Chapter Three: If Only It Were That Simple

Arnold's Room

HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD!

The next morning, Arnold awoke anxious to already have the weekend over and done with. The thought of being back in class with his actual girlfriend seemed much better than attending a party with a pretend spouse.

After getting dressed and ready, he headed downstairs for some breakfast where he saw his grandma cooking in one of the many costumes his grandpa had lead on about the previous day.

"Morning shortman! Ever figure out what you're wearing to that party of yours?" Phil asked, as he watched his grandson take a seat beside him.

"No. I've kind of got something else on my mind." Arnold sighed, not caring about the plate of food that had been placed in front of him.

"Shoot it at me shortman!"

"Well, Rhonda paired everybody in the class up with who she thinks they'll marry one day."

"How the heck did she do that?" Phil asked, scratching his head.

"She made an origami marriage predictor." Arnold began to explain, receiving a baffled look from his grandpa.

"Ori-what now?"

"A marriage predictor. It's a thing she made herself to pair up everyone in the class. Now she's making us all go over to her place to practice being a couple...whatever that means." Arnold shrugged his shoulders, not having been told about the cooking and cleaning.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say her dream is to be a marriage counselor and she's using you all for practice." Phil thought out loud.

"Uhhh she said she just wants to see how accurate the results of it are. I guess I could try to have fun with it." Arnold sighed, looking down at his folded hands on the table.

"Well, I wouldn't read too much into it shortman. If worse comes to worse, you could always make a divorce ori-device thingy." Phil laughed, seeing Arnold rise from the table.

"Thanks grandpa."

"Anytime shortman!"

Phoebe's House

"How do you suppose the practice will be at Rhonda's tonight Helga?" Phoebe asked, looking at what appeared to be her annoyed friend.

"Pttss...the heck if I know? Princess thinks just because she took an extra ten minutes to write every freakin' person's name down on that pathetic folding device of hers, that makes her some kind of love goddess. Well, I can tell ya one thing. Helga G. Pataki's not taking any marital advice from her!" Helga scowled, folding her arms, as she leaned against her friend's bed.

"I gather that means you won't be attending the events this weekend." Phoebe said softly.

Rolling her eyes at the question, Helga turned towards her best friend and said "Oh gimme a break Pheebs! Do you seriously think I could live with the guilt of making football head deal with Princess all weekend alone?"

After seeing Helga was simply trying not to make it seem as though she was admitting defeat to Rhonda, Phoebe asked "You're not worried about anything are you Helga?"

Cocking her brow at the question, she replied "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well Rhonda can be quite manipulative and I'm well aware of how delicate your feelings are when it comes to yours and Arnold's relationship. The last thing to benefit you now would be a lack of faith in Arnold's true feelings for you."

Helga couldn't help but feel a bit insulted. The only reason she had been dreading the party was she didn't like people telling her what to do. Arnold on the other hand, seemed to be the one acting as though this actually could be putting their relationship in danger.

"Are you crazy?! Just because she's ruining my weekend doesn't mean I'm going to let her ruin my relationship!"

"Well okay then Helga. Just don't let her get to you." Phoebe insisted.

Gerald's House

"How'd studying with Phoebe go last night?" Arnold asked, sitting beside his best friend while watching a rerun of Pop Daddy.

"Okay I guess. I came home and had to do a bunch of cleaning." Gerald sighed. "So, what's Pataki going to be doing while you're with Rhonda tonight?"

"Uhhh she's coming with me. Are you not going to be there?" Arnold asked curiously.

Gerald leaned forward on the couch as he lifted an eyebrow "Yeah, but I didn't expect her to. No offense man, but she's not the type to take orders from people."

"I know, but she said it wouldn't be fair to make me deal with Rhonda alone."

"That was considerate of her." Gerald said, surprised by the answer.

Rhonda's House

"NO! NO! NO! These are not the candles I said I wanted for the dinner party!" Rhonda shouted at her butler.

