It's been a long time, I know – but I just haven't felt the inspiration to write. Ah well, it's here now. Enjoy!
1wildrose1 .. x
Rating: NC-17
Pairing (s): Cloud/Reno, Zack/Cloud, eventual Zack/Reno and Zack/Reno/Cloud
Disclaimer: I don't own the Final Fantasy franchise or any of the characters.
Summary: We all knew that one day it would get to him – he'd been through too much for it not to. But this? Cloud needs help, and there's only one person I can think of that can get through to him – I'll save you, Cloud, even if it means raising the dead. Yaoi
Warnings: Shounen-ai (Male/male relationships), Yaoi (Male/male sexual relationships – though there will be forewarning of the chapters that contain the explicit stuff) and mentions of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Small warning – this chapter is pretty damn mushy and feelgood towards the end – unlike me, I know – so those of you with a aversion to romance and chivalry...why the hell are you reading this?
One more thing – I did a little research into the names of some things I use in this chapter and thought I might tell you about it. Apparently, Fenrir is the name of the wolf – the actual animal that keeps on following Cloud around. Plus, it's the name of the emblems that appear on Cloud's earrings and shoulder piece, Tifa, Barret and Denzel's rings in FF: AC and, in FF: AC Complete, it's the watermark on clouds screen saver on his phone. I just didn't realise how prominent the wolf theme was until now...Makes sense, I guess – apparently its an embodiment of Cloud's lonely fight against his own gripping guilt. Thought that was interesting...anyway, read on.
Chapter Three
Cloud and Reno – Three Years Earlier
- One week after Meteor fall -
The roads surrounding the ruins of Midgar were torn up and fragmented, forcing Cloud to dismount Fenrir and walk the rest of the way to the fallen metropolis, leaving his monstrous bike hidden behind a large chunk of rock that looked suspiciously like it used to be part of the Shinra building. The soil itself was black and burnt beneath his feet, leaving little doubt that anything that had been in the city – living or not – had been annihilated by Meteor. Every last thing.
The man stopped at the very edge of the ruins, pulling up the scarf he had draped around his neck to cover his mouth and nose and sucking in a quick breath as he prepared to burrow through the twisted metal of the old Sector 6 plate. It was strange, he thought as he ignored the sting of broken glass and jutting debris piercing his skin as he worked his way through, it had been a whole week since Meteor had hit Midgar, but the ground still seemed to hum with the impact. Or perhaps it was grief – Vincent, Yuffie and the Turks hadn't managed to evacuate everyone, after all. The planet could be mourning its loss and trying to heal the best it could – it did seem likely, in light of recent events.
When he reached the other end of the twisted metal bridge, he was met with the sight that he had come to see. Hundreds and hundreds of bodies lay in lines, laying on their backs with their arms relaxed by their sides, the blood carefully cleaned from their ravaged skin and the burns covered by stark white bandages. It was clear that some had been found by their families because small crowds had gathered around them, weeping and leaving flowers.
Cloud slowly walked down the lines, pausing briefly as he passed five bodies laying near each other, his gut twisting at the sight: one man, one woman and three children, clearly related. There was no one around them to mourn. His lips twisted into a frown – it was the least he could do to get some flowers for them, but that would mean going to the one place in Midgar where they grew and the memories of her death were still all too fresh.
Clenching his jaw, he cast his eyes over the deceased family once again, freezing at the sight of the eldest daughter. Her long brown hair was singed and dirtied and her eyes were closed with finality. But what really caught his eye was the twining pink ribbon, all caught up in the tangled strands of her hair. Cloud licked his dry lips nervously. "You really want me to go there?"
He received no response, of course, but he knew what he was going to do. He even started walking in the direction of where Sector 7 used to be before he realised what he was doing. It was like he was being pulled there by some unknown force – he didn't even need to climb over any debris to get there; the path was already clear.
The sight of Aerith's church rose up in the distance, untouched by destruction other than the hole in the roof which he had once fallen through, and Zack before him. The doors opened easily, creaking slightly with use, and he stepped in, waiting to feel the sense of calm that had always washed over him whenever he used to come here. Maybe it was just her presence that had made him feel like that.
A bright flash of red caught his eye, right in front of the ripped up floorboards that gave way to the flowers. Cloud tensed at the sight, ready to fight if need be. The man with red hair – Cloud was pretty sure that he knew exactly who it was – turned his head slowly towards the noise, revealing the side of his face, marred with a red claw mark tattoo.
"Reno." Reno pushed himself abruptly to his feet, spinning around to face the approaching blond with his fists clenched and his jaw tight, leaving little doubt that he was as tense around such company as Cloud was. "What are you doing here?"
"Could ask you the same thing, yo." Cloud frowned, approaching slowly, ignoring the strained creaks of the floorboards beneath his feet. The redhead's voice lacked its usual snap and cockiness, almost giving Cloud pause. In fact, as Cloud stopped at the first row of pews, he was close enough to see the Turk's face clearly – he really didn't look like his usual arrogant self. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his skin was coated in a thin layer of dust and grime; twin tracks of pale skin were visible through the dirt, making it clear that Reno had been crying. "You're not the only person that can come here."
"I know." Cloud murmured absently, choosing not to comment on the tear tracks – mainly because he couldn't really believe that they were there. "I just didn't think that anyone else would."
