A/N: Chapter 3 of 50 Reasons: Break -up-Sex. This one sucked! It's not happy, it's not pretty. By the end of it you're going to hate either Emma or Regina and possibly to small degree Me. It is SwanQueen, of course but they do not get a happy ending. Although you can use your imagination at the end and pretend that maybe they do.
Anyway, it's AU and Emma G!P. They've been dating for years and huge fight starts over dinner one night. Regina is a high in demand defense attorney and Emma a detective with the NYPD. Assume all the stereotypes of our favourite ladies are there, Cora's an evil bitch in general and to her daughter. Emma's from foster care, Regina's rich and much more cultured than Emma...ecetera ecetera.
Emma Swan swirled her wine in it's glass, staring into the whirling red alcohol as it clung to the sides of the glass. Denoting its quality and potency. "Emma?" A soft husky voice carried over the table to her, as Regina Mills questioned the woman she'd been exclusively dating for four years and living with for two. They were at one of the many new and hip restaurants in New York city that Regina had made reservations for them at weeks before it had even opened, "Emma? Are you ok, love?" She tried again.
Emma startled this time."Hmm? Oh, yeah...fine. Just a lot on my mind." She sipped her wine and set it down. Their appetizers arrived and silence settled back between them as they both ate, finally unable to take it any longer. Emma set her knife and fork down with a sigh. "Ruby and Belle were successful, Belle's pregnant." She informed her girlfriend, not meeting her eyes.
Regina sighed and set aside her fork and knife, took a large swallow of wine and set the glass down. "Good for them." Their best friends, well Emma's best friends; had been trying for months with donated sperm to conceive a baby. "We've talked about this, Emma. I'm just not ready yet." children were a sticking point with them, always had been.
When they had first started dating, Regina was just starting out on her own after branching away from her mother's law firm and Emma had just received her promotion to detective in the drug unit. When Emma had first brought up the possibility of children after a few months of dating, Regina had gone right along with the idea and it was later that same night that Emma had shared her deepest secret. Emma had been born with a penis, when she hit puberty not only had her testicles dropped but she'd also started to develop breasts and as she continued through her puberty her features had remained and become more feminine and so at the tender age of 13 and on her way to another foster home. She'd made the decision to identify as female, it felt more comfortable for her and rumour had it that girls had an easier time being adopted anyway.
That moment, when they'd been sitting on the couch in Emma's apartment and making out. When a tanned hand had started to slide up a chinos clad thigh. When a strong hand had clasped hers and pulled it away from discovering the secret on her own. When Emma had looked into her eyes with her own tear filled ones. When the woman she was falling in love had stuttered out her story and shared that Regina would therefore have to be the one to carry any children of theirs.
Any of those moments that night really, were Regina's chance to come clean and be honest. At 14 she had been diagnosed with cysts on one ovary and surgery had removed it, she'd been informed that the chances of her ever being able to conceive a child would be rare and likely a painful process and even though she'd spent most of her 14 years imagining a life with kids, she decided then and there in the cold doctors office, she just wouldn't ever be a mother.
Fast forward to four years later and she'd maintained the illusion with religious condom use and anytime the blonde brought the subject up, Regina would brush it off with a simple platitude and often times the distraction of sex. Recently though, over the last year as they had entered their 28th year of life weeks apart. Emma had started to become more persistent, Regina knew she could just say that she'd changed her mind or even tell the truth. But for some reason she didn't.
Emma stared into her wine glass yet again as their meals arrived and the empty plates removed. "When?" She whispered the question across the table, setting her glass down and refusing eye contact as she cut into her steak french something or other, she really didn't know why she let the brunette drag he so far out of her element.
A cleared throat. "What was that, darling?" Regina knew full well what her girlfriend was asking, but wasn't ready for this conversation.
Emma perhaps a bit aggressively, tore the bloody piece of steak off her fork and chewed swallowed and took a drink. "I said, when? When will you be ready? It's been 4 years, Regina." She sliced a tender butter steamed asparagus spear into 4 sections and speared two on her fork.
Regina watched the glistening green vegetable disappear and patted delicately at her lipstick shining lips with her cloth napkin before smoothing it back into her lap. "What do you want me to say, Emma?" She picked over her chicken and tomato pasta dish, with a garlic cream sauce. Her appetite seemed to have vanished as it appeared the conversation wasn't going away.
Their waiter returned to check on their meal and both women gave a polite nod when he enquired how everything was. Emma set her knife and fork aside. "I don't know." She paused, steepling her fingers and zoning out for a second."I don't actually know...do you actually even want children?"
