Chapter 3

A Few Months Later…

Everything Hermione and her friends had known was coming to an end. There would be no more carefree summers at the Burrow and for Hermione, everything she had thought she knew about the man she had given her heart to seemed to be a lie. Things were coming out about Severus now, things that to her could either be the truth or vicious lies that she herself couldn't decipher. She had been trying with no result, she was still trying even as she prepared for the fight to come deep down not wanting to believe what she was reading in the papers about the man she thought she had known better then anyone else. That was why she stared up at her ceiling enjoying her last moments of normal. For the life she had known for seventeen years was coming to an end. Hermione knew there was no going back after this war, if she even lived through it, and part of her thought that maybe she didn't want to come back to this normal existence. After all what would she be after this, who would she be? Hermione knew the war would change her in ways that she couldn't fully picture now and the time for the life she had known to end was now. Now, she would begin another life, and maybe, she hoped she would get some answers to the thousands of questions inside her head along the way. Answers that would make those questions somehow make sense, so they could stop haunting her dreams.

"I love you" Severus' voice lingered in her dreams more then anything else, but the man there was not the man she had known the man there scared her, hurt her in ways she couldn't imagine the man she loved doing; he had her screaming awake from her sleep his face still a vision behind her eyes. More often then not his face was there. In many ways now, he was a remnant of the past, the man Harry, Ron, and her had never known, but judged so harshly. Behind her eyes, Severus had become the evil scowling master of the dungeons, the man who hated and glared at her for unknown reasons; it was those dreams Hermione hated the most. The dreams where he would just be there, ignoring her, refusing to answer the questions she screamed at him until finally he would just turn to glare at her with those dark eyes. Eyes that had looked at her with such love when she had seen them last.

"Hermione, teas ready" her mothers voice called, and Hermione felt her heart stutter from within her chest. This was the moment, her time in this life was officially ended, soon she would be walking into something else altogether. Hermione without thinking found herself on her feet her eyes roaming her surroundings for one last time before she was moving still taking everything in as she prepared to leave it. And then suddenly she was down the stairs on the last leg of her exit away from everything she had known. When she appeared behind her parents, Hermione almost wished they would turn around to look at her even as she knew that it was best that they didn't. She watched them a moment taking in their smiling happy faces and as a lump of emotion formed in her throat and tears brimmed her eyes, she found herself gripping her wand. Raising it, Hermione found herself pointing it right at them something she never would have pictured herself doing and whispering the spell so low that even they couldn't hear until suddenly it was done. She watched the spell take hold as she was erased from this life. Once it was done, Hermione felt her heart sink, their memories were gone, any thought of her was gone; Hermione left the home she'd lived in for seventeen years with a hardness forming in her heart. As she walked down the street to the place where she would apparate to the Burrow, Hermione let herself grieve, and she let herself cry. Now was the time for that because when she got to the Burrow she couldn't let anyone see the pain she would bury within herself. No one would ever know what she had done, not until it was too late to fix it. As the tears streamed freely down her face, Hermione had to keep reminding herself why she was doing this, that it was to protect her family, but as she got to her apparating point she realized that didn't make it any easier. Fixing her face, Hermione breathed in and out several times before she let her pain settle into a dull ache within her stomach, and then focusing she apparated to the Burrow with a pop.