Aquamarine eyes swept over Cloud's face, trying to detect deceit in his placid response. When he found none, he let his fists unclench hesitantly, watching his companion as he did so. "Listen, yo–" He licked his lips and let his eyes flicker away from the blond briefly. "You must have seen all those bodies outside? Enough people have been hurt."
Cloud nodded and raised his hands to the strap holding his sword against his back, keeping his mako-infused eyes on the redhead. "Peace for now then?" He waited for the nod of agreement from Reno before he unbuckled the harness and laid his sword on one of the pews.
Now unarmed, he sat on the floor in front of Aerith's flowers, listening to the sounds of the redhead's hushed breathing. A floorboard creaked briefly to his right before he saw Reno sit beside him out of the corner of his eye. They sat in silence for a few moments, staring out at the phenomenon of those delicate flowers, all still living while the rest of Midgar had perished.
"Why are you here, Strife?"
Cloud didn't look away from the flowers – neither did Reno. He let his gloved fingers touch a white petal, blue eyes gazing on in awe at how much stronger than it looked it was. "I thought that I could help but it took us too long to get back from the Northern Cave. There's nothing more that can be done at this stage."
"I see." More time passed, making Cloud squirm a little at the knowledge that he wasn't uncomfortable. Surely he should be at least a little apprehensive about being around this man? The man who, for all intents and purposes, had spent the last year trying to end his life, aside from the brief moments of truce they had shared. But...Reno seemed to have something on his mind – something bad enough to warrant him to cry and seek out spiritual comfort, it seemed – and, despite his best efforts not to be so, Cloud was concerned.
"What about you, Reno? What brings you here?" His voice was soft, bringing Reno out of his self-contained trance to look at him with thoughtful eyes.
It seemed for the longest time that he wasn't going to answer Cloud's question, but eventually his thin lips parted. "I'm–"
"Reno?" Both men turned their heads to see a woman standing in the entranceway. She looked around fifty years old and had long auburn hair, all pinned back in a formal-looking style beneath a black facinator. In fact, her dress was black, also, as were her shoes and earrings and her face bore a solemn look. "It's time."
Reno nodded, his pallor paling a little. "I'll be right there, ma." The woman turned and left the way she came, leaving the doors open. Sighing, Reno stood and straightened out his suit jacket which was, for once, buttoned up correctly. Even the rest of his clothes were tucked in and properly worn – another out of character trait.
Cloud looked at the space where the woman had just left and back to Reno, frowning as he put the pieces together in his head. "That was your mother?"
The redhead nodded and swallowed nervously. "Yeah..."
"Is she why you're here?"
"Not really." Reno's eyes fluttered a little, as though he were trying to hold back yet more tears. He quickly made his way past Cloud, trying to hide his face.
"Reno?"
The man stopped briefly and spoke in an unsteady voice over his shoulder. "One of those bodies out there? It's my brother."
He left then, leaving Cloud to gape after him and stew in his thoughts, hating the twisting feeling of pity he felt low in his stomach and knowing that, due to his damn heroic streak, he had to do something about it.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Reno felt drained as he slouched towards his new apartment in Junon – his old home had, of course, been destroyed along with the rest of Midgar. It was like someone had sapped all of the strength from his bones and replaced it with an ache that could not be slept off. He sighed and slung his jacket over his shoulder, undoing the first three buttons of his shirt and yanking it untucked, trying to find at least a semblance of himself to cling to.
Two things caught his eye as he approached his front door – one: the artificial pole-light which lit the dingy hallway was flickering steadily, indicating that the back-up power supplies were failing again, and two: Cloud Strife was sitting against his slime-green door, knees drawn to his chest with a thoughtful expression that suggested that he had been there a while.
The Turk cleared his throat as he approached, feigning a bored expression as he searched his trouser pocket for his keys. "You're in my way, yo."
"Are you okay?"
Reno glanced down at the fighter's upturned face, seeing the earnest concern in those blue – oh, so blue – eyes, unable to stomach it. "You're in my way." He didn't want comfort. It wasn't his right.
Cloud's eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at the brown paper bag in his lap, gesturing it to his companion. "I brought alcohol – the strong stuff – and lots of it." Aquamarine eyes stared hard at the bottle in the bag – it looked like a bottle of his third favourite whiskey. Expensive stuff then – his taste buds tingled with desire. Cloud noticed his scrutiny, shrugging. "I know you like this brand because I saw you drink it in Turtle's Paradise when we were in Wutai."
Reno narrowed his eyes, hating the amount of thought that Cloud had put into his gift – couldn't he see that he didn't deserve it? "You're in–"
"You know how stubborn I am." Cloud interrupted, not even budging from his perch in front of the door. "I won't leave you alone right now. I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, but no one else is here." He tightened his grip on the paper bag. "I'll go as soon as I know that you're okay."
"Okay?" Reno snorted, ignoring the burn behind his eyes and the sickness in his stomach. "You think that I want you to look after me? Are you out of your fucking mind, Strife?"
"Probably." The blond stood, but remained as a barrier between Reno and his front door. "At least drink yourself into a coma with my whiskey."