A sigh and Regina sipped at her wine. "You have to understand Emma." She started to explain and she was going to explain everything, when Emma cut her a look and tossed her napkin on the plate before standing and with a last angry scowl stormed from the restaurant. Regina growled under her breath in frustration, she stood; fished a handful of bills from her purse and placed them on the table before shouldering it and following after the hurting blonde. "Emma!" She hissed as loudly as she dared in the public venue, grabbing at her girlfriends arm as she caught up to her.
"What, Regina?!" Emma had no such compulsion to sensor her tone or volume. "What is there to say?"
Regina glanced around them, they were in the entryway to the restaurant and people were shooting looks at them. "Just...can we go home? Talk about this in private?" She gave a polite nod to the host who who was giving them a questioning look.
Emma rolled her eyes, "Of course, wouldn't want to cause a scene!" She intentionally raised her voice again, just to aggravate the brunette. After four years she was easily successful.
The cab ride home to their four story brownstone was spent in silence, both women on opposite sides of the vehicle. The tension was palpable and even the cabbie spent the 20 minute ride fidgeting nervously behind his plexiglass shield.
Regina tossed her purse haphazardly onto the side table just inside the door, an unusual action from the ordered brunette. "If we're going to do this I think more alcohol should be involved?" She slipped out of her heels and removed the simple diamond studs she'd worn in her ears for the evening. Emma gave an inarticulate grunt and they moved to the third floor study, a space mostly dominated by Regina's things. Uncomfortable silence still reigned as the brunette poured them each a measure of expensive whiskey from a crystal decanter into crystal cut glasses.
They were settled on the small loveseat beneath the window before Emma finally broke the silence, "So...I believe I had just asked if you ever wanted kids and you were just starting to tell me no." Emma took a deep swallow of the smooth alcohol, biting back the cough it tried to force out of her throat. "Did you lie when we talked about having them back in year one?"
Regina contemplated the blonde for a long moment, warring with herself on what she wanted to say. This was her moment, her chance to open up and tell the truth; that she was terrified of hope. She sipped at her whiskey, taking a far smaller sip than her girlfriend. "I…" She hesitated, ignoring Emma's scoff at the pause as the blonde finished her whiskey and poured from the decanter Regina had brought with them to the loveseat. "I didn't lie… not really." She watched Emma swallow down more alcohol with a frown.
"The hell's that even mean?" Emma leaned back, shifting to keep both feet planted on the floor and focus on the amber liquid in the decanter. Refusing eye contact with the woman she'd been in love with for the last few years.
A deep sigh as Regina studied her girlfriends profile. "I wanted kids." she sipped from her glass and eased open the third button on her blouse, the poor thing really worked to earn its keep. She sighed again as the shirt loosened and left her feeling more comfortable, physically at least.
"Past tense." Emma stated, swirling her whiskey and staring into it before taking the rest in a quick toss down her throat. The blood roared in her ears and the smooth alcohol went down with barely a burn this time. "When we first talked about it, I said it was a deal breaker. That the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, had to want children too." She poured another measure of whiskey. "I've always wanted children, I've always felt a deep desire to give a child, children, all the love I never got." She sipped at her whiskey now. "Did you only say yes so I wouldn't end things?"
Regina frowned. "I just said I didn't lie, I did want children." She carefully chose her wording. It was easier to maintain the image that she'd changed her mind than to admit her body likely wouldn't let her carry a child. That the one primal thing it was designed for, it failed at. She finished her glass in a single deep swallow and poured another. "Is it...is it still a deal breaker?" Regina was terrified of the answer, perhaps more so that she was fairly certain that she knew the answer.
Silence filled the room, the only sound their breath and the ticking of the clock on the wall above the door. Emma contemplated her options, she loved Regina she did. But… there would always be that lingering question. What could have been? What could her life had been if she has the courage to seek out her happiness, children had always been a huge part of her envisioned future. She made her choice then, she looked over at the brunette. Regina was staring into her glass, a single tear track cut through her foundation. She was so beautiful, no matter what; Emma would always think so. She downed the rest of her whiskey.
Emma's glass loudly settled onto the small coffee table before them, Regina looked up into deep sea green eyes and gasped at what she saw there. Passion, pain and what she feared the most, regret. Emma was on her then, hands cupping her face as the blonde smashed their lips together. Regina couldn't help the moan that burbled up, maybe they would be ok after all. Their sex life had never been dull, but in the last year it had dwindled, the more they fought about their differences, the less sex they had.