No one needed to know that was her thought as she walked towards the Burrow thoughts of her home lingering for just a moment as she let it sink in that that would never be her home again. As it did, Severus crossed her mind, Hermione wondered what he would say if he saw her now. Hermione felt her footsteps falter at the mere thought of him and stopping, Hermione closed her eyes almost wanting him to appear out of nowhere despite the danger he posed. She thought of him, of what he had done, but also of where he could be now. Of what terrible acts he could be committing, but then another thought that she hadn't let cross her mind before broke through. She couldn't help wondering if she ever crossed his mind the way he did hers? If he felt remorse for killing Dumbledore? And she wondered if she had ever really known him at all? And then the original question filled her mind. Did he ever think of her, ever miss her; did he ever really love her? Or was she just a warm body to slake his pleasure, a silly girl he had tricked into his bed; had he already replaced her? As the questions filled her mind, the Severus from her nightmares appeared once more that glare still a permanent fixture on his face. These were the same questions she screamed at him in her dreams that always went unanswered and continuing toward the Burrow, Hermione tried to let them fall away. There were more important things to worry about then questions that would never receive an answer. But what Hermione didn't realize as she did this was that it all had been real. That she was the only one who had ever really known the real Severus Snape and that to him, she was not easily replaced because he was not searching for a replacement.

Severus was still at Malfoy Manor under the control of the dark lord. He was doing the same thing he'd always done, pretending to be something he wasn't. He had always pretended to be cruel, to be a monster, but that was not truly who he was. Hermione had been the first to ever see that. The first to ever really try to. She had taken the time to get to know him and because of that he had let her see the true man hidden beneath all the darkness. She made him human and it was after he had fallen in love with her that Severus truly realized this. In fact, now he knew that it was that very love that kept him strong, for her love kept him from succumbing to the darkness that sometimes wanted to claim him. He sat, drink in hand, as the death eater's revelry surrounded him.

Keeping his memories shrouded, Severus wore his usual demeanor that of someone evil, someone enjoying the carnage around him until suddenly his attention was drawn away.

"Where's Severus?" Bellatrix Lestreng entered the room the double doors slamming in her wake as she marched forth her sister at her side as if she owned the world her eyes seeking him out. Severus felt the hair at the back of his neck raise as the two women approached. Was his cover blown? The question didn't leave his mind even as he shrouded his thoughts and glancing at the approaching pair he prepared for whatever should happen next. Standing, he let his eyes finally settle on them as they came face to face. The two women seemed to surround him and meeting their gaze he didn't wait for them to make the first move.

"Ladies, can I help you with something?" said Severus his tone clipped.

"No, Severus…we are here because my sister—she would like to apologize to you" exclaimed Narissa seeming to push her sister forward a dangerous idea that made Bellatrix round on her with a glare. Bellatrix looked like this was the last thing she wanted to do. This told Severus one thing, her sister had somehow gained the upper hand over her something only the dark lord had ever had, and something he knew most likely no one would ever have again. Bellatrix remained silent for a long time her dark sinister eyes like those of a cat ready to pounce, but Severus was ready for anything she might do. When she took a step forward her chin raised as she peered directly into his face as if trying to read him and staying right where he was, Severus let her see nothing something that frustrated her immediately. Severus knew others backed down when she challenged them. That others were afraid of her, but he himself was not. He hadn't been for a long time. He had known her a long time, since before either of them had entered this life of darkness, and time had shown him how to read her.

"Severus, I'd like to apologize for my lack of faith in you. I thought you wouldn't be capable of killing Dumbledore yourself, but when the time came you proved yourself and your loyalty to the dark lord" said Bellatrix wincing as the words left her lips.

"Yes, well, my own life was at stake…it and my faith and loyalty to the dark lord matter more then the life of that insipid old man" sneered Severus expecting some sort of response from her, but surprisingly Bellatrix only nodded before turning with a flourish she marched back the way she had come.

If there was one person, he hated dealing with it was Bellatrix while Narissa he tolerated far more.

"Pardon her, Severus, since her break from Azkaban, she has been intolerable—more so then she was before" whispered Narissa watching her sister go as Severus merely nodded his eyes landing on her noticing that she had become increasingly pale over the last few months.

"No need to apologize for her…she would never do it herself—how is Draco faring these last few months?" said Severus gently his eyes imploring into hers as she met his gaze a sadness seeming to waft over her making her paler. Severus regretted the question as soon as it left his lips, but found he still needed to know. He hated bringing Narissa more pain then she already lived with, after all, he thought, of all of them she was the only truly innocent one. She was led into the darkness; she did not go willingly.