Reno glanced at the bag again, craving the pleasant burn at the back of his throat that he associated with the drink, finding the offer far too good for him. He didn't deserve it, but he was weak – he just wanted a God-damned drink. "Whatever. You clearly aren't going to fuck off and let me grieve in peace – it's the least you can do to give me booze."
Cloud met his eyes, holding them in his intense gaze and analysing them for...truth? Maybe genuine acceptance of his offer, Reno didn't know. Either way, the blond eventually stepped aside, watching as the man before him unlocked the door and pushed his way into the tiny apartment, leaving it wide open for Cloud to follow.
Cloud swept his gaze around the room as he walked towards the bed at the back – apparently, Reno was living in a studio apartment and he hadn't gotten around to purchasing a sofa yet. In fact, it didn't look like he had gotten round to doing much of anything yet. All he had in the tiny space, besides the door which must have lead to a bathroom, was a single bed, a fridge which was unplugged from the wall – presumably empty – and a box containing a screwed up assortment of clothes and picture frames. Empty food wrappers were gathered in the corner near the fridge in a pile which was mostly made up of beer and whiskey bottles.
It wasn't right – even though Cloud had hardly ever known the red-headed Turk, he had never imagined him to live like this. He knew that Reno was rich, to a certain extent, so this squalor was not a result of lack of funds seeing as bank accounts had not been cleared as a result of the chaos. So...why?
"Welcome to my humble abode, Strife. Do you like it?" Reno's voice was a spiteful drawl as he leaned against a wall, sliding down it to sit on the floor across from the bed.
"I thought you didn't want me here? You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to."
Reno snorted. "Whatever. You're here now. I may be a lot of things, but I ain't rude and ignoring you would be rude, yo."
Cloud furrowed his eyebrows, choosing to ignore the fact that telling him that he was 'out of his fucking mind' was pretty damn rude, if you asked him. "I suppose. You got any glasses?"
The Turk snorted. "Yo, you being serious?" He gestured the room in general with one hand.
"Guess I wasn't thinking." He unscrewed the cap on the whiskey and took a swig before offering it to Reno. The man took it with barely concealed anxiousness, desperate for the drink that would burn his throat and make his guilt fade away, however briefly.
Reno drank deeply, pausing for a moment to glance over the neck of the bottle. "You want some more?"
The look in his eyes told Cloud that he really didn't want to give the bottle up, but felt obligated to ask. Hmm...maybe Reno was right about not being rude, after all. In some situations, at least. "No, I'm good – I have to drive later. I brought it for you, anyways."
Reno nodded and carried on drinking until he had cleared nearly half the bottle. He would have kept drinking if he hadn't started feeling that sick, sloshing feeling in his stomach where he had drunk it too fast. It wasn't strong enough – he could still feel. He still remembered everything. "Drunk yet?"
The Turk glanced up, noticing the blur around the edges around his vision – Strife wasn't lying when he said it was strong stuff. "Getting there. Why? You wanna take advantage of me, yo?"
Cloud smirked and tilted his head. "I'm stronger than you – if I wanted to take advantage of you, there's no need to get you drunk." Reno frowned – what did he just say? He shivered slightly at the reminder that the man he was sharing a room with had a prominent dark side – he shared DNA with Sephiroth, after all – that he rarely let out to see. Reno shook his head a little, the motion making the room swirl around briefly – he was hardly an expert on Cloud's behaviour and, for all he knew, this was how he showed his playful side.
"Right. Whatever, man. You think I'm drunk on half a bottle of whiskey?"
Cloud's smirk dropped, his cerulean eyes watching him closely. "I think you're trying to get drunk pretty fast."
Reno's mouth ran dry at the intensity of the gaze – why did he have to notice? Couldn't he just fuck off and not care? The words he had said were simple – not accusatory at all – but the meaning behind them was clear. Those eyes told him what he needed to know – Cloud wasn't going to let it go now that he was sure that something deeper was wrong.
Why him of all people? Rude, his best friend in the world, had been to his place since his brother had died and even he had assumed that it was only grief that had driven Reno to this state. The redhead sighed and closed his eyes, blocking out the dizzying effect that those blue eyes had on him.
It was on the tip of Reno's tongue to tell him to leave – after everything he'd done, he didn't deserve someone to care about him when he needed it. Not when he hadn't been there for his brother. He needed to wallow in his self pity and not burden anyone else with more of his problems. But...he didn't want Cloud to go – he was selfish enough to crave a shoulder to cry on, no matter how much he didn't deserve it. "I know I said to drink yourself into a coma, but I didn't think that you would take it literally."
Reno opened his eyes slowly, staring at the place where Cloud's feet met the floor – he had taken his shoes off at some point, a fact which almost made Reno smile through his inner turmoil. "I'm not in a coma, yo."
Cloud frowned, noticing the sudden lack of fight that Reno had in him. The arrogant charade had been dropped in a matter of seconds, making him wonder what he had said to make the Turk react in such a way. He sighed and pulled himself up, strolling over to Reno and sitting down beside him, noting that his gaze hadn't shifted from the foot of the bed. "Seems to me that you want to be, though."
Auburn eyebrows drew together in a minuscule action, furrowing them in the slightest way. "What makes you say that, yo?"
