Aftershock

Amanda King drove slowly towards her home in Arlington thinking of the man she just left. The mere thought of Lee Stetson and what he was capable of doing to her mind and her body were beyond anything she had ever fantasied about or experienced with any other man. Lee was attracted to her as much as she was to him; that was obvious. Would he let it go past tonight and the physical? Her only intention going to see him was to talk; only it went much farther than she had meant it to, but she wasn't sorry. What should that tell her she thought to herself and then her thoughts drifted to the difference between the two men on her mind; Dean McGuire and Lee Stetson?

She knew that Dean was stable, predicable, and reliable. If he made a promise he would keep it; if he said he would be someplace at a certain time he was there. Ever since she met Lee she had been on a roller coaster ride of lies, deception, and chaos; not to mention excitement, adventure, and spontaneity.

Dean would be home every night. He would be a great influence on the boys and they really like him. They seemed to enjoy spending time with Lee today as well; talking over sports and cars, even Lee and Jamie talked about chess and played a game. Lee wouldn't be there every night though. He would be in London, Paris, Italy. He would always be in danger as long as he was in this business. He may not come back from an assignment but if she stayed in this business neither could she.

Amanda turned her car around and headed toward Dean's house. She really had to talk to him and get her mind right. She knew she had just cheated on him and that wasn't in her nature. If she was with someone she was with them. Now she felt like she wasn't with anyone. Amanda knocked on his door and Dean opened the door rubbing his eyes and trying to focus. "Amanda, what are you doing here at this hour? Is everything okay?"

"No, we need to talk and it is pretty important and I don't think it can wait." She said standing on his steps waiting to be invited in. He stepped back and allowed her entry and as she walked past him he caught the faint scent of aftershave that wasn't his. He may have been half asleep but he thought he figured out why she was there.

They sat on the couch and Dean waited for her to start. "Dean, I really do care about you I hope you know that but I have done something terrible to you and it isn't fair, you didn't deserve it and you should know why I did it."

"Does this have anything to do with your friend Mr. Stetson?" Dean asked.

"It has everything to do with him, but it also has to do with us. I don't blame Lee for this. I do on the other hand…"

"Are you blaming me for why you smell like him?" He could only imagine what he looked like as she sat and accused him for her affair.

"No, not exactly, I am blaming both of us." She said matter-of-factly. She looked him in the eyes and knew she what she would or at least have should see; his hurt and anger. She braced herself for it. Dean sat and stared at her with the most perplexed look she had ever seen on his face.

"How in the world am I at fault in any way for you and him being together? I am right you have been together haven't you?" Dean accused.

"Yes actually I just left his apartment and yes what you think happened did happen. That is why I am here."

"I am sorry; you have sex with another man and your first thought is to come here? I don't want the details of your sex life with another man. Are you crazy?"

"No, I am just trying to figure out why for months you have been asking me to marry you, but yet you haven't even wanted to be with me since you went to New York; the day I happened to have met Lee." Amanda said heatedly.

"What are you talking about; we have been intimate since then."

"No, Dean we haven't. We tried the night you came home and we were interrupted by the boys. Then we were having dinner here the next night alone and all I heard about was the radar systems that the bureau wanted to put in and a few kisses."

"So what does Mr. Director do for you? Does he pin you up against a wall or just take you on the kitchen table? Is that the kind of sex life you want?"

"No he didn't but he would have if I had asked him! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a say in the way someone is making love to you; to have a say in where and how they touch you."

Jumping from the couch he yelled, "Are you saying I don't give you a say?"

"That is exactly what I am saying! You never stray from what you know! You are a fantastic lover but there is more than one way to get off." Her voice wasn't as shaky as it was before. She was feeling the confidence she felt with Lee and felt she had the ability to continue with Dean or leave but either way she suddenly felt okay about either outcome.

"I told you I didn't trust him. Being around him for one day and I knew I couldn't trust the man. I knew that when he showed up out of the blue he was going to be trouble. I just thought as much as I don't trust him; I could at least trust you."

"It was not my intention to have sex with him when I went over there tonight."

"Why did you go?" He pleaded.

"Sit down please this is going to take some explaining but I would rather talk to you than shout with you."

Watching as Dean sat back down Amanda took her coat off and sat down across from him. "I don't expect you to understand and I want you to take your time and process what I have to say without judgment but with some hope of understanding at some point. The morning I took you to the train station when you were going to New York is the day that Lee and I met for the very first time. He needed some help and I was there and I helped him out. Ever since then I have helped him whenever I could. In the course of this last month and a half we have become friends; friends Dean please don't look that way. I invited him over for Thanksgiving and at the time I asked him he had said that he couldn't make it. I didn't think another thing about it until he showed up; he even said that since he didn't call and he had originally told me no that he would leave. Lee said he didn't want to intrude; which was crazy because I had asked him and was going to take him a plate anyway. Then when he showed up you changed. I never have seen you act that way around other male friends of mine. Do you think I didn't notice the handshake?"

"What are you talking about?"

"When I introduced you two to one another, the manly stronger handshake contest; the pissing for distance with what he does for a living, and not to mention the kiss goodnight at the door. You did everything but mark a claim ticket on me."

"A lot of good it would have done you went to him any way and still he slept with you."

