Notes: This is going into Blaine's point of view for a while. Blaine's statement in the "Silly Love Songs" that he barely knows what he's doing but tries to look like he does intrigued me, and now I keep feeling that he's the other side of the coin for Kurt's character.
Blaine is pretty obviously Prince Lir's counterpart for his whole knight-in-shining-armor attitude, but there's also the fact that before Amalthea came he was a sweet, lazy chicken who just wanted his dad to love him. Plus, Lir sings a boatload of songs to Amalthea. Daddy issues and serenading by a coward who becomes great through the power of love? Blaine is practically Lir's reincarnation!
It also helps that Darren Criss is hopelessly adorable in real life. I watched his livestream and fell even more in love with him than I already was.
"Now I knew you for a unicorn when I first saw you, and I know that I am your friend. Yet you take me for a clown, or a clod, or a betrayer, and so must I be if you see me so. The magic on you is only magic and will vanish as soon as you are free, but the enchantment of error that you put on me I must wear forever in your eyes."
Before Kurt came to Dalton, there were only three things that distinguished Blaine from everyone else.
"Blaine the Warbler" is pretty obvious.
"Gay Blaine" is in response to the question "Wait-are we talking about gay Blaine, Muslim Blaine, or soccer Blaine?" All three of them were pretty active in school functions, but outsiders' confusion paled in comparison to when they had to talk to each other. Without using "gay/Muslim/soccer" or last names, because according to the dean, the first was "dreadfully unprofessional" and the second sounded antagonistic.
"Harry Freakin' Potter" is from his complete collection of Harry Potter books, the posters lining his side of the room, almost-complete collection of the movies (he is waiting for the moment Deathly Hallows 2 comes out), and his tendency to dress up like the eponymous wizard for costume parties. Wes started the whole thing after one person too many asked who Blaine was going to be. "Harry freaking Potter! Who else?"
Wes' mother had trained him not to swear outside of home, and sometimes Wes winces after cursing as if she'd magically appear for the sole purpose of smacking him upside the head. When Wes' older sister has a video chat with him on Fridays, it's eerie to see them both look over their shoulders at the same time when one of them says anything stronger than 'damn.'
"Mom's Filipino," Wes explains one day, and Blaine empathizes because everything makes sense now. His own mother is Filipino, and though she's not as opposed to cursing as Wes' mom, she's adamant that being gay does not excuse him from being a "good" boy. Meaning of course, being polite, gracious, and selfless to the point of chivalry. "Your mom's traditional, isn't she?" Wes asks sympathetically.
Blaine's mom keeps asking when he's going to stop with the Warblers and start studying medicine or law. Not that he isn't a great singer, of course, but he can't expect music to pay the bills. Or in her words: "I was sixteen, I know how young people think, but you have to get ready for a real job soon. You're smart! Why do you waste so much time on singing?"
And Blaine tries to explain that just because he can study medicine or law doesn't mean he wants to, and it circles back into the youth-versus-age argument (and a hint of culture clash) with Mom's "Ay, Dios - always thinking of what you want! But you'll remember what I said when you're broke and starving, and then you'll wish you listened to me!" Then she storms off to her and Dad's room, sounding more like a six-foot-seven soldier than a five-foot-one dentist, and Blaine twists his hands futilely in her wake.
"You know how paranoid she is," his dad reassures him, coming out of the kitchen now that the danger has passed. Blaine knows that his dad will never be happy about him being gay, and they will never be as close as they used to, but it has gotten better over the two years Blaine's been out. "She just doesn't want anything to happen to you."
They have both heard his mother's rants countless times before: Living just outside Manila with three younger brothers and both parents working on unpredictable pay, she grew up hard and fast and escaped to America. One career, a husband, and three kids later, her youngest boy - the one with nearly everything - seems determined to throw all it away on a wild-goose chase and choose the life she fought so hard to get out of.
And maybe this is the different culture, different experiences, different life that's talking - but it hurts so much more when his mother is fed up with his singing because she always, always acts like it's his fault.
"I knew it would come to this," he muttered. "I dreamed it differently, but I knew." He brought out a ring from which dangled several rusty keys. "You deserve the services of a great wizard," he said to the unicorn, "but I'm afraid you'll have to be glad of the aid of a second-rate pickpocket."
So the whole "confront Karofsky and stand up for yourself" thing... It didn't go as well as Blaine hoped. Over the month that he gets to know Kurt better, the countertenor becomes brittle and withdrawn. He puts up a very good front, admittedly, but nobody is better at appearances than Blaine.
