A/N: Sorry for the late update but I had too many exams to revise for and also, somehow I lost my 'inspiration' and dedication to write this so this chapter might suck a bit sorry, also, I was busy writing these 2 oneshots (different stories) of Eunhae and another fan fiction on Kyumin which I'll be uploading soon. Anyway, here's the second to last chapter! Hope you enjoy it :D and please read and review and comment!
Just One Last Dance Chapter 3: Perplexed feelings
EUNHYUK'S POV
I closed my eyes and listened to the soft hum of the plane engine growing softer and feel the effect of the plane descending on my heart.
Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump
Finally, after the plane stopped going round in circles and we were allowed to leave, I rushed out. Why do I feel a strange feeling of excitement, nervousness and joy? It must be because I'm seeing Hae for the first time in years. Yes, that's the reason for my heart to thump painfully against my chest.
One the way to the village where Donghae was, questions suddenly popped up in my head. What if Hae doesn't want to leave Spain? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he's still angry with me? What if he found someone better than me? I'm thinking too much, Hae is only a best friend and a brother to me, so why should I get upset if he chooses someone else as his...lover? It's none of my business to ruin his life. And I won't. As if I haven't messed up enough already. I gulped hard as pain started shooting to my heart. A foreign feeling evades me: desire, pain, hope, lust and longing. All for Donghae. What is wrong with me?
DONGHAE'S POV
"You…you're joking hyung," I saw pain flash on his face, but I couldn't do anything. I don't want to get hurt again.
Love is like a drug, as soon as you allow the poisonous perpetual reaction into your body, contaminating your blood, altering your DNA and infiltrating venom into your heart, you are in danger.
You're in a fatal position that cannot be saved from love except love itself. But this is worth it; you're living the best moments of your life. Little did you know that your heart is not yours anymore, it's just an organ that pumps blood around your body for you to live for a few more decades.
Your heart deceives you into thinking that this feeling will last forever. And you believe it…until the warmth and support disappears. Then the addiction kicks in, reaching you at the speed of light yet leaving you at the speed of light also. After this, is love still desired? The answer is yes. Humans are not evolved enough to learn from their mistakes. Even after you are left exposed to the strident criticisms, the heartless media, the filthy looks and voices so disgusted that you can even apprehend pity in Satan's eyes…can you still believe in love?
You tell yourself that because of this arduous and severe break up, you will be stronger. But actually, you are even more vulnerable and defenseless than before. Each break up will only wane yourself mentally and physically: turning a small crack into a gap and a gap into a hole. Once you start, there is no going back.
Before you try love, you may think your world is fine being the way it is. Then why bother trying it? Peer pressure maybe, feeling adventurous maybe, or just wanting to fit in with the rest of the world. However, when you take on love you realise the massive difference. You will find it much worse when that feeling leaves you once again…lurking around unnoticed, targeting its next victim. Drowning the next person in sweet but deadly nectar, a suffocating and penetrating death, torturously slow. Now your life has altered so much, can you be the same you?
They say, time heals all wounds, but all wounds leave a scar. It is a dark past, a dreadful flaw and an excruciating memory that does not need to be remembered. No matter how much you try and forget, the fact is: it is still there. Haunting you, enjoying the power it has over you: satisfied with you being weak and useless yet still daring to taste love.
The aftermath of love is despair and devastation, hopelessness and cowardice. But, a small portion of your brain is still willing to try love again, to forget the rules and just…be yourself for the first time.
At least, this is what I told myself. I looked up at Mark, who was still waiting for my answer. I swallowed dryly, and opened my mouth to give my reply.
"I, I'm sorry but I only thin-"
"I don't want to hear all those bullshit of I only think of you as a friend or brother, please Hae, please consider me properly. Stop thinking about your Eunhyuk and just look at me sincerely for once." I can't help but feel guilt wash upon me after hearing his confession. Yes, I've had some idea about his feelings for me, but I don't think I'll ever be able to return them.
Mark isn't bad; he's sexy as hell and extremely tolerant of my childish behaviours. He's also affectionate towards me as well as generous and attentive. Yet, his small request I couldn't fulfill. But, he is right. It is time I move on from my monkey, he will never return my feelings not to mention that he hates me.
"I'll try and open my heart for you, but I don't really think I will be able to forget about…him…instantly. I still need some time." I mumbled, I can feel myself heated as I spoke, barely audible. However, it was enough to please Mark for he nearly strangled me when he hugged me. This warmth, no, his warmth, is serene and cozy and I don't ever want to let go.
EUNHYUK'S POV
Great. Now I have no idea where to go after stepping out of the taxi. Teukie hyung doesn't have Donghae's address; he only gave me the name of the village and Hae's work address. Helpful.