It had been over a week since they'd last been intimate and Regina was gripped with a sudden desperate desire. As arms slid around her waist Regina cupped a strong jawline and met Emma's tongue with her own as the kiss deepened and she set her glass down so she could wrap her arms around strong shoulders as she was pushed back onto the couch.
What started as a desperate kiss quickly turned into a deeper desperation and Emma growled as she pulled out of the kiss and ripped open her girlfriends blouse, while small hands scrabbled at her pants. Ripping the leather belt off with a snap, Regina released a loud groan when her bra was yanked down and a warm mouth enveloped a nipple, she fought for thought as she finally popped the button on Emma's chinos.
Emma arched her body, helping the brunette tug her zipper down as she shoved the black skirt over her hips and all but tore her lace panties away. Emma growled again as she leaned down and latched onto the thrumming pulse point in a tanned neck, she sucked hard. Regina hated it when she left marks. A warm hand wrapped around her mostly hardened cock and she sucked harder, adding teeth to the mix.
Regina pushed at her girlfriend, not to stop the action that was sure to leave a vibrant dark purple mark visible to anyone who would see her the next few days. She didn't care, not right now; not while they were rebuilding what they'd nearly broken. Right now Regina's only concern was getting her girlfriend inside her, she pulsed with arousal; could feel the rhythmic clenching of her cunt as she stroked the hard flesh in her hand.
Regina let out a languid moan as two fingers slid through her wet heat, suddenly they were inside and she arched deeply; her body keening at the sensation as Emma curled her fingers and stroked against her front wall. Emma stroked inside faster and faster, fucking her hard and deep. Regina wailed as her orgasm crashed into her. She gasped out Emma's name as she came, body caught in a deep arc as she shuddered through her climax.
Emma watched the woman she loved orgasm, the brunette still had a hand wrapped around her length although the stroking had stopped when she'd entered the smaller woman. She was hard and pulsing, pre-cum seeping from her tip. She groaned as Regina started to regain her senses and the stroking started again. Emma pushed the hand away and gripped herself, swiping through throbbing arousal and teasing against a pulsing, sensitive clit.
"Bedroom?" Regina softly pushed against her lover's lower abdomen, eyes pleading for this moment, to take their affirmations upstairs to their fourth floor bedroom.
Hesitation stilled Emma's actions more than anything, going upstairs would make this more than it was. Going upstairs would be giving into something she wasn't sure she felt anymore. Going upstairs would mean giving this woman she shared so much of her life with, one last moment of herself. She couldn't deny her that.
They made their way up the stairs, entangled together in heavy kisses and falling clothing as they pulled and tugged their way free of all remaining restraints. By the time they were falling into bed, Emma was dripping and she ached to be inside tight heat. Regina groaned when she stretched out over her and reached for her nightstand where their stash of condoms were. Regina rolled her hips. "Please, I don't care." She scratched along a strong back.
Emma growled and settled back in the cradle of wet heat, she looked into eyes the color of burnt amber and guided herself into the welcoming cunt of her lover. They'd forgone condoms only a handful of times in their four years together and somehow Emma always forgot how amazing and different it felt to be bare inside the tight, pulsing heat. She picked up a fast pace after only giving Regina a few seconds to adjust, the brunette was plenty wet and aroused and Emma knew she was causing no pain.
Regina clutched at the heaving back of her panting partner as Emma fucked her deep and fast, moving her bodily up the bed. Their lovemaking hadn't been this passionate in quite awhile and Regina found herself missing it and craving it already again in their future. Looking forward to more in the near future. "So...good.." She husked out. She latched onto the sweaty muscle connecting her lover's neck to her shoulder and screamed into the pale flesh as she sucked and oragasmed, body throbbing through it. Emma's pace faltered and then picked up faster than before, the rhythm shifting and she knew the blonde was close. Knew she should probably insist her lover pull out, but the chances were slim and would the possibility of children be so bad? Would it be so terrible to hope and try for a future where they raised kids together?
Emma growled as she buried a hand in dark hair and yanked, ripping the brunette from her own neck and she buried her face in tanned, sweaty skin and bit as she sucked. Her cock throbbed as she felt the pressure shooting along her length and she was emptying inside tight, slick heat. Pulsing muscles clenching at her and milking her of every last drop. At least if this was their last night together, she had gotten this experience. Four years and she'd never come inside her lover bare.
Regina groaned through another smaller orgasm, mind made up. She would tell Emma the truth in the morning. They would have a serious talk about moving forward, about Regina accepting that it was ok to hope.
