Barbara almost missed her stop. She had been so busy daydreaming that she had lost sense of space and time. Instead she was back in Tommy's house. The heat of his breath tickled her ear as he whispered into her heart. It had not been an order, a question or a statement, simply the verbalisation of what they had both wanted. He had held her hand as he led her upstairs then gallantly offered her a choice of beds. She had seen the trepidation in his eyes that she might not stay with him but it had not been a difficult choice.

She had expected him to kiss her then make love to her. She had wanted that but Tommy made no attempt to touch her, even when they were behind his closed bedroom door. He had rummaged in his dresser then tossed her a tee-shirt and suggested she change in the ensuite. She had been confused and a little hurt but she had complied. His bathroom, with its cream marble walls, gold taps and large bath was a world away from her poky little one which had barely enough room for her shower. She sighed and stripped off her clothes. She was not sure whether he expected her to leave her underwear on or not. What was the protocol for sharing a bed with a man? And a lord of the realm at that, who had bedded more women than Barbara cared to think about. She decided to be comfortable; so bra off, knickers on.

When she returned Tommy was lying in bed. His chest was bare and she wondered if below the sheets he was naked. What the hell do I do now? He must have seen her uncertainty because he lifted back the sheets and patted the bed beside him. His smile was caring and instantly eased her fear. He had blue striped sleep pants on. It was not the style she expected he would wear and she grinned broadly, thinking he looked like Aladdin. The bed was his cave and perhaps she was his treasure.

"You getting off Miss or just blocking the door?" The bus driver was becoming aggressive.

"Sorry, I was...thinking about something else."

"Well my schedule doesn't allow for your daydreaming! Now either get off or sit down."

Barbara stepped onto the kerb muttering a curse under her breath. She stomped along the road to her flat unsure whether she was angry at the driver, Tommy or herself. She took a quick shower then climbed into bed. The nights were much lonelier now with the fresh memory of a loving embrace. She sighed then pulled out the laptop and logged in. Tonight she had learnt about the information on death records and she wanted to see if her great grandfather's details were available.

Despite his best attempt Tommy could not get drunk enough to block out his raging, contradictory emotions. He was relieved Barbara did not have another man but he was perplexed that she had not told him about her course. Did she think he would disapprove? Or did she not trust him enough to confide in him? The more he dwelt on it the more livid he became about her ancestors taking precedence over a very tangible, live relationship.

The moment Barbara had accepted his invitation to share his bed Tommy had vowed to cherish her and protect her. When she had come from the bathroom dressed in one of his old tee-shirts she had looked so adorable that his vow waivered as his eyes scanned her naked legs. He wanted to run his hands over her body and make love to her, very, very slowly. An unmistakable flicker of yearning was in her eyes when she surveyed his naked chest but there was also a deep apprehension and vulnerability. When they made love Tommy did not want fear or any other negative thoughts to hold her back. He wanted her to share her body and her desires freely. He gave her his most affectionate smile then lifted the sheet and invited her to join him.

He dimmed the bedside light to almost nothing then pulled her gently against his chest. One arm was under her neck and his hand lightly caressed her back while his other hand dared to rest on her hip, his fingers extending suggestively over her buttock. Slowly her rigidity softened and her face nuzzled into his chest while her arm crept over his waist. "Comfy?"

She had nodded, her chin tickling his chest in the most delightfully erotic way. He inhaled slowly then began to talk. He had intended it to be a prelude to their first kiss but over the next few hours as they talked they had confessed their most deeply held secrets. When that magical first kiss had come it was a deep, spiritual connection that surpassed understanding. Nothing about it had been sexual and Tommy had happily drifted to sleep knowing that in Barbara he had found his future and his salvation.

He picked up the empty bottle and swayed out to the kitchen. He lined it up with the others from this week then stared at the proof that he had a problematic relationship with alcohol as well as Barbara. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight. Barbara should be home and was probably asleep but he needed some answers. He quickly typed a message and pressed 'send'.

Her phone buzzed and lit up. Barbara frowned then picked it up.

Know itts late. Can we ralk? Calk me if youte awke.