"Damn it, Dean I was there too! He didn't do it alone and I started it. Me; I was the one. Lee tried to stop me and I pushed the subject; did it ever occur to you that maybe I was the one that wasn't trustworthy. Lee never did one thing today to give you an inclination that he should not be trusted. He is one of the most trustworthy men I know."

"Why did you do it then?" Hurt laced his words and Amanda hurt with him.

"I went over to find out why he agreed with you."

"He what; he agreed with me?" Hurt was replaced with shock.

"Yes, after you left he hung around and talked. When he went to leave he told me that you were right and that you shouldn't trust him. Like I said he is one of the most trustworthy men I know and I wanted to know why I shouldn't. What did you two know that I didn't know? I found out. You didn't trust him because you both knew about the attraction I had and you thought he would try to seduce me, which he didn't try but he didn't stop me."

"Amanda, I need you to leave now I have to think about this; I don't want to lose you but I have to think about everything I have just learned. This might take me a few days."

"Take all the time you want Dean; just let me know when you know." Dean followed her to the door and told her he would call her in a few days.

The water ran over him as he thought about everything she had said to him. He was a great guy, fantastic, yet boring, lover. Is that even possible; to be fantastic and boring at the same time? He liked things in an orderly fashion. Things were either in place or they weren't. Shouldn't he be more surprised and hurt by her actions? Why wasn't he?

He remembered when they first met. He was speaking at his nephew's school on career day and she was working in the office for the PTA. She helped take him to the classroom and she was so happy and cheery that he liked her instantly. They went out a few times and she explained she hadn't really dated a lot since her divorce a few months prior. She had two boys that she loved taking about; they seem to be her whole world and the closer they became he saw that they were. Her mother was fantastic; unlike his mother.

Not a lot of people knew that his family was wealthy. He didn't flaunt it because it wasn't his. He knew that the women who dated him did so because they wanted to. That is why this thing with Amanda is so confusing; she seems to generally enjoy his company and spending time with him. Yes he asked her to marry him but she said it was too soon and he understood that. He respected her and hoping she would come around soon about marriage.

Could he really marry her now; knowing that she had sex with that man? That she had cheated on him. He didn't even know if she was sorry. She said that she hadn't intended to sleep with him, that Lee had tried to stop her, and she came right over to tell him; that must meant she was feeling some kind of guilt and remorse. He didn't want to lose her, but he wasn't sure how he could trust her. Could he go back and trust that she wouldn't again? Was Lee Stetson still going to be a factor in her life?

She was a mother and family oriented. What did he know about family life; his consisted of two dead parents and an Air Force Colonel that to this day could get him to stand at attention as easily over a phone as he could in person. He had three and a half black books of women that he could call on a moments noticed for a night out or anything else for that matter. He had two really serious relationships; one died and another choose someone over him to marry and love for the rest of her life.

What would she want with him after tonight? What did any of them or him for that matter ever want after one night? Would Amanda really want a man like him around her children and mother all the time? Would he want that? What if her ex-husband came back from Africa? What if he wanted her and the kids back? What did he have to offer her over Dean? Smiling as he went to bed he thought 'Well maybe one thing'.

Amanda walked into her house and headed straight to her room and as she changed her clothes to get ready for bed; her thoughts were still on the events of the day and night. She wondered if Dean could forgive her on any kind of level and she really hoped Lee would forgive her as she gave Dean the time he would need to process things. She knew he didn't want her to leave tonight but she wasn't sure he was ready for her to stay either. She had a lot to process; she knew what she wanted in her mind when she had left her house in the first place. She still wanted that but she also promised Dean to let her know if he could forgive her. She didn't want to lose him as a friend but she didn't think he would forgive her.

Dotty walked in and saw Amanda sitting up in bed. "Is everything okay? You were gone for so long." Amanda couldn't hold it in any longer; the tears started to fall and she couldn't stop them.

"Oh, baby, it will be fine." Dotty sat next to her and put her arms tight around her daughter.

"No I don't think it will Mother. I either made the right choice or I just gave in to need and lost not only a wonderful man but also a wonderful man and a great friend."

"Amanda, can I ask what happened when you left here?"

"You can Mother but I think it is real obvious as to what happened. I went to Lee's and we were talking then we weren't talking and then as I was coming home I went to Dean's and told him and asked him to forgive me."

"Forgive you? I can't even believe that you did what you did with someone you hardly know; but after today I gather you know him more than you let on to us. I don't know if Dean is that forgiving especially if Lee is going to continue to be in your life. Is he going to still be in your life Amanda?"

"Mother, yes he is going to be in my life. I don't know if tonight was a one shot thing or if it will be more but Mother you need to know that Lee really is a good guy. He is polite, honest, caring, not to mention I have trusted him with my life almost every day since we met. He just made me so mad with his thinking that I was some closet case housewife that blushes at the mere thought of anything sexual."

"Did you think you had to prove him wrong?" She asked as she continued to hold and rock her daughter.

"I think it is my new mission in life to prove him wrong whenever I can; I just honestly hadn't intended to."

"Amanda, dear, do you know who or what you want from this whole thing?"

"Yes, Mother I know the answer to both of those questions. I have known for a while now." Her tears fell harder and Dotty just continued to hold her daughter long after she had fallen asleep.