The cave was dark and grimy as usual. The sun had faded and the night was coming alive. The stars were breathing life into the cold night sky. Looking through the cracks of the cave walls, I could see the dying flames of the tribe. Every few seconds, the darkness gave way to the unique light of a single firefly.
A face emerge from the darkness for a split second in the light of the bug. The shadows adding dramatic contrast to their pale skin, yellow in the light. They gently cupped their hands over the firefly. Light poured through their fingers like they had caught blinking sunlight. They disappeared in the crack and I was alone again with nothing but the ever-present burning sensation in my skin and my stack of pistols.
The cave was silent and damp. The only sound was the quiet dripping of water falling from the ceiling. The loud pattering of feet rounded the halls of the cave and into my room. Addie dropped her hands to her sides and the firefly drifted up and around the room.
"I should have expected the captor of the firefly was you." I picked up one of the guns on the table to find something to do with my hands.
"I couldn't make it to the Sorrows camp today. I wasted all my strength in the sand castle I guess." She seemed ashamed.
"It appears there is a little more to it than not having the energy." I placed the gun down and clasped my hands on the table awaiting her elaboration.
"Can I sit down?"
"As you wish. I will warn you that the sheet rock is damp."
"I don't care anymore."
"What is it that you would like to discuss, Courier?" I asked patiently.
"Just call me Addie, please." Her voice was slightly muffled in her arm.
"As you wish. Would you please say what is troubling you, Addie?"
She looked up with a slight sheen in her eyes. "What do you do when you feel really fucking horrible? I feel dead inside. I really came here to the valley to find somewhere peaceful, but no matter where I go, people need me. People only care about me when it's convenient. They never want to help me. I just wanted a nice place to die on my own terms." She wiped at her face to hide her tears.
"Addie, when I fell to what I hoped was my death in a seemingly endless chasm, I found solace in the fact people needed me. I understand how you feel. The pain never stops, but I have a duty to help these families."
"I'm not the only one who can help though. Why does everyone think that I am?"
"It's not that you are the only capable one, it's that you're the only one they trust."
She pushed her hair away from her forehead and I caught a glimpse of the legendary scar. What made the Courier special. "I guess. It's just so stressful and no one ever wants to think about me when I never think about myself." She rested her hand on her cheek.
"That is the nature of selflessness. Do not always expect something in return."
"Why can't I just die?"
"You have a daughter, Addie. What would she do without a mother?"
She choked out a sob. "She... barely... knows me!" She gasped in between words.
"And if you give in to your sadness, she will never get the chance to."
She was silent before letting out a loud sob. "She hates me and I don't even know where she is."
"How do you know she hates you? Children often say cruel things they don't mean before thinking about them. And you seem to need her as much as she needs you." I pointed out.
"She said she hated me. That's the last I remember about her. I miss her so much." She covered her mouth to cough. She seemed like she was trying and failing to compose herself.
"The faster you help us out with the White Legs, the faster you can get out of Zion and you can find your daughter."
"I know. I'll get to it tomorrow. I promise." She lifted her hand up on the table with her pinky raised.
"What is this gesture? I am vaguely familiar with it."
"Pinky swear. I pinky swear that I will help and get out of the Valley to find her." She wagged her pinky after her proposition.
"I understand." I entwined her finger in mine. It was more physical contact. She didn't mind touching me, unlike the women in the tribe.
"Joshua?"
"Addie?"
"I'm really tired now."
"You may sleep in here if you wish."
"I would like that."
I sat at the table during morning prayer as I heard the Courier stirring. She had been tossing and turning all night. She was clearly troubled. On multiple occasions, I tried to wake her, but to no avail. It seemed that touching her shoulder had calmed her, but as I left her skin, she was back to whimpering about "radios and clouds." She must have had a serious past for her to have been crying and clawing at her throat. I had to hold her wrists after she dragged four trails of blood down her neck.
"Good morning, Addie."
""Guh mornin-" she grabbed at her throat with a gasp, eyes wide open.
"You didn't sleep well. Would you mind telling me your troubles?"
Her hand left her throat as she shot me a glare. "Yes, I mind."
"Then I shall not force you to tell me what haunts you and your conscience. Are you hungry?"
Her hands fell in her lap and she stared at the cave wall. "Yeah."
"I can provide a variety of fruits and tea." I pulled a box of freshly picked fruit from under the table.
"I'll just have some water and some cactus fruit. Thank you." She paused with a half-hearted chuckle. "Not many people would offer me food."
"I don't see why not. During your stay in Zion, I feel I am responsible for you."
She turned her head towards me. "Do you just think I'm a child or something?"
"Of course not. I have an obligation to keep you safe here while you are visitor trying to help the tribe. And I don't believe that you're completely stable on a mental plane."
She stood up from the cot with her hands on her hips. "I am to!"
"I didn't mean to offend. I was just stating an observation." I reasoned. She was just being plain illogical now.
"Everything about that is offensive!" She stomped up to the table, grabbed the nearest fruit and stormed off.
Lord, give me strength to not be an ass.