I checked my phone and to see that it is already roughly ten to seven. The morning sun peeking from above the clouds, lighting up the world a bit more. I sighed, might as well as take my time searching the village. I don't care how long it will take me, but I will find Donghae. As I walked through the narrow cobble streets, crunching the autumn golden leaves, l saw a café nearby. I walked into it, and ordered with my broken Spanish a strawberry milkshake. The man looked at me like I was crazy, drinking cold beverage in autumn. I probably am crazy. Crazy for Hae, that is. I took out my crumpled paper with Donghae's workplace address from my wallet and showed it to the man.
He looked a bit shocked but nodded in acknowledgement that I was looking for this place and roughly drew me a simple sketch map. He asked me why I wanted to go there and I simply replied 'seeing an old friend'. He then asked me whether I was Korean or not. Seriously, what does he want? I nodded impatiently trying to read the map. The man just said something about half past seven and a man called...Donghae? I don't know. It's most likely I misheard him. He finally gave up and just waved goodbye, and I left.
DONGHAE'S POV
"Let me guess; caramel macchiato with no cream?" the old man at the till asked, smiling. I chuckled. It was our usual routine to do this every morning. Even though I've temporarily left the band, I don't want to pick up any bad habits...like laying in bed for the entire day. I sat in silence. It was comfortable. Hearing the soft pinging sound of the stirring spoon against the cup. He pushed the coffee towards me.
I took a small sip, wincing slightly when it burnt the tip of my tongue. "Your coffee tastes the best." I complemented. He grinned and turned to me saying,
"Why are you being so nice? Something good happen between you and Mark?" I blushed after remembering last night's confession from Mark. I sighed, I asked him whether if he still wants to date me, even if I don't love him. I'm afraid of hurting Mark to say no.
"No-nothing happened," I knew he didn't believe a word I said so I changed the conversation, "Any customers?" I was surprised when he said yes, because normally I'm his first customer.
"There was a guy here a while ago. He ordered a strawberry milkshake even though it is freezing outside." He shook his head, amused. I looked up from my reflection wavering on the coffee, and looed at him to continue. "He asked me for the way to the bar you're working at."
"He's probably a tourist that wanted a drink or something." I guessed. He shook his head before continuing,
"No, but what is surprising is that he had a picture of you in his wallet." Now that hooked my interest.
"My picture…are you sure? Did you wear glasses?" I repeated, making sure I heard properly and teasing slightly. He only chuckled and pretended to take away my coffee.
"You insolent brat, of course I'm sure." I gasped in astonishment.
"What did he look like?" I asked. I don't know why I have this anticipation building inside me.
"White hair, handsome features, tall and skinny." A small, tiny part of me wanted to believe that it was Eunhyuk, but I know that it is impossible. Maybe it was just a random stranger with a picture of someone who looks like me. I mean, I'm in Spain, and Eunhyuk doesn't know that.
EUNHYUK'S POV
After walking according to the sketch map, I found a place similar to a bar. I grimaced when the signs said that it is not open until six pm. I glanced at my watch, just nearly eight in the morning. That means I have ten hours left to kill. I decided to take a stroll, to have a look at the environment Hae is currently living in. I found myself sitting on a bench in a park, and just enjoying the serenity and relaxing atmosphere of this foreign place. I have to admit; Donghae sure knows where to pick for a holiday destination. Yes, this is just a temporary holiday stop for Donghae. He will come back to me, to us, to Super Junior. I will induce him.
DONGHAE'S POV
I went to work as usual, feeling slightly nervous. I remember only feeling like this once, and that was the first time I came here to sing and perform for the bar, afraid of people recognizing me here. Or maybe because I know that Mark will be coming later and watch me perform, as usual. He has never missed any of my performances. Maybe it's because of our new status that's making me taking long breaths. Calm and control, that's it Donghae, just walk on the stage. I took a few breaths before taking my guitar slowly out of it's case, and walked onto the stage. The crowd cheered, I smiled before strumming gently a song I composed.
EUNHYUK'S POV
I stood up and walked paced but not too rushed to the bar and walked in. I had enjoyed the afternoon so much that I forgot the time. On hearing his voice, I froze. I turned to the direction of the sound, and saw Hae. As beautiful as an angel, he sat on the tall stool playing the guitar and singing to a song in English that I did not understand. But, his voice so filled with emotions. I sat at the back of crowd, not wanting to be seen yet. I'll make my visit a surprise.
However, a man emerged from the curtains of the stage and placed a stool next to Hae's, and sang with him.
Just one last dance
Before we say goodbye
When we sway and turn around, around, around,
It's like the first time
Just one more chance
Hold me tight and keep me warm
'Cuz the night is getting cold
And I, don't know where I belong
Just one last dance
Irritation surrounded me, I don't know why but I hate seeing Hae being comfortable and smiling to another man. Why am I feeling these emotions? He's probably just a close friend to Hae. Soon, after listening to Hae sing some more songs, he bowed and left backstage. I followed quietly, ready to surprise my fishy. I chuckled at the image in my head of Hae surprised.
