Title: Half Empty, Half Full
Rating: MA
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story. All of the characters belong to Kurt Sutter. They are merely pawns in my imagination.
Summary: This is her story, from her point of view. The story of two lovers, three friends, and one town not big enough for all of them.
Chapter Three: Breathing is Essential
I had pictured the moment that I would see him over a hundred times. Over and over again- I was dressed up, and had my makeup done. Every night for the first week, I would dream about it. How my hair would flap in the wind, my face would glow, and how I would have lost 5 pounds by then. It had been two weeks! I had spent the last two weeks trying to get my life in order. Andy was enrolled in day care. I was finally set up with an office at my job. I had managed to wipe down every inch of my house twice. There was nothing left to do but wait.
That's how I knew he was avoiding me, Charming wasn't that small. The entire town was talking about how I had come back with a kid in tow. How I had run away, and no one knew why. I was literally on the edge of my seat, about to fall over, waiting to run into him. Time was not on my side, I was getting older by the day.
But I never expected to run into him outside of the laundromat. My hair was in the nastiest, unwashed bun possible. Ripped tanktop, and bleach stained sweat pants. I wanted him to see pretty me, to see the abs I had spent the last year working on. The hair I was growing out. Just anything other than "laundry day" me.
I groaned, as I found him leaning against his bike as I exited the laundry mat with a laundry basket in tow, his ankles crossed. Nerves set in, as I began to fumble for words. I walked towards him, dropping the basket at my feet. "Hey," I said quietly. That was the best I could do? Who wouldn't want to be with someone so smooth?
"What are you doing here?" He asked, roughly, taking his leather gloves off. That accent. It was like I got punched in the gut. I struggled to breathe and think. I was not expecting those words to be the first thing he said to me. In my version of this very specific event, he would sweep me off of my feet and kiss me, not be giving me the death stare.
I cleared my throat, all of those dreams useless as I struggle to articulate anything at this point. "Right now, laundry. In Charming, getting settled back in," I said, mentally kicking myself. Out of all the things to say, that was the best I could do? There was a time I tell you that I was sharp witted, sexy and fierce, but that would only get me killed now. "What, Nevada didn't pan out? Forced to come back home, were we?" He sneered at me. I was out of practice deciphering the accent, so I struggled to piece it all together. Did he just admit he knew where I was all along?
It had been a while since I had seen this side of him. Seemed like everyone in Charming had this side to them. Time and research has proven that the longer you stay in this town, the darker your path becomes. "If I remember correctly, you told me to leave. That you were no good for me," I replied. I knew that was a low blow, but I wanted to make him feel as uncomfortable as I did in this moment.
"And the kid?" He asked. It seemed like he paused for a second, not sure what to expect from me, or where to go next with his line of questioning. I scoffed and I ignored him, refusing to talk about Andy with him. "I left Charming for several different reasons. You were among them, yes," I spat out. I shifted nervously on my feet, the silence between us heavier than a dead body. I stared straight at him, refusing to back down. The longer he went without killing me, the more courageous I felt.
"I hope time has treated you well," I said. After a few moments of staring at everything except each other, he drew in a deep breath and let his eyes find mine. "Why are you back here? After 2 years?" He asked. I shrugged, because I didn't have an answer. "Charming has been nothing but good to me, why not?" I said, sarcastically, feeling my sanity slipping away as I thought about all the damage that had been done in this town. I knew it was crazy to come back here, but I felt the pull. The urge to be back here. I knew it was self destructive of me to do so, but I needed to come back here. He, however, was not amused with my reply nor did it appear that he was enjoying my presence.
"You should've stayed gone," he said, before turning around and putting his helmet on his head. He climbed onto his back and looked over at me. It was like I could feel his eyes burning into me. "Charming isn't an easy place to forget, okay? I left here and didn't look back, but I did leave something behind. Myself. I just feel like I'm not the same girl anymore," I said, softly.
He smirked, looking over at me and slid back into his gloves. "Maybe you should've stayed gone. That girl you're trying to get back, wasn't easy to forget, her scars were hard to remove," he said, before turning his bike on. I stepped towards him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Say the words, Filip, and I'm gone," I said.
