Shadows and Morning Light
Chapter 3 – Death is a Disease
Aang shut the door as he stepped out of the room. Everything was quiet. It was so still, it was haunting. Toph's face was turned to the floor. She didn't smile much when she followed the young Avatar around the Earth Nation like this. It didn't matter how many times she sat in the adjacent room, it never became easier. Aang sighed and took a seat next to her, his head sank and his eyes turned to his own set of feet. It never became easier for him either. They spoke not a word; just let the stillness sink into their bones so they might feel even half the weight the family would feel when they came home. It was becoming a routine.
"Aang," Toph was careful, unlike how she used to be, "I think I want to go home now."
"I'm sorry, Toph." He placed his hand on hers, his thumb caressing the side of her thumb, barely grazing the fabric of her clothes, "I know how hard this must be for you."
"It's not that, it's just…" She sucked in a long breath, "I feel like I'm losing hope."
Aang froze.
"I want to be somewhere that people aren't sick. Where I can be around for a long time and I'll be able to feel their heart beat even when I leave." She spoke in a voice so small it was nearly a whisper.
"If you want to leave, I won't make you stay." Aang's eyes locked onto the floor. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave. These trips were hard on him and he needed someone to be there for him during these dark times. Though he knew what he needed, Aang also knew it was no use if she lost hope. His heart ached. From the moment he woke from his ice cocoon in the Southern Water Tribe, he was the symbol of hope and he knew it. Toph was trying to hold on to that thin line of hope, trying to hold on to him, but with each journey it was harder. Aang finally let out a deep sigh, "I don't want you to lose hope." He swallowed hard. He refused to admit it, that at times like these; even he lost that sense of hope. He couldn't admit it. He was the Avatar, "I understand if you need to leave."
"You know Aang; I think a break might be good." She lifted her head, "You've been working on curing everyone for so long; I think you need a vacation."
"What?" His head swung up to stare at her sightless eyes, "One minute you're talking about going home, and now you want to go on a vacation?"
"Look, Aang," She placed a hand on his shoulder, "I need to go home. My mom's probably worried sick and I don't even want to think about how my dad's been since I left again. But you, you need a break."
"I can't take a break, I'm the Avatar." Aang's eyebrows knitted together.
"You're also human. You can't keep this up forever. You can't stop people from dying, even if you spend your whole life trying." Toph forced a small smile.
"No, you're wrong, Toph! Death is just a disease, it can be stopped. Maybe not completely, but it can be stopped here!" He jumped to his feet, pointing back to the door, "He didn't have to die, Toph!" Tears welled in his eyes, "I could have stopped this! I have to stop this!"
"You can't save everyone, Aang. You just have to know who needs saving." Toph stared up towards him as though she could somehow see the pain and sadness that stained his face and burdened his heart.
"And turn my back on everyone else?" He quivered, the tears running down like rivers and dripping from his face, each hitting the ground and sending a vibrations, faint but recognizable.
"You're not turning your back on anyone." Toph stood up.
"There're a lot of sick people. They need me." He trembled, turning his eyes away.
"Yeah, well there are a lot of other people who need you too!" Toph jumped to her feet. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs accusing him of being just as if not more blind than her.
"I know, I know!" He put his hand on his head and shook it back and forth as though it were a nightmare he couldn't escape, "I know how much everyone needs me!" He threw his arms forward at her, "Can't you see how hard I'm trying to make everyone happy?"
"No, as a matter of fact I can't!" She crossed her arms, blindly glaring at him, "I think you're just trying to make yourself happy."
"Happy? You think this makes me happy!" Aang flung his arms in gesture towards the door, once again forgetting her blindness.
"No, I don't but I do think you're just using it as a distraction. Admit it, you never got over Katara leaving you!" Her glare intensified as a red blush started to form on her cheeks, "Ever since she left you, its travel here, travel there, help this person, and help that person! You're just keeping yourself busy so you don't have to deal with it!"
"That's not true!" Aang barked back.
"You know, sometimes I'm glad I'm blind. At least then, when I'm jealous, I don't have to see what it is I'm jealous of!" Toph turned to storm away but was stopped by a hand on her wrist, holding her back.
"Toph, wait." Aang said, quieter than before, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"Let me guess, you're sorry?" She stared forward, not even bothering to turn back around to face him, "Apology not accepted. You need to figure some things out, Aang. Like, why you're really doing this."
"Toph," He held onto her wrist, slightly tighter as she tried to yank it away, "She didn't leave me." The blind girl turned around in awe. Her arm went limp. Aang sighed and let go of her wrist, "I let her go. I had to so I could go into the Avatar state…to save the world. It cleared my head and my heart and to be honest, I started seeing things differently. I know why I'm doing this." He swung his hand around as though to present the long series of journeys laid out on the floor, "I'm running away again." He cringed.