As Nadine took notice of the rage building inside her friend each time a mistake was made with the dinner plans, she said "You know Rhonda, the actual dinner isn't until tomorrow. There's still time to shop for it."

"We can't wait until tomorrow to shop Nadine! Today we need to prepare for practice then begin setting up the already bought items tomorrow!" Rhonda scoffed.

Rolling her eyes at her dramatic friend, Nadine said "I don't think anyone would care what the room looked like as long as they didn't have to cook."

"Do you not remember the purpose of this weekend?!" Rhonda exclaimed with her hands on her hips.

Knowing she wasn't going to win, Nadine suggested "Everyone won't be here until later this evening. You have time to buy everything. It's not like you made shopping part of the practice."

Hearing this gave Rhonda an idea, as an evil grin formed on her face.

Walk

After leaving her best friend's house, Helga slowly wandered the streets thinking to herself…

I wonder how weird Arnold thinks I am after hearing about my dream?

She continued staring at the ground with her hands at her sides until suddenly… THUMP!

After falling to the ground, Helga shook her head to see she had once again bumped heads with her boyfriend.

"Arnold!" she exclaimed, as she watched him reach out a hand for her.

"Sorry about that Helga." he said softly, as he helped her off the ground.

As she stood up, she scoffed "Walk much football head?"

"I guess not. Would you like me to walk you home?" he offered, with a warm smile on his face.

"Sure football head."

As the two walked down the street hand in hand, Arnold couldn't help but notice how quiet his girlfriend was being.

"Is everything okay Helga?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about Princess' stupid get together tonight." she scoffed.

"I'm not looking forward to it either. Gerald said he and Phoebe are going though." Arnold sighed, not knowing if that information would be at all encouraging to her.

"Pttss...I'm not going so I can be his pretend spouse or Princess' doormat. I'm just too nice to make you spend a weekend alone with her." Helga rolled her eyes, content with her reason.

A smile formed on Arnold's face as he began to rub Helga's hand with his thumb. Unusually intense feelings had been forming inside him when thinking of her lately. Hearing her feel total repulsion at the idea of expressing loving feelings for anyone other than him brought an overwhelming amount of joy to his heart. Perhaps it was more than joy…

Helga's House

When the young couple approached Helga's porch, Arnold turned to his girlfriend to say " I guess I'll see you tonight."

Helga took notice of the dissatisfied look in her boyfriend's face, knowing she wouldn't be walking in as his date.

"Guess so."

Before turning to go inside, Helga looked down at her hand that was still being held by her boyfriend and said "Relax football head. If this dinner party makes everyone that miserable, we'll all be throwing her a 'just desserts' party."

After smiling at her witty remark, Arnold pulled her close to kiss her. Holding her in his arms, he thought to himself This short walk will have been the best part of my day by the time it's over; all because I got to spend it with her.

What was it about the idea of switching partners that had him so uncomfortable for one weekend? It was just a dinner party. They weren't actually marrying the person they were being paired up with.

Boarding House

Arnold opened the door to watch the sea of animals pour past him. As he entered the boarding house, he heard someone talking in the kitchen.

Entering the room, he saw grandpa sitting at the table talking to his parents who were busy doing the dishes.

"Hey shortman!" Phil exclaimed, having noticed his grandson entering the kitchen.

"Hey guys." Arnold said, taking a seat beside Phil.

Miles turned away from the sink to face his son and said "Your grandpa told us about the party tonight. Sounds like fun!"

"I told him to go to Pookey if he needed any interesting outfits." Phil reminded him.

"Actually, tonight's just practice. The actual party is tomorrow."

Miles lifted an eyebrow in confusion as Stella turned to ask "Practice for what sweetie?"

Before Arnold could answer, Phil butted in to say "Some classmate of his wants to be a marriage counselor and is using all the kids in his class to practice with."

