A/N:You're probably wondering where Shinji is in all this, I decided not to add him. Why? It's not that I don't like Shinji, it's just that I already have a lot of things fleshed out for this story and Shinji would just muck it up. Just a little spoiler: Kyon isn't the only one to completely replace him, who is his other replacement? I'm not saying, but it's so absurd it will blow your mind into the milky way, man. Funny story, I was reading over volume one of the Manga of Evangelion(by Yoshiyuki Sadamato) and there are rare parts where Shinji acts almost exactly like Kyon. Weird, huh? Anyway as for the other replacements, there won't be too many and most will be pretty obvious, I think. Also some characters in both series won't exist at all and others will just be there, not really replacing anybody. But don't worry about you're favorite red haired psycho-bitch! Oh yes, there will be Asuka! (Insert scary devil laughter) (now insert sonic the hedgehog theme song. No explanation is given for this) and I don't really know the details of how the Eva works, like some of you Evangelion writers(Excellent work by the way) so I'm just going to guess and make it up as I go along.

Chapter three:

Kyon Genesis Evangelion

I should at least be thankful that I had already encountered all sorts of absurdity by now, otherwise, I would, without a doubt, be running around looking for a counselor

-Kyon

After a lengthy explanation on how to control the Eva, I found myself sitting in a long cylindrical tube called the 'entry plug'. will the weirdness ever stop? At this point absurdity is just escalating. Oh well, no use complaining about it. I had been issued a pair of nerve clips for my hair, apparently it makes synchronization easier for this... cyborg? I'm going with cyborg. the seat was pretty snug and there were a pair of 'butterfly controls' that weren't so much for control as they were for helping the Eva read my body language. Got a good image of where I was? Alright then, so there I was waiting for the bridge crew to load me in the Eva, when I started to feel a familiar presence in the Eva. I couldn't really think of why though.

"Entry plug ready for insertion!"

There was a spinning sensation as I felt myself being screwed into the Eva's spine, I felt kind of dizzy.

"Flooding entry plug!"

Wait what?

I started to panic as the plug was filling up with that red stuff from earlier.

"Don't worry Kyon, once you breathe in the LCL, you'll be able to take oxygen directly!"

Going against common sense, I breathed the LCL in. ugh... it tasted like blood. After a few moments of choking, I was feeling pretty good, I was content not to breathe in at all. It was actually kind of cool.

"Main power connected! All circuits functioning normally! Initiating power up sequence!"

Colors danced in front of my vision and there was something that I can only describe as a buzzing in my mind. Suddenly I could see through not only my eyes, but the Eva's as well.

"What the hell, Am I high?"

There was a girlish giggle from a technician who I learned was named Maya Ibuki.

"Activating video link. Oh hi Kyon-kun! You're not high, you're just synchronizing with the Eva, quite impressively I might add! It takes some getting used to, but eventually you won't notice it."

It was so surreal, I could see Miss Ibuki in the corner of my vision, along with a familiar looking heads up display, like a first person shooter. I had a map, an energy meter, an ammo counter and a few incomprehensible lines of data next to a heart monitor.

Miss Ibuki's image left my vision as Misato ordered,

"Evangelion unit 01, prepare for launch!"

There was a heavy rumbling as all the locks were disengaged and the Eva was transported to a nearby launch tube... Wait, are you people just going to launch me up there like a rocket?

"Gate five, stand by!"

This is it, I'm glad they let me use the bathroom first...

"LAUNCH!"

I was hurtling through the launch tube faster than I've ever moved before, I'll admit it, I screamed. Who wouldn't? I wonder if that's how astronauts feel when they go into space?

After about two straight minutes of almost being crushed by heavy G-forces, I was outside in the street. Already I was being faced down by the angel, who studied me carefully.

"This is it, Kyon-kun! Releasing final safety locks! Evangelion unit 01, lift off!"

The Eva lurched forward, staying balanced on it's own accord,

Misato showed up in the corner of my vision,

"Alright Kyon-kun, let's start with walking, you remember how to do that right?"

"Yup"

It was actually pretty simple, just focus on the concept of walking and the Eva would walk, if I thought hard enough, the Eva would completely obey any command. I thought about walking, and it did exactly that, shakily at first, until I found the right rhythm, I was now power-walking like a pro.

"You're a natural, Kyon-kun!"

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the angel raise it's arm, preparing to blast me into oblivion.

"Kyon-kun look out!"

I dodged just in time and rolled behind a building to see a huge wave of energy flowing right next to me.

Doctor Akagi's image popped up in my vision,

"There's a weapons cache two blocks from you're location, grab the pallet rifle!"

I ran to the designated point on my map and waited for the building to pop out of the ground. Neat! It opened up to reveal several of the rifles. They were pretty much basic assault rifles, nothing too fancy, for an accessory to a giant robot anyway. I grabbed two and slung one over the Eva's back, never know when you're going to need a backup.

