Chang into his arms.
CEDRIC: From Bangkok to Ding Dang!
I sing my love aloud
For Cho Chang!
Cedric and Cho ran off the stage together, leaving Harry with a mixed look of sadness and disgust on his face.
"Wow, he's so cute," Rosemary said dreamily. "Much better than his portrait in the Memorial Gallery."
"A good singer, too," added Roxanne, her face adopting a similar expression.
Fred's mouth dropped as Lily, Molly and Rose nodded in agreement.
"That's completely hypocritical!" he shouted while pointing at them. "How come we get berated for looking at a pretty girl, but then this guy – a Hufflepuff! Look at his tie! – pushes everyone out of the way to just announce his presence and it's okay for you lot to ogle him?"
"We're female," said Lily, light-heartedly. "We're simply allowed to!"
"You were all practically drooling! He's not even that good-looking!"
"Don't speak ill of the dead, Fred."
"I'm not speaking ill of him – just you lot," Fred replied, a grin on his face. Lily smacked his arm good-naturedly.
HARRY: I hate that guy! I hate him.
"Woo!" cheered James. "Go Dad!"
"I agree," Scorpius said. "If that girl decided to date a Hufflepuff—"
"Hey! I'm a Hufflepuff!"
"My apologies, Longbottom," Scorpius said, "but like I was saying – if she decided to date a Hufflepuff, she can't be very smart – but at any rate – he'll realise that soon enough. Clearly Mrs Potter is a much better match for him."
James, Albus and Lily looked at Scorpius, the first two calculatingly and the third suspiciously. The eldest Potter edged over to Scorpius.
"Malfoy, a word when this is over?" asked James quietly.
Scorpius nodded.
RON: So are we gonna get these robes or not?
GINNY: Okay, alright, I'm going!
RON: God, sister!
"Was your dad always like this with mum, do you know?" James asked Rose.
"I don't know," replied Rose. "I don't think so. He probably complained about her – we all do about our brothers and sisters, to some extent – but I've no idea if it was anything like up there." She gestured to the musical.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny left the stage through a door, passing another boy walking in the opposite direction. Clearly a Gryffindor, he walked across the stage with hands in his pockets and his head down, until he bumped into two other boys, one of them incredibly tall and the other wearing a cap. He gasped.
TALL BOY: Present your arm, nerd.
"What's a 'nerd'?" asked Lysander.
"It's a derogatory term that Muggles use for a person who is believed to be inferior to the person using it," said Rose. She sounded so much like Hermione that it almost scared her cousins. "Ironically, it is usually a person's intellectual superiority, or markers of it such as glasses or reading, that causes them to be branded such a term."
"And how," said Hugo, "do you know that?"
"Because I always listened in Professor Harris' Muggle Studies classes."
The Gryffindor boy held out his arm nervously, pulling up his sleeve.
GRYFFINDOR BOY: W-w-w-what will you—
TALL BOY: Indian Burn Hex!
The Gryffindor cried out in pain.
Louis snorted.
"Way to make up a spell," he said. "What, do they really think that they'll get extra marks for making something up?"
"What the hell's an 'Indian burn' anyway?" asked Fred.
Nobody had any idea.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny walked towards the two boys and the Gryffindor.
RON: Ohh, Crabbe and Goyle.
Ginny bent down to check on the boy on the floor.
GINNY: Hey, are you okay?
HARRY: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?
Alice and Rosemary spluttered.
"That's our Dad?" the eldest asked, not quite believing what she'd heard.
"N-No, it can't be!" cried Rosemary. "That's the most un-Dad-like person I've ever seen!"
It was true that this boy looked nothing like how Neville had in his youth.
"It's not so bad," said Rose, patting Alice on the knee. "Look at what I've got for a father!"
"Yeah, but at least that guy has red hair," Alice said. "I don't mean to be rude, but what kind of idiot did they hire to portray my father?"
"Calm down," said Teddy. "It's not as bad as all that. I'm sure there are others who match their characters less than the young man on the screen matches his."
"I doubt it," the eldest Longbottom replied bitterly.