After rolling his eyes at the remark, Arnold explained "Actually, Rhonda made an origami marriage predictor to match everyone in the class up with a partner. She said a good way to celebrate would be to practice being married tonight. Then have a dinner party with the person we're paired up with tomorrow."

After listening to the explanation, Miles laughed and said "If only marriage was that simple."

"What do you mean?" Arnold asked.

"It's not always easy finding who you're meant to be with sweetie. Even if you're with someone you like, there are things you have to consider before knowing if you actually love them." Stella explained.

"Yeah, like what kind of crazy things she'll be slipping into your dinner." Phil warned his grandson.

"What kind of things?" Arnold was curious to know, having been noticing some intense changes as far as his emotions for Helga went lately.

Miles took a seat at the table with the family, feeling the need to get in on the conversation. Looking over at his wife, he said "Well, she's the best part of your day. No matter what happens to you in it, nothing will be able to top seeing her."

Stella's eyes lit up at the sound of this as she looked at her husband and said "They're the first thing you think about in the morning."

"You're always willing to put their needs ahead of your own." Miles turned to face his son, giving a rather serious look.

"You'd be willing to do anything for them." Stella added, while also turning her attention towards her son, with a smile on her face.

"You're not afraid to show your feelings for them around other people." Miles said as Pookey was entering the room.

Phil looked over to see her in her karate outfit with a watermelon ready to be chopped.

"I'd take your time on that one shortman." Phil suggested.

"You love the imperfections about them." Stella continued on with the list, knowing how true it was.

"You think long-term. It's hard to picture a future without them." Miles explained, thinking back to when he first met Stella. The moment he laid eyes on her, he knew they were meant for each other.

"You become a better person. Being in love makes you want to work on yourself, because you're doing it for someone else." Stella explained, while watching the momentous look taking place on her son's face. Was this really what Helga had been doing to him lately?

"Your feelings are unconditional. There isn't anything that changes how you feel about that person." Miles said, knowing he would always feel that way about his wife.

"Most importantly sweetie, they're your best friend. You feel comfortable telling them anything or doing anything with them." Stella said happily, hoping one day her son would be lucky enough to feel that way about someone.

Arnold stood from the table, looking at his happy parents, as he said "Thanks you guys. I'll be in my room."

Helga's House

"Who drank all the milk for crying out loud!" Bob scowled, as he rummaged through the fridge for an afternoon snack.

As Helga sat in the living room, looking at a wrestling comic, she heard her mom beginning to stir at the sound of her father's angry voice.

"Huh? What? Oh I'm...I'm awake."

"For crying out loud Miriam! Did you forget to go shopping again?!" Bob shouted at his hungover wife.

"Oh it's actually a sad story B…" Miriam began, as Helga rolled her eyes listening in on the conversation…

You left the stupid groceries on top of the car again!

As she sat there listening to the argument, Helga thought to herself…

Criminy! Why in the heck would anyone want to be married if this is what they'd be facing every day?

Boarding House

When Arnold saw it was time to head over to Rhonda's he began heading downstairs. As he past the kitchen, he heard "See ya shortman!"

Arnold decided to sit down beside him grandpa for a moment, not being in a huge rush to get there.

"So, you excited about tonight?" Phil winked.

"I was actually thinking about what my parents said. I've been feeling differently about Helga lately." Arnold admitted.

"Uh oh. She being extra cranky?"

"No, we're doing really well. Now it's at the point where, the thought of anything coming between us really scares me. Maybe I'm just being crazy." Arnold thought out loud.

"Arnold, let me tell ya a story…" Phil began, as his grandson listened attentively.

"When your grandma and I first started going out, she was just as mean as she was before I figured out she liked me. She wouldn't let me picked the movies we saw, the places we ate at, or what day of the week we hung out together. I asked myself constantly 'Why am I with this girl?' Then one day, I heard another boy say he was going to ask her out…" Phil said as Arnold's eyes lit up.

"What happened?"