The blond grew concerned at the way Reno was acting – his focus still hadn't moved from the end of the bed. "The fact that your apartment has no pictures on the walls, no paint or personal touches and lots of empty bottles of alcohol. You're hiding from something in your own head."
Reno's head snapped to the side to glare at him, his lips twisting into a scowl. "How the hell would you know? I just moved in dumbass – I haven't gotten around to decorating, alright?"
"How would I know?" Cloud shook his head in disbelief. "I just spent the past year and a half shunning who I was and what I had become. I resented anyone who tried to help me and refused to believe that the memories that I had thought were my own were actually someone else's entirely. The memories that I did have haunted me and were fragmented and manipulated. But I am sorry – clearly you know someone better than me that can understand hiding from yourself."
Reno's jaw fell slack at the outburst, mentally kicking himself for not realising that Cloud would know exactly what he was feeling. But...Cloud was so inherently good – surely if he told him what was eating him alive inside he would shun him like anyone else would.
No, that's not right. Reno closed his mouth and licked his dry lips – if he could tell anyone, he could tell the hero of the world, right? It was his job to care about the vulnerable, right? Cloud would save him...even if he didn't deserve it...right?
"It...it was my fault." Reno's voice was so soft that Cloud had to hold his breath to even hear him. Not that it helped – the pounding in his ears from his thrumming heart was nearly overpowering the sound. He couldn't help it – Reno just sounded so...helpless.
"What was?"
Reno glanced up at him briefly before staring at the whiskey bottle in his hands – it hurt his eyes too much to look at the genuine sympathy in Cloud's expression. "I was meant to evacuate the whole of Sector 4, man. How could I not get to my own brother?"
And there it was – the reason why Reno was acting so strangely. He felt guilty – an emotion that, until now, Cloud was unaware that Turks like Reno could feel. "There was no way you could get to everyone, Reno." He kept his voice soft and soothing, knowing more than anyone that telling someone that things weren't their fault never makes them stop feeling guilty.
"Right...right." Reno's voice was steadily gaining volume, the hysteria that he had contained for the past week was beginning to spill out of the small gap in his emotions that he had opened to Cloud. He never meant to divulge too much but...Cloud wouldn't tell anyone. He just needed to get it out – to have someone tell him that it would be okay, even when he knew it wouldn't be. "I didn't even know where the fuck he was – I went to my Ma's house and he wasn't there. She was freaking out but I got her out of there. I just...I couldn't find him in any of the places that I knew he used to go."
"Reno..."
"She was begging me to find him." He couldn't stop now. It was all pouring out of him like a huge body of water – the dam was fractured and it was too late to fix it. He just hoped Cloud could handle getting soaked in the process. "I tried – I really did. But Meteor got too close – Rude dragged me to a shelter to wait it out."
"Reno–"
"And you know what's funny?" He interrupted yet again, his voice unsteady. "They found his body in the ruins of the old Shinra building. He was looking for me!" His eyes focused of a droplet which had landed on his clenched fist in his lap, only realising then that he was crying. It didn't matter – none of it did right now. "I could have called him."
"The phone lines were out." Cloud's voice was gentle as he shifted closer and slung an arm around Reno's shoulder's, pulling him into his side.
The redhead froze briefly, unfamiliar with the idea of human contact being simply for comfort. Doesn't matter, remember? He clenched his jaws against the sobs and buried he face into the junction between Cloud's neck and shoulder, putting down the whiskey to wrap his arms around his waist. "How many was it?" He asked, voice soft once again, after a few minutes of trying to get himself back together.
"How many was what?" Cloud murmured back, his cheek resting on the top of the gelled-stiff hair below his face.
Reno clutched onto the warm embrace desperately, despite the fact that Cloud hadn't shown any signs of letting go, pressing his eyelids tighter together to stem the flow of tears."...how many people did I kill? When I blew up the Sector 7 pillar. How many brothers died?"
After a moment, Cloud shrugged. "How many people died when I gave Sephiroth the Black Materia? It was my fault that he was able to summon Meteor."
The head against Cloud's shoulder shook in disagreement. "Not the same thing, man. You didn't do it on purpose."
"Same difference. I did it because he made me and, I don't know what was making you do it, but you didn't want to blow up that pillar." Cloud's voice sounded so certain, Reno wanted to cry all over again. Why couldn't he see how much of a shitty person he was? Reno should be telling him to run for the hills, but...he was so selfish and the hug felt so nice. When was the last time anyone just hugged him when there was no other reason for it other than to hold him? Reno couldn't remember. He couldn't let it end yet.
"How can you be so sure, yo?"
Cloud shrugged again, feeling strange about answering in the way that he was going to. "...I know you." He'd never been so sure of anything in his life. Somehow, he knew Reno – better than anyone, he suspected.
Reno bit his lip, pondering the answer. "Yeah...you do, don't you?"
Reno spent the next hour or so telling him about why he did it – about how Rufus' father, when he was in power, wanted all of the Turks executed for their disloyalty towards him. He spoke about how Veld, the ex-leader of the Turks, had been named a traitor when he had abandoned his post as leader in order to save his daughter from certain death. The Turks had been ordered to shoot him on sight, but none of them could bring themselves to do it and ended up helping him – the President found out and planned to have them all executed for it. When Veld and his daughter were captured, Tseng was forced to turn his gun on them in front of Reno and Rude – the President told him that if they died, then the Turks would be free to continue working for Shinra.