"Aang…" Toph heard the story about how he never wanted to be the Avatar in the first place, how he ran away from it, or at least tried.
"Only this time, I'm running away from myself." He took a step back, "I want to be the best Avatar I can be, but I can't do that if my feelings keep getting in the way."
Toph's head lowered. She'd been too quick to judge.
"I really care about you, Toph. It took me a long time to realize that, and when I did I realized it's because you're the only person who saw me as something other than the Avatar." He shrugged. The familiar warmth of blood rushing to his cheeks greeted him. Toph smiled, matching his crimson appearance.
The door opened and an old woman walked through with a basket of vegetables. She glanced between the two and set the basket by the table. Aang looked up at her with a dismayed expression. She sighed heavily and took a seat on the small wooden chair. Not a word needed to be spoken, the silence was enough. She hung her head and shook it slowly side to side, "Some how I knew this was going to happen."
"I'm sorry; I did everything I could…" Aang's voice faded into a low cough. His chest wracked violently as it grew and then died away.
"You came and tried to save him. There's nothing more I could have asked for, Avatar Aang." The old woman smiled weakly at him as he recovered from the spell. Her old eyes seemed to glaze over with tears, "All we can hope for is a life of happiness, one fulfilled and brilliant, even if it means making sacrifices; but I'm sure you already knew that, Avatar." She stood up, "It was an honor to have you here." She bowed to him as much as her elderly bones would allow.
"It was an honor to meet you." Aang bowed in return.
"Could you stay just a while longer? Perhaps a dinner is in order?" The woman asked in a weak and rickety voice, choking back the tears that glittered in her eyes. Even in loss, she was more concerned with the well being of someone else.
"I'm sorry, we have to be going." Aang sighed and turned back to Toph.
"Where are you headed?" She inquired as she unloaded her basket of vegetables; her face remained down as she allowed herself to cry.
"To an island off the coast of Omashu, Toph got a tip from some locals that this disease started around there." Aang glanced back at his sightless friend. She shrugged and walked to his side.
"It's a little place called Xibalba. To be honest, I didn't think anyone even lived out there, I'm surprised." Toph added.
"That's a dangerous place." The old woman warned, "Lost spirits live on that island. It is a place I wouldn't dare go unless I was dying, and maybe then I would want to get there but even then I'm not certain."
"Why?" Toph spoke before Aang had the chance.
"They say that the lost spirits judge the sick and dying and if they deem you worthy of their pity, they will grant you undying life." She glanced over her shoulder, "Unfortunately, I don't think they've ever felt pity or even know what it is seeing as no one has ever been granted it." The old woman shrugged.
Aang looked at the floorboards. He'd been to the spirit world many times since the war ended. It was a strange place and there were spirits he didn't even know existed. Though he'd journeyed to near every corner, he'd never seen anyone but previous Avatars in the spirit world. He sighed, "We should get going."
"Be careful, Avatar Aang." The old woman waved as Aang and Toph walked out of the house and onto the street.
--
Sokka pulled out his knife and closed one eye, examining the blue stone between his finger and thumb. Zuko looked over his shoulder, watching to make sure the Water Tribe boy didn't cut through anything but the stone. Sokka turned his head slowly, "Don't you have anything else to do? Like, I don't know, defile my sister?"
Zuko rolled his eyes, "We've been over this—
"Yeah, I know." Sokka waved his hand, dismissing the ensuing confrontation, "I get it, but don't you have anything else to do?" He held his hand out toward the necklace, "I'm a little busy right now."
"If I had something better to do, don't you think I'd be doing it?" Zuko lifted his eyebrow. It was out of place for the two to spend any length of time together.
"You have a point." Sokka commended, "So, if you don't mind, what are you doing?"
"Wasting time," Zuko shrugged.
"Aren't you supposed to be the Firelord and be busy with all kinds of Firelord stuff?" Sokka flailed around trying to act out his description.
"I'm not busy all the time, Sokka." He took a step back as the Water Tribe boy stood up and dusted off.
"You weren't always this obnoxious." Sokka groaned.
"That's because you went away on your own, I didn't have to make it a point to try and force you to leave." Zuko folded his arms.
"Right or maybe you're just lonely and just want to spend time with me." Sokka threw his arm around his shoulders and grinned.
"Yeah, that's it." Zuko agreed sarcastically.
"See, I can get you back to being happy." Sokka boasted.
"I'm never happy." Zuko looked at him, rolled his eyes and turned away to leave the Water Tribe boy to his carving.
"Oh come on, Zuko, I know you're happy every once in a while." Sokka called after him.
"No I'm not." He called back as he continued on his way.
"Pff, firebenders," Sokka turned back to the necklace and picked up his knife once more. He pressed the blade onto the stone and started to scratch a few lines onto the surface. His artistic ability was limited if not completely absent. One eye shut and he squinted with the other, carefully scraping at the stone. Sokka stood up, pressing down harder on the blade and leaning closer to the squiggly design, and suddenly there was loud crack. The tip of the knife snapped off and shot sideways into his hand. He jumped up with a yelp, dropping the knife and gripping his wrist.