"Again. You'll be gone again," he said, before driving off. I stood there dumbfounded, staring after him. I'm pretty sure the people walking past me tripped over my open mouth on the floor. After a few moments of complete and utter despair, I grabbed my laundry basket off of the ground and climbed back into my car, rushing to get home and wallow in my misery.
I was too caught up in my current game of Sudoku, that I didn't notice her enter the restaurant. Wendy slid into the seat across from me, pulling her sunglasses off of her face. There she was... the person closest to being called my best friend once upon a time. I snapped out of my trance and put my phone away, reaching over and hugging her. She smiled back at me, taking a sip of her water.
Oh, wow. Wendy and I had known each other for what felt like forever. I knew her before she became a junkie, and when she became one, but this was a whole new Wendy. I sighed softly, taking a look at what you used to be my dear friend. We were thick as thieves once, but things changed soon after we both started using drugs. I managed to bounce back, but she didn't, spiraling out of control. The few times I spoke to her during those years, she resented me for giving up the drugs. She resented me for not saving her too.
"How are you?" I asked, flipping through the menu. She shrugged, leaning forward and pushing back a strand of hair behind her ear. "I need to know, are we okay?" She asked, concern on her face. I drew my eyebrows together, shaking my head softly. "I came here to apologize to you, for how things ended up happening between me and you," I said. Wendy smiled and laughed. "Can we just put everything behind us? I had a big role in everything too. I'm just happy you are back in town again," she said, reaching over and covering my hand with hers.
I glanced down at her hand, nodding and smiling at her. If only everything could be this easy. "I'm good, a little weirded out by everything has happened lately," she said, picking up her menu. I nodded along. "How is it? To be back under Gemma's watch?" Wendy shrugged, glancing through her menu. "It's difficult, you know. I just feel like she's watching me all day long, waiting for me to mess up. It's great though, spending time with Abel, being able to hold him." I knew the feeling very well. I was too under the town's watchful eyes. "At least you have second chance, Wendy. You're clean now, and those kids need you."
Wendy shook her head, motioning to the waiter. We ordered some salads, and waited patiently for them. "I didn't it want it this way. Before everything happened, Tara and I were working on it. She was finally coming around to the idea of me being a part of his life. Now, I'm afraid I'll never measure up to her. That the first time I mess up, they will judge me based on her," she said. A few moments later, the waiter appeared with our food.
We began to eat, catching up on town gossip. "How are things going for you? I'm sure you're still getting the cold shoulder from everyone," she said. I nodded along, finishing my bite. "Actually, everyone is pretty good with the idea of me being back. I think it's mostly Chibs that is holding out on me," I responded. I didn't feel bad about any of it, I knew I deserved it. "Yeah, the men in this town don't forget too easily. What about the kid?" She asked.
I paused, sighing softly. "I'm sure everyone is assuming things about me," I said. Wendy laughed. "I've heard some crazy shit, sister. You ran away with another man. You were some kind of prostitute back in Nevada. You got knocked up and came back home. All sorts of crazy stories. What happened?" There was the loaded question. The other truth I wouldn't reveal. How could I? I slept with Happy. Jax found us. I ran away like a scared little child so no one would get hurt. I abandoned everything and everyone.
"I... couldn't breath anymore. Not in this town." This part was true. Jax's hands around my throat was really cutting off all means of inhaling. "I just left one night. I didn't know I was pregnant when I did, and then by the time I realized it, it was too late." Wendy nodded along. "So it's true, the kid's his?" She asked. I nodded, running a hand over my face. "I'm sure Gemma is running wild with that one."
She shrugged. "She mentioned it in passing, but I'm not sure she's sharing it freely with everyone. I think everything that has happened with Tara is making her realize how easily people get taken away in this town," she said. I thought about it, this town has lost a lot of good people, usually in short amounts of time. "Do you think we'll ever be the same? The town? Us?" I asked, staring out of the nearby window.
Wendy nodded slowly, putting her fork down. "We won't ever be the same. Too much has happened already. I think we'll be better and smarter, next time around." I thought about her response and realized she was right. If I was going to make things work with Chibs I would need to be better stronger. This time around, I needed to be smarter.
Oh, and keep my legs closed.