Prompt: No prompt.
Trigger Warning: Suicide is a main focus in this story, so please, please don't read if you're worried you might get triggered.
Elsa hadn't left her room in five days. She'd numbed herself to the gnawing hunger in her stomach until it had eventually disappeared altogether. She hadn't changed her clothes, and she was sure that she looked nothing as a princess should. But it didn't matter anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore, now that Anna was…
She couldn't bring herself to even think it. If she didn't think about it, then it couldn't be true. But she always ended up thinking about it. How could she not? It was her fault.
Elsa could feel the emotions building up inside her once again, but she didn't even try to hold it back. Not anymore. With a quiet sob, spikes of ice formed on the walls around her. Everything in her room was frozen solid. It had been since the morning she'd found out.
She remembered it more clearly than she would have liked to. She had been on her way to wake Anna up for breakfast and morning lessons. She normally wasn't the person to do that, but Anna's maid had been sick that morning and, truth be told, Elsa sometimes liked to be able to watch her sister while she slept, while she could be happy and carefree. Safe. She never could have expected to find what she had that morning.
She'd knocked on the door quietly, to see if, by any chance, Anna was already up and awake. When there was no answer, she'd pushed the door open and walked in, absentmindedly tugging her gloves to make sure that they were secure and couldn't slip off.
"Anna?" She had gone to her bedside silently, hands clasped together in front of her. She could tell that Anna was sprawled out haphazardly under the covers in typical Anna fashion. Her head was poking out from underneath the covers, and her hair was flung across her face. "Anna, sister, wake up," she'd tried again, making sure her hands were only touching the blankets before shaking her gently. Nothing.
She'd shook her head slightly with a soft smile. Anna always did like her sleep. She'd sat on the edge of the bed, daring to raise a hand to gently brush some hair from Anna's eyes, but she'd paused as she reached. The hair that was in front of her face wasn't moving as she breathed in and out. That wasn't normal. Immediately alarmed, she'd placed a gentle hand on Anna's diaphragm, struggling to tell if she could feel it rising and falling as she breathed in and out, but she'd been unable to tell. Her hands had been shaking too much.
She'd tried to keep her calm as she told herself that she was only imagining it. "Anna?" she'd asked, voice shaking slightly. She'd looked to the bedside table to see if perhaps Anna had had some tea or medicine the night before to help her sleep, and it had just knocked her out cold.
Her heart had nearly stopped as she'd laid eyes on a dark vial laying on its side. Her hands shaking, she'd picked the bottle up and turned it over in her hands. She'd read the label and it had felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She'd recognised it, from one of her lessons a while back. She'd been learning about attempts on the crown, and different things that had been used in past assassination attempts. This one had stuck out to her, because the teacher had told her that this was available at almost any apothecary, so long as you had the money for it. It was a deadly poison, one that took a mere thirty seconds to fully act and kill the person drinking it.
Everything had seemed to move in slow-motion as the vial dropped from her hand, shattering on the ground as she'd turned to her sister. "Anna," she'd tried to be firm, but her voice wavered. She'd known she would get no answer. "Anna…" she'd choked out, forgetting her fear of hurting her sister as she threw the covers off of her and shook her harder. "Anna, wake up, please!" But she knew she wouldn't. She'd felt anger rise in her as hot tears spilled from her eyes. "Anna, this isn't funny anymore, stop playing!" But she'd known this was no game.
"Anna… Please…" She'd cupped her sister's face gently, noticing how pale she was. She'd been able to tell, even through her gloves, that Anna was far too cold. She'd been gone for a while now. "No…" she'd whispered, voice catching in her throat. "No… No!" She'd pulled her sister's still form into her lap and had cradled her, rocking her back and forth as she'd screamed at her. "You were so happy… You had so much to live for, everything to live for, why? How could you ever do this, you little… idiot…" Elsa's angry screaming had dissolved into sobs as she'd buried her face in her sister's hair. "I'm so sorry, Anna, I'm so sorry…" she'd sobbed into her hair, kissing her head and pressing her forehead to Anna's. "I let you down, I should have been there for you, and I let you down, it's all my fault, I'm so sorry…" She'd cradled Anna closer as she sobbed harder. She'd remained there for a long time, rocking Anna and telling her everything she'd never gotten the chance to when they were younger, telling her how much she admired her and loved her.
She couldn't remember how long she'd been there when she noticed the little doll clutched in Anna's hand. She'd only cried harder when she recognised it as the doll that Anna had played with as a child, the blonde doll meant to be a substitute for the sister that was never there. She'd gently taken the doll from her grasp, and that had been when she noticed the note that lay folded in her palm. It had been all she could do to unfold the note and read it through her blurred, teary vision.
I'm sorry I couldn't be a better sister to you, Elsa. I love you.
Elsa had let out a heartbroken scream. Anna had thought all of this time that she had been the problem, but it had always been Elsa. This was her fault. As she'd begun to sob again, the letter held in her gloved hand had begun to frost over. All of her emotions were about to break lose, she'd felt it, and her gloves wouldn't be able to hold it back this time.
Knowing that she'd never be able to forgive herself if she hurt Anna, even now, she'd fled, sobbing her apologies to Anna as she'd ran as hard as she could, pushing past the maids and others who had come when they'd heard her screaming. She'd barely managed to make it into her room before a flash of white had shot out of her, and everything around her froze solid as she'd fallen to her knees, sobbing. Everything else had been a blur as she'd yelled, screamed, and thrown whatever she could, alternating between being mad at Anna for leaving, and being mad at herself for causing it all to happen.
And now, five days later, everything was still as frozen as it had been that morning. She had only left the room once, for the service that had been had, but she proved unable to handle it, and had left halfway through, barely making it to her room before another beam shot from her, covering everything in a new layer of ice and snow.
Even now, Elsa couldn't understand why Anna had done it. She had seemed so happy, so carefree. She had mourned when mama and papa died, for a long time. Longer, she thought, than she herself had, but eventually she'd seemed to go back to her normal self. Even in her many days of loneliness and separation from her sister, she had still managed to be so bubbly and adventurous all of the time.
Elsa supposed she had never been more wrong in her life. Anna was gone now, dead and gone and never coming back, and it was all her fault. She buried her face in her hands as she began to weep again, snow beginning to fall around her. All her fault.