"The dark lord has not forgiven him…Lucius says he will not be doing so anytime soon—Draco is a weakling to them. We're lucky our son is still alive, apparently, he has brought disgrace to the family name. I am only thankful the dark lord allows me to see him…he's still recovering from his injuries in the dungeon—he's all chained up barely able to move—I worry I'll go down only to find he has died without anyone noticing" whispered Narissa her eyes downcast until they finally met his own. He could already see the thought racing through them. She had said too much and looking away again, Narissa's voice cracked as she finished her thought.

"He is lucky to be alive—he wouldn't have been the first dead by Naginis' bite—few so rarely live once that snake is set loose upon them. And then…the dark lord could have ended him as well—so I am grateful just to have his mercy" said Narissa trying to be what was expected of her, the devoted follower, but Severus saw through her.

Severus peered at her in that moment wanting to say more but stopping himself. He knew the woman in front of him was the only one he could trust within these walls. She was not like the rest, a loyal follower by choice or someone who had been young and looking for a family as he was. Narissa had found her way to this life by force. She had been dragged out of her youthful innocence into a world her sister had assured her would protect her then again by the man she loved only to be a faithful wife. In truth, this was the last thing she ever wanted. Neither of them really believed in any of this and as they stared at each other, they were thinking the same thing; could they trust each other.

"If the dark lord wishes it" began Severus seeing as she nodded beginning to walk away.

"Narissa" whispered Severus catching her hand with his before she could storm away his eyes looking straight into hers.

"Thankfully, the dark lord does not wish such a thing, and may the day never come that he does" said Severus his voice gentle almost dropping her hand as quickly as he had grabbed it his words making her pause then before her steps continued. Severus watched her go a thought entering then leaving his mind just as quickly.

"She may be the only ally I may find here" thought Severus still unsure of her as he watched her go. After the revelry ended, Severus found himself in his room once more his pensive sitting before him. Extracting a memory from his mind, he dropped it silently inside trying to rid himself of it, but no matter what he did it stayed. Albus' eyes were ingrained in his mind. The look in them as he fell from the tower, lifeless, dead. They were haunting him as much as the eyes of the woman he had left behind.

He remembered the look in his eyes and how there seemed to be no fear there, only a kind of acceptance.

"It's alright, Severus, you did what had to be done" he could almost hear the old man's voice and along with hers saying those words that kept him from collapsing in his guilt. Hermione. She was never far from his thoughts even when his thoughts were deeply shrouded. Severus often thought of her, wondered if she was alright, if this war had already begun to take its toll on her. He only hoped that she was alright, what she thought of him now, and mostly, he wondered if she could love him still. If it was even possible after what he had done. When he could, Severus thought of her freely which wasn't very often at all.

Malfoy manor was hardly a safe place for ones' own thoughts. Severus would never feel secure there, not like he had at Hogwarts, the one place that had always been his home. Here, he was constantly watched even when he was not. The very act of thinking was dangerous here and if a person didn't know how to handle it, a man could go mad, and sometimes Severus felt like he would. That was why any thoughts he had of Hermione were a privilege, a rare one at that, and one that was usually very brief. That very moment as he let her come to mind, the luxury of such a thing ended as quickly as it had come. One minute he was thinking of her and the next a knock was sounding at his door ending any thought he could have. Donning his robes, he found himself opening the door to find himself once again face to face with Narissa Malfoy.

"Narissa? What do I owe the pleasure?" said Severus calmly eyeing her as she stood tall before him her composure hiding the brokenness she had let him see before.

"Severus, may I speak with you?" whispered Narissa. With a sweep of his hand, Severus invited her inside, and once she accepted, he closed the door locking it behind her. Turning to her, Severus had a good feeling, he trusted his instincts; Narissa was someone he could trust.