From that day on, every time I saw Danny the embrace took over my thoughts. I couldn't help but feel protected in his arms. I was terrified until I heard his voice echo through my heart, enveloping me in an aura of safety.
I felt sick when I turned him down. He had approached me, wanting to know what was going on between us. It literally tore me apart; I could only imagine how he felt once I admitted that I wasn't ready for anything. I loved him so much, but at the same time I was so scared. Of what I wasn't sure.
---
After that not much was said between us. I could see Danny was hurt, but he took it with his chin up. I continued to struggle with myself. Every case seemed to remind me of my horrific past, so much so that I broke down in the lab, right in front of Stella and Sid. From that moment on my life changed forever.
I guess this is where I reveal my secret. Funny how one can sidestep it so much but once it comes time to actually say it, your voice freezes. The weight of guilt has held me down for so long now. I am the only survivor of a terrible crime. You may be wondering why I entered this business if I knew I was going to be dealing with dead bodies. Perhaps it's a form of closure; helping find the killer and bring peace to the families of those they lost.
I was a teenager, an innocent young girl who was looking forward to another wonderful year with her friends. One lazy afternoon I was with my three best gals in a café, naively unaware of the murder lurking over the horizon. All I did was go to the restroom, a simple action…
I can still hear the shots that rang out, the screams my friends emitted. How badly I wanted to drown them out, but they screamed in my mind, erupting like an angered volcano. In my mind's eye I saw them all sprawled out on the floor, unmoving.
I could only pray that my nightmare would soon end.
---
It was time to face my past. I was so close to reaching the light; it was mere inches from my grasp. I had to return to Montana to testify against the scum who committed this evil crime. I couldn't find it within myself to inform Danny, but I knew he deserved some sort of explanation.
After saying my good-byes I left the card with Hawkes, another co-worker, and forced myself to keep my gaze down as I walked past Danny in the hallway. Though I knew he would understand my absence, I felt like a coward for not speaking to him.
I'm so sorry, Danny. I just need a bit more time to find myself. I promise I'll tell you everything.
---
Nothing could have prepared me for that trial. I so desperately wanted to tug free those last shards from my memory and watch them disappear like a leaf caught in an autumn breeze. But my spirit felt heavy with burden, or at least up until that fateful day.
I guess love really is a crazy thing. That undeniable feeling makes one think differently, make them lighter than before. My love for Danny soared as soon as he strode in through the courtroom doors. He was there in the flesh, those beautiful oceanic eyes reflecting the sunlight that poured into the room. No longer did I feel dragged down by the weight that had tortured me for so long. His presence gave me the strength my voice needed, and I managed to finish my testimony without breaking down.
When I was finished I rose and slowly made my way down the aisle towards Danny. He shifted his legs to let me slip by. I sat down beside him and looked into those deep blue eyes.
"You did well up there. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks."
---
The moment the word "guilty" came from the jury woman's mouth, my spirit soared to unsurpassed heights. Finally, after so many years of sorrow and confusion, I was able to move on. Like grains of sand caught in the breeze, my past was gone and forgotten.
Danny grasped my hand tighter. In the few minutes before the jurisdiction was made, I had thought deeply about his decision to fly out. It was clear he was exhausted; his eyelids fell several times but he managed to stay awake, constantly glancing at me to make sure I was alright. This man flew across nearly the entire country…for me.
Since I had met him, I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Strange thoughts for one who refused to admit to herself she was in love. Alas I never got to know that feeling, at least not at that specific moment.
As I leaned closer towards his smiling face, reporters poured into the courtroom, bombarding us with their usual questions. With a determined look on his handsome face, Danny led me away, ignoring the inquiries that were being thrown at us.
As we headed out of the courtroom, a feeling of accomplishment washed over me like a great tidal wave. I had finally brought justice to my friends and locked away the filthy coward who so cruelly murdered them.
You know that light I was speaking of earlier? I can finally hold it in the palm of my hand.