Anger surged my veins when I saw that man lean down to kiss Hae, my fishy. Even though it was only a quick peck on the cheek, I still hate it. Without realising, my body started to act on its own by walking up to them and interrupting their sweet conversation.
The man nudged Hae after seeing me standing there, waiting for their attention. My heart fluttered when our eyes met, electricity heating our body. I watched as the younger tried to speak but closed his mouth after each attempt. I couldn't help but find it utterly adorable. Wait, did I just say adorable? What am I thinking? He's adorable, as a brother of course.
"Hyu- Hyukkie, w-why are y-you here?" was his greeting. His eyes looked so lost and sad, that guilt pangs me.
"Is that how you greet your best friend?" I joked, feeling heavy tension in the air.
DONGHAE'S POV
"Is that how you greet your best friend?" My crush teased. I can't believe this; he is speaking to me as if our argument from 3 years ago didn't occur at all. Of course, Lee Donghae, how could you still be so clueless? He just wants to forget about that and continue with you normally. This is his soft version of rejection, brought out from the past to just stab me again in the heart, reopening treated wounds. Is he doing this on purpose, to punish me for having unacceptable feelings and desires for him? How did he know I was here though?
"Why are you here?" I whispered, afraid to hear my shaking voice if I spoke any louder. I was slightly shocked when I felt warm hands holding mine, giving me confidence and reassurance: two of the things I needed the most right now. I looked up at Mark, to see him give me his relieving smile; I squeezed his hand to show that I'm fine.
MARK'S POV
I could feel Eunhyuk's stare bore holes into my hand, as he watched my exchange with Donghae. I don't care though, I only want Donghae to feel okay, to make sure he knows that he's not alone in this. I was slightly stunned when I saw Eunhyuk, and from Donghae's description and images of him on the Internet, I knew this man would be Eunhyuk. This is the luckiest man alive, but he doesn't know it. He has Donghae's heart, which I would do anything to have ownership to. Donghae is obviously uncomfortable and troubled by this. It was Eunhyuk who spoke first, breaking the dead silence.
"Um, don't misunderstand Hae, I just want to ask you to come back to Super Junior. We need you, please come back with me." his voice sounded desperate at the end. I can't help but feel scared, Hae's…leaving me? I know that my love is one-sided, but if I don't even try, then there's never going to be a chance for us to be together. I want to be the person Hae wakes up to in the morning, I want to be the person to protect Hae, not Eunhyuk. Donghae cleared his throat before answering,
"Let's not talk about this, Eunhyuk,"
EUNHYUK'S POV
"Let's not talk about this, Eunhyuk," Donghae said. He called me Eunhyuk instead of Hyuk or Hyukkie. I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop tears swelling out of my eyes. This is confusing, why does Hae affect me so much? Wasn't this what I wanted in the first place? A normal relationship? Then why am I trying not to cry? I forced myself to nod and say okay. But, I'm breaking on the inside.
"Do you…do you have a place to stay at?" Hae asked me, I could tell he is trying to steer away from the previous topic. I haven't really thought about that, I guess from my reaction Hae must have known since he then said,
"Do you want to stay with Mark and I? You wont mind right?" he asked that Mark person and me. I replied with a 'if that's okay with you' whilst Mark just smiled genuinely at Hae. I feel pathetic, thick skinned to be almost forcing a stranger to let me stay in their house, but I don't care as long as I'm with Hae. I don't mind being the person everyone hates, just as long as I am with Hae, that's all it matters.
Before I know it, we arrived at the house Donghae lives in. it was a big spacious house, nicely decorated on the inside. Donghae offered me to stay in his room. I kindly rejected but seeing Donghae's pout, I couldn't resist anymore.
"Okay okay, but where will you be staying?" I laughed at his expression, he shifted a bit, and then I heard the most unexpected answer from an unexpected person.
"He will be sleeping with me." the Mark guy said casually. Donghae playfully shoved Mark and then tuned to me and said,
"Don't worry about me, Hyukkie. There's always room for me on the couch." I must admit that I relaxed after hearing him say that he wont be sleeping with Mark, but with me taking his room and he sleeping on the couch is still unfair. I was about to protest when Hae cut me off with a stern glare and a pout, and I couldn't speak any more words of protest.
It was later at night, after we all went to bed, did I realise just how tired I was. I drifted into dreamland immediately but I woke up due to someone shaking me. I rubbed my eyes to get the sleepiness way, only very surprised to see Hae standing next to my bed.
"Hyukkie, can I sleep with you? It's too dark down there," he pouted, I moved over and he slipped into my duvet. His body was freezing cold so I hugged him. When he was about to pull away I hugged him tighter and whispered 'go to sleep' before I rested again. This is the first time in years since I felt this warmth blossom in my heart.