James moved over to her on the rug, stopping in front of her legs. Putting a hand on her knee, he smiled and said, "I don't think that this guy's all that bad. None of these wizards and witches looks like our parents. I wouldn't worry about it."
Alice smiled, having apparently forgotten about their earlier argument, and squeezed the hand that was still on her knee.
"Thanks, James," she said softly.
James insides swelled like a balloon. That was the first time she'd called him James directly! And she'd squeezed his hand! She'd actually touched him! He took his hand off her knee and turned away to face the wall, bringing his knees up so that he could wrap his arms around them. He tried hard to suppress the grin that was trying to stretch across his face, but was caught by Lily, who gave him a small, encouraging smile and a wink.
TALL BOY: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around.
HARRY: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys your size to pick on guys like Neville! Come on!
TALL BOY: Oh, well, you know what I think?
"Do we particularly care?" asked Roxanne loudly.
TALL BOY: I think glasses are for nerds!
The tall boy reached over, took the glasses of Harry's face and made a show of breaking them, roaring in the process.
Several people in the room cried out.
"What did he do that for?" shouted James.
"What a git!" cried Dominique.
"Who is he?" yelled Fred. "Let's find out so that we can hex him!"
Teddy tried to remain calm, even though the offensive action had been against his favourite person. "There's no need for that," he said slowly. "Harry can take care of himself, you know."
"Then how come it's usually Mum he goes to when he's broken his glasses?" asked Hugo.
"Their departments are right next to each other! And nobody can mend thing quite like your mother."
"Well we know one thing, at least," Scorpius spoke up. Everybody turned to look at him. "They're Slytherins, obviously."
Lily glared at him.
"Oh, yeah," she began, sarcastically, "that really helps us narrow the potential list of suspects down, Malfoy. Congratulations."
Scorpius fell silent. He'd been slightly offended by Lily's remark – cutting, once again – although he couldn't exactly say why – perhaps it was because he'd been trying to patch things up. He'd always been rather awkward when it came to such things – he had seldom been in any position to be the one to make amends – and thus inexperience made it difficult for him to do. Rosemary Longbottom was the only one who seemed to realise that he may have been hurt by Lily's offhand retort.
"I think it's very helpful," she said to the Slytherin, who looked stunned at her kindness. "Thank you. Besides, guys," she added loudly, catching the attention of the room. "We already know who they are, sort of."
"How?" asked Roxanne.
"They were earlier announced as Crabbe and Goyle."
"That's right!" Victoire exclaimed.
"But wait," said Albus, "which one's Crabbe and which one's Goyle?"
The noise in the room grew louder.
"Didn't Crabbe die in the Second Wizarding War?"
"Yeah! – But that still doesn't tell us which one's which!"
"Which witch is which?"
"Nobody needs your pointless questions, Lysander."
"QUIET!" Dominique yelled to cut through the sound. All conversation instantly ceased.
TALL BOY: We hate nerds!
BOY WITH A CAP: And girls!
"Oh, that is so sexist!" said Rose. "Typical Slytherin behaviour!"
"Hey, you guys," started Alice, "are we sure that this one – this one wearing a cap – is a boy? Call me a Crumple-Horned Snorcack, but I'm not 100% sure that that's the body of a boy…"
"No, I saw it too," said Louis.
"Saw what?" asked Teddy.
"Well," Molly began, "the boy wearing the cap seems to have a chest, doesn't he?"
Those who hadn't noticed it peered forward at the wall, trying to ascertain whether they thought they saw a chest too.
Harry looked at the broken glasses in his hands.
HARRY: Oh! My glasses!
RON: Oh, well you asked for it! You don't mess with Harry Potter. He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.
Despite Ron's strong words, his trembled slightly and he stood directly behind Hermione, seemingly unwilling to offer any help other than that. Hermione put her hands up, ready to solve the situation.
HERMIONE: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus reparo!
Harry's glasses were mended and they flew back onto his face.
HARRY: Woah, cool!
"You see?" said Teddy to Hugo, winking, "Your mum is the best person I can think of when it comes to repairing anything broken.
Hermione nodded at Harry, patting his back slightly before hooking her arm through his.
HERMIONE: Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!
Ron and Ginny nodded as Hermione pulled Harry away from Crabbe and Goyle by his elbow.