"It came at a cost, though." Reno breathed unevenly against Cloud's chest, calming himself down from reliving the painful memories of being hunted down by Shinra and seeing his friend and colleague gunned down at the end of it. Something Cloud could sympathise with, of course. The only difference was that Veld and Elfé, his daughter, didn't die after they were shot – Tseng made sure that it was all for show. A fact that Reno was not aware of at the time. "After that, the President kept on testing us for loyalty. He kept giving us tasks like set these huge machines on you and your friends when you were working as AVALANCHE and like...blowing up the pillar to crush you. He wanted to see where our loyalties lied – with him or with Tseng's little debt."
Cloud frowned at the redhead's last comment – over the past hour or so, he had felt closer to Reno than he had ever felt before. He understood him better and could even accept why he had done the things he had done. But... "Debt?"
"Yeah...he feels like he owes you, yo – for not getting to Fair in time." Reno shook his head and sighed, his voice lowering in volume once again. "You shouldn't have seen that."
Cloud closed his eyes and steeled himself against the remembered pain – he knew now that Tseng had tried to save him and Zack and he bore no grudge against the man, but all he could ever say when he thought about it was what if...
Maybe a change of subject was in order. "What was his name? Your brother."
Reno swallowed around a dry mouth, realising that Cloud still wasn't open to talking about Zack. "Ryan." His stomach...felt normal. He was so sure that it would hurt, or feel weird at least, to say his name.
Cloud pressed he face into Reno's hair once again, feeling his fear of talking about Zack fade away to be replaced with his sympathy for Reno. The man seemed to feel better after he talked things out, even when he didn't think he wanted to, so Cloud assumed that talking about the good times the brothers had shared would make him come out of this slump. Not straight away, of course, but maybe it would help him to express his grief more healthily. "What was he like?"
"He...was a real geek, to be honest – like, really smart and had no idea how to talk to other kids his age. He wasn't bullied or anything, I made sure of that, but he didn't have a whole lot of friends, yo. The ones he did have, though, they were keepers, you know? Really good to him." Reno shook his head, the shadow of a smile creeping onto his face. "Yo, the first time I ever caught him looking at porn was in a fucking book – had aliens on the cover and everything." A chuckle bubbled up from between his lips. "'Course, I teased him relentlessly for ages after, yo. I'm his big brother after all. But...he was happy. That's good enough for me."
Cloud smiled at the story, concealing it in the Turk's hair – Reno was just a normal person after all. He could care about people and form relationships. He just seemed so much more human to Cloud now. Nothing was going to be the same between them after this night, he knew. "Sounds like me as a kid."
Reno snorted. "What, you read alien porn?"
"Not quite. Just the geek part." Cloud shook his head, eyeing the whiskey bottle that Reno had been sipping out of throughout the night at a more rational pace. He had begun to relax more against Cloud in his intoxicated state – or maybe he was really feeling as calm around Cloud as the blond felt around him. "Want me to take you to bed?"
Reno looked up at the blond with a small smirk. "Thought you said you weren't gonna take advantage of me, yo."
Cloud sighed in mock exasperation. "Let me rephrase – do you want to go to sleep?"
Reno nodded and shifted his arms so that they were wrapped around Cloud's neck as the other man scooped him up easily with his arms under his knees and shoulders. He closed his eyes as he let Cloud carry him smoothly to the bed – he breathed in slowly and deeply, catching the fresh scent of washing detergent and a subtle hint of a nice aftershave, though it didn't seem from this distance that Cloud had ever needed to shave. He smelled so clean – pure. It was intoxicating.
He felt himself be lowered to the soft sheets before gentle hands removed his shoes and tie, making him more comfortable. "Is there anything you need before I go?" Reno opened his eyes slowly, revealing Cloud sitting on the bed beside him, looking into his eyes honestly.
He didn't know why he did it – maybe it was a combination of the alcohol and the lingering scent of Cloud on his skin, but in Reno's mind, it was the most logical thing to do to show his appreciation for the comfort he had provided. Reaching up, he grabbed a hold on the front of Cloud's muscle shirt and pulled him down, lifting his head to make their lips meet.
The blond froze in shock, his eyes open and taking in the sight of the auburn lashes of Reno's closed eyelids caressing his smooth, pale cheeks. The red tattoos that had always fascinated him seemed to be in sharp contrast to the man's skin at this proximity, framing his slightly slanted eyes and giving him an exotic appearance. Not that Reno had ever been dull looking – Cloud had always had a thing about the man, choosing not to do anything about it due to his fickle loyalties. But now...he had already admitted to himself that his views on Reno had changed...
Reno gasped lightly when he finally felt Cloud respond to the kiss, letting his lips part easily at the questing tongue. He regretted drinking so much because his head felt light and his mouth was numb, stopping him from feeling the full affect of the tongue caressing his own. Cloud's lips moved gently as the blond tilted his head and lowered himself onto his elbows, deepening the kiss by wrapping his own tongue around Reno's, drawing it into his mouth and sucking on it lightly.
Reno's body grew hot at the action, making him wrap the arm that wasn't gripping onto Cloud's shirt around his neck, bringing him closer. He tried to increase the pace, nipping at Cloud's lower lip and pressing his lips harder against the blond's own, groaning in frustration when he continued at an unhurried pace.