He looked at the wound. The fragment stuck out only slightly, most of it was buried deep in the side of his hand. Sokka's eyes turned to the broken knife on the table. He picked it up and took a deep breath. His hand was throbbing. With that, he pressed the broken blade into the wound near the fragment and tried to pry it out. The piece wedged deeper and Sokka again yelped. He glared at the injury and tried once more to use the broken knife to fish out the piece in his hand.
"What are you doing?" Zuko's voice interrupted from the hallway, a letter in his hand.
"What does it look like?" Sokka turned around, half way hysterical, holding up his injured hand and the knife he was using to attempt to fix the problem.
"What did you do?" Zuko cringed at the sight.
"I was trying to make that stupid necklace and the blade broke! And now I can't get it out of my hand!" Sokka squealed.
"I don't even want to know how you broke the blade." He walked forward, set the letter on the table and grabbed Sokka's wrist, looking at the wound. He glanced up at the boy, worry covered his face. Zuko's serious look returned to the boy's hand. His thumb pressed down on his wrist, Sokka's muscles pulled tight. Zuko's grip tightened in response as he pushed down and started pushing along Sokka's hand towards the wound. Sokka tried to pull back. Zuko yanked his arm, slammed his hand on the table and turned his back to the Water Tribe boy.
"What are you doing?" Sokka yelled as pushed against Zuko's back trying to get free. A surge of pain shot up his arm as Zuko pressed down on his hand again.
"Just hold still." He said between clenched teeth. He held down with all his strength and pressed against Sokka's hand one more time. The Water Tribe boy groaned in agony, his hand flexed, and suddenly the pain eased. Zuko turned around holding the small metal piece between his fingers, "If you want to get something out, don't push it in deeper." He set it on the table next to the scroll, "You've been here for over a month, managed to get four different injuries and made almost no progress on that necklace. Unbelievable."
"What's this?" Sokka picked up the rolled paper, completely ignoring Zuko's analysis of his craftsmanship.
"A messenger hawk just brought it in. Aang and Toph are headed to an island off the coast of Omashu. They're taking a vacation." Zuko shrugged.
"They've been spending a lot of time together lately." Sokka glanced up at the Firelord.
He lifted his eyebrow in surprise, "You're right."
"Now they're going on a vacation together." Sokka rubbed the scruff on his chin.
"Is it possible?" Zuko asked suspiciously.
"I wouldn't doubt it." Sokka glanced towards the window.
"I wonder what the sudden need for a vacation is all about." Zuko turned his attention out the window as well. Katara was out shopping with Iroh. They spent entire afternoons searching for new clothes and things for the baby. Zuko wasn't fond of shopping so most of the time he would stay back and catch up on his work. Today however, they simply left without him. Zuko's eyes narrowed, "The world's been pretty calm lately. I feel like I'm missing something."
Sokka's back straightened. Apparently no one told the Firelord about the disease spreading through the Earth Kingdom. Sokka glanced around for a moment. There surely was good reason, something to inquire with Iroh about later, "He's the Avatar, he's always busy."
Zuko nodded, skeptical but accepting of the story; he was nobody's fool and didn't have to ask any further to know something was out of place. There was peace, prosperity, and yet Aang was always off somewhere doing something. The pieces didn't fit together. Sokka turned and left him to his thoughts, heading out to find some bandages for his fresh wounds.
--
Aang climbed back on top of Appa. It was the last stop before they would cross the ocean to the strange island. Toph crawled up Appa's tail and found a comfortable place on the saddle. Aang glanced back with a silent smile. A pain shot up from his diaphragm and into his throat. It was a dry heat. He spun back around and buckled over in a spasm of violent coughs. His head grew cloudy and dizziness filled his eyes. He gasped, trying to suppress the spasms of his diaphragm as they thrashed his body up and down. Toph leaned over, panicked by the sound, her fingers digging into the rim, "Aang! Aang, are you okay!" She called to him, as he lost hold of the reigns and fell off Appa's head, collapsing to the ground. The coughing started to slow. Toph jumped down and grabbed hold of his withering figure in an attempt to contain the spell, "Aang! Aang!"
A/N: You know, I hate doing cliffhangers, but I did one. _ I'm so terrible. Yeah, go ahead and try to guess what's going to happen next. Sorry this chapter didn't have much Zutara. But there was a little Taang goodness. Right? And Zuko and Sokka had some nice bonding time in there. Oh Sokka... XD
Alright, so leave me some yummy comments, maybe som predictions....ideas...whatever. Oh and if you can guess where I'm getting my chapter titles (WITHOUT CHEATING) I'll write in something special just for you!!! :D
Until next time!
-Amy.