VOICE: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?
Someone – a very short someone – with blonde hair and Slytherin robes walked onto the stage and stopped in the centre, their arms held up with their palms facing upwards. It was clear that this person was supposed to be Draco Malfoy, but was that—?
"Is that a girl?" James spluttered in shock, as the room roared with laughter.
Scorpius was shocked. His mouth hung open, a look of horror on his pale white face.
"That's your Dad, Malfoy!" Lily howled, tears of laughter running down her face. "That's your Dad!"
"Shut up!" Scorpius snarled. "That's not my Dad!"
"I think you'll find that it is!" laughed Fred. "And I think you'll find that that person up there—" he pointed to the screen "—is a girl!"
"Is there something your father might want to tell you, Malfoy?" asked James, sniggering.
Rose and Louis were rolling on the floor, clutching their sides. Dominique and Victoire were trying in vain to conceal their giggles. Only Teddy wasn't openly laughing, but Scorpius could still see the humour in his eyes.
The Malfoy child scowled. How dare they make fun of his father! They didn't know that this – this girl (he had to admit that, whoever this person was trying to be, they were a girl biologically) – was his father! They didn't know anything at all!
Who am I kidding? Scorpius thought. Momentarily defeated, he slumped in the sofa, waiting for the room to quit their laughter.
Needless to say, he had to wait a while.
HARRY: What do you want, Draco?
Oh, great, Scorpius thought, groaning internally. This definitely was supposed to be his father.
Malfoy turned to the two boys standing to his right.
MALFOY: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of pals and pay for my robes, will you?
Crabbe and Goyle nodded and left. Malfoy rounded on Harry and his friends.
MALFOY: So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre of wizard.
Malfoy circled the group and then spun around with a flourish to face them. It was obvious that, by 'higher calibre of wizard', he meant himself.
"He's offering to be Uncle Harry's friend?" asked Lucy, looking sideways at Scorpius. Lily snapped her head to him, her eyes watching but choosing not to say anything. This didn't go unnoticed by the Ravenclaws in the room.
Harry put his arms around Ron and Hermione.
HARRY: Hey listen, Malfoy. Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Ginny, excited, tried to put her arm around Ron, who promptly pushed her off.
Everybody chuckled at the scene in front of them.
MALFOY: Have it your way.
He looked at Ginny, and pointed at her figure.
MALFOY: Wait! Don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion—
The Golden Trio were offended – Ron more than the rest – and the Weasley boy took his arm from around Harry's shoulder.
MALFOY: —you must be a Weasley!
The Weasleys in the room might have glared at Scorpius just then, had they not known that his family no longer upheld such prejudices.
RON: Oh my God, lay off, Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay? But she's my pain in the ass.
"Not really something that Dad would say," Rose said, "and yet, it was quite sweet."
"Yeah, Aunt Ginny might've hexed him later if he'd said that," Hugo chuckled.
Ginny looked incredibly happy that her brother was standing up for her.
MALFOY: Well, isn't this cute. It's like a little loser family.
He (or she?) turned to the front.
MALFOY: Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!
"What the hell is Pigfarts?" asked Fred.
"I've never heard of it," said Victoire.
"No, neither have I," said Rose. "Wait a sec." She stood up and ran up the stairs out of the room.
"Is that a Muggle reference?" asked Rosemary.
"I have no idea!" said Lily. "The name 'Pigfarts' is completely new to me!"
"It sounds like it's supposed to be another school," said Teddy, "but where might it be located?"
At that moment, Rose came hurtling back down the stairs.
"I just asked Mum," she said, panting lightly, "and she's never heard of Pigfarts – neither has Uncle Percy – so I have no idea what to make of it."
"Blimey," said Hugo, "if Mum hasn't heard of it—"
"If Dad hasn't heard of it!" Lucy cut in.
"—then how do we know that it actually exists?"
"I don't know if it does," said Scorpius. "As funny as you all may find this, my father has never once mentioned it."
"Ask him!" said Lorcan.
"Lorcan, that's rude!" Lysander scolded him.
"Like I care," came the reply.
"No, that's perfectly fine," Scorpius said. His lips were thinly pressed together. "He'll be here to pick me up tonight – I'll ask him then."