"Mmm, Cloud." He gasped, breaking out of the kiss, pressing his lips against Cloud's skin as he made his way to his throat. "Fuck me..."
"Reno." Reno took that as a sign of acceptance, not noticing the firm tone that the man had used. He continued kissing along his jaw, letting his hand stop gripping Cloud's shirt so that it could trail down his chest, revelling in the hard muscles spanning across it. "Reno, stop." His hand was stopped in its tracks by Cloud's own as the blond leaned back, away from him.
It was only then that Reno realised that Cloud was saying no. The young blond's lips were beginning to swell from his passionate aggression, but his eyes were soft and understanding – they certainly weren't lustful. "Just...just go." His stomach turned in embarrassment and disappointment – he really thought they had made a connection. His drunken mind couldn't comprehend any other reason for Cloud saying no other than the fact that he didn't want him. "Leave my fucking house and don't come back." He yanked his hand out of Cloud's and turned on his side, facing away from him, his face burning with humiliation.
"You know that I'm not going to leave you." Cloud turned and leaned against the wall at the head of the bed. "I don't want it to be like this if it happens."
Reno frowned and glanced over his shoulder curiously, ignoring the fact that everything he could see was spinning. "What?"
Cloud shrugged, looking down at the redhead. "I wouldn't want you to wake up sober tomorrow and think that it was a mistake if we fucked or whatever. I wouldn't want you to make the excuse that you were drunk or you were upset and needed comfort, and I wouldn't want our first time together to be forever associated with everything that we talked about today." He smiled sheepishly at Reno, reaching down to stroke his face briefly. "Call it the geek in me."
Reno snorted and turned his head back around to rest of his pillow. "Didn't know that you were so damn mushy, yo." But Cloud had seen the tiny grin on his face before he turned around.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Reno's head was pounding when he woke up – his mouth was dry and his eyelids felt like sandpaper when he slowly opened them – but he felt calm and content for once. He still had the lingering feelings of grief over his brother, but his talk with Cloud had reduced the feelings of guilt and depression into more manageable doses. He cringed a little at the memory of how he had acted towards the end, but, again, Cloud's words had made him feel better about it.
He pushed himself up into a sitting position, frowning at his blurry vision – something looked different, but he could barely see two feet in front of him yet, let alone pick out the details. Sighing and rubbing at his eyes as he reached under his pillow for his phone to check the time. 11:49? Damn...It was a good thing that Shinra was back up and running yet – no work.
Flopping back down onto the pillow, Reno winced at the feel of something digging into the back of his head. "The fuck?" He reached behind his head and pulled out a box of painkillers which had clearly been placed beside him after he had passed out. The silly grin that had been on his face when he fell asleep threatened to return as he realised who must have put them there. "You still taking care of me, Blondie?" Now that he thought about it, he didn't remember falling asleep with a blanket covering him – it could have just been him pulling it over himself in his sleep, but...Reno rubbed his face – he was being so fucking soppy over the guy that he had only recently said more than spiteful words to. Whatever. It probably was the blond fighter who had covered him up – a thought that made Reno cover his mouth to hide the grin that had broken through his restraint. Damn – he was a sap.
Reno popped a couple of pills, swallowing them dry before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, his feet coming into contact with a plastic bag. He snorted and picked it up, peering inside. "You really do have a strong hero streak, don't you?" Inside was a ready made meal in a Tupperware container – meaning that he had driven all the way across Junon to that little hostel that he and Tifa were both staying in until the new town around Midgar was built just to make him a dinner – a bottle of water – presumably to wash the painkillers down with – and a note. He shook his head disbelievingly, taking the note and reading it through.
"Hope you like spaghetti – it's all I can make. If you need to heat it up, use a fire spell or something; you're a Turk – be creative. I had to leave to help with the rebuild of Midgar and I didn't know if you wanted me there when you woke up, but here's my number. Call me if you need anything. Cloud."
The digits of his phone number were, indeed, scrawled across the bottom in the same, oddly boyish, handwriting. Reno laughed lightly and shook his head again. "How can anyone be so fucking nice, yo?" He murmured, putting the number in his phone – just in case.
He sighed, deciding that it was late enough in the day to assume Cloud was on his lunch or something – he wanted to thank him, as out of character as that sounded. He had helped him so much – more than he knew, Reno assumed. "Well, time to get dressed, I suppose." Pushing himself to his feet, he started walking towards the bathroom, freezing when he realised just what was so different about the room. "The fuck? He cleaned my apartment?"
XxXxXxXxXxX
Tifa was casually washing down the surface of her makeshift bar, basking in the unnatural heat from the sunlight streaming through the window. It was late January, but the decent of Meteor had thrown the climate temporarily unbalanced, replacing the usually crisp weather with something akin to what Costa Del Sol would be like in the peak of summer. She sighed, dampening the cloth which had, once again, dried out before she could finish cleaning.
Her wise brown eyes drifted up to watch Cloud, who had taken up a seat at the bar and was talking to Barret in Corel – the gunman was up there with Marlene trying to settle from the chaos while helping to mine cheap, sturdy stone for Cloud to take to the citizens around Midgar to help with construction – a lot of the debris stone was too burnt or held too many bitter memories to use.