She hesitated a minute while she thought through her options. She could ignore it until the morning and feign ignorance. It was plausible but for Tommy to text her at this time when he was clearly unable to see what he was typing and probably drunk meant that he needed her. She knew he hated her knowing he was drinking too much. He would not call unless something was wrong. She dialled his number, dreading the conversation.

"Barbara?"

"Yes Sir, you texted me. Are you okay?"

"No."

She waited for him to go on. When he did not expand she prompted him. "What happened?"

"I drank too much." She heard him pause so waited. "Will you come over?"

"It's after midnight. I don't think it's a good idea Sir."

"Why did you leave me? How, after that night? I thought you understood..."

There was a slight slur to his voice but the pain was clear. Tears well up in her eyes knowing she had caused it. "I haven't left you Tommy."

When she had first called him by name during their night together she had pushed his hair out of his eye and given him a shy, cheeky grin. He groaned at the memory of her fingers slowly tracing their path across his forehead. "Well you're not here! You're not beside me where you should be. Where I thought you wanted to be." He was almost shouting. "You'd rather sleep with my PC and chase dead people!"

Barbara gasped. How could he know what she was doing? She had not told anyone. "At least dead people aren't drunk and obnoxious. Good night Sir." She hung up and switched off her phone.

Tommy did not come into work the next day. By ten o'clock Barbara was worried and paced the corridor. In the mood he had been in she would not be surprised if he had done something foolish like try to drive to her flat. She did a quick scan of all reported accidents and was relieved to find he was not listed. She had no choice but to go to his house. "Winston, I'm on my mobile if you need me. Not sure what time I'll be back."

Barbara caught a cab to his house. She rang the bell then waited. She rang it again when he did not appear. She tried his mobile but it was turned off and went straight to voicemail. In desperation she rang his home number. She heard the phones inside the house ring.

"Lynley."

He sounded dreadful but he was alive. "It's me. I came over to see how you are."

"Hungover, depressed, remorseful, self-pitying, angry, confused and in need of another drink. Does that cover it?"

"Come down and let me in."

"Oh, now you want to acknowledge me! Not when I invited you to dinner. Not when I wanted to lavish you with flowers and love. No, not when I was deliriously happy. No, you want to see me wretched. Well I don't want to see you Havers. I loved you Barbara. I wanted to build our futures together and you shut me out."

"Please Sir, let me in."

"Too late."

"Can we at least have this discussion face to face?"

The phone went dead. Barbara assumed he had hung up and would ignore her but she heard him coming unsteadily down the stairs. The door opened and he stood in his doorway, unshaven and wearing his Aladdin pants. He puffed himself up as if he was preparing for a final harangue. Despite the situation she grinned at him. He took a deep breath then stood back to let her pass.

He slammed the door behind them. "Will you join me for a drink?" he asked as he led her into his lounge room.

"No and I wish you'd stop too."

"I haven't even started today."

Despite his threat he sat on his sofa and gestured for her to sit in the chair. She scrutinised him. He was drawn and pale. Stubble covered his chin and he smelt strongly of whiskey.

"Why Barbara?"

"Why what?"

"When I left you that day I thought it was the start of us, not the end. You ran. I want to know why."

She could not look at him. "I didn't run. I just started thinking about what we'd said and realised I can never be enough for you."

Tommy snorted and groaned simultaneously. "Why in heaven's name not? I don't want more, or less, I just want you!"

"But you will, eventually."

"So instead of even trying to build a future you decided to bury yourself in the past. Well I hope your ancestors keep you warm at night. Can they make love to you like I did?"

"We never made love! And how do know about what I've been doing?" she asked angrily.

"Oh Barbara. Oh course we made love! Do you really think love is only about sex? We talked about things that we'd never shared with anyone. We gave our secrets and our souls to each other. We held each other through our pain and our hands soothed away our fears. That's love Barbara. Sex is easy. Love is much harder. One day I want to make love to you physically too and you'll understand how much better it is because when we touch each other the honesty of that night will echo though our fingers and lips. And how did I know? I followed you."