"Awesome!" said Lorcan, Louis and Fred together.
The room chuckled at the unison.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny moved to the edge of the room.
MALFOY: This year you bet, gonna get outta here
"Oh, hey, he's actually got a pretty good voice!" said Lily, surprised.
"Surprised, Potter?" asked Scorpius. Traces of a smile could be detected on his face.
"Immensely," Lily replied – but rather than being unkind or sarcastic as she normally was with Scorpius, she sounded truly genuine. This was a first for everybody present.
MALFOY: The reign of Malfoy is drawing near
I'll have the greatest wizard career
It's gonna be totally awesome
Crabbe and Goyle walked up behind Malfoy, moving their heads unattractively to the beat.
MALFOY: Look out world for the dawn of the day
When everyone'll do whatever I say!
Several people raised their eyebrows.
MALFOY: And Potter won't be in my way
The Potter children snorted.
MALFOY: And then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!
He spun around as the tall boy chimed in—
TALL BOY: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!
The room laughed.
"Do you think that's his actual voice?" asked Molly, grinning.
"Nah, it couldn't be," said James, "but his voice must be so hoarse by the end of it."
The sound of people cheering filled the air – was that supposed to be a train whistle? – as the most of the cast joined the stage.
HERMIONE: Guys, come on, we're going to miss the train!
Those on stage formed two rough lines and mimicked the movement of train wheels as they sang the next few lines of the song. Malfoy looked wholly unimpressed.
ALL: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go?
Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow
HARRY: Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!
"I don't like this Cho character," said Lily, shaking her head.
"Don't do that," said Teddy, "in reality she's really quite nice – nothing like how we've seen her so far."
"If you say so."
"I do."
RON: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!
ALL: Here back to learn everything that we can
It's great to come back to where we began
And here we are!
Everybody lurched forward in a movement of showing the train stopping at Hogwarts.
ALL: And alakazam!
"Alakazam?" asked Albus. "That's one of those Muggle words, isn't it? That's what they think wizards and witches say when they do magic?"
"Correct," said Victoire. "I wonder why that is?"
"I remember in fifth-year Muggle Studies that Professor Harris said that it was used as a word of emphasis after a preceding magical phrase, usually 'abracadabra'. The phrase 'abracadabra' was supposed by Muggles to have magical healing powers, but Professor Binns said in third-year History of Magic that this was a word made up by the wizard Quintus Sammonicus Serenus, a wizard pretending to be a physician in the Muggle Roman Empire in the second century A.D."
"You know, Rose," said Hugo, "when you start rolling out hundreds of facts like that, it just makes you look really scary. Brilliant, but scary."
Rose blushed.
"Ah, but I've heard that Liam Finnegan appreciates qualities like incredible intelligence and passion in a girl," said Rosemary slyly, a slightly mischievous twinkle in her eye.
The Hufflepuff's words had their desired effect. The musical momentarily forgotten, half the room jumped to their feet.
"LIAM FINNEGAN?" Hugo shouted.
"You're joking!" exclaimed Alice.
"Please tell me you're not dating that guy!" said James incredulously.
"Dad's going to kill you!"
"He's 22, Rose – he's my age!" said Dominique. "Lovely, you're only 17…"
"No, I changed my mind – Dad's going to kill Finnegan!"
"B-but, but I'm not…" stammered Rose, trying to make herself heard over the racket. She glared at Rosemary, who was giggling to herself in a corner – for a usually compliant, happy-go-lucky sort of girl she sure could cause a lot of mischief if she was in the mood!
"I'm going to find him," said Louis in a low, uncharacteristically threatening voice. "I'm going to find him and break any fingers of his that have touched you."
"I can't even begin to think what Grandfather Weasley's going to say about this!" Hugo seemed to have no intention of shutting up.
"He hasn't tried anything funny, has he?" asked Fred.
"Oh you poor, poor thing," said Albus, patting Rose's shoulder.
"Guys…" A tone of slight hysteria was now apparent in Rose's voice.
Teddy and Victoire, who had been sitting back in quiet amusement – they knew that there was no truth to Rosemary's claims, although how they knew was a mystery – decided now to interfere and set their poor cousin's heart at ease.