"No, it won't be a problem to drive up there – I'll just have to take a trailer or something." Cloud sighed and wrote something down, transferring the phone from one ear to the other to free up his writing hand. "I can't do it tonight – I'm too tired to drive all that way – but I'll be down there first thing tomorrow." Barret said something to him, making him smile in a small way. "No, nothing like that." Cloud rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever, man – see you tomorrow. Say 'hi' to Marlene from me and Tifa." He hung up the phone and finished writing whatever he needed to.
Tifa smirked a little, straightening the glasses in front of her. "He say something about you being tired?"
"You know Barret." Cloud shrugged, folding the piece of paper and putting it in his trouser pocket.
"Yeah, I do." Tifa walked around the bar and sat in the mismatched seat beside Cloud's. "Was it sexual or about you being weak and lazy?"
"Bit of both, really." Cloud offered a half grin. "Something about me having to try too hard to please someone."
"Oh, I see." Tifa snorted, stretching her legs and gazing around the half-full bar which they had put together after they returned from the Northern Cave. She cleared her throat pointedly and rolled her head his way, questioning him with her eyes. "What did you do last night then?" Cloud averted his eyes and took a drink of his condensating orange juice, concentrating on it more than necessary. Tifa's jaw dropped. "Oh, my God. You were with someone last night, weren't you?"
The blond shrugged one shoulder. "Sort of – not like that though." He blew a strand of hair – which had begun to droop slightly from the intense heat – out of his face, wondering if he was going to regret telling her. "I was with Reno of the Turks."
Tifa's eyebrows rose from shock. "Reno?"
Cloud's eyebrows furrowed defensively. "Well, yeah – why not? It's not like he's the enemy any more – plus his brother died. I couldn't leave him alone when he was so upset."
The woman before him shook her head again, this time with morose acceptance. "You and you're hero streak. That's going to get you into trouble sooner or later." Her face tensed suddenly as she looked sharply towards the entrance. "I'm willing to bet that it's sooner."
Cloud followed her gaze, his hand automatically reaching for the sword that wasn't strapped to his back at the moment – it was stashed behind the bar so that he wouldn't scare away customers. He stopped when his eyes locked onto aquamarine ones, belonging to the very man that they were talking about. The fact that he was accompanied by Rude, Elena and Cissnei made his nerves tingle with adrenaline, but he forced himself to calm down. Reno wouldn't bring the to attack him after last night, would he?
The redhead leaned back and spoke to Rude briefly, only receiving a nod in return, and then approached Cloud and Tifa. "Heya, Lockhart. Mind if I talk to your bud, Cloud, here?"
Tifa frowned and glanced towards Cloud, asking silently what he wanted her to do. He nodded, showing her that it was fine. "Friendly visit?" Tifa asked suddenly.
Reno nodded. "Of course, toots. I wouldn't bring trouble to your home turf – not now, anyways."
She nodded and walked around the bar again. "Drinks?"
Cloud lifted his orange, indicating that he didn't need one, while Reno ordered the same. "Still can't look a whiskey in the eye." He said sidelong to Cloud, surprising him with how openly friendly he was being towards him in public. "And whatever these guys are having." Reno told Tifa, gesturing over his shoulder at his fellow Turks. He thanked Tifa for the drink and lead Cloud to an empty table at the back of the room, away from prying ears. "So, a bar? That was fast."
Cloud nodded, sipping his drink. "Yeah...it's only temporary for some income. You know, 'till we get 7th Heaven back up and running in Edge."
"Edge?" Reno tilted his head in confusion.
"Yeah. That's what we've been calling the space around Midgar that we're building on. I think it's going to stick."
"Right." Reno swept his thumb across the glass, watching as beads of condensation gathered around his thumb. "So, about last night..."
Cloud bit the inside of his cheek – was he talking about that kiss? He wasn't sure if Reno regretted it or not, so he kept quiet – he had put his foot in his mouth far too many times on occasions like these. "What about it?"
"I just..." Reno shifted his gaze towards the rest of his friends who were shooting glances towards the two of them curiously, but were otherwise making polite conversation with Tifa – Rude more than anyone, surprisingly. He licked his lips and brought his eyes back up to meet Cloud's own, trying to show the genuine meaning behind his words. "I wanted to thank you. I was really shitty to you but you still..." He lapsed into silence, unable to admit that he was glad to have been looked after.
"It's okay." Cloud shrugged. "I'd do it for anyone. Plus, we really aren't that different – I think you and I could be good friends once we look past our issues with each other."
"Friends...right." Reno looked vaguely disappointed at the term. He quickly covered it up with a cocky grin. "Yeah, we can be great pals, yo."
Oh, balls...Cloud groaned inwardly, foot-in-mouth syndrome, yet again. He was so bad at telling people what he wanted – he had spent too long pleasing other people and ignoring his own needs. Too late now. He put on a small smile and lifted his glass in a mock toast. "To new friends."
Reno's grin wavered a bit before he put it back on and reciprocated. "New friends." Friends...shit.
Reno pushed back the waves of disappointment he was feeling in favour of talking about Cloud's new role. "So, you're helping to rebuild...'Edge', right?" Cloud nodded affirmatively. "What you doing? Just the hard labour?"