He gets a call from Kurt one Thursday at lunch, where things fall apart after Blaine asks "You want me to come over this weekend?"
"Yes!" Kurt's voice cracks into pieces and if anyone has ever literally burst into tears, it is Kurt. He sounds like he's been keeping them in for so long that he just can't stop now.
Blaine has no idea how to deal with someone crying, at least not on the phone where he can't do anything to help. And he almost doesn't notice that the other Warblers have been slowly getting quieter as the conversation worsens from "I am a music-loving dork" to "Homophobic bullying sucks" to Blaine forgetting that he's in the Warblers' practice room and shrieking, "Holy fuck, Kurt - are you okay?"
And it's a stupid question, he knows, but Blaine can't trust himself to say anything else.
Blaine is pretty sure that everyone in a fifty-mile radius can hear when Kurt lists every single reason why he isn't okay. Starting from closeted-homosexual-and-almost-stalker Karofsky who has threatened several times to kill him if he tells someone what happened.
He is pretty sure randomly kissing someone out of the blue counts as sexual harassment, and even if it doesn't there's some sort of legal term for threatening to kill someone you've constantly been bullying.
And his suspicions of why none of Kurt's friends notice what's right in front of them are confirmed when Kurt spills that he's not afraid of them, or what they'll think; he's afraid for them, and what heartwarming actions they'll take in his defense that will send Karofsky after them, which might be enough for Kurt to... take a nap? In his car, with the engine on-
Oh god.
Oh god, what does he do? What does he do, what the hell does anyone say to that? Blaine sends a pleading look towards David, who is on his way to becoming a psychologist, and he fights the urge to punch the older student as he shakes his head helplessly.
He should have known that David would feel too involved, because Kurt's contact on his phone has the name "Horrible Spy" instead of Kurt Hummel, which is a sign that David considers him a friend. For example, "Wins Every Bet by Losing His Soul" is Wes Kahale, "I Fucked Up Again, Please Help" is Blaine Anderson, and "I am Offended at a Completely Harmless Thing You Said" is Thad Green.
Kurt is crying in that stifled way that means he's either calming down or he's regaining enough composure to make people think he's calming down, so Blaine clears his throat. "I'm coming today. Where do you want to meet up?"
"Come to McKinley - I'll tell you how to get to my place." At Kurt's response there is a spark of happiness flashing through Blaine's head that should not be, at least not in the ecstatic "I am going to Kurt's house!" way that sounds like a thirteen-year-old going to her first date. He pretends it's a shorter version of "Kurt isn't quite suicidal yet, and he's letting me come to his house to prove that this wasn't a freaky-accurate tape recording before he gassed himself in his garage like a Holocaust victim!"
"I'll be there when your classes end. Hold up, all right?"
"Bye." Kurt's voice is still raw and shaky, but at least the life is starting to get back into it.
"Bye." He hangs up to see the others staring at him uneasily, and he gives them a valiant attempt at a smile. "Uh, guys... I don't think I'll be at rehearsal today."
"Blaine, Lima is two hours away." Wes points out.
"Yeah?"
Wes sighs. "You'd have to leave now if you want to get there at three. Otherwise you'll be caught in traffic and the commute is going to double in time at the least."
"I only have English and Algebra, so maybe..." Crap, they have a paper due in English, right? Lucky him, because Wes is in Stahl's class, too. "Wes, give my essay to Mr. Stahl, please?" He digs it out of his back and hands it over, pausing at how utterly stunned Wes looks. (For anyone else, raised eyebrows would only denote mild surprise, but on Wes it's a huge deal.) "What? This isn't the first time you've had to turn things in for me."
"I didn't think you'd actually go," Wes admits.
That should have been clear already, but Blaine lets it go. "Well, this is... it's kind of important."
"How important?"
He balks at the question as he rubs at the back of his neck, because a not-quite-suicidal friend is a really touchy subject and Kurt wouldn't appreciate others knowing that much. "I'm not entirely sure that this isn't life-or-death," is the only thing he feels comfortable admitting.
"God, just fucking go!" David practically shoves him out of the room. "We're Warblers, Blaine, we'll cover for you."
"I'm not entirely sure that this isn't life or death," Thad repeats after Blaine sprints out to the parking lot. "Who called I'm uncertain if this is a life-or-death matter for the 'what Blaine would finally say because of Kurt' bet?"