"Okay, alright, settle down!" they said together, shooting sparks into the air.
"Rosemary, you shouldn't cause poor Rose so much grief!" said Teddy.
"Aw, but it was so much fun, Teddy!" replied the youngest Longbottom girl. "And besides, your mother was in Hufflepuff and she was quite a trouble-maker too – her portrait and I always have quite lengthy chats every Thursday in the Memorial Gallery."
"Don't talk to my mother!"
"Oh, but I like to keep her updated on the workings of our family!"
"WAIT A SECOND," Hugo announced loudly. "Rosemary – were you joking the whole time?"
Rosemary grinned.
"But of course!"
Three people – Hugo, Alice and Louis – launched themselves at her, tickling her in retribution.
"That's what you get for causing so much trouble, little sister!" Alice said evilly, tickling the space behind Rosemary's knees. The younger girl cried with laughter for several minutes until she couldn't breathe – it was only then that they got off her and turned their attention – Finally, thought Scorpius – to the musical.
ALL: Here we go, this is totally awesome!
They rearranged themselves, a few of the cast bringing in long benches to the inner sides of the stage.
ALL: Come on and teach us everything you know
The summer's over and we're itching to go
NEVILLE: I think we're ready for Albus Dumbledore!
"That's me!" said Albus happily, pointing to his chest.
"No, it isn't, you idiot," said James, shoving him good-naturedly.
"It's my namesake, it might as well be. He's the wisest man in the world."
The cast lifted their arms in a circular motion, revealing the middle of the two lines as they raised the volume of a musical note. A man in wine-coloured robes, a pointed hat and a small bunch of flowers walked out into the middle of the stage. He had a very, very faking looking beard.
Albus' mouth dropped.
DUMBLEDORE: Welcooooooooooome…
The note of the 'o' continued for a while as he threw the flowers into the front rows of the audience.
"Oh – my – Merlin," said Lily.
Albus was stunned.
"That, my friend," said James, patting Albus' back, "is your namesake."
DUMBLEDORE: …all of you to Hogwarts
I welcome all of you to school!
Did you know that here at Hogwarts
We've got a hidden swimming pool?
"Do they really?" asked the Scamander twins, excited. They'd heard about Muggle swimming pools – supposedly it was a favourite spot of Nargles.
"No," said James, shaking his head. "I'd have found it easily if that were true."
"Oh, really?" asked Teddy, looking at him curiously. "How?"
"No reason," James said quickly. Teddy wasn't convinced. He raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing more.
DUMBLEDORE: Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts
Welcome hotties, nerds and tools
The room chuckled.
DUMBLEDORE: Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts
I'd like to go over just a couple of rules
The others on the stage – all evidently students – were now noticeably split into groups. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny were on the right-hand side of the stage whereas everybody else was on the left.
DUMBLEDORE: My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me 'Dumbledore'. I suppose you can also call me Albus if you want a detention.
Albus smiled to himself. Perhaps he was wrong and this guy wasn't a complete weirdo.
DUMBLEDORE: I'm just kidding – I'll expel you if you call me Albus!
The eyebrows of several people shot into their hairlines.
Dumbledore moved to back of the room.
ALL: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts
To goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts
It's all that I love and it's all that I need
At Hogwarts, Hogwarts
Back to spells and enchantments
To Potions and friends
To Gryffindor!
Hufflepuff!
Ravenclaw!
Slytherin!
Back to the place where our story begins!
At Hogwarts, Hogwarts
Dumbledore moved back into the middle of the students.
DUMBLEDORE: I'm sorry, what'd you say?
ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts
DUMBLEDORE: I didn't hear you kids!
ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts
HARRY: Man, I'm glad I'm back.
The screen faded for a second time as the cheers from the audience grew in volume and pitch.
"Well," said Teddy, speaking after a moment of silence, "that was quite entertaining, wasn't it?"
Most of the people in the room nodded before they all broke off into small groups, discussing what they'd just seen. Scorpius sat still in his place on the couch, hoping that nobody would bring up the embarrassment that was the portrayal of his father. What was all this rubbish about Pigfarts? If it didn't really exist then why bring it up? Where was the humorous link between Draco Malfoy and Pigfarts? Scorpius knew one thing for sure: his father would hear about this.