"I was nervous as could be all day! Then the other boy asked her out."

"Did she go out with him?"

"Nope. She shot a spit wad right at him. It broke my heart seeing her do that at anyone other than me hehe." Phil laughed.

"So what's this got to do with Helga?"

"Love gives you all sorts of crazy feelings. She'd have to be pretty crazy to leave you though." Phil winked, knowing how strong Helga's feelings were for his grandson.

"Uhh thanks grandpa."

Rhonda's House

"Okay! We've got the food, the cook to make sure they don't burn the place down, and I have my shopping list for tomorrow's dinner. We just need to wait for people to start arr…" Rhonda said to Nadine before being interrupted by the doorbell.

Rhonda anxiously went to answer as she saw her friends enter with unamused faces; none of them standing with the person they had been paired up with.

After everyone had entered and began heading for the living room, Rhonda said "Ummm excuse me, but where do you think you're going?"

As Nadine stood behind her, she rolled her eyes at the idea of her friend thinking the class' first intention would actually be to head for the kitchen. After all, no one had been informed what practice was about.

"To the living room. Ever heard of it?" Helga scoffed.

"That won't be necessary for practice." Rhonda informed her irritated friend with a smile on her face.

"If I may ask, what will we be doing this evening, Rhonda?" Phoebe requested knowing politely.

Rhonda's Kitchen

"Alright! We get to eat!" Harold exclaimed, looking for any already prepared dishes.

"Not exactly Harold." Rhonda corrected him, hoping to drag out the suspense as long as possible.

"Then what in the heck are we doing?" Stinky wondered.

"Yeah. I mean, the invitation said tonight was practice for something. What are we going to be practicing?" Sid reminded her.

Nadine sighed, knowing her friend's weren't going to like the answer. It was surprising enough they bothered to show up tonight without having all the needed information.

"Well, if you know anything about a simple marriage, you know some of the basic requirements are cooking and cleaning. I decided, what better way to test the accuracy of my marriage predictor's results, than by having it's couples perform those requirements." Rhonda said proudly, not caring about anyone's reactions.

While the angry faces began forming on her classmates' faces, Helga rolled her eyes with her hands on her waists and said "Pttss...yeah, I don't think so. See you losers later."

"You'll do well to stick around Helga." Rhonda said, stopping her angry friend from exiting the room.

As she listened to this unnecessary comment, Helga whipped her head around and scoffed "Why is that Princess?"

"Whether or not the results of my test were accurate, you can't expect to please your husband one day without showing him you're capable of fulfilling a few house tasks."

A small gulp escaped Helga, wondering if that was really how Arnold felt. He hadn't confessed to loving her yet. The previous night was the first time marriage had ever been mentioned. Even then, they didn't actually discuss what it would be like. Is that really what he would think of her if they were to get married?

Without taking Phoebe's words into consideration about how manipulative their friend could be, Helga marched back to the center of the room and scoffed "Fine! What the heck are we supposed to be doing?"

"Well, we've laid out the instructions and ingredients for some simple dishes that we'll be having at the actual party tomorrow. All you have to do is work in your arranged couples to prepare them. Then of course, clean the mess you've made when you're finished." Rhonda smirked.

While the group angrily began to follow her instructions, Rhonda pulled Arnold to the side and said "Not you Arnold."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, not knowing why she didn't want him helping.

"While the rest of them are preparing the food for the party, you and I will be out shopping for the other needed necessities." she said eagerly.

A petrified look formed on Arnold's face, not wanting to leave his girlfriend alone. There she was cooking and cleaning against her will, while he was being given the choice to leave. The only reason Helga even came was so he wouldn't be left alone. She didn't need to be doing this for him anymore than he needed to be shopping for her.

"Uh...no thanks Rhonda. I'll just stay and help out with the cooking."

"No one needs any extra help with that. Now let's go!" she insisted, as he turned to take one last depressing look at his clearly unhappy girlfriend.