Hours later they lay entangled in bed, the blankets long kicked off and the sheets twisted and tangled around their sweaty bodies. "In the morning, we'll talk for real in the morning." Regina murmured as she yawned and nuzzled into sweaty skin.
Emma frowned into the moonlit room, what else was their to talk about? Regina didn't want kids and she did. The brunette's breathing evened into sleep and Emma continued staring at the ceiling in their bedroom, she should be tired. Her body was sore in places it hadn't been awhile, they'd just spent hours having rather active sex afterall.
An hour passed, a deep sigh. She knew what she had to do. What was the easiest answer. Carefully she climbed from the bed, gently disentangling herself from the sound asleep woman she'd spent the last four years loving. Regina had always been a heavy sleeper, something Emma had always found adorable and it was no different now. Truth was she'd always love the woman now starfished out in the bed they had shared the last two years. She moved around the room quietly, gathering a few belongings and placing them in a duffle. Finished in minutes Emma moved back to the bed, taking a moment to memorize Regina's face. How peaceful she looked in sleep. She stroked a hand over a tanned cheek, not quite touching.
Regina stirred, brow furrowing and Emma took her hand away; she bent down and placed a feather soft kiss to Regina's forehead. The deep lines smoothed and the brunette settled back into deep slumber.
Emma stepped from the room and moved across the hall into the home's second bedroom. She retrieved the only thing she really wanted, the cream baby blanket she'd been found with, it's purple trim and the embroidery of her name on the corner. It was the only piece of where she'd come from and she'd carried it with her through her whole life.
She stopped on the second floor, in their kitchen and penned a short but heartfelt letter. She laid it next to the coffee maker. She noticed that they'd neglected to program the device the day before and without conscious thought she did so, making sure the brunette got her fix in the morning. Emma laid her cell beside the note and left the kitchen, walked through the first floors living space and out the door.
SQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQ 11 YEARS LATER SQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQ
Emma sighed as she kicked her shoes off in the entryway of her Boston apartment. At 40 she was way too old to still be chasing perps. But it's what she got for transferring to an out of state department 11 years ago, she'd had to work her way up from patrol again and it had been grueling. She set the pink box down on her kitchen island and tugged her definitely not pink, definitely not sparkly and way to tight dress shirt from her black slacks. It was supposed to be laundry day, but she'd been called in and was left with the one clean dress shirt left, she wasn't sure where she'd acquired it over the years. She tugged buttons through their holes with one hand while she opened the box and removed the cupcake from it. Today was her 40th birthday and her life was full of regrets.
She'd walked away from a good life in New York City with the intent to build a new life, seeking out what she thought she could never have with what turned out to be the love of her life. Even if she hadn't seen it then. By the time she'd regretted her choice to walk away, she was far too ashamed to contact Regina.
A deep sigh and Emma pulled open a drawer and dug around until she pulled out the single blue star candle. She stuck it crookedly in the cupcake and lit it. Resting her chin on her crossed forearms. "Happy Birthday, dear asshole." She mumbled. Emma closed her eyes, made a wish and blew the candle out. She plucked it from the cake and sucked the icing from it.
Her doorbell rang and she arched an eyebrow, who would be visiting at, she glanced at the clock, 11pm. Sighing, her day wasn't ever going to end. Emma moved to the door and glanced through the peephole. Nothing. She turned from the door and was halfway back to the kitchen when a knock sounded this time.
Emma turned back and slid the chain into place this time, she crack the door and a kid stood on the other side. She wondered if they'd started sending kids to serve subpoenas. The boy just stood there looking at her, appraising her. Pretty clever trick. She'd seen worse. She fished through her memory of her recent actions, deciding if she'd done anything recently. She could have an excessive force coming up, but she'd have known about it before now surely.
"What?" She finally broke the silence. The kid looked well off, expensive coat and a striped warm looking scarf.
The boy looked at her, cocked his head to the side and gave a familiar smile. "I'm Henry Mills, I'm your son."
And that's a wrap.
Some quick notes: By no means am I saying that any woman who says she doesn't want kids secretly does. I'm not saying that a woman's single drive is ultimately that goal. I'm not saying that women who can't have children are broken or less than. It's simply my head cannon for these characters in the one shot.
I've left the ending open for interpretation, you can imagine if you like that Henry drags her to Regina much like cannon and they rebuild from there. Or not, your choice. I said in the beginning that not every chapter was going to be a happy ending.
Also I've just started a Twitter. Brand new to it, nothing posted yet. Feel free to follow though and look there for updates in the future. Same user name RlynnS.