"Alright Kyon, stay behind cover and start firing, don't stop until it's dead!" Misato ordered.

"Got it."

I found a good spot as the angel was wandering around, probably searching for me. I opened fire as it crossed the street down the road from me. Damn this gun has a nasty recoil! I took cover as it fired another blast.

"Did I even hit it?"

"Hits confirmed, it's AT field is neutralizing you're shots!" came a voice from another technician named Aoba. The hell's an AT field?

It was time for all those chess games with Koizumi to pay off, earlier when they were prepping me for the Eva, Misato told me I could call in military support. Here goes...

I pulled the other rifle off my back and dual wielded them, then opened up a video link to the local military with my thoughts.

"This is pilot Ikari, requesting a surgical strike!"

"Kyon-kun, do you think that's wise?" Misato asked,

"This is general Yubari, what are the specifics?"

This was pure genius, don't I look so cool right now? I learned a few terms from Misato earlier so I knew exactly what to do.

"Conventional payload, You guys hit it in the back, and I'll blast him in the front"

"Copy that, pilot"

I did a SWAT turn between two buildings and fired to keep the angel's attention.

"Great plan Kyon, keep it up, you're doing great!"

Mister Aoba's voice popped into my skull,

"Mitsubishi F-2 strike incoming, target will be hit in three..."

I poked the Eva's head out of cover to get a better look, I could just barely see five fighters flying towards the Angel from behind.

"Two..."

this was it

"One!"

I popped out of cover and unloaded everything on the angel front as the Mitsubishis launched a payload of missiles into it's back.

"It's hurt! Go in for the kill!" Misato ordered.

The angel was picking itself back off the ground as I fired again,

Click! Click! Click!

"Dammit..." I forgot I had unloaded everything into it, there was only one thing to do now.

I dropped one gun and hefted the other like a club as I charged the angel.

"What the hell are you doing?" Misato screamed into my head.

"Finishing it, duh!"

The angel shakily brought itself up to it's knees as I busted it upside the head(torso?) with the butt of the rifle. It fell back down as I continued my onslaught.

"WHY...WON'T... YOU... DIE?"

"Go for the core, Kyon-kun!"

Misato must have been talking about that shiny red thing, so I kicked it over and prepared to slam down on it until it quickly raised both its arms up and hit me with a double blast, knocking me screaming a few blocks away. I was on the ground gasping for breath. I was trying to get up, but every movement was a pain.

"Get up, Kyon-kun!"

I tried my damnedest until the angel lifted me up by the head, putting an enormous strain on my neck,

"Oh... shit."

I was kicking and punching to get out of it's grip until it grasped the Eva's arm and started pulling. I was screaming myself hoarse as I felt my arm being slowly snapped in two,

"It's not your arm! You can still fight!"

It finally snapped and everything went red, there's just no way I could describe that pain, I just sat in the entry plug, cradling my arm as the Eva was lifted up higher. I could see a blinding light through the Eva's eyes.

Oh god, what now?

BAM

It started pounding the Eva's eye with that lance it had used earlier on the VTOL fighter.

BAM

Know how it feels to be shot in the head? I do.

BAM!

It completely busted through the Eva's armor and skull, causing me the most horrible pain I had ever known, I could literally feel the hot lance pierce through my brain, migraines had nothing on this. I was flung back into a nearby building, left for dead. I would have thought I was dead too if the pain hadn't been a definite reminder that I was in fact still alive. I lay there in the plug, twitching and gasping.

I could hear the voices through the video link, but I couldn't understand them.

I suddenly heard a soft voice,

"Get up"

"...W-what?"

"Get up"

"...Nagato?"

"I am now flooding your system with stimulants"

"W-wait!"

The voice was gone, and the pain was starting to leave too. I felt good, I also started to feel... angry, no, angry was an understatement, I was swerving through dimensions of pissed off I never knew existed, everything went red again. I forced the Eva up and started gripping it's hands like claws as I felt the broken arm fix itself. The others were saying something but I wasn't listening, I had one desire, beat it's fucking life out.

"Kyon? Kyon can you hear me?"

I stomped over to the angel as it was trying to blast it's way through the ground with that damned lance again. Letting loose a primal scream, I tackled it to the ground, slamming my fist into it, but it brought up an energy field that blocked my blows. I didn't care, I kept pounding at it's shield faster and faster.

"I don't think it's shield can take much more, he's going to win!"

I knew that already, I could feel the field weaken a little more every time I hammered my fist into it.

"AT field shattered!"

My fist broke through and the real brutality began, I kept pounding at that red jewel thing, causing it crack. I could hear the angel screaming on a frequency I shouldn't have been hearing, and the last thing I remembered was a pair of bright red eyes and darkness enveloping me.