It was at this moment that James chose to casually stride up to Scorpius, sitting in the empty space next to him (Alice had joined Lucy and Rosemary on the rug).
"So," James said. "Entertaining few minutes."
Scorpius made a noncommittal sound. Why was Potter here again?
"What was with what happened before, Malfoy?"
Ah, that's why.
"I don't know what you mean," Scorpius drawled, scratching his ear.
"You know exactly what I mean," James said. "You stood up for my parents. It was at the expense of others, sure, but you still stood up for them. Why? You've never done it before."
"Dunno."
"Cut the crap, Malfoy."
Scorpius rolled his eyes. "I'm not here because I want to be," he said, almost snapping. "I don't intend to spend the rest of my evening being yelled at by your sister – if I can help it, seeing as she obviously can't – and if saying a few…kind words about your family lets me have a peaceful evening, then that's what I'll do."
If James was surprised by this admittance, he didn't show it.
"So it's got nothing to do with you fancying my sister?"
Scorpius' head snapped to the eldest Potter, his face a look of pure disgust.
"I do not fancy your sister, Potter."
"There's nothing wrong with it."James' tone had become somewhat playful.
"Listen, Potter," the Slytherin's tone was bordering on a snarling whisper, "I most certainly do not fancy her. I don't care for red-heads."
James seemed to study him for a long time, unnerving Scorpius somewhat. After a few minutes, the former seemed satisfied with whatever conclusion he'd come to and, nodding once, got up and left Scorpius to himself.
Scorpius was, unluckily, not alone for very long because moments later the object of his previous conversation marched up to him, her hands on her waist.
"Malfoy," Lily Potter said. "A word?"
He groaned. "Not you too."
"What?"
"Nothing. What is it now?"
Lily sighed. "I guess…" she started. "I guess that I was kind of rude to you before, when you were only trying to be helpful."
"You guess?"
"Okay, okay, I know!" Lily said impatiently. "My point is that while I don't like you – and to be perfectly honest, I don't think I ever will – I shouldn't be rude to you all the time."
Scorpius looked at her for a moment.
"Apology accepted, Potter," he drawled, stretching his arms before placing his hands behind his head, resting on them.
"That wasn't an apology!" flustered Lily angrily. "It was just admittance to wrong-doings!"
"That's an apology."
"It was not!" Lily huffed. "I, Malfoy, will never apologise to you for anything! You deserve everything that you get."
She stormed away, fists tightly curled. She would never admit it, but Scorpius had been right – it had been apology – and she'd only done it because Teddy and James had suggested it. That Teddy thought she should apologise was something that Lily could understand – he got along with everybody – but James? It had almost felt like a kick to the gut. James probably wouldn't have noticed Malfoy had it not been for Albus' instant dislike of him in their first year. Their aversion to each other had flared to hatred and back again over the years, eventually settling into a tolerance of each other by their sixth year. Unfortunately, that hadn't stopped Scorpius from picking on Lily when he felt like it – even though she'd hexed him once on Hogwarts grounds.
Joining in a conversation with Teddy, Hugo and Albus, Lily inwardly sighed at her eldest brother's odd request. She didn't often understand James' motives for doing anything – sometimes she felt she didn't understand him at all. Why should he want her to apologise to Malfoy when the git had offended him as well?
"Hey," Lorcan called out. "Can we please get to the next part of the musical? I was really enjoying it."
There were cries and gasps of surprise as everybody remembered the reason that they were in the basement to begin with. All scrambling back to their places – except for Scorpius, who hadn't moved – they sat in eager silence as they waited for the next part of the musical to load.
And that's it for this week! I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but I plan to update every Thursday (or Wednesday, depending on your time zone).
So, what did you all think? James and Alice, eh? *wink wink* Ahaha my brother hates Alice. I have no idea why.
Let me know what you think! Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Do you have any suggestions? Is there anything you'd like to see? Let me know by clicking the "Review" button below - it's one of my best friends here ;).
Aaaaand signing out now! I have a new chapter to write. :D