Cloud smirked and shook his head. "No, I'm the delivery boy. The roads are bad and I'm the only one of the team that has anything that can handle heavy loads and can manoeuvre around the debris at the same time."
"Really?" Reno frowned, never recalling Cloud having a car before – he had used the Tiny Bronco and the Dune Buggy to get around before AVALANCHE took the airship and the submarine. Besides, Cloud had been a sixteen year old kid in the military before shit went down in Nibelheim – when had he had the time between waking up from a coma through to cleaning up after Meteor to buy a car? "What you got?"
"Bought a piece of shit bike from some guy a few days ago – had to offer free meals and drinks for a lifetime when we get the bar back up and running because I didn't have much gil on me." He shrugged and drained the last of his juice. "I'm gonna fix her up so she's in better condition, but for now she just gets shit from point A to point B."
"Right." Reno leaned back and imagined Cloud on a sleek bike...of what colour, he couldn't imagine, but the thought alone was – sexy – too damn good for words. "You keep calling it 'her' and 'she'. I'm assuming it's got a name?"
Cloud shrugged and looked a little sheepish – a look the Reno was quickly growing attached to. "Well, I thought about Odin or Kjata – you know, for power – but I kind of like Fenrir. As in the wolf."
Reno nodded, finding it almost comical how appropriate that was. "Well, I suppose if Fenrir can help you with your delivery boy duties, then I guess that's fine, yo."
Furrowing his eyebrows, the blond tilted his head. "Yeah, guess I am a delivery boy now. Might keep it up after were done. A lot of people need stuff delivered and I'll have a bike that can handle the roads."
"A delivery boy?" Reno scoffed a little – not in distaste, but in disagreement. "You don't half pack a punch, Blondie. Seems a waste to waste that strength."
Sighing, Cloud rolled his shoulders. "I'm tired of fighting. I just want peace now – if that means doing something simple for a living, then so be it."
"Solid reasoning." He glanced around the room once again, noting how comfortable his colleagues had made themselves. The clock above the bar indicted that it was nearing 2 o'clock in the afternoon, but he supposed that conventional times and pleasantries were out the window until the world settled down from Meteor fall. "Want to get really drunk?" Who says that it's too early to drink? Cloud looked a little unsure, but Reno knew exactly how to entice him. "Betcha I can drink you under the table."
That got his attention – his blue eyes narrowed slightly at the challenge, his lips twitching at the corners. "You're on, Red."
Three Weeks Later
The dank grey walls of the tiny bathroom stall were doing nothing for Reno's shitty mood. He had returned to work once Shinra had regrouped and managed to contact the remaining employees with the details of their new base – which turned out to be some squalid little office block in the back streets of Junon. Temporary – Reno hated that word so fucking much. Everything for the last month since the fall of Meteor had been temporary. This base was temporary, his docked pay was temporary, his tiny apartment was temporary. It was getting on his damned nerves.
That and the fact that he missed his brother so much. He thought that he could bury himself in plans to relieve Shinra of its shit-deep name – not an easy task with that new thing going around that everyone had been blaming them for. Something called...Geo...Geostigma, was it? Whatever – it was probably some gimmick that will go away on its own. Everything was temporary now, remember? He thought that his work would distract him from the stomach-wrenching pain of grief from losing him, but it didn't. If anything, he was reminded of all those times that Ryan would call him to tell him about some school he had gotten into or even just to ask him about his day and Reno would always reply that he was too busy to talk right now.
Reno sighed and rubbed his face with the hand that wasn't holding his cigarette – the smoke being removed from the stall through a small frosted window that he had opened behind him. He drew his knees to his chest to try and comfort himself – he didn't care how pathetic he looked sitting there on the closed toilet seat, feet up and cigarette in hand. No one could see him anyway.
He would feel better if he talked about it, he knew, but no one was around that he could speak freely to. Rude, Cissnei and Elena were out – they were his friends, yes, but they were also his colleagues that he needed to maintain professional relationships with. Then there was Tseng and Rufus...no. Definitely not – they were both his bosses and, despite the fact that Rufus had known him longer than anyone at the company, he was still recovering from the Weapon incident and was under a lot of stress from trying to write his company's wrongs. In short, he was not the most pleasant person to be around at the moment. His mother? Ha, you kidding? Reno snorted at his own thoughts – his ma blamed him for Ryan's death even more than he did. They hadn't spoken since the funeral. That left...
Reno's finger hovered over the call button, not even realising that he had been searching through the contacts on his phone to find a well-memorised number. He hadn't called it yet, but knowing that he could had soothed him. Now...he needed to talk. Just...hear a friendly voice that wouldn't judge him. Letting out a breath that he had been holding, he quickly pressed the button an held the device to his ear, daring himself not to back out. "Fuck it."
He listened to the rhythmic ringing on the other end, inhaling the last of his cigarette before subbing it out on a small trash can to the side of him as the man on the other end answered.
"Hey, Cloud? It's me. No, no, man – nothing's wrong. I...just wanted to talk to you."
I think I've made Cloud too talkative...oh well. That was the longest chapter that I've written in a long time -.- Plus, notice my excessive use of '…' – it's like an addiction. Hope you liked it .. x