Wes raises his hand, though he does not look happy and he pushes the various five-dollar-bills away as they are held out. "I forfeit, though."
"Dude, you just kept a piece of your soul by forfeiting that," Nick congratulates him. "How's it feel?"
"Terrible." Wes sighs.
David takes out a notebook and crosses the phrase out from where it's written. "All right, since the bet is still valid," he announces, "the current stakes are on I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you - not to be discouraging, Martin, but even Blaine's not that sappy. Next is I want to fuck you into the mattress - Trent, you might as well give us your money now because this is Blaine. Last one is I've been waiting for you all my life. Jeff, you're probably going to win this one."
"Sweet!"
Thad shoots up from his seat in outrage. "We all agreed that the likelihood of certain bets will not be remarked upon -"
"Well, compared to Dirty Dancing quotes and Blaine being uncharacteristically direct, I've been waiting for you all my life is practically guaranteed."
"By that logic, Council Member Wes -"
"Wes doesn't count because he sells bits of his soul to the devil every time he makes a bet."
The other Warblers nodded in agreement.
"I was looking for my people," the unicorn said. "Have you seen them, magician? They are wild and sea-white, like me."
Schmendrick shook his head gravely. "I have never seen anyone like you, not while I was awake."
Lying in bed at night after having drove two hours back to Dalton, Blaine remembers three things: The smell of Kurt's shampoo, that weird half-focused look in his eyes, and how this all is happening because he told Kurt to stand up for himself.
He watches his phone as it charges on the bedside table, trying desperately to find a way out of this mess he's gotten Kurt in. Eventually he gives it up as impossible: The resilient, fashionable, amazingly talented countertenor who is almost too good to be true is slowly breaking under reality, and this is all his fault.
He is standing in a creaking wooden boat that he knows is actually Kurt's, and looks down to see green kelp forests lurking under the ocean's surface. The unending water spreads out to the horizon under stony clouds. When the boat scrapes something, Blaine nearly falls out and when he regains his balance, he is soaked. The water is cold and salty and oh god, it's already up to his ankles.
He grabs a bucket and starts bailing the boat out as fast as he can. When he looks beside him to see Kurt, who is quite unfazed even on his slowly-sinking boat, he is further annoyed because why the hell isn't Kurt wet? "Kurt, this is your boat! I am SO sorry, holy fuck -"
"This is how you lost yours, you know," Kurt chastises him, and when he steps closer the Dalton student skitters away.
"You know what'll happen if you get too close." The water reaches their shins in spite of Blaine's efforts.
"If you'd just stop panicking -"
"I'm sorry if I don't want us to drown!" And he panics even more because this might actually happen, having escaped from his head like a fleeing bird, and this won't make a whit of sense when he's awake, will it? "I especially don't want you to drown! Not because of me!"
"I can swim, doofus."
He really wants to dump the bucket on Kurt since he won't let anything affect him. "We're a week away from the shore!"
"You only think that's a lot because you'd try to go it alone."
He takes a deep breath to calm down, and also to keep himself from screaming because Kurt isn't getting that they're in way over their heads. Or maybe he does, and he just doesn't care, and Blaine is terrified because he's supposed to stay calm in the face of everything. "Why are you so calm about it?"
And now it's fucking raining, and he's crying so hard for so many reasons that he can't finish talking. He expects ice to start caking on his skin right here and now, and the rain will not stop and everything is his fault -
All of a sudden Kurt is next to him. So very, very close that Blaine sees spring-green leaves and the summer sky and gray stormclouds in his eyes. When he puts his arms around Blaine's neck, a heartbeat booms through the rain. It must be Kurt's heart, because Blaine tries to make sure nobody can hear his. Kurt becomes as drenched as if he'd plunged into the sea, yet he's so warm that Blaine can't stop himself from returning the hug.
Kurt says something that he can't quite hear, his breath searing over Blaine's jaw, and Blaine can smell the saltwater on his skin.
At 5:42 AM, he wakes up with half his blanket on the floor. He drags the blanket back onto the bed, curls up under it, and wishes he was back on the sinking boat with Kurt.
When his alarm sounds at 6:15, he dries off his face and pretends it was never wet.
Notes: I totally didn't base Blaine's mom off my own mom. ...Okay, I did. And I really didn't intend for Blaine to become this hybrid of Schmendrick and Lir, but there are all these hints of Blaine's regrets and how he's helping Kurt because he wants Kurt to have a better life than he did, so it ended up meshing really well.
Next chapter's going to go way faster, I promise.